Grueberfest 07: Not what I seem (966 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.23 on 64 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by StereoTypist (View user info) at 2007-10-15 11:59:14 EDT
I was a happy once.
I used to spend my childhood running around the backyard of my grandparents house. I used to play in the snow in the winter, in the sprinkler when it was summer. I would watch the leaves change in the fall and marvel at the wonders of nature when the kiss of spring brought things I thought were dead back to life.
Gone are those carefree days. Gone is the innocence and rose-colored glasses of my youth. I lost them long ago.
You would not know it to look at me, however. To meet and speak with me you would form a positive opinion of my character. You would assume I was a well-adjusted woman in my mind-20's who had a happy and carefree upbringing. You would later tell your friends about this "Nice girl" you met the other day and how "Bubbly" and "Sweet" she seemed to be.
Seemed to be.
I am not who I seem to be.
There is only one place you can see the real me. One place you can view me without the saccharine sweet voice, without the constant shy smile, without the soft giggles of childish laughter. My journal.
When you met me I laughed at your jokes and smiled assuredly, making you feel at ease and you though I was truly entertained by what you were saying.
In my journal I tell you what an idiot you are and, were I given the chance, how I would slit your throat from ear to ear just for telling me such a poor excuse for a joke.
When you met me I told you how much I loved your sweater, how beautifully it brought out the blue in your eyes.
In my journal I tell you how the dark red blood I would spill from your veins would help bring out those azure hues oh so much better.
My journal also documents my decline from a normal and sweet little girl into the narcistic young woman I am today who can't find sexual satisfaction without the eyes of others on her.
It started in High School when a friend of mine, not sure if he were gay or not, asked me to pleasure myself in front of him to see if he would become aroused. I hesistated at first but, ater some coaxing and an offer of cash on his end, agreed.
It sent thrills up my spine to watch his eyes covet each and every inch of me as I worked myself into a sexual frenzy. But when it was over he assured me that he had barely managed to become aroused and thanked me kindly. Years later he would come out of the closet and introduce his lover "Richard" to his family before being gunned down by his older brother for being an "embarrassment" to the family.
But that one moment in my budding youth, that one instant where I really explored the true center of my sexuality both opened me up to the world of voyeurism and shut me out of a world where normal sex would ever be enough to carry me into the blood boiling and light flashing world of the orgasm.
I could not reach climax having sex with any of my boyfriends and quickly grew bored with them. I found solace in the young bi-sexual crowd where young woman, afraid to fully commit to lesbianism would invite me into their bedrooms after soccer practice so we could watch each other masturbate.
As we aged, though, many of those confused teenage girls chose their side of sexuality and persued it, one girl in particular asking me to take things to the next level and actually have sex with her. But it wasn't her body that I craved. It was her eyes.
In college I found it harder to find someone to watch me tend to my needs and once, at a party where I had a peer agree to accompany me into my bedroom and promise not to touch, discovered the deceit that can hide behind some peoples eyes.
He didn't touch me... at first... but soon his paws were all over me and I felt dirtier than I ever had bfore. Kicking and screaming and scratching at him without even a word from him he entered me. I had little choice but to lay there, exhausted from my efforts of escape, and let him finish. When he was done he kissed my lips gently, smiled and walked out.
I never told anyone about that night. Only my journal.
I know what you are thinking. You think I'm nuts. You think that just because I was raped once in my youth and that I harbor such violent thoughts that there must be something wrong with me. You probably think I need to go see one of those touchy-feely therapists, don't you?
Well you're wrong.
I had a therapist once. A nice man in his early 30's who listened intently to my stories but also stared intently at my chest. I couldn't fault him for it though - I did tend to dress a bit more seductive than usual when I went to see him, a bit more refined.
I think I was nervous around him. I had never told anyone my true thoughts or feelings and I somehow wanted this man to accept me and know me. I would never show up to his office in jeans and a sweatshirt, my normal attire. No, I bought an entire new wardrobe full of pinstripe skirt-sets and tailored dresses.
My sneakers were replaced with stiletto heels. Kitten covered socks replaced with silk stockings. My pale face and full lips painted up to look like those models in magazines. My long blonde hair tied into an elaborate up-do to accentuate the long lines of my slim neck.
I would also always make sure I was the last appointment he had in the evenings so our sessions could run a bit longer if need be. His office was in his home in this make-shift room above his garage. It thrilled me to think that after our sessions he would head straight to his bedroom to relieve himself of the tension that the flashes of my bare flesh must cause.
He admitted to me once that he was divorced and living alone here in this big house. Was he telling me that as my therapist or as a man hoping to invite me into the more private areas of his home? I wasn't sure.
For some reason, in my mind, I thought it would be easier for him to accept the truths I was about to tell him if I were a mature, refined woman - and not a silly little 26 year old girl who still slept with a stuffed bear at night.
Once we got passed the first few sessions where we covered the preliminaries, the basics about what it is I do with my days and how I grew up, it seemed he couldn't handle what it was I was telling him. He was no longer enamored by the young beautiful woman sitting across from him. I could tell because he no longer had to cross his legs to hide the growing bulge in his pants.
No, once he heard the truth he was not only turned off but he seemed to grow more and more impatient, more... uncomfortable having me in his office. In his house.
In hindsight, I suppose the first truth I told him shouldn't have been that I often fantasized about carving out his eyes and placing them atop my dresser so he could watch me undress and masturbate every night while I called out his name and choked myself with one of my father's old neck-ties.
No, he didn't seem to like that truth at all.
He tried to end our session early, tried to say he had a family emergency. I knew the truth, though. I knew he didn't want to be in the same room with me. I told him I understood and left graciously. Closing the door to his small at-home office behind me I stood there a moment, listening to the sounds coming from inside that room. I heard him pick up the phone, I heard him dial. I hear the stress in his voice when he asked to speak to an "Officer Malone".
What I didn't hear, and I am not entirely sure why, is the sound of him gasp when I came back into the room and shot him with my tazer gun. I didn't hear him fall to the floor and knock over a lamp as he convulsed on the floor. I watched his eyes roll back as he embraced the sweet relief only unconsciousness can bring, all the while the sound of silence ringing in my ears.
I'm not sure exactly how the butchers knife got into my purse, maybe I had placed it there by accident. I am always doing things like that, putting the milk in the cabinet or absent mindedly placing my keys in the freezer. Sometimes I just don't pay attention to what I am doing. But more often than not, it works out for the best.
Using the cord from the phone he had tried to call his police friend from I bound his wrists and ankles. I then removed my panties and shoved them in his mouth, using the scotch tape from his desk to create a make-shift gag in case he woke up and started to scream. Slowly I lowered myself down to him, straddling his midsection and allowing the short black skirt I wore to ride up my thigh. I thrilled at the site of the black garters I wore that held up my black stockings. I did love the way they looked.
I stayed like that for a moment, straddling him. I felt a slight sensation burst in my chest, this sort of intense pleasure and arousal. I slowly started to move my lower body, grazing his groin with my own panty-less regions. With each movement I felt more of that arousal build inside of me so I moved faster and faster, grinding myself against him and moaning loudly.
My moaning must have been what woke him up. He looked at me with wide eyes, fear radiating from them. I realized then that he wasn't actually looking at me but at the butchers knife I held in my hand, inches away from his face.
I smiled. The fear in his eyes bringing me that much closer to the orgasmic release I was searching for as I grinded against him. His whimpering and muffled cries for help vibrated through my body and made my blood sing.
As my orgasm came so did his demise. I brought the knife down into his chest as each pleasurable pulse wracked my body. I screamed "Yes! Yes! Yes!" with each downward stab of my knife.
He had screamed as loud as my panties would allow him at first but, after the 13th or 14th stab his cries were reduced to nothing more than a gurgle. Looking down at my lover, his chest covered in blood, I brought my hands to it and rubbed it sensually. Bringing one crimson drenched finger to my lips I painted them with the deep shade.
I shivered with the pleasure an aftershock of my orgasm brought as I tasted his blood.
Standing up and dropping the knife in a hap-hazard motion onto the desk I opened the top drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes I had seen him place in there during our first session. Lighting it with an antique lighter I pulled the thick, heavy smoke into my lungs and felt the nicotine breathe life into nerve endings I only ever knew I had when I smoked. Leaning back into his leather chair and propping my legs up on his desk, I glanced at the splendor before me.
Exhaling puffs of smoke I felt my core dripping with the last bits of excitement, throbbing with the all-too-familiar feeling of sexual aftermath.
I finished my cigarette and stubbed it out in the marble ashtray I found on the corner of the desk. Picking up my knife slowly and dragging it's tip across the desk scratching the mahogany finish I looked at my dear therapists face.
He was a nice man, there was no doubt about that. I had no hatred towards him and, before tonight, never any real sexual feelings - aside from wanting his eyes on me as I pleasured myself. But his reaction to my true feelings... his sudden shock and almost disgust... I couldn't let him go on thinking about me that way.
I spent the next 20 minutes carving out his dark brown eyes, slowly as to not puncture the orbs. They were an amazing shade. They reminded me of the fresh soil I would dig into during the spring to plant flowers with my mother.
I placed a single, gentle kiss on his lips and had to smile at the smudge my lipstick left. I retrieved and lit the antique lighter and, after smashing one of the oil lamps he had displayed around the room to give his office that warm and old-world feeling, I dropped the flame into the puddle of liquid and watched it ignite.
I blew him one more kiss, thanked him for a wonderful evening, grabbed my purse and left checking my pocket only once more to make sure I had in fact remembered to bring his eyes with me.
That was, obviously, the last time I saw my therapist in person but it was not the last time he would see me. Every night for almost a month his eyes watched me. I would stare deeply into them as I would explore my body late at night, moaning and writhing with pleasure.
He also looked on as I would watch television late at night, my favorite show being the news and the story centering naturally around the death of my therapist. They had no leads and the body was burnt pretty badly. The police were going through the good doctors records now looking for clues.
I smiled at my foresight and quick thinking at giving him a false name during our first encounter and always paying with cash instead of a check.
But as the days went on time did what time does best and took something away from me. His eyes were no longer bright and shiny perfect little spheres. They were sort of... deflating... dry.... Lifeless. Staring into them one night as I tried to rub myself into orgasmic oblivion I found that they were no longer helping me reach that peak but were hindering me from doing so.
Getting up off of my bed and wrapping myself in my white satin robe I crossed angrily over to the dresser that served as a home to my once-therapists eyes. Grabbing them with disdain I tossed them into the waste basket in my bathroom and hopped into the shower. I somehow felt dirty knowing that those ugly and dry eyes were just on my body, watching it's every move.
Stepping naked out of the shower and into the bedroom I allowed myself to drip dry as I lay in bed flipping through the channels. I stopped when I saw two alabaster women with long red hair pleasuring each other feverishly with their mouths.
My eyes were glued to the site of their tongue delving in and out of each others heated cores and I found myself slowly bringing myself to climax just as one of the girls, a young thing with dark green eyes, looked up into the camera.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-16 10:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, THIS is an incentive for me to find a job in the counseling field. :p
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-16 09:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you forgot all the +2's
Yeah, remember like your first post or something crystle or I solicited your +2s to faciltate good will? You failed. you never came through.
I didn't think this was a bad tale and it did hold my interest. I probably would have gone +1.5 but since this was shredded for reasons other than the story I'll leave it at +2.
Badlands is right. do what the fuck you want. If you want to quell the "alter! alter! alter!" bullshit post a camwhore with you (naked is good, or not if that's how it has to be) with a sign with the date and a big Uber specific message, ie, the big U with the little dots over it (I know the word for it but can't spell so fuck off) or particular user names like brdn_nkd or something.
keep writing and don't suck and eventually it'll go away on its own.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-16 03:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was a happy once, too, mario
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-16 03:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
more boobs less eyes, chop chop.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-15 16:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-15 16:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I disagree. More camwhoring is essential
_____________________________
HA HA!!
ok.... to keep the dudes happy, attach camwhore to the end of your stories, therefore I have something to read and the guys have something to masterbate over.... jobs a good 'un!!
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-15 16:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I disagree. More camwhoring is essential.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, very good..... more stories, less camwhoring:-)
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jebus...
I make ONE friggin drunk post about rape, and EVERYBODY looks at it.
You know, that damn thing got more hits than just about any two of my stories.
Erf.
Blow me, BL.
You're also right.
ST can do what she wants.
All I was trying to do was to give her some pointers on how she can NOT get huge numbers of flaming -2DIEs on her next couple of posts.
...
Teach me to be helpful.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have something else you would enjoy choking on, right here...
It might not do as much for your breath as a TicTac but it will do wonders for your complexion.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
To science fiction.
------------
Damn it! Why can't we +2 comments on this website? That one made me choke on my tic-tac.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
To science fiction.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You can have my semen.
That will lead to babies, if you execute correctly.
-------------
Shlongy my love, the thought of you reproducing fills me with contradicting feelings of fear and curiosity.
I will play your game. What's the worsed that could happen? We donate the baby to science?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You can have my semen.
That will lead to babies, if you execute correctly.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:35:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't listen to that douchebag, CJ. Check out his second-to-last post if you want to get a better idea of what a fucking nutjob he is. Here's the deal:
You wanna post a story, fucking post it. If it's good, you'll get high ratings. if it's not, you won't.
You wanna post a camwhore, fucking post it. You're hot. The hetero males will welcome it. The jealous bitches will bash it.
Moreover, do whatever the fuck you want. Everyone else around here sure as hell does.
__________________________________
I think that is the best advice I have ever gotten via the internet.
May I have your babies please?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't listen to that douchebag, CJ. Check out his second-to-last post if you want to get a better idea of what a fucking nutjob he is. Here's the deal:
You wanna post a story, fucking post it. If it's good, you'll get high ratings. if it's not, you won't.
You wanna post a camwhore, fucking post it. You're hot. The hetero males will welcome it. The jealous bitches will bash it.
Moreover, do whatever the fuck you want. Everyone else around here sure as hell does.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't forget - "offer to suck Shlongy off in every post/review".
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you forgot all the +2's
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So...
No acronyms that remind Uber users that they are in a chat-room atmosphere.
No more Camwhores
No arguing with elders
Spill the blood of the newbs
Did I get all that?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As a side note, always think very carefully before asking questions around here. If the answer is an easy one to find, your fellow uber-nauts will never let you forget it...
------
THIS NEEDS TO BE TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crystle just made me sad
:(
...
(Just in case you can't tell, that's me *not* doing the ghey panda danse)
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
darn - that was meant for shlongy
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:44:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love this fucking guy
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V
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you 'cause you write well (when you actually write, dammit) and you don't seem to mind getting your hands dirty.
Uber always needs more folk like that, so stick around and try not to post too many camwhores all at once (that's the real reason why so many jokers throw the alter accusation about so much).
Also, it's uncouth to be rude to your uber-elders until you've proved that you're here to stay and can hold your own on the writing front.
That being said, it's open season on those who have been around about as long as you or who haven't posted more than 5-10 things.
This means that you an' L-bicth can rip on each other to your heart's content without too many others getting grumpy.
Now, let the blood flow. I command it.
(sits back and rubs hands evilly).
***
Oh, and try to limit the internet acronyms to the ones you see a lot around here. We like to delude ourselves into pretending that this is a writer's forum and chat slang reminds us all a bit too much how hypocritical that fantasy is...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have an idea:
Get a post-it note...write "I heart Shlongy" and stick it on your pussy lips and camwhore THAT.
Everyone will love you, and they'll stop calling you an "alter".
And a "pig".
Another great idea from Shlongy.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buzz-saw the fuck out of her?
LMAO
I'm willing to swallow my pride and make-up with Hilarity for the sake of internet violence.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I'm not the one throwing up slutty camwhores up all over the place like this was my own personal fishmongering territory.
Go ahead, say "that's cos ure ugly!". You'd never know anyway.
---------------
I would never say "cos your ugly" because you're right, I would never know the extent of your beauty or possible lack there of - I will keep my comments based purely on what is written. Okay with you buttercup?
===
Done, and done.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That couldn't be further from the truth. You haven't been around Uber for more than 10 minutes and show no knowledge of its workings, I'd be careful of the assumptions you make. Those assumptions could end up making or breaking your ultimate success on this website.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I'm not the one throwing up slutty camwhores up all over the place like this was my own personal fishmongering territory.
Go ahead, say "that's cos ure ugly!". You'd never know anyway.
---------------
I would never say "cos your ugly" because you're right, I would never know the extent of your beauty or possible lack there of - I will keep my comments based purely on what is written. Okay with you buttercup?
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y'know, I'm *really* beginning to dislike Lenore.
She actually smells more like alter than ST at this point.
I think ST and Hilarity should make-up and buzz-saw the fuck outta queen bitchie over there...
===
Let 'er rip. Internet fights make me laugh.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y'know, I'm *really* beginning to dislike Lenore.
She actually smells more like alter than ST at this point.
I think ST and Hilarity should make-up and buzz-saw the fuck outta queen bitchie over there...
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops, sorry Hilarity - got you confused with Leonore, another Uberer in love with the sound of their own e-voice.
Nice or no you seem more interested in trying to prove that someone isn't who they are instead of reading the content of their story.
===
Hey, I'm not the one throwing up slutty camwhores up all over the place like this was my own personal fishmongering territory.
Go ahead, say "that's cos ure ugly!". You'd never know anyway.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear, sweet lord.
Hilarity and ST anger...
...
CATFIGHT!
WOOT!!!!!!!
My cup runneth over.
I got money on ST for the win.
I mean, Hilarity's the crafty veteran, but those toofers on ST makes that bigass shark from TTOM's post run and hide.
Plus, ST's got them shuriken fingers.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops, sorry Hilarity - got you confused with Leonore, another Uberer in love with the sound of their own e-voice.
Nice or no you seem more interested in trying to prove that someone isn't who they are instead of reading the content of their story.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't fuck with me, gunch. I'm one of the nice ones here.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
......
I'm speechless.
__________
If only that were true....
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
......
I'm speechless.
GTFO, mongoloid.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not much of incentive for me NOT to ask what lurking means now is it Hilarity?
Submitted by Crudite (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you write well. I'm just having a problem with the last two camwhores. The fact that "you" keep appearing in the same dress would appear to indicate that those pictures were pulled from a website.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And, I swear to Christ, if you ask me what 'lurking' is, just fucking kill yourself.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really believe there should be a mandatory lurking period so newbs at least have some premise as to what Uber's all about.
-----
Well, duh. I mean, it's the three r's, right?
Rape, (w)riting, and ridicule.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really believe there should be a mandatory lurking period so newbs at least have some premise as to what Uber's all about.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
New York is a fire at a will state - 90 days or 90 years, everything here is basically a probation period.
But yay for rape!
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ST:
Ever worked at a job where you got placed on that ninety-day probation after being hired, so your boss could give you the axe if you were just a fuckwit?
Ubersite is a lot like those shitty jobs; stick around long enough and people will take you seriously.
Less camwhorage might help, too.
And yes, I do understand the inherent hypocrisy in my telling you this, as I am newer than you are. It's just what I've observed during my time reading posts and reviews.
Uber is just like a shitty job.
ONLY WITH MORE RAPE
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why the hell does everyone keep saying I'm an alter? What, you friggen original uberers assume that anyone who hasn't been writing on this board as long as you have HAS to be someone other than who they claim to be?
You guys are paranoid.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't possibly be an alter. No regular user could be so stupid as to not know contest rules.
You were once amusing-dumb. Your status has been upgraded to fucking annoying-dumb.
CONGRADULATIONS
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For ST:
I'm terrible at linking posts, so I'll just explain.
When a particular uber-user wants to run a contest, they post about it and ask if anyone wants in. All the folks who want to play usually have a certain deadline to meet before the entry time closes. All potential candidates are assigned into dueling pairs, the winner of which is usually determined by the overall rating of each post/number of reviews.
The contest then goes into the 2nd round, in which the winners of the first round duke it out with each other in yet more pair offs. The contests end when either all but one competitor has been eliminated or the hosting user gets bored.
I'm docking you a point for asking about stuff that you should be picking up on your own.
As a side note, always think very carefully before asking questions around here. If the answer is an easy one to find, your fellow uber-nauts will never let you forget it...
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww, FG.
Don't be like that.
This was pretty well-done, admit it.
I mean, even if you didn't like it, was it *really* -2 bad?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:13:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Still annoyed
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:13:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry - I just thought something about death was supposed to be labled "Grueberfest".
Where do I find contest rules?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think she's so new that she doesn't understand Uber-contest rules, yet.
...
I'm still +2ing this, even if Crystle wants to be an anfry jealouz bicth...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:03:08 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why did you put "Grueberfest 07" before this?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why did you put "Grueberfest 07" before this?
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-10-15 13:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Brilliant
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 13:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, yeah.
One post a day...
"In hindsight, I suppose the first truth I told him shouldn't have been that I often fantasized about carving out his eyes and placing them atop my dresser so he could watch me undress and masturbate every night while I called out his name and choked myself with one of my father's old neck-ties."
This was fucking GOLD and I don't really give a flying fuck whether you have a pennos or a 'giner.
I *Fucking* loved this.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-15 13:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i'll even expound on that.
the kitten squish thing made me feel something, specifically disgust and a little bit of horror. this was just so meh compared to that.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i've seen better.
from you specifically.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
one a day
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck the eyes...I need to see some snatch.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lol - you guys are too much.
1) In regard to the camwhore, yes I am wearing the same shirt because I love it and any woman out there knows she has her "Favorite" shirt.
2) The brown eyes are not my eyes but the eyes of the killer in my story.
3) I do like writing about killing things. Not sure why. Maybe I needed more hugs as a child...
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this, and I'm not going to.
I just wanted to note that if the eyes in the picture at the end of this story belong to the writer, something's wrong. These eyes are brown, yet in the other camwhores, her eyes are green. Something doesn't add up.
Either the previous camwhores were of your good-looking friend b/c you're a heinous horse-faced beast and couldn't stand to submit to the torture of posting your real picture, or you're an alter.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cats, therapists, you're just natural born killer.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok