Sunday Sunday Sunday!!! Lie vs. Truth Double Sudden-Death Cage Match!!! (630 hits)
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Submitted by Leonore (View user info) at 2007-10-18 15:29:41 EDT
Everyone knows the deal by now, I think. One of these is 100% ironclad troof, the other a shameful, shameful fib. Aim true, soldiers.
===
Story One:
I don't know a single person who didn't have an awkward first sexual experience. Mine goes a little bit farther than that.
I met the guy who would be my first boyfriend when I was a junior in high school. He was a dorky sort, but he was a nice fella and dorks are cute. We went out a few times, hit a few parties during the summer, wound up playing an awful lot of Goldeneye together, and generally slobbed around. We had fun.
Of course, fun only goes so far before you want to rip the other person's clothes off and make 'em sing like Pavarotti (Lawd rest 'im). Our opportunity arose when my parents fucked off for New Year's and a night of drunken revelry, leaving us at my house. Alone.
WIN.
We didn't waste much time; both of us knew what we wanted, so we got to it. I'll tell you, it was great; he let me take control and it was glorious to just get on top and take him. So he's moaning away and all of a sudden he says,
"Hey, would you hit me?"
Just like that. Mid-coitus and all, and he just comes out with it. I put on the brakes and look down at him. "Wait...what?"
He turns red. "Just, y'know...hit me a little."
I almost laugh at him. "You want me to hit you?"
"Yeah. While you're fucking me."
Figures I'd wind up with a freak, but why not? If it got him off, maybe he'd be willing to do what I wanted. I go back to work and reach down and slap him a little on the face. He grabs my hand.
"No, I mean, like...really hit me." He laughs. "I'm a big boy, I can take it."
Hey, you're the guy. I haul back and punch him with my tiny, ineffectual fist. It leaves a red mark on his cheek, and he goes absolutely nuts, moaning louder and begging for more. I gotta admit, I'm not wild about it, but I land two shots on his midsection and we're both getting into it. His back arches and I keep riding him. It goes that way for a few minutes and we're both getting close. He's grabbing my tits and tells me he's about to come. I figure I'll give him one more while he does, just to really send him over the edge. I rear back again,
and as I'm bringing my hand down, the orgasm hits me and completely throws off my aim. My fist crashes ight into his nose and blood instantly erupts from both nostrils. I just hit him as hard as I fucking could.
He yelps and sits up, throwing me off him and sending me tumbling to the floor. He bolts for the bathroom and slams the door behind him. I can hear him sobbing. I get up and stumble to the door, asking if he's okay.
"You broke my fucking nose!" he weeps. He throws the door open and he's got what has to be half a toilet roll stuffed up his schnozz, and he really is bleeding a lot. I can't help but start laughing at him; I'm talking busting a gut, and he just lookst at me like I just killed his mother. I manage to get out one question among the giggles.
"Was it good for you, Red?"
===
Story Two:
There's no denying, there's nothing weirder than moving into a twelve by twelve room with a person you've never even met. Hard to believe that shit happens every August when the fresh meat arrive at universities across the country. Not very convenient that the person you end up with always seems to have some kind of major psychosis.
My roommie for my freshman year was an agriculture major. That sounds bizarre enough as it is because, well, that's exactly the fucking case. She spent most of the first semester learning about how farm animals procreate. I told her once that there were some very fascinating websites out there regarding that very subject. She didn't take that too well.
That's just the tip of the nutcase iceberg, though. This girl was a grade-A conspiracy theorist whackjob. I mean, ETS-level. She was that bad. Every common misfortune that befell her was part of some grand clandestine scheme to manufacture her undoing. A late bus, the wrong food being served in the cafeteria that day, Diet Pepsi sold out in the dorm vending machines, everything.
Also, she was positively obsessed with the Vietnam War. She refused to miss any program that aired on the History Channel about it, and her section of our bookshelf was filled with tomes about the machinations of the Evil American Empire to bend the rest of the free world to its Terrible Will.
Yeah.
Anyhow, as you might suspect, we didn't talk much. She'd come back every evening around five smelling of cow spooge or sheep ass or something and, without a word, lay down on her bed with one of her books until ten, at which point she'd go to sleep. If that wasn't bad enough, her major operated in such a way that she never had any outside work to do, so she never went to the library or needed things to be quiet. She just did whatever the fuck she wanted and if I tried to talk to her about it, she'd just shoot me this look that basically said, "Lip off to me again, bitch, and they'll never find your body." Considering she was built like some of the larger specimens she worked with, I wasn't about to chance it.
Fall semester came and went and spring found me with increasingly elaborate plans to spend more time outside our room. On one rare day in which I'd retired to play some Metroid Prime, I noticed around 6:30 that she hadn't yet returned. Figuring that she'd bogged off to wage some holy war against the Housing Department over the state of our community bathroom again, I forgot about it and went back to kicking space pirate ass. About an hour later, I got a call on our phone. Turned out Miss Bovine Pinup July had been kicked in the head by a steer while she was...examining it, and was in the hospital, unconscious.
Tempted as I was to let her rot there with no company, my conscience eventually got the best of me and I took a bus to go visit her. When I got up to her room I found her laying in her bed, sitting up, wide awake, with a smile on her face. She brightened even more when I entered and greeted me. Like we'd been friends for fucking years. We talked for almost half an hour about class and school and the like before the nurse came in and said she had to rest. I left.
She came back a few days later, still as friendly and as outgoing as ever. Her personality had done a complete 180; she was easygoing, threw out her conspiracy books, never said another word about Vietnam unless we were actually discussing it, and was overall a very pleasant person. I couldn't figure it out for the longest time until I did a little bit of reading and basically came to the conclusion that the hoof to the forehead altered her brain somehow and changed her personality. Not the first time it'd happened, either; there's about a dozen recorded cases of it.
She was awful careful around cows after that.
User Reviews
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:03:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-06 19:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, and Number One was true.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-20 22:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two true.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 - False
2 - True
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-19 09:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1: F
2: T
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
backs away slowly
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1=t
2=f
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-18 17:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
huh
1.)f
2.)t
i'mn just taking a wild guess here.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-18 16:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Story two - true
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-18 16:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mentioning ETS in your story pretty much brands you as an alter.
that was my first thought when i saw that.
#2=true
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-18 16:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 - true
#2 - false
Both enjoyable reads, though.
Submitted by dronebee (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1. F
2. T
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so, my worthy adversary.
I say
1=F
2=T
btw, when this is all over, you want to slap me around a bit, I'm in.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mentioning ETS in your story pretty much brands you as an alter.
===
Or a lurker who was around for his departure. Wasn't too long ago.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ETS has been gone for months, so I agree with the obvious alter recognition.
You let your own cat out of the bag.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mentioning ETS in your story pretty much brands you as an alter.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS
1) F
2) T
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Our opportunity arose when my parents fucked off for New Year's and a night of drunken revelry"
----
hahahah
I laughed out loud
"Hey where are you guys heading off to?"
"ehh, we're just gonna fuck off for an hour or two"
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:41:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Imosay 1:F, 2:T. Just from the vibe of the writing.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. T
2. F
Mooo!!
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-18 15:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Story one is real.
And you said you'd never tell anybody, you fucking bitch!