What would you teach little you? (1823 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.46 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2007-10-18 18:04:46 EDT
I'm reading "The Time Travelers Wife". I just started the book and so far its interesting but I don't know where its going so I don't so much want to pull the trigger on recommending it just yet. The premise of the book is that this guy Henry occasionally finds himself transported to another place and time. He arrives butt ass naked with no idea of where or when he is. One recurring place he ends up is in the back yard of his future wife. This starts happening when she is only 6 years old and I'm trying not to think about that too much because it seems a bit Shandyesque really.
He also has sex with his three months ago self when he's 15 and makes the assertion that it isn't gay to have sex with yourself.
so good luck with that
The first time this time traveling happens to him is on his 5th birthday. He ends up in the museum where he had just spent the day with his parents. When he arrives he is met by his older self who shows him around the museum. He doesn't explain to his younger self who he is until he's 9-years-old. Throughout his childhood his older self teaches his younger self various survival skills. These would be the sort of skills that you might need if you randomly found yourself in some unknown time and place butt ass naked like how to open locks and pick pockets.
Which brings me to the point of the post. If you had the chance to go back in time and teach your younger self some skill what would it be?
I've thought about this and can't really come up with anything. There are things that I would maybe tell little me like oh say final scores of big sporting events for gambling purposes or perhaps to invest heavily in a small start-up company called Microsoft but I can't really come up with a skill.
I might tell me that in the summer before I start college a guy named Darren is going to ask me out. Whatever I do, do not go out with this guy. But then again would I? What if the year long emotional bullshittery that was my relationship with this Darren person is part of what makes me who I am now. If nothing else it makes me appreciate what a sane, normal person Sam is and that has to be worth something.
I thought about telling little me to take swimming instead of shotokan but here again, what if shotokan is what makes me who I am. On the other hand since I met Darren through shotokan this swimming idea would solve both problems, but how would I know where that would lead. What if I took swimming and ended up dating someone worse.
I thought about telling not all that little but younger me not to go to work for Deloitte when I get/got out of grad school. Granted working there padded my resume but it was a fucking awful experience and I'd like to have those three years of my life back. But then here again living through that hell makes me appreciate my current job all that much more.
I've never been all that spiritual of a person but it also occurs to me that certain things may have been fated to happen and changing the circumstances wouldn't really have prevented it. If I had not taken that one specific section of that one specific class and sat in that one specific seat then I would not have become friends with Murphy. If I had not become friends with Murphy then I would not have met his roommate Sam.
Unless of course I would have ended up meeting Murphy and maybe even Sam at the pool or something.
No telling really because the bottom line is that in the real world you only get one shot at life.
But now I'm worried about what sort of thing that future me would tell present me.
Christ I need more weed
or maybe less
User Reviews
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2007-11-15 19:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have him remind me what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-07 22:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm halfway through this book right now
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-26 15:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would rape me, so that I would be traumatized and grow up gay.
Then I wouldn't have any kids.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-10-26 15:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WATCH OUT THERES A SHADOW ON YOU
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-10-26 14:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would go back and told little me to take welding classes in high school. NO, I still cannot...and therefore could not teach myself, and while it may seem like a white trash job, it pays decent and could be a fall back skill and/or hobby
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2007-10-22 13:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds interesting. i'd read it.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 07:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for as much as I see you pictured outside you are very very white
unless the pictures are the only times you are actually outside and you spend the rest of the time huddled indoors.
i'd teach little me how to pick up on whether a chick is psycho or not
i'll leave it at that.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-22 03:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you have a lovely life..
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-10-20 15:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it is a cool book.
I would tell myself not to work so hard at school. And also to take time out between university and a job.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-10-20 14:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd teach little me how to tell my parents how to fuck off.
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Not so much my parents, but adults in general. Things were different growing up in the 50's and 60's than now. I can think of any number of instances when I was a kid and got pushed around by some teacher or other adult when I should stood up and told them to kiss my ass.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2007-10-19 23:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My toilet paper has more literary merit and a better plot. BEFORE I wipe. Afterward, it's -comparitively - William fucking Shakespeare. Admit it - you're reading a fucking harlequin, just like the rest of your pimply, loose labia, black lipstick stained snaggle-toothed, herd animal friends. Flip the switch in your brainpan to the "ON" position, Starqueef.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-10-19 21:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He also has sex with his three months ago self when he's 15 and makes the assertion that it isn't gay to have sex with yourself.
-----
Because I have had this conversation with friends, gay and straight, the majority decided it was glorified masturbation, and not a homosexual act.
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes deloitte does suck! My mom did some contract work with them and she had to go to small claims court to get her last paycheck because one of their secretaries did not process her invoice on time and the head honcho was a total dick!
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-10-19 11:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would tell young me to fuck bad bitches and smoke big blunts. Or something.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-19 10:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skillz: fix cars, pick locks, hack computers, etc. I would teach myself how to read people, how to tell when they are lying, how to gauge pupil dilation and skin tone for truthiness so as not to be pulled into so much unnecessary drama.
If I could change one thing, just ONE THING, I would go back and tell my old boss not to hire a certain tire technician. Thus, preventing me from ever meeting the person who single handedly sent my college life into a tail spin of doom.
Sure I'd have the opportunity to fuck myself over in other ways because as a 19year old I was a friggin mess, but the chain of events that led me to lose the person I still love the most to this day, get in debt, and drop out of college would never have been set in motion if I had not met that one asshole. It's the Butterfly effect: A guy named John wanders into an auto center, and with no actual ill intent, permanently alters the lives of four people over the course of nine months and probably never even thought it would go down that way.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-10-19 10:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everybody's got to live together
All the people got to understand
So, love your neighbour like you love your brother
Come on and join the band
Well, all you need is love and understanding
Ring the bell and let the people know
We're so happy and we're celebratin'
Come on and let your feelings show
Love is all, well love is all,
Love is all, can't you hear the call
Oh, love is all you need
Love is all you need at the Butterfly Ball
oh and read Loki posts when your grown up, they make you think!
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-19 09:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thought provoking...
I'd tell her: (1) refuse to waste a year and a half at an all-girls school (forewarn about the lesbians and questionable gender choices of her potential peers), (2) sailors are always fun, (3) you should never try to be anything but an english major - and you hate accounting, (4) rules are overrated, and (5) it's okay to have drunk sex with that stranger, as long as you have a condom.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-19 09:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's also best not to wonder what could have been, as it'll only eat at you.
i would tell myself to never ever ever ever ever start smoking. I would beat it into myself.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-19 08:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA YOU WORKED FOR DELOITTE! Awful awful place that it is. We have some of their consultants in our office right now... *shudders*
Good for you for getting out, though.
I suppose I'd tell little me to be honest with myself and others at all times, no matter what the immediate effects may be. That principle alone saves people from a lot of hell later on.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-19 07:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd give him a sporting almanac and a fist full of cash.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-10-19 04:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and i would defo suck my own nob, bumroot myself, etc
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-10-19 04:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
re dune:
to you think spice equals marijuana, and certain marijuana adepts should be responsible for guiding the human race?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-10-19 04:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i would slap him in the face and tell him that if comes home one night to find georgina, the girl he is madly in love with, drunk in his bed in his dormitory room, and if she then asks him for a back massage, IT PROBABLY MEANS SHE LIKES YOU
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-19 03:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not certain that I'd specifically teach the younger me anything, but I'd like to have been around for him to talk to during some...unpleasant things that went on back in the day. Dealing with stuff by oneself sucks great, big donkey balls. True, I got through it, but I'm fairly certain it's one of the main reasons why I have such a hard time relating to people now.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read a book called "The Time Traveler and Method's Mom"
It's about a guy who goes back in time and nail's Method's Mom over and over again. But every time he still has to wait in the same long line first.
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd teach my little self to be just like you loki. just like you.
>vomit<
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never go to this God-damned website http://www.ubersite.com
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
I would teach my little self a couple of things.
1-To treat women with respect and to take your time when loving them.
2-If someone gives you shit it's ok to stand up for yourself.
3-Always be proud of your accomplishments, even if they seem like no big deal.
4-Never chase that flush down to the river unless it's a limp pot.
There's more, but this is a reply, not a post.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-10-18 23:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
now i have a copy too :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-10-18 23:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is my favourite thing on uber right this second
and retroactively all week, possibly two weeks
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-18 22:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Time Traveller's Wife is an amazing amazing book and the ending is fucking epic
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-18 22:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-18 22:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wouldn't change a damn thing. Thought provocative though.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-18 20:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-18 20:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS.:
I KNOW HOW A FRISBEE WORKS AND I'M STILL NOT HITCHED
----------------
You need to meet a guy who a) knows how a Frisbee works, b) really appreciates what it means that you know how a Frisbee works, and c) will actually play Frisbee.
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS.:
I KNOW HOW A FRISBEE WORKS AND I'M STILL NOT HITCHED
*WEEPS*
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would sit me down, look me straight in the eye, and say, "Remeber these two very inportant things: One) A cop in uniform is never 'fucking kidding', got it? Two) Marry the first girl you meet who can explain how a Frisbee works. I did and it was the smartest move I ever made. 170+ IQ beats big hooters everywhere except a strip club, got it?"
Yes I would.
===
There was something lyrically beautiful about this review. Have another +2 for that.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I find it's best not to let what you do define who you are. It's also best not to wonder what could have been, as it'll only eat at you.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would sit me down, look me straight in the eye, and say, "Remeber these two very inportant things: One) A cop in uniform is never 'fucking kidding', got it? Two) Marry the first girl you meet who can explain how a Frisbee works. I did and it was the smartest move I ever made. 170+ IQ beats big hooters everywhere except a strip club, got it?"
Yes I would.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dune pretty much starts with Dune. There are some preludes and the like that were written by Frank Herbert's kid but the "real" ones are:
Dune
Dune Messiah
Children of Dune
God Emperor of Dune
Heretics of Dune
Chapterhouse: Dune
then Frank Herbert died and didn't finish the series
His kid found the notes for them and wrote the last two Sandworms of Dune and Hunters of Dune.
I've read them all that's right ALL of them even the fake ones. I can't help myself it had to happen.
The swimming thing - yea I can swim its just that I wasn't on the swim team like I would have been if I hadn't been competing in karate tournaments. I just think that I missed something not playing a school sport...except for that sorry year of basketball where I only got into the game once we were well out of danger of losing.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-18 19:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to learn how to swim, if you can't.
I read something before that this reminds me of, but it wasn't the book you're talking about.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would tell little me not to read this horse shit post and waste 2 minutes of my life
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
email me and tell me about this 'dune' business.
You recommended Fire and Ice and it was superb, I'm not sure where this dune business starts though, there seem to be trillions of 'em.
Or even better, lend us 'em.
ref post: interesting.
I might respond later after my golf lesson and a spliff.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How to -2 with more efficient insults and profanity.
Submitted by camarilla (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work. I enjoyed it.
I would have told my past self to study harder and stay in college because it's a lot harder to go back after you have kids. Oddly enough, I don't think things would have turned out drastically different; I'd just have a college degree and be able to be in a dual-income household at this point.
C'est la vie.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stay away from the drunk
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd tell me how not to get caught.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
food for thought!!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now that I think about it, little me should have learned Spanish.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have been there to save my best friend and brothers lives
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loki=auto+2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
work harder you little fuck. becoming a pro football player is not as easy as you think.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good question.
i'd probably tell little me to be more outgoing and do more shit.
but maybe i'd become hella jaded quite early on, then.
time traveling always has fucked-up consequences.
that book sounds like a good read, though.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-18 18:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd teach little me how to tell my parents how to fuck off.