UberLiars: Adventures in Pissing on People (795 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.63 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AsshOly (View user info) at 2007-10-18 21:04:19 EDT
For you fucking derelicts who don't know the rules, here's the gist: I'm going to write two stories. One will be 100% true, and the other will be a liar liar pants on fire situation. Your job, my friend, is to decide which story is false. Get your shit together before you start because I'm going to take you bitches for a ride.
STORY THE FIRST:
About 40 of my friends and I went drinking at a party at some kid's barn last weekend. There was a substantial amount of pre-gaming before we headed over, and so we were pretty sloshed by the time we got there. My friend Jack brought a girl named Aubrey from his math class. We were first introduced by the keg when she tripped over her feet and I helped her off the ground:
We exchanged pleasantries and I offered her congratulations for faceplanting without spilling from either of the cups she was carrying in the same hand. She accepted my compliment and drank from the far cup, spilling the near cup all down the front of her shirt. As she so eloquently put it, "fuck, I fucked up my shit."
I decided to stick around for a minute, partly because I wanted to make sure she didn't fall again and because her date was nowhere to be found, and partly because she had her arm around my shoulders and wasn't letting go. So we talked from a very uncomfortably close distance. I found out she was studying to become an elementary school teacher. She then chronicled her drinking over the night for me, and I found out she had had 10 beers before we left and 8 since we got there. And, referencing the two empty cups in her free hand, she said, "these are number 23 and 24." I laughed and she didn't get it.
Jack then walked up and took her off my hands. I filled up my cup and went to find my date.
About 40 minutes later, I walked off to the side of the party in search of a tree on which I might urinate. Midstream, I see Jack walk out from behind the barn without his jeans. "Curious," I thought.
When I finished up, I walked up to him to ask what the deal was, and before I could ask, he told me his pants were wet and so he hung them up on a fence to dry. We both walked over to the keg to fill our cups back up, and then walked to the fire our friends set up earlier.
A couple minutes passed by before VJ out from behind the barn, laughing hysterically. VJ ran up to the fire and asked Jack, "what the fuck happened?"
Jack shook his head and took another long sip of beer.
We all looked over toward the barn. Aubrey walked out, her jeans dark between the thighs. I turned to Jack with bright eyes. He sighed, and told me he took Aubrey behind the shed to do the relationship thing. While they were dry humping, Aubrey was on top.
"Eeehh," she said. "It's wet."
Jack looked down to find that both his jeans and hers turning darker shades in a hurry. Aubrey too drunk to cap it off and Jack too stunned to push her off, she clumsily fell to the side and rolled over on her back before she could take her pants off and finish properly. Jack looked at Aubrey. Aubrey looked at Jack.
"Whoops," she said. As Jack threw his jeans on a fence post and began walking away.
STORY THE SECOND:
About 40 of my friends and I went drinking at a party at some kid's barn last weekend. There was a substantial amount of pre-gaming before we headed over, and so we were pretty sloshed by the time we got there. My friend Jack brought a girl named Aubrey from his math class. We were first introduced by the keg when she tripped over her feet and I helped her off the ground:
We exchanged pleasantries and I offered her congratulations for faceplanting without spilling from either of the cups she was carrying in the same hand. She accepted my compliment and drank from the far cup, spilling the near cup all down the front of her shirt. As she so eloquently put it, "fuck, I fucked up my shit."
I decided to stick around for a minute, partly because I wanted to make sure she didn't fall again and because her date was nowhere to be found, and partly because she had her arm around my shoulders and wasn't letting go. So we talked from a very uncomfortably close distance. I found out she was studying to become an elementary school teacher. She then chronicled her drinking over the night for me, and I found out she had had 10 beers before we left and 8 since we got there. And, referencing the two empty cups in her free hand, she said, "these are number 23 and 24." I laughed and she didn't get it.
Her date walked up and took her off my hands. I filled up my cup and went to find my date.
About 40 minutes later, I walked off to the side of the party in search of a tree on which I might urinate. I walked to the closest one, unzipped, and heard protests from the other (shadowy) side. "Hey, don't piss here," said the protestors. They turned out to be Jack and Aubrey, and I had interrupted their make-out session. "Whoops," I said, and I hobbled to the next tree over. Before I could finish, Aubrey had wandered over for some more casual conversation. I reconfigured my situation to shoot my stream to the opposite side of the tree from which she was standing so as she threw her arm back over my shoulder I didn't soak her in piss.
I finished up and the three of us walked back towards the party. My buddy JV was standing just to the side of the yard doing the urine thing, and because our friends are so fantastic, they were crowded around him and engaged in yet more casual conversation.
Not all my friends are as considerate as I am.
Aubrey decided she wanted to make some more friends, so she walked straight up to JV, who didn't see her coming. He was too drunk to cap it off, so when she walked up in front of him to chat, he just kept on going. He tried to warn her, but all he could get out was "hey, hey, yo, uh, ah."
"Eeeehh," said Aubrey. "It's wet."
The two engage in a dance where JV tries to move his hips to shoot around her and Aubrey follows his movements in an effort to move to the side of whatever's making her wet, but she just keeps jumping back into his stream. Jack finally was able to pull her back, and when she realized what happened and we saw the look of astonishment on her face, all but Aubrey cracked up laughing.
"Whoops," said VJ, as he shook himself off and began walking away.
User Reviews
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-26 15:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YEHA AHAHAHA YOU FUCKING NAILED IT WOOOO
Submitted by keitsith (user info) at 2007-10-26 09:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ur gay !
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-26 08:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yo, how was the BU/ISU hockey game last night? Drop me an e-mail: captainthorns@gmail
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BTW - I'm not gonna be able to make it to the BU/ISU hockey game Thursday night. Drink a beer or ten for me.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 08:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 Truth
#2 Lie
its always the guy in the blue shirt that coordinates his boxers.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-20 04:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
obvious virgin below.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2007-10-19 23:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The second one's true. No way you or any of your friends could get laid in any fashion whatsoever.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ASSHOLY, YOU EMAIL ME WHICH IS WHICH!! NO MORE LIES [SOBS]!
(diamond0sea.at.yahoo.com (thats a zero in the middle))
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NEXT WEEK IS ABOUT HOW MY HAND GOT STABBED
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
these were both very sloppily written.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-19 14:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I SWEAR TO GOD ONE OF THESE STORIES IS TRUE.
Another true story from that morning: I was in the homecoming parade, and Ronald McDonald walked past. We waved, and he waved back. Midwave, Ronald says to the dude standing beside him, "dude, I'm still drunk as fuck from last night."
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1=f
2=t
Submitted by dronebee (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1. True
2. False
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-19 11:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Christ, Assholy, you and your friends are such hicks.
#1 is true 'cause most hicks don't tend to crowd one another when they're going for a lash.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-19 11:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 - True
2 - False
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-19 10:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 = true
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-19 09:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1: False
2: Truth
And piss is always fun.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-10-19 09:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it'd be bad news if we ever went drinking.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-19 09:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*laughs* Only at ISU...
I'm-a have to say:
1) F
2) T
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-19 07:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They're both false--you don't have 4 friends, much less 40.
But...
If I had to choose,
1)F
2)T
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-19 06:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1:F, 2:T
Sez I
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One - true
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wtf man - I don't know, how fucking un-usual, I'm going to assume in the 1st story she is one of those 'female ejaculators' and somehow forgot about it? The second story she is just some stupid bitch who stands in piss. What is the more likely? Well fuck me I wouldn't have a clue.
For the sake of this competition,
1: False
2: True - The dumb bitch has a piss fetish
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-18 21:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Both were lies.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-18 21:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best intro evar. As for the stories...
Story 1: F
Story 2: T
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-18 21:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112545
i will read other peoples' stories later, i just had to make sure i got this written tonight.