On: alters, noobies and enemies. (701 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.38 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fungah (View user info) at 2007-10-19 00:20:42 EDT
I don't normally do this. I don't normally talk from my own perspective, I try not to paint myself as a rational, sane human being that can express thoughts and opinions out of my own little microcosm of insanity. But here it goes.
There seems to be a lot of new members here. There seems to maybe be less of the old ones, I don't know, aside from orgasmatron I've never been interested in the MVA save for the odd Fat Tony post, his post always tickled my jolly spot. Now, I'm not hating on the newbies, because, honestly, I think the more people the better. However, save for a certain camwhore where we treated the noob in question with the dignity, and respect the squinty eyed bitch deserved, I'm unimpressed with the way we are treating these people.
I went through months upon months of angry criticism and scathing -2s before some of you either stopped reading me, continued to do so while -2ing me, or spontaneously decided I wasn't worthy of nothing but -2s. The last group is the majority.
I'll say, since my first foray onto this site, I've been treated, very, very fairly. I write alot of 'serious' shit. I like to write. One day, far in the future, when my writing has developed far, far past the point it's at now I'd like to get published. As it is now, I may as well hope to fuck Hillary Clinton, because as sexy as power is we all know Bill had that vagina sewn shut, and her brain replaced with some puppet strings.
Now, saying this, I am fairly impressed with the amount of evil, horrible posts I've seen recently. Axolotl, or maybe someone else, I can't remember, posted something the other day, that for the first time in my uber career made me feel... violated. It was about a corpse, an open mouth, and pushing. Considering the shit I've seen from she who must not be named, and the various goatse and tubgirl posts that have made it on to here, this is saying alot. Oh, lemonparty too. That was just fantastic.
Now, I'm rambling. But I'm going somewhere. The hazing is an integral aspect of this site. Most of us went through it, I'm sure most of you older users have too. But for the most part, new users are not getting the hate they deserve. The recent spat of drive-by new user camwhorings is a testament to this, camwhoring is fine when anybody gives a shit who you are, or if you're a supermodel. Neither of these things, new user, you are. I was losing faith in this site, as were many of you recently, but my faith has been revived. For the first time since I joined this site in 2003 I feel like I'm part of a community. I haven't started interacting with it very much, I'm not that well liked in it, but I have my fans and I'm here. I'm the guy on the edge of town that lives in the dilapidated shack that wanders in to buy more alcohol, cussing and exposing himself to your kids.
This brings me to my point. The noobs here are the kids. We are all outsiders on the internet, this site is nowhere near as popular as facebook, myspace, or most other forums. We are all "that guy" *wink wink nudge nudge ha ha uber reference* living in that shack whether you like it or not. People may find us interesting from time to time in an: he's crazy but he can't be that bad, kind of way until we crack jokes at a dead child, laugh our asses off at the most depraved, horrible things that can happen to a human being and still say Fat Tony sucks. By the way Fat Tony, you fucking suck.
It is our duty to treat noobs like shit. They should feel alienated in a community that is made up of aliens. They should feel like horrible people in a community of people leading horrible, terrible online lives. They have two duties here: to take shit, and to entertain us and although many of them will never do either here, it is our duty to shit on them way, way more than they deserve at first, and as much as we feel they deserve after they've climbed out of the chin high pile and finally found a sink.
Now, none of us are like this. We all have our goals on this site. Some of you are actually friends in real life which....... terrifies the living shit out of me. But we are a community, a hateful, spiteful community with a sick, twisted sense of humor. We've spent the last however many years cannibalizing ourselves, hating ourselves. This is great in the case of the noob. Otherwise......
War.
We need a war. We need a unifying purpose. We need something we can channel all this energy into, at least for a while. A week, two. We need a target. We need something, online, we can all destroy, something we can laugh about, something that, for a short while anyway, we can forget our differences because and in so doing give the rest of the world a taste of this website. I won't be your leader. I won't organize anything. I'll participate in it half-assedly like I have on this site. But......
Uber, I want to start a fucking war.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-11 10:09:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A Shit Poetry Thursday winnar is you!
Oh, Fungah! Your writings delight me!
So please, just give in, and don't fight me,
'Cause your lyrical bum
Makes me shiver and come;
Can I have it while Hammer sings nightly?
Submitted by casual_sloring_anyone (user info) at 2007-10-23 10:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your banter is priceless to me shlongo, ah how it makes the days fly by... But seriously, your wife gives good head. How do my swimmers taste?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-22 11:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU NOOB
-2 DIE
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-22 11:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by casual_sloring_anyone (user info) at 2007-10-22 10:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Let's just start a war with Shlongy. Everyone. Against him. Then we'll gangbang his wife. Sound good?
Sounds good to me...You'll lose the "war" AND still be a virgin when we're through.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-22 11:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2007-10-19 23:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So... what you're saying is... uber is comprised entirely of angst-riddled, acne-scarred, depraved transvestite goth-cum-emo punk ass bitches that believe they aren't whining enough so are engaged in an ongoing search for more stupid shit to whine about...
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Well, that was...impressive.
Submitted by casual_sloring_anyone (user info) at 2007-10-22 10:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Let's just start a war with Shlongy. Everyone. Against him. Then we'll gangbang his wife. Sound good?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-10-20 12:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah I got hazed pretty badly too. this site is pussified now.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-10-20 11:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really, really shouldn't post when I'm high.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2007-10-19 23:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So... what you're saying is... uber is comprised entirely of angst-riddled, acne-scarred, depraved transvestite goth-cum-emo punk ass bitches that believe they aren't whining enough so are engaged in an ongoing search for more stupid shit to whine about and, because no one likes or listens to goth-cum-emo whiny bitches, they plop their useless, meandering, maudlin, senseless bullshit here, in the porta-potty called "uber", where the fecal detritus of the millions of other goth-cum-emo whiny bitches that are just like them have deposited their shit...
Bravo, breasticlees. Not only are you too retarded for my dog to hump, you're also a flaming douchebag. Let us know when the realization egg drops from the reality chicken's anus and clocks you in the face again because you seem to be the first retard here that realization has dawned upon. That entitles you to the honorary title of "First Among Retards".
Congratufuckinglations.
Submitted by rosemadder (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I don't know but I'll freely admit that I have no life and need to get laid.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rosemadder (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, you're right, some people don't give two shits about this website, especially not you, right? What's up with the novel?
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I don't believe I ever stated I didn't care about this website. If I did it was probably to emphasize another point, but not a point concerning this context. I wrote all that I did just because it was stuff that was on my mind. To be honest when I first started posting here, I was on here everyday reading as much as I could. And that was back when I was 16. I never knew any better and probably still don't. But it's not that I don't care about this website, it's just not my life. And in most cases if someone were to talk some shit to me on a post, I wouldn't care. They're allowed to do whatever they want, and if being a troll is their path so be it. Now a days, I go on for maybe an hour or so every couple days. Read a few posts and maybe review every now and then, and that's it. I don't come on here to start any wars, or piss anyone off necessarily. And I can imagine a good deal of users who have the same sentiments as I do. This is just a hobby for some people. Easier and in some cases cheaper than most other things.
Submitted by rosemadder (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, you're right, some people don't give two shits about this website, especially not you, right? What's up with the novel?
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Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Regarding people who are new. The thing about uber is if you post and one of the first things you say is
"Hey everyone i'm new!" followed by some shitty story of how you found this site or what you think about this website, then more than likely you'll get flamed into oblivion. Albeit you'll get most heated, but that will be your only claim to fame at that point in time. However, i've seen users who post as if they've been apart of uber forever. In some cases they were alters but there are some individuals who had great first posts. Point is, if you post on uber as if you've been posting here all along more than likely the average user wont give a shit if it's your first post as long as it's even mildly entertaining, and coherent and it has nothing to do necessarily with your sentiments about this website. You save posts like that for when you've been surfing and posting here for at least a year. Or when you have writers block.
Concerning this "War". You're talking almost in a 4chan (no I mean ebaums world what the fuck am I thinking amirite? lulz)sense of viewing the internet. The majority of the people that post on here couldn't give two shits about what website you like or don't like, or what racist asshole said what. More than likely they'll read about it on someones post, say something along the lines of
"That's terrible, how can people be like that!" shut off their computers and go about their lives. You have to remember, Uber has people from many sides of the spectrum. You have people from different races, different places, different age groups, Men, Women and even Children. All seemingly anonymous. You'll get support in anything you say or do almost no matter what, someone on here will agree with you, however, there will definitely be people that will disagree no matter what the topic. And that is the great thing about uber, even if it comes across as mean in a lot of cases it's the truth, at least the truth through their eyes and their perspective.
So when you talk of rallying the troops against some injustice, just consider who you're rallying.
These are people with spouses, kids, Jobs and other social obligations and regard this site as just maybe something they do thirty minutes out of the day.
My opinion on this site, it exists for information purposes primarily. It's a great social experiment because as I mentioned, if you have some sort of problem, or some philosophical idea or something along those lines, you will get feed back. And you will get feed back from a source that is potentially completely opposite of you in every way. Albeit, some feed back will not be coherent or it will be well stupid. Mostly you just have to learn to take the good with the bad, you'll always get some idiot who will minus two a post for no reason what so ever except for his own amusement. But at the same time, you'll get a few users who will genuinely try to help you in some way. Even if it's through a "Tough Love" instance. There are some people that all they do is look for pity and feed off of it. They're not looking for an out and they're not looking for any real advice they just want you to feel sorry for them. And in some cases some users can come across that way which is why, some people are just assholes straight up.
But whatever, i'm probably wrong in a lot of ways.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You want a war?
Go dig up Yidele. He'll start you a war.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know - I've always had a very short and steep learning curve.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112584#2558655
Submitted by rosemadder (user info) at 2007-10-19 16:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure what the connection is between n00bs and this "war" that you want to start. Anyway, Fungah, I was sure you were a chick for some reason. Now I think I want to have sex with you.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-19 16:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i already tried this idea, here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/108895
these bunch of nancies wanted nothing to do with it
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Heat Bomb 6*
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Heat Bomb 5*
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Heat Bomb 4*
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Heat Bomb 3*
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Heat Bomb 2*
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Heat Bomb*
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 15:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OK - I read it. I'm in. I'm so in, you can start the hate with me. I mean, fuck - I have only been here like
* checks registration date on "My Uber" *
5 1/2 months. And I didn't get nearly the hazing that you describe.
I KNOW at least THREE of you would LOOOOVVVEEE to spend some time in the "I hate Yozz forum" on Uber.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-10-19 14:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you really truly give this much of a fuck you need to re-evaluate
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a good read.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
war is like pudding
chocolate and vanilla
oh nevermind.....
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's no such thing as n00bs you dumbass, they're all alters. Besides, war is stupid. Let's make pot brownies instead.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 11:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Did'nt read it. But +1 because "noobies" reminded me of "boobies."
I like boobies.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-19 10:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
make fuck not war.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-19 10:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GTFO noob
just kidding
"I went through months upon months of angry criticism and scathing -2s before some of you either stopped reading me, continued to do so while -2ing me, or spontaneously decided I wasn't worthy of nothing but -2s. The last group is the majority."
Don't i know it.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-19 10:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Homer: You know what?
Grampa: What?
Homer: We're both screw-ups.
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-10-19 08:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-10-19 18:19:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs more rape.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-19 08:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For a minute there, I thought you were actually taking this place seriously.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-19 08:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I gave a shit.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-10-19 04:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs more rape.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-10-19 03:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So, do you mean another "Growing Family" thing, or an actual war? Either way, I'm in.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-19 03:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I visualise you in a haze as one of those slackster, flannel-wearing, coffee-house misanthropes I've been seeing in Newsweek.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-10-19 03:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
war. good idea. the world never has enough aggression.
good old americans, always count on them to push the envelope.
nazi america, rise up!
you are the germany of the 21st century.
it is your lot, your fate, your destiny to rule over this world and lead the true faith to victory.
none should stand in your way, no lesser man shall impede your path.
germany knew whaty they were doing and they were condemned for they lost the war. took on too much at once, but you america, you have what it takes. you will prevail.
... and so proudly we stand with our cocks in our right hand ...
is this the sort of hate you went on about?
i thought id generalise seeing as im not aiming for anyone in particular.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's just not worth caring about
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-18 23:31:51 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah, that fucktard who wrote that story you talked about in this post? The one you thyought was so disgusting???
Yeah... he's a fucking royal cunt.
====
Ain't THAT the fucking truth, Ruth.
;)
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i hate you, fungah
i really do
i hate you, fungah
through and through
Oh, fungy-poo
i hate you!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jaysis, is your lil' pad dripping a bit there Priscilla?
Oh no! Fungah has stained his frilly white dress! He'll never be a pretty princess now!!!
Don't make me wish death on your family, or something equally dastardly.
Oh yeah, that fucktard who wrote that story you talked about in this post? The one you thyought was so disgusting???
Yeah... he's a fucking royal cunt.