That Pun'kin-Headed Boy's Story (369 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.9 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hellish (View user info) at 2007-10-19 00:36:15 EDT
Once there was a boy.
His name's not really important, other than to say it was a normal name that parents give boys here on Earth. No, the thing we must know is that most often he was referred to as "That Pun'kin-Headed Boy." This was, not surprisingly, because he had a shockingly large and somewhat bulbous head. It did not help matters that he was a red headed lad, those ginger tuffs of hair cropped close but perpetually sticking up in manner resembling otter fur. (Don't ask me how I know so much about otter fur, I just do.)
Now, that Pun'kin-Headed Boy was a lonely child, as one would assume given his mildly alarming physical disposition. Given the circumstances, his rotund noggin was quite frequently the subject of school yard taunts and minor projectile attacks. That Pun'kin-Headed Boy really should've been more understanding of the latter; it was a remarkable target. None the less, he was a sad and miserable boy who simply longed for friendship.
He had tried to find companionship with others who were similarly afflicted as he. However, both "The Gimpy-Legged Boy" and "The Hair-Lipped Girl" denied his advances of platonic affection. Granted, the Gimpy-Legged Boy was a raging prick of the highest caliber, so perhaps that was for the best. The Hair-Lipped Girl's parents moved her far away after she was found sucking off Middle School boys in the shrubbery behind the swingset. Sad.
Alone, so alone. That Pun'kin-Headed Boy tried to find camaraderie with animals. He had a series of pets he begged his normal-headed parents to purchase for him. Unfortunately, that Pun'kin-Sized Head did not so much contain a Pun'kin-Sized Brain. It would seem you don't play catch with your puppy right before you're about to catch the school bus, for example. Nor do kittens always land on their feet if you hurl them from the roof. We also found out that goldfish do not particularly favor the taste of raw sausage.
It was on one rather dreary and otherwise unremarkable day that I arrived. That Pun'kin-Headed Boy was so pleased to see me that he almost soiled his britches. After I reminded he to go and relieve himself, he returned and asked about my name. When I told him that, indeed, I didn't have one and that I would leave such delicate decisions in his capable hands, he was overjoyed. I was not so overjoyed when he graced me with the moniker of "Mr. Gigglesworth."
We talked much those next few days, that Pun'kin-Headed Boy pouring out his troubled soul to me. I must admit, I did grow concerned at some of his more, how shall we say... esoteric ramblings. In fact, it was I that convinced him that he should reveal our budding friendship to his normal-headed parents. Honestly, I thought they would take it better than they did.
I haven't seen that Pun'kin-Headed Boy for a while now. I do remember them taking him away, and my, what a tornado of fists and teeth he became! I recall yelling at him to be careful and not to soil his britches, because nobody enjoys that. I do not believe that he heard me over his incessant screaming. I still cringe every time I think about his shrill wail of "Mr. Gigglesworth!" as they loaded him into that van. Not because I necessarily miss the child, but that was such a horrible name.
No, I suppose I DO actually miss that Pun'kin-Headed Boy in some small way. I'm quite bored now, simply standing here. Well, I'm hanging, really. At least the season is almost over and I can move on to the next holiday, the next lonely child. Well, there's not much to be done with Thanksgiving. Bloody Pilgrims. But around Christmas time... oh dear, I make a wonderful Snowman!
User Reviews
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-19 17:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can decide who is more stupid. You or that fucking scarecrow.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112582
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:46:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck I'm sorry I read that, I thought it was going somewhere / getting funny / getting to a point or a punchline. No, there was no punchline - I want 3 minutes of my life back.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you made this bad on purpose you cunt
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-19 10:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I did not enjoy this. In fact I found it droll and miserable to read. I've given you a bonus point for effort on a first post but then I think you're likely an alter anyway so who gives a flying fuck.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2007-10-19 09:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's 'HARE-lip' by the way.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-19 02:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ummm...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Because I dislike your scarecrow stories that means I can't think on an adult level. Lmao. Ok.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Demonic. You obviously just can't think on an adult level.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No I got it..but why..it wasn't funny nor was it interesting..
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey demonic (with ur kewl cap lettrz!!1!) did you miss the whole point about the kid's imaginary friend actually being the scarecrow that is some kind of evil holiday force? i know thinking on an adult level must be damn difficult with all that heat that the helmet you're forced to wear keeps in. maybe if you bash your head again a wall hard enough times you'll jangle loose some brain cells. chances are slim, however.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-19 01:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck I'm sorry I read that, I thought it was going somewhere / getting funny / getting to a point or a punchline. No, there was no punchline - I want 3 minutes of my life back.
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2007-10-19 00:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
WHOOO!!! fuck fungah! i'm not an alter or a n00b, i swear!