Elevation: Practical Mechanics In Relation To Timespace (648 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2007-10-19 12:48:57 EDT
*elevator music
Is the room getting smaller?
I think it's getting smaller
wow, it's hot in here
how long is this thing going to take?
it's way too hot in here
is this even moving?
I'm sure I pressed the button
Well, I'll not press it now. It'll look foolish.
Wait, nobody else is in here
There's no one to think me foolish by pressing the button
But if I go to press it, and I already have, I'll feel foolish.
I know
I'll gradually get closer to the button, and lean into it
it's brilliant
ohh...
I did push the button
Is this thing moving yet?
I pressed up.
It should be going up
that light should be moving
why isn't that light moving?
Wow, it's hot in here.
Maybe I should loosen my tie.
but if I loosen my tie, and somebody sees me, they'll think I'm unprofessional, or lazy, or that I'm too stupid to properly tie a tie, or that I'm going to kill myself, or that I've got autoerotic tendencies towards asphyxation.
Would it be worth it?
I could be here a while at this rate. Hours, days, weeks.
I could die in here.
They'd find my body, rotting and decaying.
They'd all gather around me and stare.
They'd say "Look at him, just decaying on the job."
But if I loosen my tie, it would save me.
But if I do, they'll all talk about me behind my back.
I hate them all.
Fine.
The elevator doesn't want to move.
Stupid elevator.
Some of us have meetings to get to, you know.
Important meetings, where we defend our jobs from accusations of just playing minesweeper all day because we have no idea what the job title actually means.
Shut up.
Stupid elevator.
I am man!
I invented you, and I command you to move!
...
I hate you.
Mocking me, I see.
Fine, don't move.
I like being trapped in this box.
It's awesome in here.
I'm all alone, and I can do whatever I want.
I could take my pants off if I felt like it.
Not like anyone will see it anyway.
I'm trapped, remember?
Ha!
What now elevator?
It's getting boring in here.
I didn't mean it.
Friends?
Fine!
Fuck you!
I don't need this anyway.
I'll just get out and use the stairs.
I'm still trapped, aren't I?
I'll bet your mother was a toaster.
HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN IN HERE?
Three minutes.
I hate everything so much right now.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-22 10:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
would have been a +2 if it was about an escalator.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-10-22 10:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-21 22:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-20 03:21:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A moving piece.
Get it?
MOVING?
AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i slay myself.
----
Lol.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-20 19:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being stoned is fine and all.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-20 02:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this. I tried too, earlier, but I wasn't stoned, and had trouble with it.
I did, however, just get done watching The Decemberists on Austin City Limits. This, after watching a 1936 movie called "The Devil Doll" with my daughter, followed by two hours of "The Family Guy."
"The Devil Doll" wasn't scary. This was a disappointment, as I had said to my daughter beforehand, "Hey Cutie, wanna watch a scary movie?" She didn't think it was scary either. But she liked "The Family Guy," which she had never seen. She thought Stewie in a shrunken vessel shooting sperm cells was funny. So did I. She looked at me occasionally as we laughed as if to say, "Daddy, I'm not supposed to be watching this, am I?"
Then she went to bed with Mommy, who had been watching some goddamn gardening show, and I watched Austin City Limits. If I remember your camwhore correctly, you look a lot like the lead singer for The Decemberists. This is all I wanted to say.
Your music was pretty good, but I didn't like how you and the other band members acted stoned through the show, because I don't think you were really stoned. Being stoned is fine and all. Like Pavement. But I get annoyed when someone acts stoned, when he's really not. In high school, we got a guy "ripped" on oregano.
Then, when you brought out the Les Paul, I thought you were gonna rock. Poor Steak. Learn to rock.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-20 00:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-19 21:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stoned haiku approved.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-19 16:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-10-19 16:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-19 14:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A moving piece.
Get it?
MOVING?
AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i slay myself.
nice work kid, hit the showers. <pats butt>
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I imagine the electro-mechanics involved every time my life depends on some contraption
whether it does or not
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
glorious
most indubitably captivating
i peed my pants
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. I like the paranoia.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would love a giant steak (medium) right now.
I'll have to settle for this small +2
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bet your mother was a toaster.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best 3 minutes ever.
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-19 13:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A moving piece.
Get it?
MOVING?
AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i slay myself.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My deadline is for monday. I'll have it in.
Till then, try to remember a contest I've EVER said I'd be in and didn't post for it.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1:T, 2:F
...no, that'd be for that other post, the one you're SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING so's you don't DNQ in the Uberliar contest. Mea culpa.
As to this one... Angry Panda always a positive.
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-19 12:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They'd say "Look at him, just decaying on the job."