UberFight: You Pick the Winner (993 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 0.33 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Muddy (View user info) at 2007-10-22 12:04:35 EDT
Ok here's the scenario...
Matt is a tard...big hulking tard with super tard strength (we all know it exists).
Matt goes into the kitchen, carefully following the map his mommy made for him, to get some cookies.
The cookies are all gone and there stands a Silverback Gorilla, cookie crumbs all over his face and a big stupid gorilla smile.
Matt's face turns Tard Red and his blood begins too boil, Matt and the Gorilla are about to get it on...
So who wins the fight between a tard and a gorilla?
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-24 13:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-24 13:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge, and Muddy, I have genuinely liked you guys in the past but now you two ass rangers have gone too far. While you two may have thought it funny to ban Crystle I think this "flex" display of power is just too much. why don't you go back to giving each other rimjobs instead of trying to break a site that is already broken. old users are leaving and new ones don't stay and here you guys go rampantly banning Crystle for what? She didn't even do anything. She could be, quite possibly, the most honest, wholseome user on the site and you shit on her as though she wanted to be part of your cleavland steamer parties. god you guys suck.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-24 13:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is McDonald's and you can suck my McBalls.
Submitted by pillowcase (user info) at 2007-10-24 13:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker Of All Ass, A Title Indeed Worthy Of The Plethora Of Wisdom And Knowledge. You Good Sir, Are An Einstein Ahead Of His Time. May Your Beer Be Blessed With The Touch Of Jesus And Your Stolen 7-11 Junk Foods Enchanted By Budda
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-10-24 12:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've borrowed an alter.
you aren't fun.
-Crystle
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-10-23 11:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually I did, I found it mildly amusing but I gave you a -2 anyway because I'm insecure about the size of my penis and I'm still haunted by nightmares of my mother asking me to "come and dine at the Y".
I ate there. Lousy service but the portions were huge.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-23 10:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rules
wtf do you mean with that ?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-23 11:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I PUT INTO THIS POST....GOOD GAWD ALL I WANTED IS SOME GOOD RATINGS
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-10-23 11:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually I did, I found it mildly amusing but I gave you a -2 anyway because I'm insecure about the size of my penis and I'm still haunted by nightmares of my mother asking me to "come and dine at the Y".
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-23 10:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG STONE YOU RETALIATORY BITCH DID YOU EVEN READ MY POST??!!!???
BART, BAN THIS MOTHERFUCKER BEFORE I DO!
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-10-23 10:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Same same.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2007-10-22 21:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would win in a fight against a gorilla. I may not be able to outthink one any more, but these days I can totally rend a gorilla. Bring me a gorilla and I'll show you. I am walking tardstrength in sandals and a sleeveless t-shirt.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-10-22 18:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Without rules we have a bit more fun.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-22 15:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was Sunday, July 27th, 2008. James Dupont was found dead at the Riverside Docks. It appears he had his feet cemented then he was dumped into the water to die a watery death. But whom killed him and why?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-22 14:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-22 13:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think the problem is you're looking at the smaller picture here. I mean you're looking for the outcome of a fight that wouldn't be ended by either the tard or the gorilla. You see, as soon as Kaos heard there were cookies at Matt's house he'd go running. The fight would have already started, Matt flailing incredi-strength endowed knuckle dragging arms at the gorilla who bares his teeth and waits for the opportune moment to disembowl his new advisary. Suddenly something bigger than the gorilla and matt bursts through the door wielding a pack of smokes and a new drawing pencil which he would then use to decapitate both matt the supertard and the silverback formerly known as mudwhistle thus ending the fight and claiming the rest of the previously mentioned cookies for himself.
_______________________________
Word, bitches... WORD.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-22 14:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
truffle shuffle
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 14:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-22 14:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being a moron with poor social skills, instead of apologizing, my first words were "Well if you didn't, you'd be laughing. People only get offended when something affects them personally. You know my sister has (not telling) and I don't get offended by wheelchair jokes."
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It'd be a tie. And this got a +2 because that review made me laugh for some odd reason. Probably because I can just imagine the horrified look on the person's face. I'm going to use that next time I tell a offensive, inappropriate joke.
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She was pretty pissed at me for about a day. That woman had a love/hate relationship with me. She didn't like things I said when it applied to her or someone she cared about but she laughed her ass or agreed with me off the rest of the time. Which only proves my point. I probably wouldn't have told the joke to begin with if I had known, but once I told it there was no point in backpedaling.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-22 14:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the gorilla is gonna drive hard and unimpeded down the tards Hershey® highway
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-22 14:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being a moron with poor social skills, instead of apologizing, my first words were "Well if you didn't, you'd be laughing. People only get offended when something affects them personally. You know my sister has (not telling) and I don't get offended by wheelchair jokes."
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It'd be a tie. And this got a +2 because that review made me laugh for some odd reason. Probably because I can just imagine the horrified look on the person's face. I'm going to use that next time I tell a offensive, inappropriate joke.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-22 13:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think the problem is you're looking at the smaller picture here. I mean you're looking for the outcome of a fight that wouldn't be ended by either the tard or the gorilla. You see, as soon as Kaos heard there were cookies at Matt's house he'd go running. The fight would have already started, Matt flailing incredi-strength endowed knuckle dragging arms at the gorilla who bares his teeth and waits for the opportune moment to disembowl his new advisary. Suddenly something bigger than the gorilla and matt bursts through the door wielding a pack of smokes and a new drawing pencil which he would then use to decapitate both matt the supertard and the silverback formerly known as mudwhistle thus ending the fight and claiming the rest of the previously mentioned cookies for himself.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-22 13:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Swoon*
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's because you can't deny my charm
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you know.. I "0" scourge - not you....
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're argument that this is not a post on uber has not teeth to it son, this is obviously a post
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't remember where I heard "tard strength", so I Googled it found it in Urban Dictionary,
( http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tard+strength )
but, lo and behold, if the third result on the first page wasn't this little gem!
( http://www.ubersite.com/m/22596 )
Ubersite > The Rest of the Internet
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THIS constitutes a post on Uber these days...
How sad.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
where i be?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What I do?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Matt wins. He bakes cookies- much like the ones he promised to me 7 years ago- and the gorilla- who is diabetic- goes into a sort of euphoric sugar shock.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you know the fucking rules, you helped set them
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for not following the rules
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Matt sounds COOL!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
as long as kaelic's not involved....like we need more outta that drama queen
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. Wheelchair is a terrible disease. I'm raising money through paypal. Would you like to make a donation?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your sister has wheelchair?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once made that joke about the winning the special olympics to a woman at work. Her face scrunched up and she informed me in a very indignant manner that she had a cousin that had *insert some disease that caused mental retardation.*
Being a moron with poor social skills, instead of apologizing, my first words were "Well if you didn't, you'd be laughing. People only get offended when something affects them personally. You know my sister has (not telling) and I don't get offended by wheelchair jokes."
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://stopsayingretard.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/stop_saying_retard.jpg
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I'm going Tard.
Drogo, Tards don't have complex thought enought to let the reality of their situation fall upon them. They fucking just want some stickers and glue to eat.
--
Oh! But people call me a Tard and I cry.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I'm going Tard.
Drogo, Tards don't have complex thought enought to let the reality of their situation fall upon them. They fucking just want some stickers and glue to eat.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:19:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never underestimate Tard Strength
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I pick the Tard. Just so I could see his Happy Drool covered Tard face when he won and got a medal. Then slow realisation dawns that he is still a tard and tears and Tard rage follow.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.movv.com/prvupload/uploads/super_retard_stfu.jpg\
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 11:14:27 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
see...exactly
i'm sure someone can link to some youtube of a tard spazzing out. now imagine if that tard was 6'4" 300lbs...he could do some damage.
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Where's Rain Man when you need him?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but who wins angel
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tards don't like change and if you promise them a prize and they don't receive it, all hell breaks loose.
I think my new volunteer gig at a psychiatric facility might lead to many a wonderful Uber story.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
see...exactly
i'm sure someone can link to some youtube of a tard spazzing out. now imagine if that tard was 6'4" 300lbs...he could do some damage.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok but dude, sloth was a beast of a tard...i be he could hold his own
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But everyone knows tards are good natured and equate furry with friendly. Sloth may have been able to hold his own, but his essential tardness would be his undoing.
Though I suppose if you come between a tard and his cookies or chockomut he might become enraged enough to attack. Hmmm.
This debate is more complicated than its subject matter belies.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
answer the question bob, if that's your real name
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whiskey
Tango
Foxtrot?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*bet
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok but dude, sloth was a beast of a tard...i be he could hold his own
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 12:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 11:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In all seriousness for a moment, a gorilla would rip a tard in half.
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Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-22 11:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry but I can just imagine a large, young retarded man, spotting a gorilla. Big wet retarded hope fills his eyes.
"Guh-rilluuuuhhhh!" he says, and runs toward it, tard arms flailing. All he wants is a hug, but gorillas don't take kindly to large tards with flailing arms and poor pronunciation.
So of course the gorilla picks him up and tears him in half. Perfectly logical to me.