A quick guide to hotel choice, and a Treasure Hunt! (606 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.03 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (View user info) at 2007-10-22 22:19:05 EDT
I haven't been able to make it here to read, rate, review and write here much for the past 2 weeks as I've been temporarily put on the road to fill in for a co-worker who is undergoing chemo-therapy.
As a result, I forsee myself spending the next few weeks living out of hotel rooms across Georgia and South Carolina with little to do in the way of entertainment aside from binge drinking, and masturbating furiously to hotel porn.
I feel the need to provide caution to other, less informed travellers of the road, that hotel porn varies widely, and can be disturbing. Usually if the place is owned by an "A-rab" or asian, you need to be cautious. The chain motels usually don't offer much in the way of pornography, either free or paid, nor do they provide the interesting characters you can't wait to call the cops on (or conduct business with), so you should avoid them.
Who wants security when you could have excitement?
Remember that crackhead named Tyrone who you met at the vending machine earlier? The one who asked you if you could just buy him a pack of crackers and a soda?
At 3:00 am, when there is no-one awake to bother for money, he may decide to break your car window to steal the change from your console!
Imagine the laughs when the noise wakes you up, you look outside and see a ashy, toothless, fifty year old black man standing next to your car, shattered glass at his feet, with a blood soaked hand fiercely grabbing for your spare change!
Then you get to watch as the security arrives to detain the suspect until the real cops arrive, only replace the words "security" with "hotel thug," and "detain" with "beating."
You may not get much sleep, your work performance may suffer, and you may have to spend a few days with a missing window, but by golly, it's just good, wholesome, American entertainment.
In the evenings, and sometimes for lunch, I usually visit local state and city parks for a relaxing walk, and a breath of fresh air. Some of the state parks are excellent, and some of them are just pitiful, and quality usually varies by city and state as far as maintained paths and litter.
I'm beginning a game for all Uber-persons residing in Georgia, or South Carolina to play.
I will be hiding a small, cheap, harmless prize for any players in every park that I visit.
If you live in either state, and would like to play, email your preferred city or state park, and you will be notified once the prize has been delivered, along with a poorly drawn map.
The path to the prize will be "marked" if you look closely where you walk and pay attention to your surroundings.
What could you win?
-A Berlitz Norwegian/English (& Engelsk/Norsk) dictionary (wrapped in a baggie for waterproofing)
-a pint of moonshine
-a small ceramic skull
-a plastic poker chip with the Illuminati symbol on it, which I recieved from a Jamaican crackhead who just walked up and gave it to me completely at random during "those" years: http://www.ubersite.com/m/112206
That one freaked the shit out of me, and hopefully it will freak you out too!
-other things that I'll pick at random
One person, and one person only, could possibly find the grand prize.....
-Tyrone's head!
If you would like to join in the treasure hunt, please email the name and/or address of a nearby park in the states of Georgia or South Carolina to:
shanek07.at.gmail.com
User Reviews
Submitted by LegoSockPuppet (user info) at 2007-11-09 07:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-25 22:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-25 21:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I live in Cumming, but I'm all stocked up on crackhead body parts, so instead of playing your game I'll just wish you luck. Luck.
----------------------------------------------
Thanks, but are you sure? All you have to do is go to a park, and as I recall Cumming wasn't too ghetto either.
Plus, that name always makes me crack up.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-25 21:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I live in Cumming, but I'm all stocked up on crackhead body parts, so instead of playing your game I'll just wish you luck. Luck.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-25 20:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mill Creek Park- Treasure #1-Leroy's Head, planted and ready to go.
Amontidillo, you're request will be next, as I should be visiting some "internet" friends in Atl sometime in the next couple weeks.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-25 18:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Amontillado, don't get to Atlanta often, but will try it next time I'm up.
Schlongy, not sure if I'm going to be in Hilton Head, as my company doesn't do much business on the coast, for reasons related to our product. I was just in Savannah today though, so I might be able to swing it if I ended up there for the night.
CJ- am currently working on a story along those lines, my job would make it SOOOOooooo easy to drop off dead bodies. In fact, my job is perfectly suited for mass murder, as I cover large territories daily, look inconspicuous, and have reasons to be in all these places.
Story coming when it's good and damn well ready.
ga-hola, I'm actually in Statesboro right now, and after dinner I'll be visiting your park of choice to deposit Leroy's head. In a bag.
Brdr-man, Don't think I'll ever make it up that far, though I hope our business expands that far, since it's family owned, and I'll recieve a HUGE inheritance if it gets that big. I'm already sitting pretty for the future, but that would put me on a mult-millionaire scale.
Captain Thorns, geocaching would make it better, but unfortunately my GPS unit is down this week, which makes my job much more difficult than I would prefer.
and FwIwhatever, the only time I get that far north is when I go "home" for christmas, sorry.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-25 03:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great idea, although I think I would camp, in my back-seat if necessary, before staying in one of those aids/crack/ho/nigger/etc infested dumps for more than one night.
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2007-10-23 10:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Grand strand" area North Carolina to Georgetown along the coast
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-23 09:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh and since you're going to be here,
Mill Creek Park
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 09:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We have parks in Bluffton and on Hilton Head Island, SC.
Knock yourself out.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-23 09:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the story
+1 for the game - you should utilize it as geocaching, though - make it more difficult
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-23 08:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's a brilliantly entertaining idea. let me know when you make it to wisconsin.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-23 05:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This sounds remarkably like some dead drop procedures that I, er, read about once.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-22 23:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-22 23:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
THERE'S NO WATER THERE GET THE FUCK OUT NOW
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-22 23:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-22 23:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dear god why would you want to come here?
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-22 23:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think I included the city - Atlanta, GA.