Stirring a little shit: Only 40+ Women Need Apply (1180 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.61 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EbolaMay (View user info) at 2007-10-23 15:27:39 EDT
I don't have much time for Ubersite these days. Being a waiter is fucking demanding. Who knew?
Anyway a friend of mine...a female friend, divorced, mother of three, 42, sent me this. Sadly, I agree. After all, according to the snotnoses on this website, at the ripe old age of 39 I'm an "old man," and "Mr. Rogers," and "washed up."
Also you have to keep in mind my plethora of marriages, girlfriends and fiances. Of all the women I've known intimately in my life, only two stand out as having been worth my time, effort and money.
I doubt they feel the same way.
Anyway. Mr. Andy Rooney, ladies and cocksmiths.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:
"As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game , she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multit ude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.* Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
*is this true?!?!?!
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This makes me curious, now. I wanna bang the old hags on this site. Merlina? Forensic? You guys up for a little hanky-panky? I'll wear my waiter uniform!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
User Reviews
Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2008-05-14 04:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
twat
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-24 15:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-24 08:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't agree more...thought you and experima were seeing each other, though?
================
That was in jest.
==========================
Shenanigans? But...but...I was so happy for you two...
*weeeeeeeeeeeeps*
===========================================================
I meant me hitting on Merlina and Forensic was in jest. Both are involved already. I don't go there. Good way to get shot, stabbed and/or poisoned.
Hmmmm. I think both have commented on my incredibly stunning good looks. I gotta check.
Yep!
Observe:
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Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-01 12:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't get it either but +2 because Pokey Stapler guy is a hottie
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Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-19 02:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn you're cute..
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
They, like so many hapless birds before, cannot resist The Call Of The Waiter.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-24 14:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel like I should be -2ing this...too hung over...
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-10-24 13:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my +2
~Crystle
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-24 11:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-24 08:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, I'm gonna kick yo' cripple ass one day. Betta rekonize.
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I wuv you Hilarity. I wuv you so hard I pulled a muscle.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-10-24 09:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me and my gf are well over 40 ourselves and yes, we can both do different things during a game.
She has her club and I have mine.
She's got her hobbies and I've got mine.
She works daytime and I in rotating shifts and so we're kinda forced to be able to entertain ourselves without the other.
March 2008 I'll marry her!!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-24 09:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-24 05:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I reckon that most people, both of the male and female persuasion, are unsuited to married life. I gather that being married is sort of like being an old timey monk; lots of silence, sitting down and no sex. That sort of lifestyle only suits a small number of people who are able to be quite happy riding a cloud of their own awesome whilst regurlarly, and unconsiously, dipping into the cloud of their spouse.
Most people cannot cope with that though. You can find out if you are one of those people by eating the same meal everyday for 5 years. If you still like it at the end of it and aren't plauged by depression and/or other personality disorders then married life is for you, otherwise just keep going till you get lonely and horrid then suicide yourself.
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Berty's very insightful. I could eat steak every day for the rest of my life, and why go out for burgers when you can have steak at home. This isn't to say I don't still crave the occasional burger, though.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-24 08:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What Merlina said. When Michael was still alive, we talked about getting married but then thought better of it since he'd had a bad marriage and so did I. Why fix it if it isn't broke? But if there was one person who I'd marry, it would have been him.
The current man is right now struggling to come to grips with my commited relationship phobia.
He wants us to find a house together and be all domestic. When he brought it up, I turned terribly pale and almost fainted.
<shudder>
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-24 08:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lets face it, you will probably change your mind next week.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-24 08:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, I'm gonna kick yo' cripple ass one day. Betta rekonize.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-24 08:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:09:18 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't agree more...thought you and experima were seeing each other, though?
================
That was in jest.
==========================
Shenanigans? But...but...I was so happy for you two...
*weeeeeeeeeeeeps*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-24 08:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-24 07:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I call you Mr. Rogers b/c of the sweater.
I do most of those things now. Especially calling out on asshole behavior and getting mad at stupid shit.
--------------
You're young enough to be Ebola's daughter, pretty lady. You're just confrontational and organised. S'got nothin' t' do with with being mature, it's just got to do with coming from a big family.
Like, Ebola is real old right? Back in olden times people had lots of brothers and sisters and stuff, like what they have in the ghetto 'cause everyone is poor and they have lots of babies in case some die and also 'cause they're poor all they've got to do is fuck to pass the time.
Not that I'm saying your family is poor Hilarity. I'm not one to judge. Your parents just probably have lots of sleep sex on account of flying all over the world as highly paid super executives and too frazzled with jetlag to remember to wear a rubber before bedtime. Or something.
Anyway, big families mean you've got a lot of confrontation around you growing up and you were probably the eldest so you had to look after the little ones, hence you gettin' all organised and shit.
So anyways, that is why I think most older ladies have those characteristics rather than young ones. I guess you could just date the offspring of poor, ghetto families or families like H_E's that are made up of absent minded, international executives.
Still, I guess I don't really know nothin' 'cause as Bubba says; I ain't gots me no fancy education.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-24 07:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I call you Mr. Rogers b/c of the sweater.
I do most of those things now. Especially calling out on asshole behavior and getting mad at stupid shit.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-24 05:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I reckon that most people, both of the male and female persuasion, are unsuited to married life. I gather that being married is sort of like being an old timey monk; lots of silence, sitting down and no sex. That sort of lifestyle only suits a small number of people who are able to be quite happy riding a cloud of their own awesome whilst regurlarly, and unconsiously, dipping into the cloud of their spouse.
Most people cannot cope with that though. You can find out if you are one of those people by eating the same meal everyday for 5 years. If you still like it at the end of it and aren't plauged by depression and/or other personality disorders then married life is for you, otherwise just keep going till you get lonely and horrid then suicide yourself.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-24 04:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You too, rorrim. :)
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-24 04:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-24 04:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Early bird. Have a nice day.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-24 04:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-24 03:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-24 03:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not particularly women over 40.
It's ones who are confident - the reason 40+ mentioned is that is CAN take that long to be your confident self. There are some women out there who are like this from a younger age.
As for how I feel about marriage... its just not necessary. Why try to fix what isn't broken. The Bloke and I are independant and respectful of each other. Its like living with your best friend only you get down and dirty in the hallway.
And neither of us have the right to nag each other. We are not the same person.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-24 03:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 19:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Opinions vary.
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Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-10-23 18:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
director is the most awesome of............awesome.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-24 03:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game , she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
~~~~~~~~
That is so, so true.
And I'm not 40 for another two and a half years.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-24 02:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-23 20:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Marriage is a crock, freedom is where it's at.
^^^^^^
never end a sentence with a preposition
i'm surprised bubba the grammar nazi missed this one
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-24 00:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Boring.
Submitted by pillowcase (user info) at 2007-10-23 22:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You post on here, you've got nothing at all to say.
You think your cool, but we all know your ghey.
You don't spell check
You don't proof read.
You post your crap up here for the world to see...
But theirs nothing we can do.
cept give you a -2!
cept give you a -2!
Don't take it personally,
but -2 die
Don't get all teary,
your post makes baby jebus cry
But theirs nothing we can do......
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
Your post screams out "help me"
I'm not that bright
I'm sure you're smarter then this
but capitlize your "I"'s
But theirs nothing we can do.....
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
Fetish says "har har peener"
Mickginny says "kill yourself"
Bart leaves a no comment
hm hm hm hm rhymes with "peener"
But theirs nothing we can do......
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
Post something Funny,
Not plagerized
If you Cut and paste e-mails
God kills a baby bunny.
But theirs nothing we can do......
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
Don't you dare post poo,
like you just did
Wait till you have something to say,
to earn a +2.
But theirs nothing we can do......
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
cept give you -2!!!!!!!!!
CEPT GIVE YOU A -2!!!!!!
CEPT GIVE YOU A -2!!!!!!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-23 21:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-23 20:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We're not 40+.
Marriage is a crock, freedom is where it's at.
--------------
:(
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-23 21:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Andy Rooney didn't even write that shit, genius.
"I wanna bang the old hags on this site. Merlina? Forensic?"
Are you flirting? What a charmer you must be.
Not that I care.
Johnny Wadd in his prime couldn't birddog those harridans with a blindfold and a fistful of Viagra.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-23 21:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wholeheartedly agree.
While I still, on occasion, muster up enough energy to bang some hot-assed 20-year old broad, just to prove that "Shlongy still has it", 40-something women - particularly those who have kept themselves in great shape - are the greatest.
Shlongy loves 'em.
And God knows that they love Shlongy.
****
Is that what they told you? Pity. . .
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-23 20:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We're not 40+.
Marriage is a crock, freedom is where it's at.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 19:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Opinions vary.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-10-23 18:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
director is the most awesome of............awesome.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 18:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 18:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah...In my golf mansion, I have two pieces of art;
"Dogs Playing Poker" and
"Elvis" in day-glo colors.
Right next to my still and confederate flag, you fucking idiot.
================
Touche. After all, I'm the goddamned divorced, alcoholic waiter who's done jail time.
<commits suicide>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 18:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah...In my golf mansion, I have two pieces of art;
"Dogs Playing Poker" and
"Elvis" in day-glo colors.
Right next to my still and confederate flag, you fucking idiot.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-23 18:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"It ain't cheatin' if you don't get caught" - Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Or, maybe it was someone else. He probably has said it at least once.
Or, "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'."
That's another great motto to live by.
-----
"If you get caught cheating, you weren't trying hard enough."
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 18:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"It ain't cheatin' if you don't get caught" - Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Or, maybe it was someone else. He probably has said it at least once.
Or, "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'."
That's another great motto to live by.
========================================================================
I'll be dipped in dogshit. I never took you for jew-boy white trash before.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. I'm NOT CHUBBY.
I'm MAYBE 5 pounds overweight andf yes, it is around the mid-section but I'm working on it, goddammit.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto Benjamin Franklin +2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"It ain't cheatin' if you don't get caught" - Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Or, maybe it was someone else. He probably has said it at least once.
Or, "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'."
That's another great motto to live by.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't honestly believe you cheat on Mrs. Shlongy.
The fact that a short, bald, chubby jew who posts pictures of his ass and himself on the shitter even HAS a Mrs. Shlongy that puts up with it is astounding.
You cheating on her would be a monumentally bad desicion.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't wait until I try this one again - 49-year old professional card player.
THAT gets you laid.
It's coming up soon.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Being a 39 year old waiter isn't so bad.
I was a 26 year old director of marketing and all it got me was divorce, an ulcer and a drinking problem.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, otherwise they'd be throwing themselves at a 39 year old waiter.
BUHAGHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahah
YEAH...THAT'S IT!
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ouch!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, otherwise they'd be throwing themselves at a 39 year old waiter.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't agree more...thought you and experima were seeing each other, though?
================
That was in jest. Merlina and Forensic both have steadies. I am not the kind of guy who would ever...EVER...break up a solid relationship.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-10-23 17:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I am to old even for you : (
But the last qoute was the best.
little sausage.... (giggle giggle)
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just as i thought...everything can be traced back to Ben Franklin!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't agree more...thought you and experima were seeing each other, though?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wholeheartedly agree.
While I still, on occasion, muster up enough energy to bang some hot-assed 20-year old broad, just to prove that "Shlongy still has it", 40-something women - particularly those who have kept themselves in great shape - are the greatest.
Shlongy loves 'em.
And God knows that they love Shlongy.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about PioneerBill
User id: 28951
Registered on or around: 2006-10-12 14:07:21 EDT
# Messages posted: 24
# Reviews written: 62
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 401
# Hits: 13960
Average rating of all messages: -0.48
====================================================================
STFU.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just passing her rating on.
Submitted by PioneerBill (user info) at 2007-10-23 16:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FALSE!
Please do an Urban legends check before posting drivel
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn_Nkd = Crystal?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage."
That's because quite a few of them have already fucked-the-shit out of some poor sap and ended up with at least half of his worth.
Why double-dip and possibly screw up the revenue stream?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
from the user formerly known as Crystle who has been banned by the ever crotchety and grumpy scourge and mudwhistle: "*weeeeeps* not old enough yet...."
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm well over 40, but MLW hasn't hit that mile marker yet. Nevertheless, she does what she wants and conveniently that meshes nicely with my doing what I want (most of the time). And that, my Uberfriends, is why we've been happily married for better'n 16 years.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-23 15:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 29, and I act like this a lot of the time.