SPT: Where has all the cotton gone & a brief note about Rob Halford (1095 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I believe in Don Henley's afro (View user info) at 2007-10-25 11:39:57 EDT
Where has the missing 1%, sometimes 2%, gone?
I've Googled it yet have not been able to find a satisfactory answer to my query.
I'm speaking of course about jeans.
My favorite pair of jeans finally bit the dust, God rest her soul. She passed away at the ripe old age of 3 years. She was moderately low cut, sitting demurely an inch below the navel. She bore no unsightly holes, although she was fashionably faded here and there. She was perfectly boot-cut with just a hint of a flare, as you would naturally expect from a quality pair of jeans. She loved to go out with her best friend, a pair of high heeled boots, who incidentally is greatly mourning her passing. Finally, she was 100% cotton. Her bloodline was pure.
Because I wasn't ready to let her go, I returned to the department store where I found her 3 years ago hoping to find some more of her kin to adopt. Upon arriving at the store, I was greatly unnerved to find out that her entire family has been wiped out. Who could have imagined such genocide on innocent pairs of jeans?
"I don't think they make that style anymore." The saleswoman said to me.
I looked at some of her very distant 3rd cousins in the same brand and noticed with dismay that all were blended with 1 to 2% Lycra. Not wanting to admit my shameful bigotry, I selected a few pairs that bore a passing resemblance to the deceased, and went to try them on. As I stood in front of the three-sided dressing room mirror, I decided that I was not pleased at all with the predicament at hand.
Yes, they fit. What's more, they fit me like she did. But they weren't pure. Tainted they were with this....this....degenerate material Lycra.
I don't like Lycra. It's a lazy material. Instead of standing its ground and holding fast, it bends, stretches, and gives. It has no character. Yet here it is, blended with just about every pair of jeans I see. When I bought my favorite pair 3 years ago, you could still find jeans that were 100% cotton with relative ease. Now it's like searching for buried treasure without a map.
Pish.
"Those not work out for you?" The saleswoman impertinently asked me as I handed her two pairs of rejected hopefuls. I inquired as to where might the 100% cotton jeans be located. She looked at me smugly and eye-gestured out into the store. "I don't think any of these jeans are 100% cotton. Sorry."
I have other pairs of jeans that are of the pure race, but I will continue to fight the good fight and look for the siblings of my dear departed favorite jeans.
Pantyhose, of course, are the exception to the Lycra rule. Even so, pantyhose are a pain in the ass because apparently the only women who wear pantyhose are in need of extra, heavy duty, military strength support. There is no Earthly reason why it should be so difficult to find non-control top pantyhose. I don't especially enjoy wearing pantyhose so when I do, I should at least be able to wear some that are less objectionable than the sausage casings being sold now. I finally found a pair. I intend to be extraordinarily careful with them.
Cheating. That's a good sum up of Lycra.
Stretch
Snap
Boing
-----
An acquaintance of mine (we'll call him John) has a homophobia problem. So pronounced is it that if he finds out a man he admires is gay, his opinion does a complete 180 instantly. For example, take the case of Rob Halford from Judas Priest.
John thought Rob Halford was one mean motor scooter and he loved Judas Priest. He had all their CDs. In the late 90s when Rob came out of the closet, John didn't believe it at first.
"Rob a fag?! No way! Fuckin' fags will say anyone is gay. Ugh."
It took watching an interview on MTV and hearing Rob himself confirm it.
You would have thought someone just told John that he had 2 months left to live. Very soon after, John asked me if I liked Judas Priest. Of course, I told him, I love old school metal. John handed me a plastic bag, inside it were Judas Priest CDs. I couldn't believe it.
"John, why are you giving me your CDs?"
"Damn fags." was all he offered in way of an explanation.
"Are you serious? A few weeks ago, you thought Halford was one of the baddest badasses out there, and now he's just a fag?" John didn't really say anything in response; he just wore a look of disgusted dismay on his face.
I thanked John for the CDs and assured him that although Mr. Halford has officially come out of the closet, I'm fairly certain he could still kick everyone's ass, and then ride off into the night on a Vincent Black Shadow.
You gotta another thing cumming
Indeed.
User Reviews
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-12-26 20:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now see, I like lycra in my jeans...because I buy them a size smaller than what I normally wear, and they usually look better than regular, real jeans. They might be a little uncomfortable at first, but it gets better.
As far as this comment goes...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck lycra jeans indeed!
I HATE buying jeans. NY & Co used to have a whole wall of them- and a couple of years ago, after going a while having not bought new jeans, I was elated to find that I liked their style and fit (at 5'0, it's not always easy to find the right ones I don't have to cut) and immediately declared it my new jeans mecca. S last season I go back..and there are no jeans! They had about 2 styles, both hideous, stuck on some shelf liek they were an accessory. Where was my wall of jeans?!
I can only find them on eBay. If they've brought their jeans back, someone let me know. kthx.
----------------
Try Gap jeans in the ankle length. I'm also 5'0" and they're almost always perfect. They do have lycra in them but try them in a size smaller than what you usually buy.
-----------------------------------------
Gap Long and Lean! They have the regular non lycra kind. I'm 5'9" but have really short legs for my height and the regular are perfect, and I know they have a BAJILLION different size combinations on thier website if you like the fit in the store.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-09 18:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wanna split a room? You're sane ;-)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-09 14:46:37 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Crystle!
If you read this, what do you think?
And it would be totally awesome to have a Con in New Orleans!
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-11-09 05:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. I think I am slightly in love with you.
-------------
dude, get in line!
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. I think I am slightly in love with you.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-11-07 07:26:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Vincents are now made in India.
not the best bike, id take a new triumph over it anyday.
now a ducati....that's something else altogether, but who can afford them?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-10-27 16:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
racist
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-26 12:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Motley crue was the reason nobody thought halford was gay.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-26 09:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. I guess you can just send me pictures of you in your panties, then.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-26 09:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sworn to avenge....
condemed to Hell....
tempt not the blade, all fear the..
Sentinel...
yeah, he's a homo but he rocks!
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-10-26 06:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-10-25 22:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aren't jeans made out of denim?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-25 21:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BREAKIN THE LAW
BREAKIN THE LAW
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-25 17:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally, she was 100% cotton. Her bloodline was pure.
---
Is 'the bloodline' the stitching that runs along the underpant area of the jeans' crotch? Y'know, to provide support and an added barrier between your box and bleeding out all over the place? I only buy mens jeans so I don't know what sort of fancy menstrual modifications Industry has provided for you she-peoples. I would imagine that having a 100% cotton 'bloodline' would result in better absorbancy.
Who knew jeans were so complicated?
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-10-25 16:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:31:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was huge JP fan too. Their guitar sounds were awesome. I was a bit disappointed to find out that all the sexual imagery in their songs was really directed toward other men dressed like them, but I had still formed a mental image of what I thought the songs described (this was pre-MTV so the listeners could still make these decisions for themselves). I still have all my JP CDs. Rock hard, ride free!
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Halford
http://www.nndb.com/people/110/000031017/
Scruggs
http://www.nndb.com/people/174/000099874/
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the kid who knows everything knew that
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you know we're having server problems, which allows me to fuck around on Uber?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now see, I like lycra in my jeans...because I buy them a size smaller than what I normally wear, and they usually look better than regular, real jeans. They might be a little uncomfortable at first, but it gets better.
As far as this comment goes...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck lycra jeans indeed!
I HATE buying jeans. NY & Co used to have a whole wall of them- and a couple of years ago, after going a while having not bought new jeans, I was elated to find that I liked their style and fit (at 5'0, it's not always easy to find the right ones I don't have to cut) and immediately declared it my new jeans mecca. S last season I go back..and there are no jeans! They had about 2 styles, both hideous, stuck on some shelf liek they were an accessory. Where was my wall of jeans?!
I can only find them on eBay. If they've brought their jeans back, someone let me know. kthx.
----------------
Try Gap jeans in the ankle length. I'm also 5'0" and they're almost always perfect. They do have lycra in them but try them in a size smaller than what you usually buy.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so do i, fishface
so do i
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-25 14:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know that Green Manalishi is a cover of a Fleetwood Mac tune? Back in the Peter Green days, when they were good. I know all sorts of things.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 fascist Communist Revolutionaries
...
Whatever that means. I'm feeling weird today.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your friend really should have known Halford was gay long before he came out of the closet. I mean, come on, the guy was/is a total leather fag. Even one of the guys in "Heavy Metal Parking Lot" called it, and that was back in the 80's.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, it's usually the loudest homophobes that are themselves in the closet.
~Brdn_Nkd
==========
or the tall blonde haired guys with earrings
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, it's usually the loudest homophobes that are themselves in the closet.
~Brdn_Nkd
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only have one pair of jeans
I don't like them. They're the lycra blend. But they were cheap, and I'm rufusing to buy a pair of jeans I don't like that aren't flattering and pay up the wazoo for them.
So what I'm seeing in the reviews is that NewYork&CO has good jeans?
I tried on some of thier slacks a few years ago and hated them, but I suppose the jeans would be a diff. story.
FG - I'm afraid I have to tell you I'm dissapointed by your choice of pictures. It's been done, babe...
~Crystle
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a pair of jeans with Lycra and they piss me off, because after I've had them on for an hour they get all baggy and gross. My fat ass needs good strong 100% cotton denim to hold it in place.
As far as your anti-gay friend goes - anyone with that much hostility toward gays has some feelings of same-sex attaction they aren't comfortable with. Which really must suck for him.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-25 13:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Speaking of unsightly holes...
hahahahahahaha just joshin' ya FG. I do love you so.
And I do love jeans so. Damn this dress code at work.
- CT
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I usually wear Levi's, but you're right about the whole Lycra issue. Try going to Express. They have sales and it's good strong denim. Ya know, real denim.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jsut priest
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
theres something i object to inherently about you as a human being. i jsut dont know what it is, jsut yet.
but ill figure it out, and when i do - boy, are you in for... something or other. yeah.
ps. you have the hands of a malnourished man.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
scruggs modelled for edward scissorhands.. the result was the shrub in that picture
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scruggs sews sundresses at bakes cookies over at Henley's.
Pass it on.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck don henley!!!!!!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've given up on jeans in the traditional sense.
PS you're friend is a fag. So deep in the closet he's finding Christmas gifts.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's the afro, you see.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh BTW
My friends daughter was Henleys nanny. SHe informed me that he's a dickhead.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
King Cotton Rocks the Hudson
well ranted
I always love hearing about the frustrations of a prejudiced person.
I had a friend from WVA that hated "niggers". We roomed together in LA.
I'll never forget the mixed expression of hate/guilt/consternation when I hired a black stripper for one of our keg parties.....priceless
Needless to say he soon parted with a fistful of singles when his lapdance commenced.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't like any of my jeans. Most of the aren't "really" jean material. They might look like jeans, but it's just a lie.
The ones I'm wearing now are 97% cotton, 3% spandex.
The horror.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My favorite pair of jeans (Levi 512s) got ripped to hell in a football game a month ago. I went to Bob's and replaced them with an identical pair. Oh, the horror and hell of it all...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-25 12:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i forget what i was going to say here because my cell phone, desk phone and gmail chat alert thing all went off at once and by the time i was done juggling them all it was gone forever.
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lycra is a whore of a material, cotton rocks - i like mine freshly picked by someone darker than me.
and really, who didn't pick Halford as a fag - I mean, you've seen him right?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you notice nowadays every commercial has at least one over weight person in them, mostly males because they are trying to make it seem like its ok to get obese because as your body and its functions start to diminish you'll become enslaved to the real mongers...the pharmaceutical industry.
I'm not saying its not ok to be 'healthy' or 'pleasantly plump' (as Berty calls his women) but I am saying that obesity is a problem and everything on TV is talking out of both sides of its mouth.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My favourite jeans passed away about a month ago.
I'm still mourning and cannot get her replaced.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you really want to take this deeper you could get into the fact that although fashion pushes women to be skinny little tarts the media makes it seem ok to be fat blobs and thus this venture by the fashion world into expandable materials is fashion giving into the Fat Revolution.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously, what's with all the Lycra?
Is it cheaper to make jeans by blending them with it? It seems it would be more expensive to do it that way.
I wear Levis. Thing is, it's getting hard to find a good plain pair of 100% Levis (at least for women). They're starting to get stretchy too.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great use of teh boldz
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone here have Sirius Satellite Radio....listen to Raw Dog Comedy...specifically Brueur's Show?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck lycra jeans indeed!
I HATE buying jeans. NY & Co used to have a whole wall of them- and a couple of years ago, after going a while having not bought new jeans, I was elated to find that I liked their style and fit (at 5'0, it's not always easy to find the right ones I don't have to cut) and immediately declared it my new jeans mecca. S last season I go back..and there are no jeans! They had about 2 styles, both hideous, stuck on some shelf liek they were an accessory. Where was my wall of jeans?!
I can only find them on eBay. If they've brought their jeans back, someone let me know. kthx.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not sure Halford could kick anyone's ass, but I'm really surprised that folks at one time actually thought he was straight.
+2 I now have Diamonds and Rust in my head, and that's a good thing. byw, it's a cover of a Baez song, which you probably knew already.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Levi Strauss still makes cotton jeans.
Halford is a god, dickeater or not.
i refuse to believe your jeans lasted only 3 years, you seem to be one that would not be hard on them.
Get the new style low cuts, their called Clithuggers.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-10-25 16:41:52 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont really care about cotton and all that girl stuff, but +2 for the PRIEST!!
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-10-25 11:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont really care about cotton and all that girl stuff, but +2 for the PRIEST!!