Glenn Beck Is Better Than Lou Dobbs In Every Conceivable Way (606 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 0.19 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by D-Prime Can Touch MC Hammer (View user info) at 2007-10-26 20:44:36 EDT
When it comes to right-wing pundits, it can be confusing trying to find the best. So many fat white guys waving their arms and being loud obnoxious douches, each so appealing, it can be very difficult to choose . Of course, at least they're better than all those left-wing pundits... oh wait, we call those news anchors. Fortunately, now that Rush Limbaugh is too busy popping pills to make shows anymore, and O'Reilly is officially sucking Stephen Colbert's cock, the list is pretty much narrowed down to Lou Dobbs and Glenn Beck. Okay, Lou Dobbs isn't really right-wing so much as a jackass, but he's still pretty easy to group in with right-wing pundits. Anyway, I'm going to make choosing the best right-wing pundit to watch/listen to from the remaining candidates real easy by giving this objective step-by-step analysis proving in fact that Glenn Beck is better than Lou Dobbs in every way. Every way conceivable.
Political Ideology
Lou: Ignorant social conservative fascist.
Glenn: Enlightened economic conservative capitalist.
Getting Worked Up
Lou: Gets overly worked-up and pissed off about one issue, immigration.
Glenn: Gets overly worked-up and pissed off about absolutely everything.
Al Gore
Glenn: Thinks Al Gore is a big dishonest fucker.
Lou: Has expressed no opinion on Al Gore.
Kind of Arrogance
Lou: Grumpy and pretentious like an arrogant old man.
Glenn: Sarcastic and pretentious like an arrogant teenager.
Catch-Phrase
Lou: Spews one stupid catch-phrase, "broken borders."
Glenn: Spews a bunch of awesome catch-phrases, like "Enh... not so much," and "Here's what I know!"
Satrist
Glenn: Gets made fun of by Internet celebrity Maddox.
Lou: Gets made fun of by Internet nobody dprime.
Mexican-Hating
Lou: Hates Mexicans on a show that's allegedly about the economy.
Glenn: Hates Mexicans on a show about whatever.
War Paranoia
Lou: Thinks there's a war on the middle class.
Glenn: Thinks there's a war against Glenn Beck and Glenn Beck fans.
Name Sharing
Lou: Name also means "toilet."
Glenn: Same name as kid in my Grade Three class.
Journalist?
Glenn: Has said explicitly is show is him ranting, not journalism.
Lou: Pretends like he's a journalist.
Lover(s)
Glenn: As a mormon, probably has fifty-seven wives.
Lou: Probably has a fat thirteen year-old boy as a gay lover.
Clothing Line
Glenn: Sells t-shirts on his website calling Michael Moore fat and calling himself Satan's mentally retarded little brother (seriously).
Lou: Has no hilarious t-shirts.
Place on Alphabetical List of Names
Glenn: Would be higher on an alphabetical list of names.
Lou: Would be lower on an alphabetical list of names.
TV Station
Lou: On CNN, the most trusted name in news.
Glenn: Oh CNN Headline News, the most trusted in name in headline news, and in insane radical pundits not mainstream enough to be on the real CNN.
Opinion of this Post
Lou: Would not give this a +2.
Glenn: Would give this a +2.
Yep, it's a shutout. Glenn Beck beats Lou Dobbs. This objective analysis proves it; these are the same criteria used to choose the winner of the Nobel prize for Chemistry.
User Reviews
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-10-29 08:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes I'd like to care about something like this so that I could provide a witty response but these guys all tend to be blowhard assclowns and so I cannot be fucked to care.
~Brdn_Nkd
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-27 20:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just hit 200 000!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-27 20:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The many hilarious responces I got to this post is why I still love Ubersite.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-27 09:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-27 09:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-27 03:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i like ann coulter.
Oh, this post was horrible.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2007-10-27 01:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not an ultra conservative quasi-fascist like Glenn Beck, but he makes me laugh.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-10-27 01:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know if Dobbs is a true conservative just because of his stance on immigration...
Beck really pisses me off though.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2007-10-26 23:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh no, I read it. That's all I felt like commenting on though.
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-10-26 22:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 17:53:10 PDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It irritated me immensely that you changed the order of their names.
--------------
However, I once saw some guy playing battlefield 1942 with the name "Lou Dobbs Moneyline" and it made me laugh picturing fatass Lou Dobbs running around blasting fools with a tommy gun. This reminded me of that, and therefore saved you from a negative rating.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 22:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes sir!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 22:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lou dobbs is a shithead, glenn beck is a shithead, your an even bigger shithead, all of the fuckers on here are shitheads too, im surrounded by shitheads.
**********
Prime,don't bother correcting the grammar of morons. Respek qualifies. . .
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 22:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you mean "you're"?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 22:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Touche.
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lou dobbs is a shithead, glenn beck is a shithead, your an even bigger shithead, all of the fuckers on here are shitheads too, im surrounded by shitheads.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not quite Bubba. It's Home and Garden Television. But the principle is the same as what you said.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lungfish's Wife: Is currently watching HGTV.
Lungfish: Is also bored, but trying to figure out a way to strangle his wife and discreetly dispose of the body because he fucking hates HGTV. No, he doesn't have to watch it, but he has to hear it, unless he puts on his headphones, which would be rude because his wonderful daughter comes in his office every five minutes to talk to him, which is okay because lungfish loves his lovely daughter even though she is kind of watching HGTV too but it will be okay because lungfish has
**********
OK, I'll ask: WTF is HGTV? Does that mean Hydroponic Gardening Tri-Sexual Vixens??
:)
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tom read the second sentence at least.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"When it comes to right-wing pundits, it can be confusing trying to find the best."
Assuming any of them are good to begin with...
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lungfish, I think that all of us, Bubba, Sun, Myself, and all the rest, can agree that we're all pretty much trying to say the same thing as you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-27 02:13:46 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you lose the middle class, you lose the representative democracy
********
When you lose ALL class, you have a Wildman....
C'mon, you bored-as-hell fucks. Do you have anything else to do tonight? No?
Well then, let's give Prime some HEAT!! It's his turn. . .
=========
Why? Seriously. 3 good reasons and I might join in.
*********
Three reasons?
1) Because I asked politely.
2) Like I said, it's about time Prime got some heat.
3) At this time of night we are not hindered by dipshits like Shlongy
or morons like The Uniter.
4) Should either of the above assholes show up, we can gang up on them.
5) This constitutes more than three reasons.
6) AGAIN:::: What the fuck else is on your agenda tonight??
7) :)
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lungfish's Wife: Is currently watching HGTV.
Lungfish: Is also bored, but trying to figure out a way to strangle his wife and discreetly dispose of the body because he fucking hates HGTV. No, he doesn't have to watch it, but he has to hear it, unless he puts on his headphones, which would be rude because his wonderful daughter comes in his office every five minutes to talk to him, which is okay because lungfish loves his lovely daughter even though she is kind of watching HGTV too but it will be okay because lungfish has just decided to go buy some beer and put on his headphones.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"D-Prime Can Touch MC Hammer"
-------
And does.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-27 02:13:46 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you lose the middle class, you lose the representative democracy
********
When you lose ALL class, you have a Wildman....
C'mon, you bored-as-hell fucks. Do you have anything else to do tonight? No?
Well then, let's give Prime some HEAT!! It's his turn. . .
=========
Why? Seriously. 3 good reasons and I might join in.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you lose the middle class, you lose the representative democracy
********
When you lose ALL class, you have a Wildman....
C'mon, you bored-as-hell fucks. Do you have anything else to do tonight? No?
Well then, let's give Prime some HEAT!! It's his turn. . .
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you lose the middle class, you lose the representative democracy
.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-27 02:03:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, if there's one thing I hate, it's a sticky format. Gotta agree with you, Sun, there ain't much
happenin'here tonight. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
==========
*Weeps eMisery tears*
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-27 01:58:13 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It irritated me immensely that you changed the order of their names. Plus, I don't give a fuck.
*******
Variety typically pisses off the pedantic, the anal, and the obsessive.
Thanks for playing.
=============
Oh fuck off. It's not a question of variety, it's just about sticking to a format.
d_prime, frankly, I don't give a fuck about you, your posts or anything, but nothing else is going on here tonight and I'm bored shitless.
**************
Man, if there's one thing I hate, it's a sticky format. Gotta agree with you, Sun, there ain't much
happenin'here tonight. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 21:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-27 01:58:13 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It irritated me immensely that you changed the order of their names. Plus, I don't give a fuck.
*******
Variety typically pisses off the pedantic, the anal, and the obsessive.
Thanks for playing.
=============
Oh fuck off. It's not a question of variety, it's just about sticking to a format.
d_prime, frankly, I don't give a fuck about you, your posts or anything, but nothing else is going on here tonight and I'm bored shitless.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It irritated me immensely that you changed the order of their names. Plus, I don't give a fuck.
*******
Variety typically pisses off the pedantic, the anal, and the obsessive.
Thanks for playing.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know she is Bubba. She's kinky like that.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry. What subject matter would you be more interested in? I need to know so that I can make my next post about it.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm gay?
Damn, your mom is going to be disappointed.
OH SNAP
*****
Prime, my momma recently turned 87, and I'd bet money she could STILL
whup yer ass. :)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It irritated me immensely that you changed the order of their names. Plus, I don't give a fuck.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm gay?
Damn, your mom is going to be disappointed.
OH SNAP
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. If you touch M.C. Hammer, you know what that means. . .
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So many fat white guys waving their arms and being loud obnoxious douches, each so appealing, it can be very difficult to choose."
*****
A perfect description of Uber. . .
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a sick twisted freak.