UberLiar Entry Round Deuce (433 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.44 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Paralyzed By Hope (View user info) at 2007-10-29 11:12:04 EDT
Which one is false. Which one is true.
Story 1: Bombs Away
Freshmen year of college, I shared a suite with two other girls. We were supposed to have another roommate, but she never came to school. The suite consisted of three rooms linked together by doors, the main door leading out into the hallway was in the middle room, while the room near the back had a private door. A private bath - which we all shared - was accessible only through the room nearest the front of the building: my room, whose only exit was walking through the middle room. My roommate "Jersey" and I got along relatively well, but our other roommate "New York" proved difficult, practically unbearable to live with. She made horrible smelling shrimp ramen-noodle type meals on the hotplate in her room, kept eggs that rotted and fermented in her refrigerator, and read the bible (out loud) each night before she went to bed.
My boyfriend at that time was slightly of the extroverted variety. He liked making noises loud enough for the people in the main lounge, directly below by room, to hear. He especially like to embarrass New York with loud moans, regardless if we were in the process of any sexual activity. Many times I'd be sitting at my desk as he was sprawled across my bed and he'd start groaning, "Yes, oh yes...(fill in cliché sounding sex sounds)." Usually, I'd just throw a book or a small object laying on the desk at him. He'd duck and let it hit the wall and fall to the floor, yelling, "Yeah, I like it rough." As the semester progressed, New York was able to learn which noises meant do not enter and which ones meant your roommate's boyfriend is a jackass. However, she never mastered the art of knocking before entering. She would call out a warning as she opened my door before walking towards our shared private bathroom - something that annoyed me to all ends since the communal bathroom was honestly about five feet down the hall.
One night, as I was giving him a blowjob, my boyfriend started moaning, grabbing me, and hissing through his teeth. My bed was situated next to the door to my room and we were sprawled across it, butt ass naked. I was really getting into it and my boyfriend was grunting and breathing hard. As he was about to climax, he pulled me away, up towards him (always the gentleman). I had the momentary thought that he should have a tissue or towel in his hand when the door suddenly opened. It happened so fast. My boyfriend leaned back to the bed, spent and smiling. New York stood in my open door with a horrified expression on her face. A glob of white streaked down her dark bangs and onto her cheek. I covered my mouth to keep from laughing. We were all too stunned to say anything.
Story 2: Oral Exam
In my sophomore year of college, I lived in a closet-sized room on the highest floor of my dorm. It had a line of windows running from one end of the wall to the other - the whole four feet - which looked out over a small platform on the roof. The windows to another room sat perpendicular to mine. Half the semester had gone by before I hung out with my neighbor. A muscularly toned girl with short cropped hair and a noticeably lesbian fashion sense. I had avoided any real contact with her since freshmen year after she made it obvious that she was interested. I figured that having seen the constant appearance of my boyfriend in the hallways and the bathroom, not to mention his fervor for loud sex, she had no doubt about my sexual preference.
One afternoon, when I had no classes or work, we ran into each other in the hallway. Both of us were slightly bored and she invited me to her room - to smoke. Knowing it's rude to turn down such a generous offer, I agreed and followed her back to her room. I walked around as she dug up some weed and beers. Her bed was positioned directly below her window. The head of the bed turned - not to look out over the dorm roof - but so it had a clear view into my own room. It was then I realized that the view of my room, most particularly, my bed was quite clear. I chuckled as she handed me a beer and mentioned she could probably see my room all the time since I never remember to close my shades
She nodded and smiled. I shrugged my shoulders and laughed and commented that there was plenty going on in there to entertain.
She stopped for a second and smiled again, then sat down on her bed, saying there was with the exception of a couple things.
She told me how she had noticed I was unenthusiastic when my boyfriend went down on me. I was taken back, slightly revolted at the invasion of privacy and the knowledge she'd seen - well - me naked, but she was actually right. As good as my boyfriend was with everything else, his oral skills were horrible. It was if he were a thirsty dog and I was his water dish. I slumped down on the bed and took a swig of beer, depressively moaning, "You're right. He's terrible."
She moved closer and put a hand on my leg, saying guys sometimes have a problem with it. I nodded. Then she leaned her face closer and told me that she'd be more than happy to show me how it was supposed to be done. That my boyfriend could watch her and try to learn from her. That only a woman has the power and knowledge to give another woman a truly great oral experience. I edged away and awkwardly thanked her for the beer. From that day on, whenever I passed her in the hallway, she gave me a small smile and winked. My boyfriend started noticing that she watched us and it began to weird him out. I couldn't bring myself to tell him about her offer, let alone about the fact I thought he gave horrible head. Each night as we had sex under my window, the shades as open as ever, I always thought I could feel her eyes on me and see the faint reflection of the moon on her blonde hair, hidden behind her darkened window.
And if you care (http://www.ubersite.com/m/112567), story 1 (Shitty Christmas) was thankfully false, but unfortunately story 2 was actually true.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-06 15:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i rated this as flak but was still entertaining.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-30 19:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
2 True?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-30 16:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94126
Both, you soggy faced shit smear.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a dumb cunt!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-30 07:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One is true.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-30 06:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2007-10-29 23:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn you are speedy
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It's more procrastinating at work than true speediness actually.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-30 01:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
true then false, then back to true, but that part was all lies anyway.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2007-10-29 23:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn you are speedy
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-10-29 20:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really want #1 to be true, but im gonna say that #2's true
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-29 18:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Number 2 is true, but number 1 is awesome.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-10-29 17:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1: Bullshit, from bed to door to actually on her face? Minimum of 8 feet in distance and probably 3 or so feet in elevation? Peter North might be able to do it. Actually on her face? Not too likely.
2: What girl doesn't have a lesbian experience in college?
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-10-29 17:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1) true
2) false
While I want to believe #2 more...most of the lesbians I know wouldn't have trolled like that.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-29 14:08:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-29 14:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-29 12:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 - Faux
2 - Vrai
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im the only one going with the first one being true??
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2=True
Should've taken her up on it. all would have enjoyed and BF might have figured some shit out, though it's tru that if you never said anything or gave direction he could not possibly improve.
~Brdn_Nkd
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Going with 1=F, 2=T on this one. A though choice, though.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 - F, 2 -T.
If he pulled you up and toward him, then wouldn't the cum have gone on your torso? Semantics, yeah, but I tend to read that type of error as indicative of a tall tale.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
# 2 but I don't get why you didn't close your blinds after that.
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Keeping my options open?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
# 2 but I don't get why you didn't close your blinds after that.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this: 'It was if he were a thirsty dog and I was his water dish'
It's been my (admitedly limited) experience that some chica's prefer that. How's a poor guy supposed to know how to do better if you don't tell 'im?
Anyway,
1) F
2) T
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm one is True and the second is false, however they both seem embelished which ever one is true.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-29 11:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm... both seem kinda concocted.
1 - False
2 - True