Dick’s, a Dongle and other tech support stories (628 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FATMANTPK (View user info) at 2007-10-30 08:17:00 EDT
There was a time when tech support for American products was supported by helpdesks in America. Long before outsourcing to people with accents like Apu (many of these agents now have an alter like "Bill" or "Jane" to seem more American), I did tech support for a large bank.
I am still in the tech support field but it focused on printers for many customers, and no longer for PC's, servers, and software.
The first D.I.C.K.
Our helpdesk was called "S.P.O.C." for "Single Point Of Contact". Well, being a service provider and NOT part of the company itself, we would not handle the access control issues (Passwords, ID's) and the acronym was no longer a fitting description. Our manager pulled together a group of us that he felt were creative and among other ideas, tasked us with the creation of a new name for our group. Everyone knows that renaming a group will make everyone else think of us as new and fresh, even though the only thing to change was the name itself.
Our manager told the group the name should be easy to remember...something catchy. HOWEVER...the "Desk of Information Communication and Knowledge" or D.I.C.K. would not pass muster.
I cannot remember what the new acronym was, and it is of no relevance at this point as that job was outsourced to "Bill" & "Jane".
More Dick, less filling
Truth is funnier than fiction! A few names I remember from the days on S.P.O.C. -
Shirley Dookie
My Lien Dick
Man Ho
All 3 were women. You can imagine the adolescent jokes we were able to beat to death using those names. Some days it was all we could do not to break out laughing on the phone.
Servers and a Marine
We had an old Vietnam Vet Marine that worked with us. He was not cut out for taking customer calls but was really quite knowledgeable about technical issues. He was eventually transferred to our level 2 group that handled server issues. One of our peer groups monitored the servers for trouble, and would put vague descriptions in the trouble cases they sent to us. This of course afforded us more opportunity to act like kids giggling at a fart.
Some that stick in my mind were tickets that came over with the description "Server is hung" to which he would reply "You're damn right it is!". And of course, due to the name system for this customer: First letter of city was first letter of server name Miami would be something like MIASRV01. There was a location in Fargo or Fresno...the details escape me, but it was the FAGSRV01...yes, the FAG server. You would tell him "The FAG server went down" and he would answer with some lewd comment about politicians.
Our Marine was the fasted 2 finger typer I have ever seen. Hitting "enter" reminded us of old movies where someone would smash down on a LAUNCH button with their index finger. I sure miss working with him. Who else would tell us to keep our "dicks clean and powder dry" if we wanted to have a good career. He was passed up for supervisory positions...I wonder why?
I broke my dongle
Ever run across someone who has discovered a new word and simply cannot go through an entire conversation without using it? We had a customer with a laptop, a rarity at the time, who would call us to complain of poor network response times. He had learned that the connector for his Ethernet or token ring cable (depending on his location) was called a "dongle". He would call and say he thought there was something wrong with his dongle...his dongle was broken....could we send him a new dongle. Much giggling ensued.
Technical Terms
These are a bit nerdy...
Token Ring is an old school network protocol. Each time I heard it mentioned, it always brought to my mind a group of people standing in a circle passing a reefer.
Packet Sniffers always make me thing of dogs at the airport.
Lower Exit Chute makes me think of butsecks.
The world of tech support is redundant, frustrating and monotonous but has actually provided me with some laughs over the years. November 6 will mark my 7th year with this company and I have seen and learned a lot in those years.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-30 20:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I supported two hpux servers named Boris and Natasha. They were in a cluster so it was Boris's job to come up if Natasha went down and then take the load.
~Brdn_Nkd
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damnit
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IT support +2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PEBKAC.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
forensicgirl3 - That sounds like our guy!!! He was really something else. If it wasn't a Full Metal Jacket or Rules of Engagement line, it was some other Marine or war movie. Oh, how I miss "Choke yourself!" when he would get frustrated with someone.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I miss competence
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
certainly made me giggle.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:24:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Used to be an old Novell 3.11 server here named DOA.
Never was a name more appropriate.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-30 11:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know a Vietnam vet and he's kind of the same way. He's an electrician and very good at what he does. But you don't fuck around with him!
I remember he had to install some wiring for a new office building. From what was reported to me, he scared the crap out of some site supervisor that was half his age. It seems the site supervisor got cocky with him over some stuff and pissed him off enough to RAWR (he had this noise he made that was rather intimidating). I guess the site supervisor avoided him like the plague after that.
He growls too.
Me: Hey Henry, how's it going?
Him: *growl/hmph noise*
Me: Huh?
Him: *growl growl/hmph*
Me: What?
Him: I SAID FINE!!!!
Me: You still love me, right Henry?
Him: *growl growl/hmph/pfft*
But he was also good at slinging the one liners around. I was witness to one.
Guy: My end is dead over here.
Him: QUIT TAKIN' IT UP THE ASS THEN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Maybe these guys should write a philosophy of management book or something.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-30 11:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I understood all of that techspeak and also went through 90% of the same at one point.
FAG server....heh.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-30 10:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was a little boring.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-30 10:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't get this but you sound nerdy. I like nerdy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-30 10:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Suck my dongle.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-30 09:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-10-30 09:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78106
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58314
tech support is not just a job, its a way of life.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-10-30 08:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
So THAT'S what goes on at the other end of the phone.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-10-30 08:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-30 08:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's the casual racism that gets me. I mean to say that for an awful long time we've all just sort of accepted it but Fatty here is a geek and as such has no idea how to act in civilised company. That means that he's stooped down to this low shelf in the name of humour EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NO SENSE OF GUILE!
What I'm getting at here is that the element of racisim may have pervaded all elements of geek culture. One need only read a single page of Bash.org to see numerous racist comments, all made under a thin pretense of irony.
I personally like to think that this is merely because the geek community tend to be, for the most part, inherantly unimaginative like our chunky friend here but perhaps there is more to it?
----
I usually played Blanca more than Guile. Wait, I just took my geekiness to a whole new level, huh?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-30 08:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. `Bart is a vampire.' `Beer kills
brain cells.' Now, let's go back to that ... building ... thingee
... where our beds and TV ... is.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror IV
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-30 08:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's the casual racism that gets me. I mean to say that for an awful long time we've all just sort of accepted it but Fatty here is a geek and as such has no idea how to act in civilised company. That means that he's stooped down to this low shelf in the name of humour EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NO SENSE OF GUILE!
What I'm getting at here is that the element of racisim may have pervaded all elements of geek culture. One need only read a single page of Bash.org to see numerous racist comments, all made under a thin pretense of irony.
I personally like to think that this is merely because the geek community tend to be, for the most part, inherantly unimaginative like our chunky friend here but perhaps there is more to it?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-30 08:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Packet Sniffers
--
I know a few of them god love 'em