A badly written story... (729 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.52 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ChaosJester (View user info) at 2007-10-30 11:59:21 EDT
Once upon a time, a fuzzy rabbit named Mr. Wugginses was hopping along the forest floor, enjoying life as only an innocent bunny can. The grass was soft beneath his fluffy belly and the air was crisp with the first kisses of autumn. Indeed, things were going quite well for Mr. Wugginses.
Having just recently sampled a fine mélange of tender grass shoots, Mr. Wugginses (or Wuggy, as certain rabbits of the female persuasion were wont to call him) was lazily hopping back towards his warm burrow to enjoy a fine mid-afternoon nap, when suddenly, Mrs. Krabbitz the squirrel scampered up to him from a nearby bush.
"Goodness Gracious Me, Mrs. Krabbitz," Mr. Wugginses said, startled. "You gave me such a fright that I nearly soiled myself!"
"Terribly sorry, old chap," Mrs. Krabbitz said hurriedly, "But you've just got to help my husband. He's been captured by a Man and I just don't know what to do!"
"Calm down, my dear Lady," Mr. Wugginses said, placatingly. "I'm sure that this is all just an awful misunderstanding. Let's go over to the Man's house and see if we can't reason with the good fellow."
Mrs. Krabbitz looked doubtful, but because Mr. Wugginses was a male, he was automatically smarter and, thusly, always correct. So, the two began the journey towards James the Man's house. Along the way, they chanced to encounter Runty the miniature Hedgehog snuffling about the forest floor.
"I say there, Runty," Mr. Wugginses began, "What are you up to?"
"Oi," the prickly rodent began, "Ah've been grubbin' about in this 'ere dirt for the last 'our or so fer crunchy varmints ta et, but Ah hain't found a cottin-pickin' one yet. I's getting' Hungry!"
"Well," Mr. Wugginses replied, "We're on our way to James the Man's house to rescue Mr. Krabbitz. Would you like to join us?"
"Wall, I dunno," Runty said hesitantly. "That thar James' done et up three o' mah cousins just last month. I even hear tell he's got sum kinda ferocious Hell Hound guardin' his home, too."
"Oh, pish-tosh. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Besides," the well-fed rabbit said conspiratorially, "the Man always has such amazing things to eat in his house."
At the mention of food, Runty's perky little ears zinged up and his moist, pink nose twitched most hungrily. "Wall, why didna' ye say so inna first place. Count me in."
And so, the three companions cheerfully continued to James the Man's cabin. Soon, they came upon the cabbage fields that marked the beginning of James' land. Entering the tilled pasture cautiously, the three pressed on until the Man's ramshackle home came into view. Fortunately for the brave woodland creatures, James was sprawled in a rickety rocking chair, snoring softly. Mr. Krabbitz lay in a small cage beside him, quietly sobbing and curled into a tight ball.
Upon seeing her beloved husband thusly captured, Mr. Krabbitz immediately tried to rush to his aid, but Runty quickly restrained her.
"Nay, foolish lass! Lookit yonder cage; tis made of the cold, hard stuff tha' ye canna' gnaw thru and te rackit ye make when ye try will surely wake te Man. This job calls fer cunnin' an' subtlety."
"Quite right, Runty," Mr. Wugginses said quietly. "I think I've got just the idea. First, I'll disguise myself by dressing up like a Cornish game hen. Then—" All of the sudden, Mr. Wugginses was interrupted as the front door to the cabin exploded outward and Cthulhu the Terrible Chihuahua sprang forward!
"INTRUDERS! ALARM, GREAT MASTER! ALARM!"
"Crikey!" Mr. Wugginses exclaimed. "We've been rumbled! Every man for himself!" And with that, the plump rabbit began hightailing it back to the forest.
"Bollocks," Runty muttered as he starred at the great canine bearing down on him. A moment later, the tiny hedgehog puffed in a great breath and swelled to twice his minute size. "FER ME COUSINS, YE BLASTED BEASTIE," he screeched as he charged the barking dog.
As the wee rodent darted towards Cthulhu, James started back to consciousness with a spasm. "What the blue-blazin' Hells?"
Seeing his trusty dog rampaging toward the attacking hedgehog, James jumped up and, in the process, sent Mr. Krabbitz 's cage flying with an accidental kick. Upon landing, the cage door sproinged open and the prisoner leapt out with a cry of joy. Rushing into his wife's embrace, the two squirrels fled back into the cabbage field.
Brave Runty, not even realizing that Mr. Krabbitz had already been freed, continued his mad charge into the slavering jaws of the giant Chihuahua. As he got closer and closer, Cthulhu grinned wide with sharp, needle-like teeth and the ravenous creature snapped his maw in anticipation of the meal to come. Suddenly, Runty leapt straight up, directly into Cthulhu's face and the mighty beast's nose was instantly prickled by a dozen sharp spines!
Yelping in pain, Great Cthulhu shook off the crazy hedgehog and fled back to his lair. After landing in soft grass a few feet away, Runty sprang back to his feet, instantly ready for a second charge. Upon seeing his Enemy vanquished, the diminutive warrior squeaked in laughter, then trundled away in a continued search for tasty bugs.
As for Mr. Wugginses, well, this is a fairy tale; everybody knows that people get their just rewards in such stories. The cowardly bastard got snatched up by Ms. Haggis the Owl on his hippity-hoppity way home.
THE END
User Reviews
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 05:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOUD, ANFRY WORDS!!!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-31 05:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NO, JONNYX, NOT ANYMORE. FOR I AM ADAPTING TO SOCIETY, ABANDONING THE OBSTRUCTIVENESS OF MY FORMER WAYS.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-30 20:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
********
If anyone EVER tells me again that The Uniter is JonnyX, I will
kill small children and puppies. BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. : If it really is Jonny, I will track his ass down. . . .
:(
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-30 20:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was written rather well actually.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-30 18:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-30 09:44:22 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"because Mr. Wugginses was a male, he was automatically smarter and, thusly, always correct."
----------
haha, good ol Fey - you can always count on her for a kneejerk reaction.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-10-30 17:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
it's like a children's story...ON WEED
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I so e-hate you right now!
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, but I wrote in, like, 15 minutes.
I was feeling *really* unmotivated today until I got this wild hair up me arse.
I've got something similar planned for tomorrow.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good, but had a LOT of potential...
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah...
Love the Uniter.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew no such thing.
:(
But I'll forgive you if you'd just...you know.
*wink*
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry CJ you know I didn't mean it!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah, I liked this, but then I have to go read to some first graders after lunch. Sadto say this is prolly better than the book I will read.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU FUCKING RETARD!
***************************
But this made me sad.
:(
Em was mean.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:45:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT AS I AM LEARNING TO SWAY WITH THE TIDES OF CHANGE, I WILL ACT AS IF I FIND YOUR SEXIST ATTITUDE HUMOUROUS. HA. HA. HA.
*****************************************
I actually wrote that thinking about you, you know.
:)
I WUV U ALL!
HUUUUUUUUUG!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:29:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a masterpiece......, so bad it was good!!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:45:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT AS I AM LEARNING TO SWAY WITH THE TIDES OF CHANGE, I WILL ACT AS IF I FIND YOUR SEXIST ATTITUDE HUMOUROUS. HA. HA. HA.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"because Mr. Wugginses was a male, he was automatically smarter and, thusly, always correct."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
TRUTH!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU FUCKING RETARD!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE IT!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chaos *sakes head*
Still it was kind of cute I guess
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81857
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
no hate brother, you told me it was a poorly written post.
I bumped you up one for saving me the time.
----------
He's got a point.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
you keep making me do this...
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
peter rabbit?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
no hate brother, you told me it was a poorly written post.
I bumped you up one for saving me the time.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmmm...
HATE!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read it either but you're a bald headed faggot who lets people beat him up, like a submissive emo slave.
Faggot.
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I DID NOT READ THIS!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Neither did I
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I DID NOT READ THIS!