I thought she was legal. (1057 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.37 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (View user info) at 2007-10-30 12:00:12 EDT
I was 20 at the time. In college, single and ready to bang any hot babe with a pulse. Tragically, I wasn't too good at picking up girls (not like I am now) so getting laid was a rather difficult task. 20 is one of those ages that sucks. You aren't legal to go to bars and you're just about over going to dorm/house parties. I didn't like it too much at all. So during a few months in this awkward time of year I went home a lot to hang out with the few kids I still talked to from high school. One fateful day I was home, driving to Wendys for some nuggets when I get a phone call from a random number. I answer it.
"Hello?...."
"Hey! Ben!"
"Hey....Who is this?"
"It's Jenny!"
"OOooooooh....Hey Jenny...(who the fuck is Jenny?)..What's up?"
"You dont remember me do you? We went to school together until 10th grade then I moved away. Jenny [insert last name here]... remember?"
My mind began racing as the sexy innocent voice on the phone teased my mind with illicit thoughts of naughty activities to come. Who was Jenny? How did she get my number? AH HA! I remember her! Oh what a beautiful woman. Long dark hair, big blue eyes as bright as the summer's sky, a smile that could make your heart explode, and a body that 100% of girls would kill for. Mmmm Mmmm MMMMMM. Delicious.
"Oh Yeah!! I remember! How have you been? Where'd you get my number from?" I stammered into the phone as my heart began to race with excitement, praying she was still a 12 out of 10.
The conversation continued for about 20 minutes. She had gotten my cell number from one of our mutual friends. She began to tell me how she used to have a crush on me. She made it far too easy. So I asked her if she wanted to get some dinner at a nice Italian place in my home town and maybe catch a movie. She agreed and the date was set. In preparation for the evening I showered, washed my twig and berries until you could eat off them, and put on what I thought was a harmless looking outfit. Just jeans, a t-shirt, zip-up hoody, and sneakers. 645 rolled around so I headed out the door as I told her I'd pick her up. I arrived at her house at like 710 and she came running out of the house. My heart skipped a beat. Those big beautiful breasts bouncing in slow motion with each step, held back by that oh-so-tight top she was wearing. I was in complete euphoria.
We head off to our destination. We get to dinner, order our meals, and chat it up with an incredible conversation. We finish eating and give each other this look like, 'now what?' so I say to her, "Well, want to catch a movie or go back to my house and shoot some pool or what?"
"Well, my parents went out for the night. We could go back to my house and watch some TV?"
"Lets do it!" I burst out, nearly throwing our money at the waiter. We headed out the door and drove to her house. Inside we went! We sat in her living room, flicking through channels, both awkwardly waiting for the other to make a move. Finally she turns to me and before she could utter a single word, I moved in for the kill. Passionately kissing her, catching her off guard, and turning her on like flipping a light switch. She gets on top of me and off came her top. Those gorgeous breasts waiting for me to play with them. Foreplay goes on for maybe 20 minutes until she decides to slide down to her knees in front of me. Off came my pants and into her mouth my dick went. Was this really happening? Was I dreaming? Is she really a dude with a penis? It was hard to think with her rubbing her titties on my baby maker.
"What was that sound? It sounded like someone driving up the driveway. Naw, must have been my imagination. Nothing could ruin this night." I thought in my head as she went from suck to blow. All of a sudden, I hear keys fumbling at the front door. I look at her, my face turning white, and try to get her attention with out killing the mood.
BAM! The door is kicked open by her father holding a baseball bat. Her mother screaming and grabbing at him, trying to hold him back. Jenny jumps up, wipes off her mouth and scurries to find her top. I rip my pants up and I hop out of her dad's armchair and grab my keys.
"Um... Um.... I should... um...." I stammered as her father was about to charge me like a raging bull.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHER!? SHE'S ONLY FUCKING 17 YOU SCUM BAG! IM GONNA KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!!"
"What!!?!?!?!? I thought she was like 20 I swear to God! She graduated the same year as me! What the fuck is going on here!?!?"
Just then her dad lunged at me, took a swing with the bat, missed and hit a lamp. I dove over the arm chair and raced for the door, my heart beating pure acid through my body as the panic and fear of imminent death made it hard to move. I literally dive out the front door as her father throws the bat at me and hits me in the back. I run to my car, bracing my bruised back, jump in and tear ass out of her driveway. I get home, park my car in the garage and turn off all the lights and lock the doors. I pray to whatever Lord there is (Ronnie James Dio) that she didn't tell her dad where I lived or my last name.
I didnt sleep a wink that night.
The next morning, she calls me.
"Hey...It's Jenny."
"What the fuck was that all about? Are you really 17?"
"...Yeah? I thought you knew that? I started highschool a few years early."
"Are you fucking serious? Holy shit! Fucking you gotta be kidding me! I almost fucked you!"
"I know! I thought you knew! I'm so sorry!"
So after a 10 minute conversation...well, 10 minutes of me barely forming a complete sentence, she hung up and said she'd call me again in a few days.
I haven't spoken to her since.
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-31 08:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-10-31 08:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Har har - Jailbait.
In the UK we can screw 16 year olds man! Whoop whoop!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-31 03:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Which is more moronic:
1) Making loose connections between insults and delusions of grandeur
2) Not even understanding the insult in the first place
I didn't simply state that you make out with passed out fat chicks. I also said that you were the kind of kid who would make out with a fattie and then brag to all of your little friends about how you scored some hot piece of ass.
This piece of very obvious fiction makes you look pathetic. Stop trying to impress us. It isn't working.
Submitted by cstick3 (user info) at 2007-10-30 22:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you get the -2 for not making sure that you got her to your house. dumb fucker
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-30 20:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Pedophile
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-10-30 18:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You hear keys at the front door and you're worried about killing the mood? You didn't make this even remotely believeable.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2007-10-30 17:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh, I liked this, and you roll with the punches nicely.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-10-30 17:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If she had already celebrated her 17th birthday...she was in her 18th year...able to sign contracts etc.
also, a 2-3 year age difference between consenting parties is also legal in most states...romeo & juliet laws.
Florida, if she is under 18 you better be under 24. in NC if she is over 16, she is fair game to anyone but people in positions of authority (teachers etc).
find out the exact laws of your state, and exploit the loopholes and date the chick.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-10-30 16:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You could always give it the ol' college try. Please, enlighten all of us.
=======================
I dont get into pissing contests on the internet to prove how big my dick is or how much weight I can lift. Perhaps you may get off on making inane comments on comical stories about your high school days of getting no action because you're under the impression that the amount of stupid sluts you reel in is directly related to how cool you are, but that's not how I roll. Sorry, mate. If you didn't like my ridiculous story of an event that happened 3 years ago then just say so. You don't have to act cool in the eyes of Uber because you feel being a member since 2003 makes you God. It's a random website on the internet. The largest majority of the world doesn't give a rats ass about you or how awesome your online profile is.
Maybe next time instead of random comments insinuating that I'm the type of person who molests passed out people, make a comment that is relevant to the post. SHE WAS CLEARLY AWAKE! At least... I think she was.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I think I know you.......
You're that same kid I knew back in high school who made out with a passed-out fat chick and then told the entire school you had a threesome with a couple of cheerleaders.
How've you been, man? Sex change operation turn out ok?
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the utter stupidity of this comment alone has left me speechless. i cant even begin to describe how mentally challenged an individual you must be. dolt.
===========================
You could always give it the ol' college try. Please, enlighten all of us.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-10-30 15:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I think I know you.......
You're that same kid I knew back in high school who made out with a passed-out fat chick and then told the entire school you had a threesome with a couple of cheerleaders.
How've you been, man? Sex change operation turn out ok?
==================
the utter stupidity of this comment alone has left me speechless. i cant even begin to describe how mentally challenged an individual you must be. dolt.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
its not such a bad thing. really.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-30 14:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I think I know you.......
You're that same kid I knew back in high school who made out with a passed-out fat chick and then told the entire school you had a threesome with a couple of cheerleaders.
How've you been, man? Sex change operation turn out ok?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm with creep on this one
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know, you could charge the dad with assault and battery. He had no grounds for that behaviour.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HELO THAR stories are always great.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
where i'm from the age of consent is 12.
at least it was when i was raped.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was referring to the general male public actually - and their seemingly constant obsession for barely legal girls. Not specifically your experience. Just saying it works for both ends. Guys get to point at the hot preschooler and say "I get to stick it in her", while the girls get to point back at them and say, "The douche buys imported. Fucking sucker."
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What kind of savage law-makers make the age of consent 18?! In a developed country!
I VERY nearly got busted in the same position this weekend (by flatmate rather than father) so I know that adrenaline rush.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-10-30 13:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Creep:
her dad saw my car in the driveway and i can only assume went into their shed, which was next to their driveway, to grab a bat. according to jenny, she said her dad had seen "something inappropriate" going on through the small windows in the door before he had come in initially, hence him getting a bat.
he really did swing at me and miss, hitting a lamp. the only reason he missed was because his wife was still trying to hold him back and i guess he lost his footing as he swung.
Conor:
she was older than 16. she was actually about a month and a half away from 18. she looked at least 19 or 20 at the time, and as she had graduated the same year as me, i assumed she was my age or somewhere close to it.
paralyzed:
i was 20. i couldn't even buy beer at the time!
shlongy:
i did forget to mention the part where i woke up with my boxers stuck to my dogs collar and peanut butter all over my crotch. funny how those minor details slip out of a story.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:53:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mildly entertaining.
What made me smile was the memory of seeing my friend's face a couple weeks back when he realized that he'd been hitting up a practical toddler. Boys, boys. Just because there's grass on the field ... wait, no, it's actually damn funny when y'all do try to play.
Besides who else is going to buy the beer for those poor underagers?
Submitted by keitsith (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if u were gay you wouldn't have dated her in the first place.
but i suspect ur gay whatsoever, aren't u?
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This is what it actually deserved. And where I live, age of consent is 16. It's pretty hard to not realize that a girl is younger than 16.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 Wendy's chicken nuggets.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:40:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You forgot the part about "AND THEN, I WOKE UP FROM MY DREAM TO FIND MY BOXERS WRAPPED AROUND MY HEAD AND JIZ DRIPPING FROM THE CEILING".
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm...
A Slutty McHot female version of Doogie Howser?
The stereotypical enraged father that keeps a baseball bat...in his car?
Her father comes in already enraged with said baseball bat because...he somehow knows when his daughter is deepthroating college boys? ...he's got a camera system hooked up in his home?
The ol' smash-the-lamp-with-the-bat-by-accident routine coupled with the miraculous-skin-of-your-teeth escape?
Sorry bro. You're going to have to do better than that. This story stinks of horse pussy. Throw in a high school prom full of professional dancers and a plot about the wonder and excitement of opening the door to adulthood and you've got yourself a WB sitcom.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
17 is legal in a lot of states.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All of a sudden, I hear keys fumbling at the front door. I look at her, my face turning white, and try to get her attention with out killing the mood.
--
Hahahaha trying not to kill the mood just in case.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love it when the penis thinks
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Lets do it!" I burst out, nearly throwing our money at the waiter. We headed out the door and drove to her house. Inside we went!
Have a plus two for this funny line.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ship her over to the UK, she's totally legal
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dude, she's prolly only a few months away...keep her on a string!
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-10-30 12:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*thank God the age of consent in MA is 16.