A badly written Halloween story... (580 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.35 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ChaosJester (View user info) at 2007-10-31 10:08:13 EDT
Little Billy walked down the street in his crappy ghost costume and sulked. Debbie, his younger sister, skipped along beside him, happy as a clam in her Princess gown and sparkly tiara.
It just wasn't fair. Mom said that money was tight now and she could only afford one store-bought costume, but why did it have to be Debbie that got it? After all, she always seemed to get the best stuff while he had to make do with old hand-me-downs.
Billy heaved a tremendous sigh that only a mortally wounded sixteen year old can. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had to babysit Debbie while they went Trick-or-Treating because Mom had to work another double shift at the hospital. Of course, this meant that he couldn't hang out with his friends because they were already at Shane's party, probably drinking beer and dancing with girls.
Billy kicked the ground despondently. Jenny was supposed to be there too, damn it.
"Billlllyyyyy," Debbie shrilled. She always drew out his name like that because she knew how much he hated it. "Look, Billlllyyyyy. There's a house wif a light on. Momma said its okay to go up to houses wif lights on. Let's go get some candy!"
"I think you've probably had enough, Debbie," Billie replied sullenly. "We've been Trick or Treating for the last hour and you filled up your pumpkin pail twice now."
"Nu-Uhhhhhh," Debbie lied, trying to hide the massive chocolate smears that encircled her mouth. "C'mon, Billlllyyyyyy. Plllleeeeaaasseee?"
Billy rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. If it'll shut you up."
Debbie squawked in indignation. "Hey! Momma said you hafta be nice to me tonight. I'm tellllllinnnnnn."
Billy shook his head. Having a little sister sucked, big time. After a moment, he looked over at his still spluttering sibling. "I'll tell you what. We'll go to a couple more houses if you promise not to tell Mom."
Instantly, Debbie's face transmogrified from hideously wounded dignity to ecstatic delight. "Yaaaaayyy! Candycandycandycandy..." Clearly thinking only of the deliciously sweet loot still to be had, Debbie raced up the four steps to the waiting house and began furiously knocking. Billy was about to follow when something, or rather someone, caught his eye.
Billy had had a crush on Jennifer ever they'd had English together back in the fifth grade. With her long, dirty blonde hair, green eyes and lightly freckled face, she was the epitome of beauty to his barely pubescent mind and had only gotten prettier as time went on. Unfortunately, while they still shared several classes, that was about all they had in common. She was a cheerleader and Class Treasurer while he was a quiet nobody, always skulking about the sidelines of any given social event. He didn't even think she knew his name.
All of which meant that when Billy saw Jenny and what must be her two younger brothers drifting down the street towards him, his heart rate immediately tripled and his tongue seemed to swell until it filled his mouth.
Seeing Debbie getting double-fistfuls of sweets from the plump couple who'd answered the door, Jenny's two accompanying ankle-biters stormed full-speed towards the expectant adults, barely noticing as they brushed passed Billy with greedy squeals. Following her brothers, Jenny stopped next to the, by now, sweating young man.
"Hey, Billy," she said brightly.
"She knows my name," Billy thought excitedly. "Score!" Out loud, his voice sounded strangely breathy as he said, "H-Hey, Jenny. Did your parents make you babysit your brothers, too?"
The girl opposite him shrugged her shoulders and smiled lopsidedly. "Yeah, but I don't mind too much. You know, it wasn't that long ago that I would have been elbowing them out of the way so I could get first crack."
Billy chuckled nervously. "I know what you mean." At this point, Billy drew a complete blank about what to talk about next and the ensuing silence began to stretch into awkwardness. Growing increasingly desperate for something, anything to say, Billy failed to notice that Jenny seemed to be having the same frantic problem.
Suddenly, words sprang into Billy's head and, before he could even begin to consider them, they tumbled from his mouth in a jumbled rush. "So, you're dressed like a witch?" Inwardly, he cringed; that had to be the lamest thing to be said in the history of conversation.
Jenny looked down at her ragged, black dress and spread her arms a little self-consciously. "Yeah. I made the gown myself, but my Mom bought the hat and broomstick. You like it?"
Billy took a second look at her costume. "You really made that? Wow. I mean, I made mine, but all I did was cut a hole in a white sheet for my head and paint my face white."
Just then, the two were saved from further conversation by the rambunctious return of the three younger siblings, all of whom were crowing in delight as they examined their new-found bounty. Debbie in particular was excited.
"Look, Billllyyyy! I got four whole candy bars! Can I eat one now? Please please Pretty-Please?"
"Hold on," her brother replied. "You know the rules. Lemme check through it, then you can have some."
Biting her lower lip in anticipation, Debbie held up her little plastic pumpkin to Billy, then hopped up and down impatiently as he looked through it. Finally, Billy gave the bucket back to her. "All right, looks clean. You can have ONE candy bar now."
Without another word, Billy's little sister ravenously ripped open the biggest candy bar's wrapper and stuffed the entire thing into her mouth, chewing noisily. Billy looked over to see Jenny having a similar conversation with her brothers. Soon, the air was filled with the sounds of noisy and joyful lip-smacking.
"Hey," Jenny said to Billy. "Our house isn't too far from here and I think my brothers have had enough candy for one night. Wanna walk with us back?"
A supernova seemed to be exploding behind Billy's eyes as he jerkily nodded. "Sure."
"Awwwww," Debbie wailed. "Do we havta? I wanna get more candy!"
Turning to his sister quickly, Billy bent down to her ear. "Look, if you just be quiet while we walk back, I promise that we can go to three more houses before we go home. Okay?"
Debbie thought for a moment, then smiled and nodded. "Okay, Billllyyyyy."
Puffing his breath out in relief, Billy looked back at Jenny, then nodded in the direction of her house, "Shall we?"
As they slowly walked, Billy found that it was easier and easier to talk with Jenny. The conversation ranged from various school projects to the latest gossip on a few mutual acquaintances they shared. Amazingly, Billy found himself laughing at several quirky observations Jenny had concerning a recent scandalous relationship between two of their teachers.
All too soon, they arrived at Jenny's house. As her two brothers rushed inside, Jenny paused beside Billy. Looking a bit nervous herself, Jenny stepped closer to Billy, whose heart seemed to be having trouble beating regularly.
"Um, my Mom says that it's good luck for the rest of the year if you kiss someone on Halloween night."
"Really?," Billy replied, voice cracking.
"Uh-huh. So...you wanna?"
Billy was about to scream YES!, when some hidden instinct simply shoved him forward to close the small space between them. As her lips brushed his, fireworks seemed to explode all over Billy's body. As the kiss deepened, a Billy felt a small moan slip from Jenny.
Shortly afterwards, Debbie noticed what her brother was doing. "EWWWWWWWW!!!"
Startled, Billy broke away and glared down at his interfering sibling. Looking back at Jenny, Billy was immensely pleased to see that her eyes were still closed and a lazy smile was drifting across her face.
"Did your Mom really say that about Halloween?"
Opening her eyes, Jenny smiled impishly. "Maybe. See you tomorrow, Billy." Turning quickly, Jenny swayed back to her house.
Shaking his head a bit to clear it, Billy faced his sister. "Okay, Squirt, let's do some more Trick or Treating."
His sister looked a bit wilted. "Awww, I'm gettin' tired Billy. Can we just go home?"
Billy shrugged. "Sure."
As they walked home, Billy felt like he was floating on air. Moments later, Debbie looked up at him. "Billlyyyy's got a GURL-FRIEND! Billlllyyyyy's got a GURL-FRIEND!"
"Quiet, short stuff."
"Heeeeyyyyy! I'm tellin'!"
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-01 06:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im probably misunderstanding your meaning by the title, but anyway...
having a speaker converse in a childish tone, and mostly using simplistic language doesnt mean 'badly written'. if youre 'writing badly' on purpose, the trick is to play upon common traits of bad writing: poor structure, deus ex machina (which can be good if used cleverly), ridiculous juxtaposition dealt with in a 'serious' tone or manner, overwrought language, melodrama, etcetera.
you should actually give it a shot. 'writing badly' is pretty fun and quite challenging.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-10-31 14:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sadly, I have no Halloween parties to go to.
:(
But if I did, I would DEFINATELY be dressing up as a Sky Crane.
Why?
'Cause it's the Biggest Tool in the World!
;)
------------------------------
Haha, fuck... I love that idea. Plus, I need a costume. *ponders*
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-31 14:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sixteen? You should have made him a lil' younger. Maybe 14...
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-10-31 14:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That was cute and sweet.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-31 12:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-10-31 11:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for a hint of modesty in the title, though not altogether untrue.
Submitted by keitsith (user info) at 2007-10-31 11:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too long = g a y
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-31 11:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-31 11:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I definitely believe that people here hate me and it makes my prick hard.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 14:56:01 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
NEEENER NEEENER NEEEENER!
I'N NOT LISTENING!
...
HATE!
========
No. Just irritation.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NEEENER NEEENER NEEEENER!
I'N NOT LISTENING!
...
HATE!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
its awfully self-centered to think someone here actually hates you.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See?
I'm not all dark, creepy and emo ALL the time.
...
Just most of it.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok well that was cute.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HATE!
Muahahahahahaha!
Happy Halloween, Biznatches!
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Superb!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great. I just read a piece of shite Halloween chick fiction.
You fucking fairy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Then I won't bother reading it.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not my thing mate
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sadly, I have no Halloween parties to go to.
:(
But if I did, I would DEFINATELY be dressing up as a Sky Crane.
Why?
'Cause it's the Biggest Tool in the World!
;)
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant costume below
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
pleasent
in the gay nineties i once went to a hallows eve social event dressed as jefferey dahmer's refrigerator.
no one got it.
fucking rednecks!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You two are SO gay
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Re: Drogo
I couldn't help it; I've been listening to three whole hours of 90's girlie punk bands.
--
Why would anyone do that??
Christ have you no self respect? Actually scrub that question.
So who you going as tonight? Lurch?
*giggles to self*
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Re: Drogo
I couldn't help it; I've been listening to three whole hours of 90's girlie punk bands. I feel all happy an' shite. Weird.
Also, don't lie about your costume. God's watching, you know. It's okay to say that you're going as Em's Cabanna Boy; I don't judge.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww it's kind of cute my bald chum.
How could such a sweet little tale come from such a twisted little creature as yourself.
I am going to a Halloween party tonight and I am dressing up as the most terrifying thing known to man kind: THE TRAIN SPOTTER.
The great thing is that I get to wear my normal clothes, YAY me!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This wasn't really anything, was it?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Click Edit
Click 'Find (on this page'
Find what: 'Emission'
NO RESULTS
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaha below.
also, do you read any of these links... http://www.ubersite.com/m/92765
just curious.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-31 10:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
again, thanks for the heads up