My conversation with God (924 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.4 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by St_Jimmy (View user info) at 2007-10-31 20:06:54 EDT
Fundamental concept blatantly stolen from: http://www.ubersite.com/m/93085
and (sort of) http://www.ubersite.com/m/93147
Me: Hello god. Thank you very much for taking the time to meet with...
God: I am Allah! Allah is the one true God and Mohammed is His prophet!
Me: Please calm down. I meant no disrespect God, I mean Allah. Allah? Huh. Really?
Allah: Ya rly!
Me: Srsly?
Allah: Srsly!
Me: Well, I have to admit that I'm a bit surprised that "muslim" turned out to be the right answer. You know, your followers are a bit high strung down here.
Allah: Of course they are! They are surrounded by infidels like you! Great Satans! You are the Great Satan!
Me: Great Satan. Me? Really?
Allah: Do you want to go through that again?
Me: No, no I do not. But, to be honest, I really don't feel all that evil. Certainly not anywhere near "Great Satan" kind of evil.
Allah: Of course! That is how I made you. You Americans think you're normal, but you are the Great Satan! Infidel! Your whole existance is dedicated to oppressing my true and faithful muslims!
Me: Oh come on now. My whole existance? I can't speak for my entire country, but speaking for myself, I haven't oppressed any muslims in at least... six months. Probably closer to a year in fact.
Allah: I'll admit, some of you are better Great Satans than others. What the hell man? They can't all be winners.
Me: So that's it? I'm just evil? So after I die, I'll...
Allah: You will burn for all eternity in a lake of fire while you're forced to drink boiling water and dine on the flesh of your infidel brethren!
Me: Do you have to keep shouting your responses?
Allah: Sorry about that. My mother is hard of hearing. Force of habit.
Me: No problem, it happens. Wait a minute. If the lake is made out of fire, then where does the boiling water come from?
Allah: Funny you should ask. We just installed a new power plant which is basically a Brayton cycle. Steam is siphoned off after leaving the turbine, condensed, then fed to the infidels. It's really quite efficient.
Me: Sounds lovely.
Allah: Indeed. We can now sell our excess power and use the money for sex changes.
Me: Um, sex changes?
Allah: Too many maryters, not enough virgins.
Me: Oh. That's...too bad. Anyway, the whole purpose behind this conversation was to talk to you about life. You know, sometimes things get me down and I was wondering...
Allah: Of course things get you down! You are Great Satan!
Me: Ok, is there anything I can do about that? I'm not sure I want to be a Great Satan.
Allah: You could become a faithful muslim.
Me: I don't know about that. Those guys seem a bit too intense for me. All those beheadings and berkas. That's not how I roll.
Allah: Of course it's not! You are Great Satan!
Me: Yeah, I think we've established that. At any rate, it's been real interesting talking to you but I have to be going. It seems that I have an entire religion to oppress.
Allah: Satan!
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-05 18:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Trivia: Originally, Stan Lee's character "The Thing" was going to yell "It's genocide time!" as his battle cry. Marvel, however, buckled to pressures from groups of real genocide survivors and forced the change to the more family-friendly "It's clobbering time!"
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sweet.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-11-05 18:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Zod +2
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-11-05 18:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-11-02 18:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yozz, Yozz, Yozz,
Take heart man, here's 46 whole posts of solid GOLD.
Should keep you busy for a few.
http://www.ubersite.com/u/St_Jimmy
----------------------------------------------------
I must say - I'm impressed.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-02 23:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Allah: Ya rly!
Me: Srsly?
Allah: Srsly!
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-11-02 17:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zajebisty (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How much do you think you would change if God told you that you were already evil... Would you try to make right? or go balls out and tear shit up?
_______________________
Interesting question. I would think that, assuming God doesn't lie, if you were, in fact, "evil", you would, by definition, not be capable of doing good. Kind of like the old question "Can man really know what is right and what is wrong?" Hell, for all we really know, stepping on a bug may be the most morally wrong thing one can do. Assuming God determines what is right or wrong, it would make God seem rather arbitrary for him to make bug-squishing so wrong, but he is God and he can pretty much do as he wants.
If it were me, and I were told that I'm incapable of doing right, then my only real recourse would be to demonstrate what, in my opinion, is wrong/evil. No more Mr. Nice Guy, it's genocide time!*
*Trivia: Originally, Stan Lee's character "The Thing" was going to yell "It's genocide time!" as his battle cry. Marvel, however, buckled to pressures from groups of real genocide survivors and forced the change to the more family-friendly "It's clobbering time!"
Submitted by zajebisty (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
interesting concept. "No, no I do not. But, to be honest, I really don't feel all that evil. Certainly not anywhere near "Great Satan" kind of evil."
How much do you think you would change if God told you that you were already evil... Would you try to make right? or go balls out and tear shit up?
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-11-02 04:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-11-01 21:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-01 12:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I always thought I was a "lesser" Satan
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-01 10:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
All those beheadings and berkas. That's not how I roll.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-01 10:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At least now that I know I'm part of the Great Satan, I can stop trying to be so ethical and moral all the time. It was getting to be a little much after all.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-01 10:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny, but you could have done so much more with it
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-11-01 09:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-01 07:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't remember talking to you.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-01 05:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-01 05:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Allah: Too many maryters, not enough virgins.
--
Hehehehehe
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-11-01 04:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.zod2008.com/
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-01 02:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAIL SATAN!!!
**makes devil horns and rocks out to Iron Maiden**
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2007-10-31 22:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Feels wunnerful to be the Great Satan. I always knew I was great and I always knew I was Satan but I'd never put the two together before. Thanks for enlightenment!
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-10-31 22:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SOn of Jor El
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-31 21:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by poisonyourkids (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh.
Submitted by Constitution (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hooray for free hits!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Allah: Too many maryters, not enough virgins.
___
sealed the deal.
SON OF JOR EL NEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My conversation with God:
Me: "So there I was, balls deep in this slut, wailing away and...
God: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My conversation with God:
Me: God?
Me: Hello?
Me: ...
Me: Ah. Faith, right.
<goes away>
<comes back>
Me: God?
Me: ...
Me: Just checking.
<goes away>
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-10-31 20:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THEIF