The Shield Land: Chapter One (341 hits)
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Submitted by ShimishSmortion (View user info) at 2007-11-02 00:09:44 EDT
Minska pounded down the animal path, his heart pounding rhythmically with the beating of his heart. Moisture from the previous nights rains on the leaves exploded in a dazzling spray as Minska tore through leaves hanging in his path. He was one with his surroundings as he quickly traveled paths he knew better than his own features.
Movement off to the right caught his eye as he saw a swath being cut through the bushes heading straight towards him. Before he could change direction and veer away, a bear of a man hurtled through the line of bushes and right into Minska. Minska was momentarily stunned as what was up became down. He landed hard on his back as the red headed, hulking man landed across his chest and abdomen a moment later, further driving the wind from his lungs.
A ray of sunlight through the canopy of leaves above shone directly in Minska's eyes, forcing him to squint as the pain of his rough landing began to subside. With strength born of a lifetime laboring in the fields of his hometown, Minska heaved the bulk of man off himself.
The man, recovering his own breath, began gasping in small fits of laughter. Minska stood and brushed dirt off his breeches. The clasp cinching his tunic in place had become dislodged in the tumble, so he set about fixing it. With the look of utter disgust on Minska's face. the red-headed man was now in the throes of a large bout of laughter.
"All that running about in the forest, and you never heard me following you since you left town." The man panted, wiping tears out of his eyes.
"I was chasing a deer I injured back a ways, that's why I didn't notice you until just before you emerged from the bushes." Minska said with half a grin, still tender around the middle. "So Mikalik, you've managed to get the best of me once in my own forest. What could you possibly ever do in life that will top this triumph?" Minska questioned sarcastically, irritated at the grin lingering on his longtime friend's face.
When he wasn't helping his townsfolk out in the fields, Minska spent almost all of his free time out in the surrounding forest. He thought himself a creature of the forest, and enjoyed the time he spent here. Minska would sometimes place wagers with other men of the town, betting to see who might catch him out in the forest. Those games ended when it was apparent that no one could hope to ever catch Minska in his forest. For Mikalik to get the better of Minska on his own stomping grounds, that truly was an achievement.
"Yes lad, there's not much more I could do in life that would top the accomplishment of catching you in your forest home," Mikalik replied in a sweet tone. He lifted his arm so that Minska could help him up. When Minska had Mikalik halfway to his feet, Mikalik said, seemingly to himself "Of course, when I win the heart of the fair Cairena tonight at the festival, THAT would be an achievement to top this one."
Minska turned red at that comment, letting go of Mikalik's hand. Mikalik landed with a thump and renewed laughter, wheezing harder than he did the first time. Minska turned away, hands on hips, eyes closed, and let the late day sunlight streaming through gaps in the canopy wash over him.
Cairena grew up on the farm right next to Minska's. Growing up, Minska reflected on all the times the two would go out in the forest for hours on end, enjoying the less troubling times of youth. Minska felt a deep affection for Cairena, He always thought that he and Cairena would one day marry, yet he wasn't as sure of that now than he was during his childhood. While he did care for Cairena greatly, he thought of her a bit like a sister. It was confusing for Minska, his feelings for his female friend. He knew Mikalik knew at least some of what he felt, therefore he never wasted an opportunity to poke fun at him for it.
"Come now lad, just a joke, just a joke." Mikalik said into the lengthening silence.
Minska turned around and found himself face first in the thick red beard of his long-time friend.
"Mikalik would never do that to you Minska, you must believe me!"
Minska tried to yell that he did believe it, but it came out as a muffled yelp into Mikalik's beard. Mikalik had locked his burly arms around Minska and had him in a bear hug, spinning around as he stated over and over again that he would never go after his friend's girlfriend. Minska managed to finally wiggle himself out of Mikalik's grasp once his jovially laughter erupted.
"Minsk, you needn't worry. That's one girl whose in love with the air you breath. A prince with all the riches of the world wouldn't be able to tempt her away from you."
"That's not true but, well, mind your own business you big oaf." Minska replied, giving Mikalik's arm a punch for good measure.
"You know," Minska began, a slight grin on his face, "just because you caught me that one time, doesn't mean you can do it a second time." With that, Minska darted into the bushes to a small side trail, and then was gone.
"That boy will be the death of me yet." Mikalik said softly, beginning his chase.
***
It was becoming more and more difficult to see as dusk began to settle over the forest. Minska could just make out the sound of his friend trampling through the forest a bit behind him. He found a small clearing near a small lake that would be perfect for setting up camp for the night. Minska decided to began setting up a fire pit while waiting for Mikalik to catch up with him.
The first flames of the small fire pit Minska made were just springing into full bloom as Mikalik came bounding into the clearing. Minska looked up from his work of setting several pieces of fish into a pan and smiled up at his panting friend.
"Don't feel too bad Mikal; one's greatest triumph can't be duplicated easily"
"Aye lad, you're telling me." Mikalik ended in a huff, hovering near the smell of fresh fish beginning to cook.
"I was thinking a bit about what you said of Cairena earlier," Minska began, stoking the flames of the fire, "and I think that while I do love her, it's not in the way she loves me"
Silence settled over the two like a blanket covering a small child in the depths of winter. Minska was more than happy to let the silence continue unabated after that statement, but Mikalik had other ideas.
"Minsk, I know you care for her greatly, and it seems as if you've gotten yourself into a bit of a quagmire of adolescent feelings. The best thing to do is to let Cairena know how you feel. The both of you will be better off."
"What if she hates me for that? I wouldn't want to lose completely because I had a momentary bout of nervousness. Perhaps I'm just afraid of the unknown. I've never professed my love for a woman before." Minska turned over each piece of fish idly as he contemplated his own words along with what Mikalik had told him.
"To be young again my boy, something I would value greatly." Mikalik said softly, stretching out on the ground near the fire. " One's heart is a fragile thing. I think if you really wanted to be with Cairena, you would know. It's more of a fantasy of what you would like, as opposed to a fantasy of what is, Minsk. Honesty would be the best thing in this situation."
" When did you become an expert on matters of the heart Mikalik? I can't remember the last time you had any sort of a serious girlfriend. " Minska smiled at the wonder of Mikalik with a lady friend. Most of his relationship's ended with the dawn of a new day.
" A lot of things can happen through the course of ones lifetime Minsk, you just have to pay attention to whats important, and never let that idea go. I don't think I would be here today if not for that grasp on reality. You just keep that in mind as you go romping through the maze of love Minsk, and you'll be alright." Mikalik settled into a comfortable posture as he waited for the fish to finish cooking.
Minska was a little rattled at the sense of understanding Mikalik had for what he was going through. It was unlike Mikalik to say the least, giving advice on matters of the heart. Minska supposed he didn't know everything about Mikalik the way he thought he did. With deliberate care, Minska handed Mikalik a few pieces of the now finished fish. "After I'm finished eating, I'm ready for bed." Minska said, wanting to follow up on his word.
"I would imagine so lad, I would imagine so." Mikalik replied.
***
Minska found himself running through a labyrinth of stone corridors, footsteps in pursuit coming ever closer. Now matter how fast or how hard Minska ran, he kept losing his lead on his pursuer. Sconces in the lichen laced gray walls contained small balls of fire that gave off a brilliant display of orange and blue. Minska found himself counting each small flame as he made his way ever deeper into the labyrinth. He nearly slipped on a slick spot on the floor while taking a corner, catching his balance just before colliding with a wall. An eerie sense of dread began to permeate the halls Minska traversed, rising with his own sense of panic. Minska could hear soft whispers just a shade behind him over his own labored breathing. At an fork barely illuminated by a flame further back down the hall, Minska made out the words don't be afraid being repeated over again. Minska was anything but afraid, as he found himself in front of a strangely glowing form in the middle of the next hallway. The hair on the back of his neck began to stir as he stared into the soulless face of the creature before him. Minska felt frozen as it slowly made its way towards him.
"Come to me..." the figure whispered, speaking in what could only be described as an otherworldly voice, "don't be afraid, you need me". The form of what looked to be wisps of smoke was now only inches away from enveloping Minska. Minska breathed harder and harder as icy cold pain began to shoot through his body. He was totally enveloped by the floating form as the icy pain began to be blanketed by a searing burning sensation across his flesh.
***
"Wake up lad, wake up." Minska heard through the agony, a familiar voice in a world of incomprehensible pain. Minska's eyes shot open and immediately sweat began to pour into them. He tried to sit up quickly, and began a sputtering cough while rolling onto his side.
"That was some nightmare Minsk ," Mikalik said, standing up from his crouch on Minska's side.
"You're telling me Mikalik," Minska said, his bout of coughing beginning to subside. "It was strange. I was running through this seemingly endless maze of corridors, being followed by someone. I could hear their footsteps echoing my own. I turned a corner and was confronted by...some sort of shadow."
Minska paused for a moment, a slight tremble running through him as he recalled that horrible creature.
"I was frozen with fear Mikalik, I couldn't move. The shadow engulfed me, causing such pain that I can only recall a shadow of its agony. Then I woke up." Minska looked up and noticed that Mikalik looked stricken. Mikalik quickly regained his composure, and assured Minska that it was only a dream and that he shouldn't worry.
"I'd like to forget it." Minska said, standing up and shaking the sleep from himself.
"What's that foul odor?" Minska questioned, crinkling his nose to the air.
"Well after last nights fish," Mikalik replied with too straight of a face, "I cooked up some leftover beans that I had in a small tin. Nature can't be helped lad, just move on."
Minska shot Mikalik a look of disgust. "It's not that you dirty, dirty man. It smells like roasting meat.
For some reason, this oddity in the forest didn't sit well with Minska. He had been out in the forest for the past two days, and hadn't seen any sign of people. For someone to come this far into the forest and start cooking meat, especially with how early it was, didn't seem plausible to Minska.
"Mikalik," Minska said with more bite then he intended "I don't like this. Let's get back to Cyntha."
Without waiting for a reply, Minska started off to his hometown, leaving his belongings in the camp. He only briefly looked back to see if Mikalik was close behind. He was.
As the morning wore on, the scent in the air was becoming stronger. The small animals that inhabited the trees and underbrush were silent. The only sound in the forest Minska heard was what he and Mikalik disturbed during their trek.
User Reviews
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-11-02 17:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Again, world-building.
No map on the inside cover of a book here. A casual offhand reference inserted in the story, in order to place your people other than in the woods could really help.
something like: Minska spent almost all of his free time out in the surrounding forest, When he wasn't helping his townsfolk harvest the vast amounts of grain the Plains of ____ yielded, all to feed the multitudes in the city of ____
That, instead of: When he wasn't helping his townsfolk out in the fields, Minska spent almost all of his free time out in the surrounding forest.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-11-02 16:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad at all. A few proofreading errors, and it reads a little rough in some places, but otherwise, a decent, slow build-up installment.
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Connor. This bitch really does get better as I go along. I start it off slow to make what happens later all the better. I don't want to start off with a hero who already kicks ass. He'll need to learn about life, about growing into the hero/man he will be forced to become. Some of my ideas and themes that I will incorporate into my stories I think are really good, and really will make for a worthy read.
It just sucks I'm working on chapter four of book one when I already have the ending of book four and most of book five worked out. Give it time to anyone interested in what I have begun and I will start to have some truly quality shit posted on here. Criticism's always welcomed.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-02 09:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-11-02 08:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys are right I fucked this one up. Apparently, somewhere along the line, I deleted the last half page of this chapter. I will repost this in a few days after an extensive proof read.
And I meant to say his legs pumping rhythmically with the beating of his heart.
=================
Good idea, I don't think that the story itself will actually suck.
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-11-02 08:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys are right I fucked this one up. Apparently, somewhere along the line, I deleted the last half page of this chapter. I will repost this in a few days after an extensive proof read.
And I meant to say his legs pumping rhythmically with the beating of his heart.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-02 05:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you may need to proof read more.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-02 05:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"his heart pounding rhythmically with the beating of his heart."
stopped here.
Submitted by ShimishSmortion (user info) at 2007-11-02 00:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant to say the shielded land. Not gonna wasted another post so the title has a past tense in it.