Nature Versus Nuture (1341 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.48 on 110 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Paralyzed By Hope (View user info) at 2007-11-02 11:28:31 EDT
This summer I traveled to the land of ten thousand lakes to visit my family. How I can share genetic chromosomes with this group of people is beyond me. My older cousins have already gotten married and started popping out the required 2.5 children. And it seems as if I'm the next in line. The matriarchs of the family are glancing at their watches and asking when I think I might want to join in all the fun. Please. I have a good five years before I'm thirty and it's my firm belief that nobody should get married before the big three-o. Or have kids before thirty-five. There's too many places to I want to see and things I want to do before I'm shackled to a sticky and whiny loss of disposable income. Lucky for me, I wasn't gifted with that overbearing maternal gene.
After the umpteenth question about my love-life and kid-bearing potential, I revealed what the only reason I'd want to have kids would be. Apparently, honesty really isn't the best policy. Since I'm the kind of person who sees having children as a kind of long-term anthropology experiment, the reactions of my family ranged from dumb disbelief to awkward paranoia. Of course, there may be a chance I'm going to fuck up a small percentage of my bastards, but I figure I'm bound to do something right.
The experiment would not work with less than three children. I'd raise one to be deeply ingrained within the Christian religion. Banning all non-christ worshipping entertainment and news. He/She would only attend rigorously strict Christian schools and be permitted to have friends who shared not only religion, but race and income level. His/Her demands would always be met immediately, leaving not a single one un-fulfilled. Vacations would consist of hunting parties and fishing trips. Football, granted, would run a close second to God and country.
The next one would be introduced to the concept that spirituality is more important than organized religion. I would enroll him/her in open-thinking schools where they play Jimi Hendrix all day, take pot-smoking breaks between each class, and talk endlessly about the benefits of masturbation. This child would have friends from every tribe known to man. He/She would be a member of the green party before his/her first birthday and be heralded as the next (more successful) Ralph Nader at the age of five. He/She would learn how to grow all things of the organic nature. And the concept of eating any meat product would be considered the most evil action he/she could perform.
The third child undoubtedly would be my favorite. He/She would spend childhood locked in a large closet into which I'd slip books written by Hunter S. Thompson and Chuck Palahniuk under the door for him/her to read.
Then I'd send them into the world and see how they fair. I'd place bets that the third kid would be a more fascinating person. Or the most fascinating serial killer the world has seen yet. Depends on your perspective, I guess.
Or maybe I should just go and get sterilized now before I'm locked away.
On another note. I'm so getting this as my next tattoo:
User Reviews
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-11-05 15:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
we have enough unwanted
and unloved children in the
world already.
we sure as shit don't need
any of your fucked-up kids
running around.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-04 11:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No kids for me, thanks.
I love kids, but mostly when they belong to someone else. I'm content with being "That Strange Uncle."
Besides, I know DAMN well I shouldn't be allowed to spawn...
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-03 20:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-03 19:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would ideally like an autistic child 'cause then they could supplement my lame maths skills. i guess I could hook up with an asian lady but they don't tend to like me for some reason.
*pushes hair back with tentacle*
hahahaha
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-11-03 16:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rick_the_stud (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
there is a large body of research that suggests that the female "ticking clock" is no myth and that if you wait around you *will* fuck up your offspring. also, every time a man ejaculates, he must completely restock his entire supply of sperm through meiosis. by the time a man hits 30, this seriously fucks up his sperm. by 50, something like 40% of his sperm is genetically fucked. but i guess you can decide how you like the odds.
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worst ignornance of the day goes to...
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-02 22:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Before having a kid, I also thought it would be interesting to conduct some sort of long term experiment. Just out of the question, though, once you become a parent. Things change.
I guess everything's just a big stupid experiment though.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-02 21:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-02 21:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-11-02 18:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Finally, a somewhat relevant classic from the vault: http://www.ubersite.com/m/92308
For the record, you lost a point for the typo in the damn TITLE.
Ok, now I'm done.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-11-02 18:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Regarding accidents:
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-19 15:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HaHaHa! Har Har Accident!
This did get me thinking though. I wonder about the psychology of an accident. I mean, sooner or later your kid will figure out that at the moment of her conception, neither one of her parents wanted her to come into being. Hell, if she ever sees this post and recognizes her baby picture, she'll know for a fact that her dad wanted her dead for Christ sakes!
I think it'd be rather disheartening to learn that your entire existance is a result of someone's poor planning/fuckup/intoxication/etc... You're not the product of two people, madly in love, who decide, for some selfish reason or another, to subject a child to the horrors of this world. Nope, you're here because your mom was on top and your dad couldn't pull out quick enough.
I read somewhere that most of the French believe life is shit. Maybe they're all bastards too.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-11-02 18:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Scuse me, but deciding not to bring an unwanted child into the world simply because they tell me I supposed to want to, is bullshit. In fact, I'm showing responsibility in not having a child that I don't particularly want. I know I would not make a good mother. Besides, the world is far too poluted and overcrowded now without my offspring contributing to the waste problem with his/her disposable diapers. In fact, I think it is the OPPOSITE of selfishness to decide to not breed. Selfish would be to go ahead and have one even though you know it isn't a good idea.
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If I had my way, this would replace "In God we trust" on all U.S. currency.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-02 16:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The first child would be the best.
I mean that as in best at living in our society. If you don't give a kid restriction, they'll never really mature, and your kid needs to get an idea of what society is before he can develope a disdain for it.
I'm not saying that Jesus is the answer to raising children, it sure as hell wasn't how I was brought up, but that one would be the least of a shitbag, especially if they were all sons.
I've got an idea: Have a kid, or kids. Bring them to church, or don't. Have them play a variety of sports for a few years. Let them drink and try weed, but monitor them. Send them to public schools at least up to high school, and if your school district doesn't suck, high school too. Let them indoctrinate themselves, as I think you could already guess the results of your experiment pretty accurately.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Since the genesis of the internal combustion engine, there's been absolutely no reason to have children, and abortion should be government sanctioned in most cases. They may ask you where our next Einstein will come from, and I will respond that I'd spend a thousand Einsteins if it meant we could dispense with just one of the redneck troglodyte spawn in my neighborhood. Sterilize yourself, and spit on every baby you see. That's really your only viable course of action.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha. Yeah. Oops. Well _I_ obviously think he has great hair. I mean talk about sexy.
http://www.maniacworld.com/albert-einstein-1.jpg
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WAY TO PAY ATTENTION!!!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually obviously you know what i think, i said bad hair :p
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know about you, but I think Einstein had great hair.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Call me the next Einstein then.
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jew with bad hair?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-02 14:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Call me the next Einstein then.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1, if you were smart you'd keep it that way.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no clue who you are.... http://www.ubersite.com/m/95104 <-------- A fucking gem in the sico vault.
I like my anonymity.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no clue who you are.... http://www.ubersite.com/m/95104 <-------- A fucking gem in the sico vault.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm contemplating pulling my uterus out with a fork and tattooing it.
That would be an exceptional modernistic piece.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm contemplating pulling my uterus out with a fork and tattooing it.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I only want one tattoo. I will most likely never find anybody skillful enough to do it.
http://alexgrey.net/a-gallery/pntng.html
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That'd be a fucking awesome tattoo. You could probably find the skill, it would just take time and money. But it'd be great.
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Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lets mate
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Probably too bosh for me. Dude.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I only want one tattoo. I will most likely never find anybody skillful enough to do it.
http://alexgrey.net/a-gallery/pntng.html
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-02 13:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lets mate
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meant that for TechnoRatty.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha
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Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha
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V
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think of it all in terms of a poker game.
You're the deck of cards. Society is how the cards are dealt. Conflict, stress, fear, regret, and shame are the other players. Your childhood and parents are the dealer.
Your consciousness, in relation to everything else, determines how you play the hand.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Children are a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)
Early scientists considered children to be some sort of parasitic creature that feeds on the female species substinance. It was dubbed "pregnancy" from the Latin word, impregnius, meaning "to impregnate a foreign body with another body (preferrably while drunk and/or unconscious)".
This disease endangers the future of the human race as it creates fat, stressy females which make the males of the species regret their actions i.e. "getting the stressy, fat bitch banged up".
The disease will spend its first nine months inside the female's womb. During the beginning of this initial stage, it is possible to cure the disease with a treatment known as abortion. One problem with carrying through the cure after detection is an early symptom of the disease which causes the female to become emotionally 'attached' to the disease. This has been compared to stockholm syndrome.
After the first nine month development period, the disease will have enough of a foothold to crawl outside of the female's body in an event ocassionally dubbed "the miracle of life", which, although defined as a miracle, actually occurs countless times in a single day.
The organism aka "a baby" destroys the lives of the male and female by killing off their social and sex lives as well as their overall understanding of fun. They are now shells, and ugly ones at that, of their former being and like all STDs, the one known as "children" takes and destroys countless lives everyday.
Remember, safe sex counts: always consider Disease Prevention; for example in the form of condoms or abortions.(Source :- Somewhere on T'Internet)
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty: I fucking googled it. And that's just disturbing on so many levels.
Brnd: There's no doubt accidents work out for some people. It's always nice to be one of the "good" examples. Each of my cousins' first child had been an accident. And the jury is still out on how well it's working for them.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought with the cartoon chick tat that'd be your bag, you dig? You dress up like a mole and I feed you some 'worm'. It is like a disneyworld parade only, how you say, sexy. Also it involves a lot more dry cleaning.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was one of those that made the accident family work but after ten years she decided to bail. I wouldn't change the fact that my son is who he is but I certainly wasn't ready for a child or a family for that matter and then after investing so much of myself into that family i was not ready for a divorce either. oh well.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF is yiffing?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A gazelle? I don't think I ever saw THAT episode.
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Eh? I'm talking about yiffing here... Are we some how discussing different degenerate activities?
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A gazelle? I don't think I ever saw THAT episode.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is Berty going to be on "To Catch A Predator"?
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Only if you're gonna be dressing up as a gazelle! Rawr!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would ideally like an autistic child 'cause then they could supplement my lame maths skills. i guess I could hook up with an asian lady but they don't tend to like me for some reason.
*pushes hair back with tentacle*
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is Berty going to be on "To Catch A Predator"?
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm serious though
if I could design the test for whether a person is allowed to have a child (desperate need for this test) it would largely based on logic.
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I think that would be a magnificent idea. But I'm also for involuntary sterilization. And that leads into very trick ethic/moral questions.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm serious though
if I could design the test for whether a person is allowed to have a child (desperate need for this test) it would largely based on logic.
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As opposed to what, a random number generator?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a lovely full head of hair and a good sense of humor.
two things no one should ever be without.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
berty has a lot to offer a child
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Yeah. Like, er, wait a minute... is this one of them FBI entrapment questions? I wouldn't offer NOTHING to a child! You've got nothing on me, pig!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm serious though
if I could design the test for whether a person is allowed to have a child (desperate need for this test) it would largely based on logic.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey berty, wanna father my anchor baby?
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I guess I could try...
*turns towards west coast, drops trousers*
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should probably wait til i'm in a land i want to be anchored to. you might accidently get an irish girl preggers that way.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yep he does a nice line in lemon sherberts
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
berty has a lot to offer a child
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was deep Berty. I don't quite agree, but it was deep all the same.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey berty, wanna father my anchor baby?
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I guess I could try...
*turns towards west coast, drops trousers*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey berty, wanna father my anchor baby?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Joking aside, kids aren't for everyone it's just... I dunno. You only get one shot at life, you know? I can't help but feel that if I were to go my whole life of just me and, well, other people passing in and out of my life that I'd be missing out on something really intense.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anansie: some people just aren't into tattoos. Me, on the other hand, would look like Kat Von D if I had the money and the time.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't you have to live with someone for five years to be commonlaw? I need to start ticking the days off on my calendar so I will know when I can get my grubby hands on his money.
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six months in texas i hear.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
interesting post.
children are fun like whippee!!! swinging on a swing in the autumn fun and children are SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I STRANGLE YOU AND BECOME A NEWS STORY but for the most part you land right in the middle and i'm not sure its worth pining for anything more than that.
but then again we are both just typing things on a website.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Odd that indeed, shadow.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I know I sound like an old woman but I think I'll ever get a tattoo. It just seems that if I got one no matter what it was, it would end up looking trite or stupid to me later.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trapping him with child? I forgot us ladies had that in our corner. Though, I've noticed those marriages really don't last. Seem quite a few crash and burn.
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well, most marriage don't last anyway.
also, no matter what everyone says about oh i was 40 when i had my first child! they don't mention the infertility treatments and crap they had to go through to get pregnant at that age. at some point, regular sex twice a day actually just won't do it.
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You're right. My family, however, has a history of women getting pregnant without help late in life. You couldn't spit at a woman in my family without getting them pregnant.
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so does mine. don't mean you wont' be the exception to the rule. i dunno. i understand why people push things back. but when you start trying to mess with biological time limits on things you get pretty scary consequences.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have at least stopped to ponder. I'm not promising anything though.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and i <3 forensic.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ya know, come to think of it, nearly all the babies I know were "accidents" and it's a 50/50 split between whether the mother or father is the better fit parent. The only real functioning "oops unplanned baby, let's keep it and be a family" couple I know of are Razor and Firefly who stuck it out, made it work, and built a real family out of an accident.
Odd that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cake or Jesus? Those are my choices if I'm not married. I'm allergic to gluten and don't believe in god. Well, I'm fucked.
The wrinkly people image has now tained the tattoo.
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Well now maybe you need not give up all hope. You can always put under your health declaration that you suffered from cancer and are in remision.
I am glad our little chat has disuaded you from disfiguring yourself into some manner of toon skin.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FG3: You're great. And so was the rant.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't you have to live with someone for five years to be commonlaw? I need to start ticking the days off on my calendar so I will know when I can get my grubby hands on his money.
Not really, we are both poor.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is such bullshit that sometimes the only reason people do things is that they think they're "supposed to." They worst area this happens is in the decision to have children or not.
Prime example, my mother. Yes my mother wanted children, but I believe it's because her generation was conditioned to believe that EVERY woman wants to have lots n' lots of children. My father, the more reasonable of the two, only wanted one child. Truthfully, he really had prefered not to have kids but did it for my mother.
So, here she is, early twenties and has a brand new baby. She was totally not prepared and subsequently wasn't the greatest mother. In fact, she leaned towards the abusive side. I could tell stories but I won't because every time I do, I want to go punch the woman in the face.
So, growing up like that, when I pondered whether I would have children one day, I decided...OH HELL NO!
Through my twenties, relatives, matrons, and other garden variety busybodies would poke at my abdomen (I showed great restraint in not breaking their arms) and ask when I planned to pop out a few.
I told them I didn't WANT them and that I would NOT be having them.
"Oh EVERY one wants a baby! Why are you being so selfish?"
'Scuse me, but deciding not to bring an unwanted child into the world simply because they tell me I supposed to want to, is bullshit. In fact, I'm showing responsibility in not having a child that I don't particularly want. I know I would not make a good mother. Besides, the world is far too poluted and overcrowded now without my offspring contributing to the waste problem with his/her disposable diapers. In fact, I think it is the OPPOSITE of selfishness to decide to not breed. Selfish would be to go ahead and have one even though you know it isn't a good idea.
Now at 37, I still don't want kids. The biological clock is a myth I think. Either I don't have one, it's broke, OR it as I said, it's a myth, because it sure as hell never has ticked one tock in my entire life.
Meh, I don't know where I'm going with this except that parenthood isn't for everyone and just because everyone else is having kids doesn't mean you have to.
AND PEOPLE SHOULD MIND THEIR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS ABOUT THEIR RELATIVE'S REPRODUCTION PLANS! RAWR!! (&^$$#^&^%&!!!!!
Pardon me. I'm going to shut up now before I stab someone on general principles.
</rant>
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True, Drogo. Very True. Some of the best guys I know are the ones who fought for full custody knowing good and damn well they would be a better parent than the slattern they had the misforture of knocking up.
It's tough in MD, the courts nearly always side with the mum, even if she's a whore. Which is why we should all be a little choosey in who we take home, hmmmm?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women can't trap men with babies! That's the most recockulous thing I've heard all day! A man hears "Honey, my period is late..." and his bags are packed before the pee hits the applicator.
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*shrugs*
No disrespect mam, but maybe you should quit associating with dudes that are either hippies or pussies. A real man would at least try to clandestinly push you down the stairs.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought Malificent was a badass and all, but I wouldn't want a poorly-drawn, slutty version of her on my body.
I'm just sayin'
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She was. She really really was.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't be a Berty's Skank Anansie because you are married. Berty does not go diving in another dude's pool.
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Haha, no I'm not. I guess I might as well be though.
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I count common law wife in that bracket, lady. For me to even call you pretty would make me feel as guilty as committing a felony.
er, in fact for the remainder of this confirmation I think I will refer to you as 'human' just to be safe. Wouldn't want to accidently cause you to look whimsically at your screen, sigh and for your dude to see it, read my unbridled awesome wordage and hurl himself out the window.
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ahahaha. I'll just admire you from afar then.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously you people, I work in HR and do you know what I think when I see a dude who is over 30 and not married? I think "fuck, that dude's probably well depressed" then I check his hobbies for things like 'animation'.
If I see a laydeee in that situation I can tell you now that they're not interested in 'animation', they're interested in cake and/or Jesus. Still, there's no worry of them going off on maternity so that's pretty cool.
Also that tattoo just reeks of regret. Seriously. Step outside of yourself and look at it for a minute. It's the sort of thing you see on wrinkly people at burning man.
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Cake or Jesus? Those are my choices if I'm not married. I'm allergic to gluten and don't believe in god. Well, I'm fucked.
The wrinkly people image has now tained the tattoo.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women can't trap men with babies! That's the most recockulous thing I've heard all day! A man hears "Honey, my period is late..." and his bags are packed before the pee hits the applicator.
--
Not all men are like that. Sadly those types just seem to get more publicity than the ones who hang around.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Your mouth can't get pregnant."
wait, what?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't be a Berty's Skank Anansie because you are married. Berty does not go diving in another dude's pool.
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Haha, no I'm not. I guess I might as well be though.
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I count common law wife in that bracket, lady. For me to even call you pretty would make me feel as guilty as committing a felony.
er, in fact for the remainder of this confirmation I think I will refer to you as 'human' just to be safe. Wouldn't want to accidently cause you to look whimsically at your screen, sigh and for your dude to see it, read my unbridled awesome wordage and hurl himself out the window.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i say stick to bum sex with a women
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 12:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought Malificent was a badass and all, but I wouldn't want a poorly-drawn, slutty version of her on my body.
I'm just sayin'
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women can't trap men with babies! That's the most recockulous thing I've heard all day! A man hears "Honey, my period is late..." and his bags are packed before the pee hits the applicator.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trapping him with child? I forgot us ladies had that in our corner. Though, I've noticed those marriages really don't last. Seem quite a few crash and burn.
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well, most marriage don't last anyway.
also, no matter what everyone says about oh i was 40 when i had my first child! they don't mention the infertility treatments and crap they had to go through to get pregnant at that age. at some point, regular sex twice a day actually just won't do it.
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You're right. My family, however, has a history of women getting pregnant without help late in life. You couldn't spit at a woman in my family without getting them pregnant.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously you people, I work in HR and do you know what I think when I see a dude who is over 30 and not married? I think "fuck, that dude's probably well depressed" then I check his hobbies for things like 'animation'.
If I see a laydeee in that situation I can tell you now that they're not interested in 'animation', they're interested in cake and/or Jesus. Still, there's no worry of them going off on maternity so that's pretty cool.
Also that tattoo just reeks of regret. Seriously. Step outside of yourself and look at it for a minute. It's the sort of thing you see on wrinkly people at burning man.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't be a Berty's Skank Anansie because you are married. Berty does not go diving in another dude's pool.
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Haha, no I'm not. I guess I might as well be though.
--
You fell for Bertys trap there Anansie
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't be a Berty's Skank Anansie because you are married. Berty does not go diving in another dude's pool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Haha, no I'm not. I guess I might as well be though.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trapping him with child? I forgot us ladies had that in our corner. Though, I've noticed those marriages really don't last. Seem quite a few crash and burn.
-------
well, most marriage don't last anyway.
also, no matter what everyone says about oh i was 40 when i had my first child! they don't mention the infertility treatments and crap they had to go through to get pregnant at that age. at some point, regular sex twice a day actually just won't do it.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anansie: True. Also didn't take lady to be hostile either. I use it more often than not as well.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hell, im funny in theory.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't be a Berty's Skank Anansie because you are married. Berty does not go diving in another dude's pool.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny in theory, but not in reality.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats a gay old tattoo
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You're not the one getting it. So don't worry. I'm so gay and cliche that I even have a butterfly. I refer to it as my butterfly on crack, but it's a butterfly nonetheless.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-02 15:50:13 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
This reminds me that I have to have my kittens done soon.
---------------------------------------
gay gay gay gay
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah ain't no scientist or nothin' but ah can tell ya that mah papy wuz well o'er 40 dang ol' years old an Ah turned out jus' fine, thank you ver' much!
*scratches back with tentacle*
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My worst fear in having children is selfish and horrible: I'm afraid it will come out retarded and I just won't know what to do with it.
That's honesty for ya.
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My friends and I have had countless discussions about how wrong/right it would be to have an abortion if you found out you were having a baby with mental handicaps.
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Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
By the way, why do you have to spit out a kid anyway, lady? Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you need to have a kid. We don't live in that kind of world anymore. If you really don't want them, don't have them.
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Truthfully, that's the more likely possibility (not having any). I just think it would be a little funny if someone had kids for the purpose of a social experiment.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just realized that saying lady makes me sound hostile. I'm not. I call women lady in a friendly way in real life.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This reminds me that I have to have my kittens done soon.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats a gay old tattoo
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My worst fear in having children is selfish and horrible: I'm afraid it will come out retarded and I just won't know what to do with it.
That's honesty for ya.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
By the way, why do you have to spit out a kid anyway, lady? Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you need to have a kid. We don't live in that kind of world anymore. If you really don't want them, don't have them.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ovum is another hilarious word
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you get that tattoo.......nevermind...get the tattoo....
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As you get older the quality of your sperm and the quality of your partners ovum will deterioate. Still, you're probably right in thinking that an older, more mature and responsible, person would be better equipped to look after a down syndrome child.
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Berty may I please join the ranks of your army of skanks?
Submitted by rick_the_stud (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
there is a large body of research that suggests that the female "ticking clock" is no myth and that if you wait around you *will* fuck up your offspring. also, every time a man ejaculates, he must completely restock his entire supply of sperm through meiosis. by the time a man hits 30, this seriously fucks up his sperm. by 50, something like 40% of his sperm is genetically fucked. but i guess you can decide how you like the odds.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And the tattoo is great. She has a whole load of retro pin-up disney characters.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trapping him with child? I forgot us ladies had that in our corner. Though, I've noticed those marriages really don't last. Seem quite a few crash and burn.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
raising a child tends to be experimental in nature. I think part of the reason that eldest children have been claimed to be more intelligent, self assured, leader type people is because you kind of have to step up while your parents experiment on you to figure out how to be a parent. subsequent children therefore benefit from the trial/error carried out on you and are coddeled through thier lives in a much more stable manor. of course beyond four children that flies right out the window as parents finally realize that none of it matters one bit and let the youngest have everything they could possibly want while allowing them to do whatever the fuck they want.
I'm finally me again. WOOOO!
~Brdn_Nkd
Congrats.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blah blah blah crusty ol' jizz blah blah pickeled eggs blah blah blah
=====
Technically, it will be MY ovum that will be deterioating. But good point.
---------------------
If you're a laydeee then the ramifications of older pregnancy are far more serious. The obvious dangers of higher birthing complications aside, how do you expect to marry good and early if you can't trap him with a child!?
Also don't get that tattoo.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Nuture?
Fuck. I didn't even notice that. I know it's not that great of a post, but I wanted an excuse to post the picture.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
raising a child tends to be experimental in nature. I think part of the reason that eldest children have been claimed to be more intelligent, self assured, leader type people is because you kind of have to step up while your parents experiment on you to figure out how to be a parent. subsequent children therefore benefit from the trial/error carried out on you and are coddeled through thier lives in a much more stable manor. of course beyond four children that flies right out the window as parents finally realize that none of it matters one bit and let the youngest have everything they could possibly want while allowing them to do whatever the fuck they want.
I'm finally me again. WOOOO!
~Brdn_Nkd
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Nuture?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
nonsense
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As you get older the quality of your sperm and the quality of your partners ovum will deterioate. Still, you're probably right in thinking that an older, more mature and responsible, person would be better equipped to look after a down syndrome child.
=====
Technically, it will be MY ovum that will be deterioating. But good point.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What an original idea you've had!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-02 11:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As you get older the quality of your sperm and the quality of your partners ovum will deterioate. Still, you're probably right in thinking that an older, more mature and responsible, person would be better equipped to look after a down syndrome child.