On Sweat Pants: A Critical Analysis of Appropriate Party Attire. This one’s for people everywhere who dress as bummy as me. (1989 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorLabels: camwhore
Rating: 0.83 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AsshOly (View user info) at 2007-11-04 05:07:15 EST
Look dudes, I like my sweat pants. They're comfortable and warm and I live in them. Eff off.
I showed up at a party tonight, and right away I was accosted by two groups of people: those clad in bleach-blotted jeans and polo shirts and those clad in skin-tight jeans, black high heels, and a bedazzled top, both of whom felt that my Air Force Academy sweat pants were not appropriate party attire.
The two guys are two of my very good friends (one of whom is gay so fashion is of paramount importance to him) and they tried to explain to me that, while they understand wearing sweat pants and wearing comfortable clothes, I shouldn't do it when I go out.
The other person was the girl I'm kind of/sort of seeing right now, and she remarked, "I don't think I've ever seen you not in sweat pants" (as a side note I just want to say that because I've been writing so many school papers lately, it took me a few moments to realize I don't need to cite this quotation in proper MLA format...sorry for this distraction, but I just think it's kind of ridiculous). "...never seen you not in sweat pants," she said.
Straight Friend told me, "Look Andrew, I understand wearing sweat pants completely. During the week, you know, I wear sweat pants every day. But on the weekends, I try to look a little better because that's just what you do. You should too."
Gay Friend told me, "Andrew, you're not fat, but right now you look fat. You look fat Andrew. Why don't you just wear jeans sometimes?"
Because I don't want to, alright? I noticed I looked fat before I went out. That tends to happen when you wear four layers of clothes to combat the cold, and also when you are fat. But I don't care, really. I didn't care when I looked in the mirror and I didn't care when Gay Friend said so. And this is why.
Straight Friend once told me that anybody who celebrates 420 who doesn't smoke usually is an idiot. He feels that waiting for a day that is designated as a smoking day if you are not a habitual smoker is stupid. If you smoke all the time, fine, celebrate 420 and smoke twice as much. But if you don't smoke, why smoke on 420?
It's a good question, and I think it applies to more of our lives than just the not-stoners. Because, man, I'm not a person who wears jeans a lot. I'm just not. So why should I throw some jeans on just because it's Saturday? That would be dishonest. Who says I need to? Other people (Gay Friend) are more offended by my fashion crimes than I am, and other peoples' feelings are not my responsibility, so why should I wear jeans? I'm not embarrassed to be seen in sweats. I look fine for an apartment two-kegger.
And it's not like I don't think I look good in nice clothes, because I do. If you've seen me in a nice suit and tie (you haven't, because those of you who have met me have only seen me in swim trunks and a tee shirt) you know how well I clean up. But jeans just aren't me, and I only throw them on when I have somebody to impress. Every once in a while I'll reach into the back of my closet and pull out some nice shit that makes me not look like a skuzzy bastard. I'll put some jeans on when I'm going out to some Chicago bars, or when I am taking a girl on a date or something. But not for a kegger, and especially not just because it's a Saturday night and we're playing beer pong.
And at the end of the night, how classy does a dude in jeans look when he's hunched over a wastebasket puking up his championship dinner of McDonald's double cheeseburgers? How pristine is a guy in a suit with beer spilled all over the lapel? How bright is a girl who wears a miniskirt and Uggs and doesn't factor in the 10 degree night? Maybe somebody should consider wearing warm clothes just for the fact that it's becoming winter time. Leave the fashionably torn jeans in the closet when it snows, even if it's Saturday. When people figure this out, I promise I will shave every day and stop looking like a hobo when I go out on the weekends.
Actually, lots of hobos wear jeans. Hmm...
These were taken within a week of one another, on consecutive Saturdays (I think). I'm just going to assume my friend here doesn't think I'm a creep for putting pictures of us up here.
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-06 04:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU BIG FRAT FUCK!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-06 03:44:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2007-11-06 03:20:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
one for the hating-pop-up-collar frat fucks
Pop your collar, I DARE you.
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sorry to disappoint, but im in a frat. i just dont pop the collar.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2007-11-06 03:20:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
one for the hating-pop-up-collar frat fucks
Pop your collar, I DARE you.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-06 01:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BISP = boner in sweat pants.
Also historically my flag team name.
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haha.
My flag team was the Sineps. (think about it)
My volleyball team is Off Constantly. You can't beat off constantly.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like sweat pants also.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-11-05 13:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you look like
a Dockers sort
of guy to me.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BISP = boner in sweat pants.
Also historically my flag team name.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Inappropriate Wood (IW) can not be contained or disguised in sweats. a kid in high school popped wood while in the wrestling unit in pe. wearing sweats it was definitely noticed and this kid has since been known as boner. that was more than ten years ago.
Another guy at my school, while wearing sweats to class, apparently felt the oncoming assault of IW and place a book strategically over his crotch. the story goes that someone noticed the book binding rising to make a nice little a frame tent. he has since been known as bookwoody. people he didn't go to school with know him this way and he absolutely hates it.
having said all that I couldn't care less.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-05 08:39:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-11-05 05:08:43 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't set my alarm back for daylight savings. It makes me sad to be at work at 5:30am :(
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nothin' wrong with sweats IMHO, bro.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-11-05 06:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You look fine for a house party. Hell, you look fine for most situations. I'd do ya.
And whoever said that sweatpants create an easy access point was spot-on.
I didn't set my alarm back for daylight savings. It makes me sad to be at work at 5:30am :(
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2007-11-05 03:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sneak attack, no apparent reason boner, "erection"--its all the same. In jeans you can sometimes conceal it merely by shifting appropriately. In sweatpants, faced with no alternatives, I imagine I'd stand up and go "HEY GUYS HE WANTS TO SAY HI THAT'S ALL" and never talk to the people I was around again.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i assume youre talking about sneak attack boners. i get them all the time. there are two cures:
1) jack off a lot
2) in sweat pants, tuck them up into the elastic band.
in jeans, i guess its easier to hide it, but its not like there's nothing you can do in sweat pants. i have to admit, though, it has led to a moment of embarrassment when i had no covert way of adjusting myself before i had to stand up.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You see, I was once a victim of frequent NARBs. I don't know if you have ever experienced a NARB, but I can assure you that sweatpants are no place to hide one. That is one of several reasons I took to wearing jeans.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-04 20:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What about BISP?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-04 20:08:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-04 20:08:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-04 17:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Girls still wear mini-skirts and uggs? that's abit outdated.
I agree though - mines more to do with laziness - if i could get away with wearing my pyjamas when going out I would.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-11-04 17:11:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The sweatpants aren't as bad as that HAT. GO BLUE
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-04 17:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh. it looks red.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 16:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG WHAT IS THAT YOU'RE DRINKING? IT LOOKS LIKE A WINE COOLER.
GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MGD?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you want to wear sweats to a party, then by God wear sweats to a party. Your friends were rude for saying that stuff to you. They aren't the fucking fashion police.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's something sexy about "soft pants." I think it's because you could reach out and fondle the goods at any given time, without having to undo a zipper or buttons.
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hahhaa i almost missed this. i agree, the easy access factor is a huge plus.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-04 11:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't believe I've owned a pair of sweat pants in the last decade.
I don't like the elastic at the ankles, I find it uncomfortable.
Oh, I don't doubt you can find them without said elastic, but I've never really cared to look.
Flannel PJ pants are nice at home, I suppose. I would never wear them out, eh... 'cause they're PJ pants.
And since when were jeans considered "Dress-attire?"
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they're party attire. dress attire is what i wore to prom all those years ago. i look pretty good in that stuff too.
i dont wear sweats with those elastic bands. those are for girls who wear uggs or for when i go running. i like the sweat pants that look like jeans, except they're made out of cotton and are infinitely more comfortable and versatile.
i used to wear flannel PJ pants out when i was in high school. then i realized that looks legitimately bad.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's something sexy about "soft pants." I think it's because you could reach out and fondle the goods at any given time, without having to undo a zipper or buttons.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/11094#2130855
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haha. you know you meant it.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh god, please tell me youre not dating dana.
--
hahahhaha, no.
hahaha.
ha.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-04 07:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as said sweat pants are clean I don't see a problem with wearing them to a house party. Since when did house parties have dress codes? My other half lives in sweat pants. Our friends wouldn't comment if he wore them to a party.
I fucking hate those bleached jeans dudes wear anyway. The kind with the fake worn patches and tears. Get a sense on your OWN style and stop copying the mannequin from the TopMan display window.
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exactly! see, there's got to be as much wrong with that as there is with me wearing nice sweats.
Anyway I am not on here for this but I couldn't help but comment. And you look HOT in sweats. And your friend (I am hoping she isn't your only one) is very pretty.
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thank you :)
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh god, please tell me youre not dating dana.
also, screw jeans.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 14:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-11-04 05:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not caring what people think is a form of caring what people think, this is because you want them to know that you dont care. I wear sweatpants too, but deep down.....deep down below all the bullshit....below it all.....I want them to think I dont care. And you do too, otherwise you'd wear an elephant costume, to show you dont care what they think.
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haha. of course i care what they think. you missed the point completely, dude. the ability to judge others is one of the things thats makes the human animal special and i embrace it completely. the issue here is not that people think less of me (if that was the issue i'd never wear jeans, ever, because i hate them). when i go to my friend's place to drink, i have nobody to impress. those people see me in my sweat pants every day. the girl im dating met me in my sweat pants, so whats the difference if i dont wear them on saturday?
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-04 13:50:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-04 11:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't believe I've owned a pair of sweat pants in the last decade.
I don't like the elastic at the ankles, I find it uncomfortable.
Oh, I don't doubt you can find them without said elastic, but I've never really cared to look.
Flannel PJ pants are nice at home, I suppose. I would never wear them out, eh... 'cause they're PJ pants.
===================
Fucking... EXACTLY!
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-04 13:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I tend to put some small amount of effort into not looking like a slob, but that said, the pants I wear the most are a pair of jeans covered with ink from a pen that broke in the dryer.
I definitely don't consciously dress for other people, but I do tend to choose clothes that make my massively developed muscular system seem even huger than it already is. I think that's more because I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror than because I want to impress people I don't know at parties.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do whatever the fuck you want. You could wear a garbage bag and look adorable.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG WHAT IS THAT YOU'RE DRINKING? IT LOOKS LIKE A WINE COOLER.
GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know what people are complaining about. those gray sweats are classy.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/11094#2130855
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:13:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that looks like a fat Korean Vanessa Hudgens
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-04 12:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha. My wife just stepped in dog poo.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-04 11:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoever was with you looked like a bananna. A bananna with a wide face. And a wide the rest of her.
If you think jeans are uncomfortable, then you're buying the wrong size (Just get the bigger size and admit you're fat) or the wrong kind (Try the men's department this time)
Next time you're at a party, dress well enough to leave the ugly bananna and find someone that at least qualifies as butterface.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-04 11:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't believe I've owned a pair of sweat pants in the last decade.
I don't like the elastic at the ankles, I find it uncomfortable.
Oh, I don't doubt you can find them without said elastic, but I've never really cared to look.
Flannel PJ pants are nice at home, I suppose. I would never wear them out, eh... 'cause they're PJ pants.
And since when were jeans considered "Dress-attire?"
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-04 11:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91064 <-------bwahahaha
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-04 10:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-11-04 08:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NEVER
NEVER
NEVER MENTION THE MLA BEAST.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-04 10:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-04 07:20:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like a man in cords.
******
WRAPPED AROUND HIS NECK?
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-11-04 08:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NEVER
NEVER
NEVER MENTION THE MLA BEAST.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-04 08:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-04 07:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dont get me wrong, Australian fashion faggots all need to be butchered, and i have worn the same pair of boardies for about 3 months now, but arent bleached torn jeans SO 2001?
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Perhaps bleached and torn jeans are so 2001, but as an old guy I'll tell you that they're also so 1974. I wore bleached and torn jeans when I was 12, and so did a lot of kids in my 7th grade class.
Still wonder why us old people laugh at the way those at least 20 years younger than we dress? It's not because we don't understand it. It's because they don't.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-04 07:20:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like a man in cords.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-04 07:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dont get me wrong, Australian fashion faggots all need to be butchered, and i have worn the same pair of boardies for about 3 months now, but arent bleached torn jeans SO 2001?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-04 07:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as said sweat pants are clean I don't see a problem with wearing them to a house party. Since when did house parties have dress codes? My other half lives in sweat pants. Our friends wouldn't comment if he wore them to a party.
I fucking hate those bleached jeans dudes wear anyway. The kind with the fake worn patches and tears. Get a sense on your OWN style and stop copying the mannequin from the TopMan display window.
Anyway I am not on here for this but I couldn't help but comment. And you look HOT in sweats. And your friend (I am hoping she isn't your only one) is very pretty.
Hey ho.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-04 06:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-04 10:57:57 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
what are you doing with ricky martin?
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Livin' da vida loca I believe
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-04 05:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what are you doing with ricky martin?
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-11-04 05:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Also you made the shit list.
I HATE YOU.
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-11-04 05:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not caring what people think is a form of caring what people think, this is because you want them to know that you dont care. I wear sweatpants too, but deep down.....deep down below all the bullshit....below it all.....I want them to think I dont care. And you do too, otherwise you'd wear an elephant costume, to show you dont care what they think.
If you dont understand what I just said then you dont deserve the air in your lungs, stop breathing so the people that matter can have more.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 05:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
for clarification, because i know i leave my points implicit far too often and i dont know if people will catch on... sweat pants represent a general laziness of appearance. it's not the fact that im wearing sweat pants, but the fact that i look like shit, that matters to people who are not me.