This Place Is Fucking Dead!! Here's An Old Joke. (1243 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.48 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bored Shitless (View user info) at 2007-11-04 15:27:27 EST
A guy dies and goes to the gates of heaven where he meets God. God says to him, "I have looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition."
The man said, "Yes, God. And what is that condition?"
God says, "You must spell the word: love."
The man spells the word and God lets him into heaven.
As the man walks in, God tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word.
After a short period of time, the man's wife shows up at the gate.
"What are you doing here?" he asks her.
"Well," she snorts, "on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and I died."
"Alright, but before you enter heaven you have to spell one word," he told her.
"What word is that?" she asks.
"Czechoslovakia," he says.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-26 20:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-26 20:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree with redskies on this one.
*******
Ltap, check out my rating of your posts and shut your pie hole.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-26 20:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree with redskies on this one.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-26 20:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-12-04 23:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was funny...
Submitted by OscarZAcosta (user info) at 2007-11-21 08:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Five bad boys with the power to rock you
Blowing your mind so you gotta get into
Five, whatcha waiting four if you wanna
Three (three)
Two (two)
One let's do it
Do you wanna get freaky
when the five of us make one
You gotta push the good vibe on
If you really wanna feel it
Got da flava in my song
But I really need to know
Do you wanna get down
Do you wanna get funky
Do you wanna get down
Get on down
[Chorus:]
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk
(put it up)
You gotta shoot, pass, slam baby time to set it off
I'll be up, up away, above the rim and hook a shot
Ally oop, baby, whoop, there it is and now I gotcha
Three seconds left, it's just enuff for me to rock ya
Now check it, how I flip it rock a beat 'cause
I get with it and everybody wants to be the man
with a hey, yippee yo yippee four quarter slam
everybody grab a party and just get on down
Do you wanna get down
Do you wanna get funky
Do you wanna get down
Get on down
[Chorus:]
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk
(put it up)
You wanna know what hits you like a fork lift truck
We got J, AB, Rich, Sean and Scott rocking the extra
Curricular ladies love particular fella
Who knock da meter get the boom shake regular
Five bad boys, honey no, we don't quit til we hit
The rebound sound with a kick
So come on everybody, everybody in tune
As I boomshake n' rock a body
Gimme room
Clap your hands
Stamp your feet
Push it in, pull it out to the beat
[Chorus:]
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk, put it up
(If you got that feeling)
Slam dunk da funk
(put it up)
Submitted by BadSamaritan87 (user info) at 2007-11-17 15:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by keitsith (user info) at 2007-11-08 10:10:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHah
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-08 09:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112994#2575157
learn to read, dipshit. Uniter pretended to be you. as in making fun of you.
:) :0 :p :( :) :0 :p :( :) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(:) :0 :p :(
fuck. i hate emoticons.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-06 18:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it's the people, stupid.
we all grew up, got better jobs, women, houses and shit.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:29:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This place IS fucking dead. Damn.
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I wonder if k-k is going to try and blame this on me too. Everything bad comes back to me somehow...
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-11-05 16:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A couple is married young when only a few months later tragedy strikes as the husband awakens to find the woman he married lifeless at his side. At the funeral home, the pallbearers walk down a narrow corridor and bump the coffin into a part of the wall that stuck out awkwardly. Soon after, there is rustling heard from within the coffin. The husband is excited as he exclaims to set it down and open the lid.... His wife is somehow alive!
However, 10 years later the same exact thing happened to have him wake up next to his lifeless wife. They go to the same funeral home and even have the same pallbearers. As they walk down the very same narrow corridor the husband immediately recognizes something and shouts out to them "Hey! Make sure you don't bump that wall!!!!"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:28:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And this helped???
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
too many conversations about what this place is and not enough making it want you want it to be below, and two below, and three below, and four below, and five below, and six below and on and fucking on and fucking on
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i'd give this a -2, but i don't want Bubba to start yelling and calling me a dickjockey and shit. he's really touchy about shit like that. plus i'm scared he's going to blow a valve in his ticker one day and i sure don't want to be responsible for all that.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
People used to be funny and interesting...
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
almost noone has ever paid much attention to fiction. i would suggest that of the people who 'do', only a fraction actually give the stories much more than a skim. there is still fiction being posted. however, i dont think that the standard of fiction being posted here has ever been of an incredibly high standard - overall (some pieces ive read have had really interesting bits to them, and there are some talented people here - still). i would suggest that the single best piece of fiction this site has seen is arguably your parody of the da vinci code, phallic. some others are way overrated - isaac bickerstaff, for example was almost literally being blown for what he wrote here, but really, it was jsut graphic novel writing, without the graphics. (not bad, and certainly better than most things i, or anyone else has posted, but still trite) the actual quality of the writing was not outstanding.
i think a downturn in ratings can be attributed as much to the jaded nature of the people frequenting the site like myself who dont care about ratings and more often than not forget about the bar, than people not having anything to rate highly.
i dont feel the density of 'decent' posts has changed but rather that the user-ship (its now a word) has changed. people are more interested in uberdrama. people are more interested in facebook-ish social networking and a space to be silly. which is fine. its not my cup of tea, and occasionally ill bitch for the hell of it, but really, its just another way this site, like many others, now gets used. however, as far as content is concerned, its still there, i believe, its jsut that more attention gets paid to the mediocre stuff than used to - maybe.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
theres just as much 'quality' being produced now as there ever was - probably even much more so. none of those names mean anything. its the vastly increased profusion of crap that is the difference.
I completely disagree. there used to be a ton more fiction to read on here and the tomfoolery was of a higher quality. some of the problem comes from a lower number of posts which is proportionally leading to less quality, used to be something would fall off front page in less than a workday. now, several days later, it still has a home there.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-05 02:50:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112830#2567792
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 02:41:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not to mention the fact that there are only 2 posts on the Best Ever front page from 2007 compared to about 7-8 from 2006 as well as 2004 and about 25 posts from 2005.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 02:40:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 02:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
theres just as much 'quality' being produced now as there ever was - probably even much more so. none of those names mean anything. its the vastly increased profusion of crap that is the difference.
____
I'm not sure. I remember when Spiral, Degreeless and squattail would post goatse and stuff that was seen as the "downfall of uber" but what i think is more important is, if you look at "Best this Week" and see how many are either non-event SPTs or, even worse, APWs then a front page "Best this Week" post can have a rating of about 0.7.
Forty posts better than 0.9, ten of which are SPT/APW?
My memory isn't even good, let alone perfect, but i'm sure Uber used to be of a higher standard than that. I think i recall when you'd be lucky to get on Best this Week with less than about 1.4, and that was with just as many spammers. Also, generally the same author's name came up at least twice, like GLALL or CBG or JMG or tinactin. Regular good posters like that, importantly, didnt stick to a strict formula in the same way that TTOM or JoeyG did.
Then again, i could be 100% wrong and just having an "In my day" moment, but i don't think so.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-05 02:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you get a *number* when you join uber?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 02:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
people talk shit about this not being a serious writers forum, but back when it was this place was pretty fucking sweet.
-----------------
This from user # 12661.
That's it. I'm fucking quitting this joint.
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Oh, you're pulling rank on me, bitch? Like I cant fucking look through old posts and read them because you signed up before me? Motherfucker, I was here when Sideburns was writing every day, when caes and snark were active, JMG and Razor hadn't even considered trying to take Uber back, GLALL was posting every day, method and apollo were posting actual stories, etc. That's without mentioning the fact that we pushed joeyg out of here, mccallum doesnt post his good stuff here anymore, same with circe, tinactin, adam, and donkey are all gone, etc. The dynamic has very much changed. I've been here long enough to know that, and yet I apparently havent been here long enough to know who the fuck YOU are. Quit - everybody will keep on not noticing you.
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Blah blah blah. Drop a couple more names and I'll be impressed, douche.
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theres just as much 'quality' being produced now as there ever was - probably even much more so. none of those names mean anything. its the vastly increased profusion of crap that is the difference.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
people talk shit about this not being a serious writers forum, but back when it was this place was pretty fucking sweet.
-----------------
This from user # 12661.
That's it. I'm fucking quitting this joint.
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Oh, you're pulling rank on me, bitch? Like I cant fucking look through old posts and read them because you signed up before me? Motherfucker, I was here when Sideburns was writing every day, when caes and snark were active, JMG and Razor hadn't even considered trying to take Uber back, GLALL was posting every day, method and apollo were posting actual stories, etc. That's without mentioning the fact that we pushed joeyg out of here, mccallum doesnt post his good stuff here anymore, same with circe, tinactin, adam, and donkey are all gone, etc. The dynamic has very much changed. I've been here long enough to know that, and yet I apparently havent been here long enough to know who the fuck YOU are. Quit - everybody will keep on not noticing you.
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Blah blah blah. Drop a couple more names and I'll be impressed, douche.
_____
Nah, i think that was plenty of names. He's absolutely right, and i'll be sure to click on YOUR user number after i write this, Fartman, cos i don't have a fucking clue who you are.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
people talk shit about this not being a serious writers forum, but back when it was this place was pretty fucking sweet.
-----------------
This from user # 12661.
That's it. I'm fucking quitting this joint.
----------
Oh, you're pulling rank on me, bitch? Like I cant fucking look through old posts and read them because you signed up before me? Motherfucker, I was here when Sideburns was writing every day, when caes and snark were active, JMG and Razor hadn't even considered trying to take Uber back, GLALL was posting every day, method and apollo were posting actual stories, etc. That's without mentioning the fact that we pushed joeyg out of here, mccallum doesnt post his good stuff here anymore, same with circe, tinactin, adam, and donkey are all gone, etc. The dynamic has very much changed. I've been here long enough to know that, and yet I apparently havent been here long enough to know who the fuck YOU are. Quit - everybody will keep on not noticing you.
--------
Blah blah blah. Drop a couple more names and I'll be impressed, douche.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
people talk shit about this not being a serious writers forum, but back when it was this place was pretty fucking sweet.
-----------------
This from user # 12661.
That's it. I'm fucking quitting this joint.
----------
Oh, you're pulling rank on me, bitch? Like I cant fucking look through old posts and read them because you signed up before me? Motherfucker, I was here when Sideburns was writing every day, when caes and snark were active, JMG and Razor hadn't even considered trying to take Uber back, GLALL was posting every day, method and apollo were posting actual stories, etc. That's without mentioning the fact that we pushed joeyg out of here, mccallum doesnt post his good stuff here anymore, same with circe, tinactin, adam, and donkey are all gone, etc. The dynamic has very much changed. I've been here long enough to know that, and yet I apparently havent been here long enough to know who the fuck YOU are. Quit - everybody will keep on not noticing you.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
people talk shit about this not being a serious writers forum, but back when it was this place was pretty fucking sweet.
-----------------
This from user # 12661.
That's it. I'm fucking quitting this joint.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-04 20:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You told it wrong.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-04 18:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-04 16:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you know what's awesome? arriving two hours late to work only to have your boss apologise to you for his being late after having walked in 10 mins after you.
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Know what's even more awesome? Setting your own hours.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-04 17:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
THE DESTRUCTION OF SENNACHERIB
The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold;
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea,
When the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.
Like the leaves of the forest when Summer is green,
That host with their banners at sunset were seen:
Like the leaves of the forest when Autumn hath blown,
That host on the morrow lay withered and strown.
For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast,
And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed;
And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill,
And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!
And there lay the steed with his nostril all wide,
But through it there rolled not the breath of his pride;
And the foam of his gasping lay white on the turf,
And cold as the spray of the rock-beating surf.
And there lay the rider distorted and pale,
With the dew on his brow, and the rust on his mail:
And the tents were all silent, the banners alone,
The lances unlifted, the trumpet unblown.
And the widows of Ashur are loud in their wail,
And the idols are broke in the temple of Baal;
And the might of the Gentile, unsmote by the sword,
Hath melted like snow in the glance of the Lord!
~Lord Byron, 1815
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-04 16:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you know what's awesome? arriving two hours late to work only to have your boss apologise to you for his being late after having walked in 10 mins after you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-04 16:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
True statement below.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
people talk shit about this not being a serious writers forum, but back when it was this place was pretty fucking sweet.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Then I shall post again.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-04 15:29:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This place IS fucking dead. Damn.