The Importance of Being Modest (1503 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 0.78 on 67 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by netimportant (View user info) at 2007-11-04 23:31:05 EST
The last guest at the party, she sat in the chair farthest from him, drinking rum from a plastic cup. He was talking about old high school friends—who was still living with their parents, who was an alcoholic, who was engaged. She managed to respond coolly in spite of the fact that all she could think about was how they were drunk and alone in the early hours of the morning, and he still had the body of a 17-year-old football star.
"I should go to bed. Are you going to stay here?"
"I'm going to stay until the buzz wears off." Of course she wanted to stay. She'd had multiple fantasies about this exact situation since high school, and each one was hot as hell. "I need water."
She filled her cup at the kitchen sink and turned to face him, leaning against the wall.
"Do you need to wash up? You can use the bathroom down here, I can get you a towel or a toothbrush or something."
"No."
"Why are you smirking?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You're giving me a look."
"I'm not giving you a look."
He wouldn't take his prying black eyes off her face, so she turned around and headed back to her chair. He climbed the first step to his bedroom and flicked off the lights, and she immediately felt the weight of disappointment.
"Psst."
She squinted through the black. "What?"
"You can either share my bed, or..." but he was already leading her upstairs by the hand before he finished his sentence.
Her eyes were immediately drawn to the guitars, glistening in the blue beam that shined in through the bedroom skylight. "You play guitar?"
"For a couple years now. I like to write my own songs."
Well, that seals the deal.
"Do you want some shorts? Or a sweatshirt?"
She grabbed a pair of gray shorts from his outstretched hand and unabashedly stripped down to a barely-there thong while he watched. She laughed at him.
"What's so funny?"
"You aren't ravaging me."
"Why should I be?"
"Uh, because you can."
What happened next was a blur, but time slowed down when she had his shirt pulled up over his mind-melting, hard brown abs. He was solid everywhere.
"Oh my god," she practically whimpered. "Do you still run?"
He mumbled an answer with his tongue in her mouth and reached into the pair of shorts he'd lent her. He remembered how she liked the spot on her abdomen massaged, that the tension of having her hips restrained against his body turned her on. He pushed a finger inside and she was putty in his hands, writhing with pleasure.
"You never used to like this."
"It hurt, I was a virgin."
"I get it, I'm just reminiscing the good old days."
"We were boring in high school," she snickered in a voice husky from booze and arousal. She tugged at his shorts, dying to see and feel everything she never did in high school. What did he look like? What did he taste like? Her impatience made her clumsy, and the shorts tangled around his waist. He pulled them down and, to the shy 15-year-old inside her, it was like finding buried treasure. She licked him gently, but he grabbed her by the head, needy, pushing his cock into her throat.
"Why are you so randy?" he gasped.
"Do you want me to stop?"
"I didn't say that, but...where did this come from? Remember when you were a good girl? My parents still love you."
"That's what makes it so hot! You don't think nailing your high school sweetheart ten years later is like something out of a porno?"
"You should try harder to keep it in your pants. And we are not having sex tonight."
"We aren't?"
"My roommate is sleeping right there on the floor."
"Oh. Maybe he's into this kind of thing." She bit his ear and rubbed her firm, perky, glorious tits against his bare chest.
"I was traveling with my friend a couple weeks ago, and he brought a girl back to our hotel room...and they had sex while I was there...and it was the worst situation I've ever been in."
"That's the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to you? In your life? Do you live in a bubble?"
"I don't want to wake him."
"I promise I'll be good. I won't make a sound. I'll be very, very quiet." He was driving his fingers in her like no tomorrow, grinding against her ass while she stroked him.
"I'd have to get up for a condom. The floor might creak or something."
"You're serious? I'm hot, drunk, naked, and begging for your sex with your hard cock in my hand, and you don't want to screw?"
"It wouldn't be decent."
"Uh. Well, okay."
Three hours later she was woken by the morning sun and didn't hesitate to find her clothes on the floor, fearing the detonative roommate-sex formula. He hushed her clunky heels as he walked her down the stairs and to the door.
"It was good seeing you again," he called as she stepped into her car.
"You too. But you should know that last night, I found your behavior very inappropriate." She pulled the car door shut and headed down the driveway as he stood open-mouthed on the stoop.
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2008-04-04 13:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He should've nailed her....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you kidding me?
I get wood when the wind blows.
I bet even YOU could get me erect, although I'd have to insist that you refrain from actually speaking.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-07 19:10:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You haven't had a hardon in six years, Gramps.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-07 18:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BOINNNNNGGGGGGGG.
And now I have to go eat some spaghetti. WITH A HARDON.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-06 13:32:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BRKN_NKD, marriage is a most venerable institution and the last thing I would ever do is encourage someone to break out of an institution.
I am not married good sir. I was once was but that was some time ago.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-06 13:07:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know you are ok really.
PS where is the camwhore?!
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-11-06 10:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-06 07:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 23:00:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to stroke Berty's hair.
---------------------------------
You probably don't, but it's nice of you to say.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-06 03:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-05 08:45:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have not the time, energy nor inclination to hate on Lisa anymore.
===
you're a weirdo
-------
hahaha
ah...i liked this. i can understand the roommate thing, though. obviously i dont and have never cared about girls' roommates, but when i was in the dorms i couldnt stand when my roommates would bring girls back if i was trying to sleep, so i try very hard to keep from doing the same. i always feel like an asshole when i do that, and it kind of ruins the mood. maybe im old fashioned.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 23:00:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to stroke Berty's hair.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-05 20:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh? for Effort.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-05 18:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like you
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-05 16:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Not bad, but could have been a lot better.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-05 15:01:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-05 14:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lol. I've had as much awkward not sex as i've had sex.
----
yea.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-05 14:24:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Rest assured that I didn't read this.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-11-05 12:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A better ending would have been if he hit it in the "5" hole and then did a little ATM action.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-05 12:27:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-05 12:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 12:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
one time I saw a penis curved like a banana - to the right if you must know - and I'm not entirely sure that's normal and then he tried to touch me with it and I was like OH FUCK NO
Penises come in all shapes and sizes--each one is a unique snowflake, beautiful in its own way. Unless it's yellow or specked with poo, don't hesitate to bite into a ball of snow like an eager young child on Christmas day.
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I'm not sure whether you're still talking about penes or snow, but either way: OM NOM NOM
---------------------------
o_0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-05 12:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 12:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
one time I saw a penis curved like a banana - to the right if you must know - and I'm not entirely sure that's normal and then he tried to touch me with it and I was like OH FUCK NO
Penises come in all shapes and sizes--each one is a unique snowflake, beautiful in its own way. Unless it's yellow or specked with poo, don't hesitate to bite into a ball of snow like an eager young child on Christmas day.
-----
I'm not sure whether you're still talking about penes or snow, but either way: OM NOM NOM
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 12:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
one time I saw a penis curved like a banana - to the right if you must know - and I'm not entirely sure that's normal and then he tried to touch me with it and I was like OH FUCK NO
Penises come in all shapes and sizes--each one is a unique snowflake, beautiful in its own way. Unless it's yellow or specked with poo, don't hesitate to bite into a ball of snow like an eager young child on Christmas day.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BRKN_NKD, marriage is a most venerable institution and the last thing I would ever do is encourage someone to break out of an institution.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this aroused me.
I'm thinking that was the intent rad.
Berty is always encouraging people to break out of thier comfort zones and explore different, um, things. Berty pays me no mind, i am jealous.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-05 03:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lol. I've had as much awkward not sex as i've had sex.
_______________________________
Reminds me of myself
in a bad way
--------
Me too :(
one time I saw a penis curved like a banana - to the right if you must know - and I'm not entirely sure that's normal and then he tried to touch me with it and I was like OH FUCK NO
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:47:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-11-05 11:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this amused me.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-05 10:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A small horse that can perform endless somersaults is still only a one-trick pony. This neverending stream of eroticism is all very well but, much like a somersaulting pony, your flow is causing damage to the floor. If you catch my drift.
Basically I would like you to channel your considerable talents into other areas. Y'know, get that pony doing cartwheels so we can enter it into the olympics floor show.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-05 10:40:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like sexy time.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-05 10:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you left this as a review somewhere else. the synopsis of it anyway.
so, is it a 'based on a true story' thing, or just a little mental blip where both the review and the post were spun out by whatever little gerbil powers the wheel in your skull?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ok... "randy"? that's my ex father in law's name :(
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I totally understand where this chick is coming from.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-05 08:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-05 08:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-05 08:45:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have not the time, energy nor inclination to hate on Lisa anymore.
===
you're a weirdo
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-05 03:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lol. I've had as much awkward not sex as i've had sex.
_______________________________
Reminds me of myself
in a bad way
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-05 03:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
reminds me of myself
in a bad way
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i just dont see why youd bother being nasty on the internet to anyone that isnt starting shit with you right then and there.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have not the time, energy nor inclination to hate on Lisa anymore.
Drogo's mum, on the other hand...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 Made me smile...
... especially the use of the word "randy."
"Randy?"
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Okay what the FUCK is going on!??? That's TWICE now I've seen kaos be nice to lisa. Is it OPPOSITE day?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 Made me smile...
... especially the use of the word "randy."
"Randy?"
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-11-05 01:08:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You seem rather unintelligent.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
linkwhoring http://www.ubersite.com/m/112947
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You speak French, but you aren't French? This is so confusing to my American brain!
Isn't Canada like a French territory or something?
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Yes. Anyone who says otherwise is an uninformed philistine
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
okay.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:30:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it was a joke...
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't know what is more shocking... that link or what net just said...
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lol. I've had as much awkward not sex as i've had sex.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hes just another frenchie trying to be outre.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You speak French, but you aren't French? This is so confusing to my American brain!
Isn't Canada like a French territory or something?
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus christ caul what the fuck is wrong with you
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:23:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i speak it, somehow..i'm not it.
does that sentence make sense?
anyway...just click the link. it'll make you feel great.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:23:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
she was talking about me, i think. if by oily, she meant pasty and by frenchman she meant australian.
ps women arent allowed to enjoy sex. it makes them go mad.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you were French, Frenchy.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not oily nor am i a frenchman.
you can trust me.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't trust oily Frenchmen.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://2girls1cup.com/
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oké
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whore.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 00:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
back in the day, i'd just go out and bring a replacement fuck back to the crib
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:47:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"She squinted through the black."
-------------------
negroids might be pains lisa, but they're still people, not windows.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh wait, there was the time that hidden was in Iraq.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This past year has been the first time in my life that I haven't been getting at least some kind of action on a regular basis since I was fourteen, and it's very frustrating. I have a high sex drive.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What's the deal with all the sexy-time, ya big prude?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for a Rupert Everett Oscar Wilde combo reference.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It didn't feel like one of the better stories I've written.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-04 23:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not at all impressed. I did like the fact you put this under politics though.
Some people know, others get it, but don't understand, and the rest are blind.