Being Awesome: Not always as awesome as it seems. (963 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.18 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (View user info) at 2007-11-05 21:14:46 EST
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Author's Note:
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*As everyone who is awesome knows, being awesome can sometimes be quite exhausting, and can at *times cause more problems than are solved.
*
*
*With this post, I'd like to point out some of the drawbacks, in an attempt to dissuade young *adults who are destined for mediocrity from wasting so much of their time in the attempt to be *Überific, and the time of those around them. Not to mention generally pissing everyone off.
*
*While it's true, it would be easier and more effective to shoot them all in the head, that *particular practice is illegal and impractical in most countries, making the implementation *difficult.
********************************************************************************************
1) It's easier being average.
I woke up this morning with a headache. This pain was caused by dehydration in the form of a hangover, which was the result of drinking far more alcohol than my body approved of.
The reason I drank so much?
I'm awesome, and I had an image to uphold.
This is one of the first drawbacks I'd like to draw attention to.
When you're awesome, people expect more out of you.
While I can normally satisfy everyone far beyond their wildest dreams,
especially the ladies, sometimes I just don't feel like going the distance.
There are nights when I feel like screaming out:
"NO!, I don't want to drink you under the table, and then go sleep with your girlfriend in your bed while you're passed out drunk!"
or:
"NO! I don't want to do double the work, and of superior quality, in half the time than everyone else!"
and even:
"NO, DEAR! I don't want to give you your nightly 10th orgasm!"
For those aspiring to achieve super-human status, this is one of the most daunting hurdles to overcome. Because while I may not feel like doing these things, I still get the task done.
Effort beyond the ordinary is one of the signs of excellence. Notice how there are asterisks on three sides of the author's note? Also take note of the umlaut, which most English speakers would probably ignore typing out. Something you can't see, is that I'm writing this in WordPad, and I'll later go over it again and do some editing.
All this shows as effort beyond the ordinary.
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2) It's lonely at the top.
Being awesome does draw all sorts of people to you, people who want to be your friend, people that want to have orally satisfy you, and people who just want to bask in your glow of perfection.
This doesn't mean that they are the type of people you want around.
At twenty-seven awesome years of age, I have ten friends. I have plenty of aquaintences and co-workers, but only ten people who I'd call my friends. All ten are my best-friends, because all ten are like me, awesome.
I don't have the time to invest in lesser persons, and the truly cool are few and far between. I feel quite lucky to have found Übersite, despite the few choads, who will be easily identifiable below by their signature -2 followed by a witless comment, or no comment at all.
I've had more friends in my lifetime, but some of them have moved on and lost touch, which is a shame, but part of being awesome is following your own path. It's a shame when paths diverge, but the thing to remember is that you'll eventually cross new paths, and make new awesome friends.
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3) I lied.
Although the above 2 points are genuine problems with being awesome, being awesome IS as awesome as it seems.
Also, while it may be illegal and impractical, the most satisfying way to rid the world of general asshole-ry would be to shoot them in the head.
Also also, I'm not that awesome at all, but rather ordinary. This can be seen in how short this is, the apathy with which I finished it, and the general lack of effort in both extension and elaboration.
For a few examples of awesomeness, check out the people here:
How monkeyswithguns has rated other users
orph (user info) 30 on 15 = 2.00
Merlina (user info) 24 on 12 = 2.00
NintendoCzar (user info) 16 on 8 = 2.00
The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) 47 on 24 = 1.96
sir_cowman (user info) 29 on 15 = 1.93
Fey (user info) 23 on 12 = 1.92
Brdn_Nkd (user info) 76 on 40 = 1.90
CaptainThorns (user info) 19 on 10 = 1.90
ih8u2man (user info) 17 on 9 = 1.89
skrapmetal (user info) 17 on 9 = 1.89
beer-turtle (user info) 15 on 8 = 1.88
DrogoRoch (user info) 15 on 8 = 1.88
hour_man (user info) 37 on 20 = 1.85
nicballs (user info) 24 on 13 = 1.85
Axolotl (user info) 42 on 23 = 1.83
rob_berg (user info) 20 on 11 = 1.82
SunnyG (user info) 18 on 10 = 1.80
creep_firebombing (user info) 41 on 23 = 1.78
kaos-king (user info) 58 on 34 = 1.71
DeadToast (user info) 46 on 27 = 1.70
haikumikoo (user info) 17 on 10 = 1.70
HurtByTheSun (user info) 40 on 24 = 1.67
Foolproof (user info) 15 on 9 = 1.67
shadow (user info) 15 on 9 = 1.67
MudWhistle (user info) 15 on 9 = 1.67
ChaosJester (user info) 43 on 26 = 1.65
TechnoRatty (user info) 33 on 20 = 1.65
Jack_McCallum (user info) 41 on 25 = 1.64
indoninja (user info) 14 on 9 = 1.56
phuzzygish (user info) 20 on 13 = 1.54
maiorano84 (user info) 29 on 19 = 1.53
TigerLilly (user info) 12 on 8 = 1.50
ShapeShifter (user info) 28 on 19 = 1.47
ilikesteak (user info) 21 on 15 = 1.40
ghola (user info) 37 on 30 = 1.23
SgtHartman (user info) 14 on 12 = 1.17
Rhymenocerous (user info) 13 on 12 = 1.08
Empathetic (user info) 8 on 9 = 0.89
Fungah (user info) 8 on 12 = 0.67
baronMunchausen (user info) 5 on 8 = 0.62
monkeyswithguns (user info) 4 on 60 = 0.07
MickGinny (user info) 0 on 223 = 0.00
How other users have rated monkeyswithguns
LegoSockPuppet (user info) 32 on 16 = 2.00
Brdn_Nkd (user info) 29 on 15 = 1.93
ChaosJester (user info) 16 on 10 = 1.60
haikumikoo (user info) 22 on 14 = 1.57
Merlina (user info) 12 on 8 = 1.50
TheUniter (user info) 9 on 20 = 0.45
monkeyswithguns (user info) 4 on 60 = 0.07
JonnyX (user info) 0 on 9 = 0.00
ghola (user info) 0 on 10 = 0.00
HurtByTheSun (user info) -4 on 13 = -0.31
Shlongy (user info) -15 on 14 = -1.07
Because the awesome is awesome and it's all awesomeing together into one huge awesome and
Awesome-awesome awesome awesomed the awesome with the awesome awesome until it was awesomed to awesome. And that about awesomes it.
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This probably should have waited until Thursday, but I'm still working on the road, and wasn't sure I'd have internet access that night. Also, the treasure hunt
( http://ubersite.com/m/112641 ) still stands, and time permitting, I should be getting to Amontillado's park this Friday. If I do, the map and story will be my next post.
Have a great week folks.
User Reviews
Submitted by LegoSockPuppet (user info) at 2007-11-09 07:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-08 09:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-07 01:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-06 05:44:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know Rob I've heard tales of children going to enormous trouble to capture insects and then rip them apart slowly. It's just a hobby for people with idle thumbs.
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You didn't really get a lot of "play time" growing up, did you?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-06 20:11:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're all awesome as far as I'm concerned.
But wtf was that about?:
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-06 15:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why are there so many songs about rainbows
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-06 15:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why are there so many songs about rainbows
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-06 15:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-06 13:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
take it easy TTOM, i'm not anywhere on the list so the whole thing is suspect
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-11-06 13:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Im only the fourth most awesome? Clearly this is an oversight.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-06 12:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please take this payment and put it toward placing me on your next list.
thank you,
T_M
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-06 10:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not awesome until someone else verfies said awesomeness.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-06 10:14:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
smiled at the title
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-06 09:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tell me about it
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-06 09:09:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-11-06 08:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I made a list!
You love me, you people really love me!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-06 06:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Namedrop +2
I think Kermit the Frog said it best when he sang "It's Not Easy Bein' Green".
That's because (but if you're awesome you'll aready have figured this out) that Kermit the Frog is an American, and American money is green, and money is awesome, and so Kermit the Frog was really singing "It's Not Easy Bein' Awesome". Sing it, brother, sing it.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-06 06:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This lacks in the S.I. Co. Semen department = fail < sicosemen.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-06 06:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome Mike!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-06 05:44:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know Rob I've heard tales of children going to enormous trouble to capture insects and then rip them apart slowly. It's just a hobby for people with idle thumbs.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-06 05:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every awesome person I have ever met has been, at least in some way, a hopeless emotional cripple.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-06 04:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, WTF do I care? Ratings from a website aren't important, right?
---
This website thrives on the pseudo-relevance placed on this simplistic rating system.
Why would people spend so much energy convincing people how unimportant they are if they had no meaning?
C'mon - admit it, they have their minute importance to you - and if you are like me: when they incite stupidity on this website I giggle at the motherfucker.
I giggle my mother-fuckin' ass off.
Eddie Murphy style.
HU-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-06 04:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-06 04:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i made a list - that's it, i'm gone.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-06 03:49:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
) It's easier being average.
I woke up this morning with a headache. This pain was caused by dehydration in the form of a hangover, which was the result of drinking far more alcohol than my body approved of.
The reason I drank so much?
I'm awesome, and I had an image to uphold.
This is one of the first drawbacks I'd like to draw attention to.
When you're awesome, people expect more out of you.
While I can normally satisfy everyone far beyond their wildest dreams,
especially the ladies, sometimes I just don't feel like going the distance.
There are nights when I feel like screaming out:
"NO!, I don't want to drink you under the table, and then go sleep with your girlfriend in your bed while you're passed out drunk!"
--------
SERIOUSLY.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-06 03:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mick "I don't give a shit" Ginny (user info) 0 on 223 = 0.00
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-05 23:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-05 19:40:20 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright...you busted me.
Fucking guilt...
======
Guns and his Jedi Mind-tricks.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-11-05 23:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
add me to the list.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-05 23:05:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So true, so true...
How many times has someone's drunken drawling of, "Duuuude, Conor... you're AAAAWEESOOOME!" ended up costing me?
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:46:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this would have been more awesome if it had been written in notepad.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:40:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright...you busted me.
Fucking guilt...
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There are people who actually feel this way about themselves.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:28:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you want to see the cool part of the park you have to keep going from McConnell to the dirt road past the tennis courts, park, cross the train tracks, and take the second trail to the right.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-05 22:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Allow me to improve on my stellar rating...
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I've come to see Ubersite as something akin to Star Wars, in that there is the light, and the dark side, at least as far as ratings go.
I'm not in any position to label which side as which, and don't have any care to do so.
I brought up that thought because whenever I see your name with a rating, I just imagine it as being the exact opposite of what you rated it.
Somewhat like saying "Fuck ya!" and meaning "Hi, how are you today?"
So yes, you are improving on your stellar rating, by "increasing" your rating to a -2.
Although I thought you normally +2'd any post that mentioned your name.
I actually considered your specific -/+ 2.
Also, WTF do I care? Ratings from a website aren't important, right?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:40:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
merely because i can
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Allow me to improve on my stellar rating...
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:31:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't checked that page lately, but I think everyone's average from me is slowly sliding toward 0 because I don't want to put forth the effort to actually change that little number.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're awesome.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:27:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.
-Homer Simpson
Dancin' Homer
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was going to get a +2 long before I saw my name. This one is for the name.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:18:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
double fuck- typos galore.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-05 21:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck, the asterisks were supposed to line up all neatly like in a readme file.
Oh well, that's apathy for ya.