Hot Sauce Fiasco (639 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.81 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ReCall (View user info) at 2007-11-08 18:29:58 EST
For my job I help the elderly with their Medicare insurance needs, forcing me to drive all around the state in which I reside. I had a 1 p.m. appointment with 20 minutes to spare when I I felt a sense of desperation coupled with need to pee. I drove around and decided to forgo the junkie needle obstacle courses which make up the gas station bathrooms in the area - instead I pop into Buffalo Wing Sandwich shop and politely request to use their facilities. I am ever so impolitely informed that I must purchase something before I may do so.
Well then, I thought.
It was 12:40.. I will be hungry after the appointment....
So I order a chicken sandwich...with their spiciest offering, the 911 sauce. This sauce is only served on the side but after ridiculing the douche bag working there he agrees to just put it on my sandwich since I am in a rush.
After using the bathroom and grabbing my sandwich I pull up to the clients home with about 10 minutes left to kill. I patiently sit there, trying to ignore the sweet aroma of buffalo chicken which is quickly filling the car.
8 minutes left...my stomach grumbles. I look at the sandwich. It looks back.
Eat me, it whispers.
Game on sandwich, game on.
Two bites in I realize I had made a fatal mistake, playing right into the sandwich's trap. My mouth, eyes, even ears somehow were on fire. I placed the napkin covered sandwich onto my lap and tried desperately to reach for a water bottle, unaware that the sandwich was about to deal its final blow.
I look down, panting and crying from the hot sauce to see my pants and shirt completely covered in chicken and hot sauce. This sandwich had been a suicide bomber. It had martyred itself in the name of sandwiches everywhere, and while it was up in heaven with 72 virgin sandwiches, I was here, in Portland, covered in chicken and hot sauce.
I had to cancel my appointment and go home and change.
Fuck you, sandwich.
User Reviews
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-11-09 18:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*after ridiculing the douche bag working there*
fuck with them AFTER they have handled your food, not before...DUH
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-09 14:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-09 09:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not great not horrible. been there done that.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-09 09:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-09 07:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think this was worth posting about. Maybe if you had shit your pants it would have been, but as is this makes your life seem like a giant pile of poo if your highlight of the week is getting covered in chicken sandwich sauce.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-11-09 06:06:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man I need a buffalo chicken and hot sauce sammich so bad right now....
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-09 04:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-11-09 00:06:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-11-08 23:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-11-08 22:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Broodwich?
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2007-11-08 21:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-11-08 21:40:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-08 20:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I found this amusing.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-08 20:01:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Burnt mouth from a chain-store 'hot' sauce and spilled some on your shirt too?
You're not a victim of a sammich attack, you're a wuss with an eating disorder.
I'm in Miami right now. Just got back from dinner. These fuckers know hot sauce. None on my shirt, though.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-08 19:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-11-08 19:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that 911 crap is weaksauce which makes you possibly canadian.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-11-08 19:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's one nice looking bitch you got there.
Nice Tomatoes on her!
Lettuce see her spread.
Next time aks (no don't aks-tell)the fucker at the counter to wrap it up in wax paper
this way you can tear away the paper(or eat it too)and you don't spill a drop on
yer shirt.
One of my fave samwiches is nicknamed "Johnny Cash"- the next morning you have
a "burning ring of fire".
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-08 19:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what a gripping tale this was!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Burn Baby Burn
*Defiantly raises fist into the air*
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Game on sandwich Game on
That's funny I don't care who ya are
Great picture...I want for san'wich
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You only had like, one over the top metaphor. For any story about a pain that is in actuality only somewhat annoying, you need dozens of ridiculous metaphors and similes.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:33:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it fully this time.
Solid +1.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-11-08 18:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BURNINATE