Happy Birthday, Coley: One Woman's Tale of Longing and Woe (1481 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.23 on 76 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2007-11-11 13:23:29 EST
User Reviews
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-06 21:37:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2008-01-06 01:03:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pardon my snobbery, please!
I hope you know I always read your posts...
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-31 19:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
happy happy, lady.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heart Marva Gilva.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-12-18 08:42:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-17 13:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So yeah, um, you were kind of in my sex dream last night.
How'd you do that?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm a succubus. Didn't you know?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-28 02:29:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss you!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-22 01:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-15 10:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-15 09:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kris Kristofferson once said of John Prine: There's more meaning in one line of a John Prine song than in the entire catalogs of other musicians. (Paraphrased)
I feel the same about some of your posts.
===
Great quote, and what a wonderful use you made of it.
"And yes I guess they oughta name a drink after you."
---------
They haven't named a drink after me yet. But there used to be a picture of me naked in the woods pinned up in a bar in Cincinnati.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-16 20:07:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My bday was last sunday...good old 11-11. I'm old now (27; the age that rockstars die).
It was super.
Best birthday EVER.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-11-13 14:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey now then... what's all this?
Birthday?
Coley?
What?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-13 05:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy sweet jesus,
the PBR and Ween has dulled my reaction time...
my cherry has been popped; and it was GREAT.
Wish you were there, Val!
<3
<3
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-11-13 01:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got her some blue eyeshadow and a ride in my Trans-Am for a present
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-12 21:06:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my ghostly complexion, my rapidly waning fertility, my rumored-penis
-------
hahahahahahaha
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-12 21:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-12 16:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
COME WITH ME LISH
Miguel has extra tix for ...>Vancouver!<
---
Do it!
Happy B-day Coley.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 17:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
EXACTLY!
Yeah, it's definitely a love or hate thing.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-11-12 17:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 16:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I WISH
I cannot stay mad whenever I hear this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kkJPiTIyZ8
-------------
i can. it's terrible. it's like an uber post put to music
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 16:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I WISH
I cannot stay mad whenever I hear this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kkJPiTIyZ8
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-12 16:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
COME WITH ME LISH
Miguel has extra tix for Seattle and Vancouver!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-12 16:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 15:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-12 14:05:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I DO drink that piss, and did on Sat eve at my rockin rager..along with champagne, jager, red wine, an oh-no, and a bottle of wild irish rose.
And now I am on my way to Ptown to rock the Ween show. Day four of five days of awesome...
==
AW MAAAAAAAAAN I WANTED TO GO TO THE WEEN SHOW BUT NO ONE WOULD GO WITH ME:(
They were/are here last/this week or something.
REQUEST PUSH TH' LITTLE DAISIES FOR ME COLEY
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-12 15:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:36:37 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And scourge, I make no disguise of the fact that I am, in fact, a failure at jokes. True story.
NOW GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TO BIG AL'S FOR LUNCH, PRONTO
---
Big Al's has food? I just go there for the boobs and the two for two Tuesdays.
---------------
When I said "lunch", I wasn't necessarily referring to the art of ingesting food. Too late, your loss.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-12 14:05:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I DO drink that piss, and did on Sat eve at my rockin rager..along with champagne, jager, red wine, an oh-no, and a bottle of wild irish rose.
And now I am on my way to Ptown to rock the Ween show. Day four of five days of awesome...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AND HEY I DID NOT IGNORE YOURS ALTOGETHER
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108869#2435840
-
huh...never saw that i don't believe.
ps, eat me shlongy. i don't take retard pills. i'm this way NATURALLY.
it ain't not my problem that you're a wrinkly balled old fucker. take your tiny little balled up fists of impotent rage and pound them somewhere else, pappy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And scourge, I make no disguise of the fact that I am, in fact, a failure at jokes. True story.
NOW GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TO BIG AL'S FOR LUNCH, PRONTO
---
Big Al's has food? I just go there for the boobs and the two for two Tuesdays.
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 18:30:34 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHA- EI that was cute.
And you're preaching to the choir, Doctor. I wouldn't drink that piss.
==============
Good.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHA- EI that was cute.
And you're preaching to the choir, Doctor. I wouldn't drink that piss.
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:24:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
For the Bud Light.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:21:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lesbians need love +2
I hopes of pics
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And scourge, I make no disguise of the fact that I am, in fact, a failure at jokes. True story.
NOW GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TO BIG AL'S FOR LUNCH, PRONTO
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-12 13:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-12 11:16:18 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
or i'm an idiot and thorns was making a joke about that being a photo of him.
-----------------------
DING DING DING! A WINNAR IS YOU!
That photo is as similar to my real physique as my rendition of your "voiceover" in The Orgasmatron is similar to your real voice. :p
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AND HEY I DID NOT IGNORE YOURS ALTOGETHER
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108869#2435840
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly
Coley thats your birthday joke!
People better laugh at it!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHA Scourge- we both know why I missed your BD post. I wish there had been another way :(
But I don't begrudge anyone low ratings, especially on something of this nature. You don't have to rate me highly, but you DO need to endure my shit talking in response, or calling you out if I think I have reason to, etc. I'm not talking about you when I say this, I just mean in general.
Holy crap it's lunch time already.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
scourge ate his retard pills this morning...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:17:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
or i'm an idiot and thorns was making a joke about that being a photo of him.
IF THAT'S THE CASE HE FAILS ANYWAY FOR MAKING AN UNCLEAR JOKE. MY COMMENT TRUMPS HIS.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-12 12:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-12 09:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm glad you called me for the guitar pic in this montage. It goes great in the flow of the post.
---
two things don't surprise me about this review:
1.) thorns had a pic of a naked guy with a guitar saved to his hard drive (and spank bank)
2.) thorns had to call attention to the fact that he had any part whatsoever in the making of the post. PIPE DOWN LIL' ATTENTION WHORE WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE HERE!
i was avoiding reviewing this post at first. it was all good when you did a birthday post for shlongy after having ignored mine altogether. i mean, shlongy is SUPER DUPER cool and always so sweet to everyone. you two seem to have an incredible bond, so why wouldn't you celebrate his -what was it?- 89th birthday? that's a special time in a boy's life, after all.
but then you also do one for coley, who is probably the single biggest jerk this site has ever seen? not cool.
that just crosses a line, man.
i'm out of here.
*hops on scooter and speeds away into the sunset*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-12 09:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
happy birthday coley.
btw i had my yahoo inbox wiped out by some glitch at yahoo and no longer have your address for toys. which i realize is gay. so besides me procrastinating, someone else also fucked up.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-12 09:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm glad you called me for the guitar pic in this montage. It goes great in the flow of the post.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-12 09:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More reviews need to involve the word "labia."
Something for you to ponder during this, the next year of your life.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-11-12 08:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-12 08:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You would like my nipples, they are very sexy
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-12 08:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You wouldn't BELIEVE how much harder it was to find 'random shirtless hot guy with guitar who is not a huge celebrity' than I thought. I had to settle. I like nipples though so they wouldn't bother me.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-12 08:16:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
only if two of them were over the persons eyes who was looking at you
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-12 07:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if i had 4 nipples would i be hot too?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-11 20:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NOBODY drinks lite beer. Nobody.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-11 20:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bud Light?
I shouldn't talk. At her age, I was drinking Old Milwaukee. But no Old Milwaukee Light.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-11 19:55:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Healthy drinking" has to be the World's biggest oxymoron.
P.S. The leftover crap is your body that makes you hurt is something called acetaldehyde.
Most of it is blown out by the body's production of acetic acid (vinegar), but what is left causes hangovers. It is very closely related to formaldehyde. Imagine that.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-11 19:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am NOT hung over YAY
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-11 19:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YAAAAY
Don't forget to drink plenty of liquids, Nicole.
Dear Aching Head,
No one enjoys the infamous morning-after hangover — upset stomach, shakiness, headache, thirst, aches and pains, and that general terrible feeling that follows a night of heavy drinking. One of the most important ways to prevent these symptoms is to do some pre-party planning.
The chances of experiencing a hangover significantly increase with five or more drinks, especially when consumed in a short period of time. Research supports the theory that the major cause of a hangover is simply drinking too much. Drinking a large quantity of alcohol quickly, as is usually the case in drinking games, tends to increase the incidence of hangovers — not to mention other negative effects, such as alcohol poisoning. So, pacing yourself and limiting yourself to one drink an hour are ways to keep headaches and upset stomachs at bay. Try:
* drinking slowly
* sipping rather than gulping
* diluting drinks
* avoiding shots
* alternating alcoholic with non-alcoholic beverages
* eating a substantial meal before drinking
Remember, one drink is equivalent to a 12-ounce can of beer, 5 ounces of wine, or a standard mixed drink made with 1 to 1-1/2 ounces of liquor.
Most likely, the alcohol and the lactic acid that builds up as the alcohol is metabolized are responsible for the nausea, headache, and irritability. These symptoms, as well as thirst, are also a result of alcohol's diuretic effect, increasing your need to pee. When drinking alcoholic beverages, you will wind up letting go of more liquid than you take in. Thus, it's important to re-hydrate with water and other non-alcoholic, non-carbonated, non-caffeinated drinks both while you're consuming alcohol and afterwards. For more information on how to prevent a hangover, read Hangover Helper in Alice's Alcohol, Nicotine, & Other Drugs archive.
If you wind up feeling sick, despite precautionary measures, there are a few things you can do. Some people take aspirin, acetaminophen, or ibuprofen before going to bed or upon waking. These may help to relieve headache and other aches and pains, but they do not decrease the amount of alcohol in your body, so you will still have other hangover symptoms. Also, there is some evidence that mixing these over-the-counter pain relievers with alcohol can cause problems for some people. Aspirin can be a stomach irritant, as can ibuprofen. Since alcohol can also upset your stomach, mixing the two may cause ulcers, gastrointestinal bleeding, or other sensitive-stomach symptoms. Also, mixing acetaminophen with alcohol has been linked with liver disorder, and even failure, in some people, even when taken in normal doses. Always consult with a health care provider if you take any medications and consume alcohol.
If you don't feel queasy, some find that eating a meal or a mild snack makes them feel better. The food doesn't actually absorb the alcohol, like many believe. Instead, it may just help you to stay energized and help the remaining alcohol metabolize at a reasonable rate. Contrary to popular myths of coffee, vitamin B, and physical activity, time is the only way to cure a hangover. With coffee, what have you got? A wide awake drunk. Some find that vitamin B makes them feel better, but currently there is no research to back this up. Exercise (sweating it out) may make you feel better because you are getting your mind off of how miserable you feel, but it doesn't speed up the metabolism of the alcohol. And, that old myth of taking a cold shower to sober up is not good advice; it will further the decrease in body temperature caused by alcohol. A wet bathroom is also an accident waiting to happen: slippery, cold, hard, and drunk are not good combinations.
One warning — the ability to down a lot of alcohol without experiencing a hangover may be a sign of a serious alcohol problem. It may be time for this person to get some help. If this sounds like you or someone you know, and you or your friend is at Columbia, consider contacting Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) at x4-2878 to make an appointment to meet with a substance abuse specialist. If you're elsewhere, you can get in touch with your school's health and/or counseling services.
Enough said. Cheers to healthy drinking!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-11 19:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm a douche because I don't like these posts? Fuck right off. -or- Because being a douche is what I do best.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously. The bud light (in a bottle, nonetheless), hot shirtless man with guitar AND a fucking DOUBLE RAINBOW.
YESSSSS
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, COLEY.
So, I need photographic evidence.
So I can wack off.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We trade off, Shlongster.
And sico, why are you such a douche? Ew..your bed.
Ew.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who wears the strap-on in this relationship?
Oh, and whatever the answer, I need photographic proof.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just thank your lucky cunt lips you weren't sleeping in my bed last night. I pissed it...god damn it, even the pillow was wet.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your face so hard!
You sent me my first electronic bday greetings of the day. I'm smack in the middle of a five day celebration, and you know it's been a year since last year if ya know what I mean. Life is good. I'd still love to win the lottery but other than that life is very good to me. Wish you coulda been at my party last night. There's feathers everywhere and things are sticky.
<3
Submitted by Jester_and_Traxx (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
TRAXX: DIAF
Submitted by Jester_and_Traxx (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
TRAXX: a fagg0t w/ a guitar + a nasty old bitch... i dun think i can get hard for at least an hour now =/
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:17:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday, Coley!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-11-11 18:12:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, you're a really romantic dude, good for you man
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-11-11 17:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, that made me laugh.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-11 17:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And you're genuinely amusing when you're hypocritical (it's OK, we all are sometimes) and passionate enough to use the scrolly thing.
:)
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-11-11 17:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Awww...you're almost feminine when you're passive-aggressive.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-11 17:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can respect that, Hadley. Good on you for turning it around and deciding not to post anymore. And it's not as if your first page of user info has about 10 posts that include uberusers' names or anything. Oh, wait.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-11-11 17:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool, I share the day with coley
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-11-11 17:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post just sucks.
Not because I don't like you. Not because I dislike Coley. But because a front page with no new posts beats this inside joke bullshit.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-11 16:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I loves me some Coley. And that was to be expected. We all know sico has principles which allow the posting of whores and cockshots, but require him to -2 bd posts.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-11-11 15:39:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Came to see who shit on the 2 streak.
didn't read it, but birthday posts are always nice. can't believe people still get along on this website.
weird.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-11 15:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Semen sucker below.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-11 15:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-11 14:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
email her the link!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-11 13:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
she's gone too?
;(
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-11 13:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy birthday
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-11 13:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 lesbian love.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-11 13:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bud Light? -2.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-11 13:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
IF COLEY DOESN'T SEE THIS I'LL JUST DIE!
:(