Dress Rehearsal (711 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.8 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hourman (View user info) at 2007-11-14 10:49:45 EST
"How heavy can your eyes ever actually feel? I mean seriously... you wake up and they feel all groggy sure... but you know when something happens and your eyes just give up, and suddenly they weigh a fuckin' ton? Like Atlas dropped the world and asked you to cover.
I guess as of late after everything that's happened I just feel even more worn down... like I have to pick up this slack in all kinds of areas you know... and it hurts... I try to put my feelings in a box, file them away somewhere in the far reaches of my mind, in a black abyss, in nothing. That used to work, but now... more and more they flood me, wear me down... and I struggle even more to resist.
It's not like I'm sad... I'm just tired, drained, null... all of the above. I get real angry too, like I wanna just a rip someones head off and smash their cunting face so fucking hard that I'm punching floor. Of course that never happens... and it never will, that's the difference between man and beast... heaven and hell... indulgence and restraint.
So what's the problem? I don't know... I just feel more and more unhinged... like my mind is actually falling apart. I find myself wondering down dark thoughts and endless questions that I can never hope to answer. It sounds dumb, but it's like I'm actually starting to fail to exist. Like I'm becoming an empty fucking shell of a person... like it's a waste you know? You sometimes look at your life and think "Did I waste that second?" when my bell tolls, I wanna have as few of those wasted seconds as possible... but I'm unhinging... I'm eroding as a person... fucked up.
And god knows what'll happen if I close my eyes... I'll get lost in a metaphor driven to the brink by my own thoughts, slipping in and out of relative consciousness trying to not just survive, but live. Live. All I want to do is live, and can't. Well I could... but something keeps holding me back... and I can't break free from it. Even in my dreams I'm fucking shackled and when I look to see my captor there's nothing but a fucking mirror. Yeah get the imagery you fucking cunt don't patronise me... I didn't say I didn't understand... I said I couldn't solve. That's my problem... solving.
Maybe take a break from stress and life... and then what? Wake up at fifty with two kids, a mortgage and a break once every two years to fucking Espanola. Keep your mediocrity, I'll die young and hard rather than slow and painful. I mean I love life so much... the idea thrills and excites me... and yet I can't seem to live it ya know? Like every day that passes and I think 'maybe today will be the day I make life happen for me'. It never is. Well... it may be... but it hasn't been yet. Know what I mean?
I need something more than what I've got... I'm not gonna wake up forty and dead... You know what I mean? Mediocrity scares me way fucking me more than failing... Hello? Are you even there?"
"... Sorry sir, I just work here to get my experience and this is like my first day... sounds like you need real help though..."
"Oh right...never mind then... have a good night..."
"Thanks for calling the Samaritans, call us any time sir..."
"I get the feeling I gotta do this on my own".
Three options I guess... stand up and be counted... call it quits now and take a big plunge... or settle for nothing, cash in my chips and accept that I am mediocre...
Well I'm too afraid of heights and too scared of not living for option two... and option three scares me more than anything else... I gotta do more than just survive... I want to live... fuck it... I need to live. This ain't a fucking dress rehearsal.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-14 19:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-14 17:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
start drinking, it gets rid of all your problems, then you can focus on just one issue and that would be your drinking problem.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-14 15:36:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"How heavy can your eyes ever actually feel? I mean seriously... you wake up and they feel all groggy sure... but you know when something happens and your eyes just give up, and suddenly they weigh a fuckin' ton? Like Atlas dropped the world and asked you to cover.
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this happens to me every day without fail
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:58:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
maybe you should talk to someone about these things.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
word
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, I feel this way sometimes and I'm 19. Am I fucked or what?
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Never accept mediocrity. Never accept surrender.
Guess that leaves you only one option. It's a path less traveled, but - man - you'll be fucking living it, instead of watching others from the sidelines.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some say;
We are what we leave behind.
There are a lot of philosophies, this is just one.
Create something, plant a tree, make a difference to someone.
I use my art as a creative outlet because my job is so mundane.
It's funny because I used to have the ultimate creative job and when I went to create at home I couldn't.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It is ficiton primarily, but as with any writing you kinda pour yourself into it, and I think that's what's happened here.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was fiction.
If not, chin up, and you get back in there.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Familiar feelings, conveyed well.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He. No fraid not mate.
Too young to be thinking along these lines, I feel 50, put it like that.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll bet you're about 27. Happens to everybody. Welcome to getting older.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-11-14 10:57:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll tell you're special, does that change a thing?
You'll wake up forty one day but how it feels? LIVE!!
How old are you?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-11-14 10:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How long have you been married?
Sounds like about twenty years to me.