Chain Gang Cons Versus Ass Rippers from Outer Space (2) (898 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: compound_tales
Rating: 1.5 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2007-11-14 15:35:42 EST
(A Compound Tale)
CGCVAFROS (1) http://www.ubersite.com/m/113066
Vicks was running like hell.
Her tits hurt. Her bras were never a good fit, either too big or too small. The cheap underwear issued to county inmates and died bright pink for both males and females in the laundry facility (where Vicks had worked before stepping in a pile by volunteering for CIS duty in the hopes of getting a little sun and fresh air) usually shrunk when washed and was then stretched out when a big inmate was given the wrong size, leaving a garment that in no way matched the label. Her feet hurt, since she was wearing flat white Converse sneakers a size too small. Her throat hurt, from running in dry hot air that made every breath feel raw. Her back hurt, from the scratches left there, scratches she could feel from the rounded tops of her shoulders to the bottom of each thigh.
Vicks kept running. Faster inmates had run ahead of her, scattering into the desert. Slower ones were behind her, on the road. She wasn't stopping to help anyone. Not anymore. Not after pulling one of those things off of Reggie and watching the torpedo-shaped body humping the dust as it flopped on the ground. Not after the thing skittered to its feet, found her with that ring of eyes that looked like red sores in pale flesh, and leaped onto her back, clawing at her with those skinny legs as it began climbing down her body, intent on doing what it had done to Reggie and scratching her as it moved, its yellow chicken feet becoming trapped in the fabric of her polyester shirt and pants, a shirt and pants she had shucked, leaving the enraged thing behind to hump the dust and shred her clothes as it shrieked in high inhuman tones, making a sound somewhere between a whistle and a fart. Not after seeing Reggie's mouth open in a scream muffled by thin strands of white webbing that filled Reggie's throat. Not after hearing one of the things let out a whistle/fart cry right behind her, a sound that might have made her laugh under other circumstances, a sound that scared the hell out of her now because she was hearing more sounds, responses to the first, in the distance.
Carrying a blood-slick length of chain, Vicks ran like hell.
~
The little black guy was mouthing off again, and ZD was beginning to wonder how long it would be until the guy caught a beating.
"Dissa buncha muhfuggin boo-shih, man. Booo-SHIH!"
Everyone called the little guy Milkshake. No surprise there. The story (he loved to tell again and again) was he'd been working out on Highway 15 past Baker, where the day before a trucker carrying an illegal load of counterfeit Chinese goods from the Port of Los Angeles to Las Vegas had hit 'a shitload of king snakes fuckin in the road' ("Dass wha the truckah sayd to the po-po," Milkshake told anyone who would listen as they trudged along Kelbaker Road, although how the hell he knew that detail was anyone's guess) and jackknifed on the slick created when eighteen steel-belted radials met a ten-by-ten nest of snakes. The trailer had broken away from the rig and rolled, the metal sides rupturing and spewing pallets and cartons. Milkshake and a CIS crew were slated to spend the better part of a day picking up shattered snow globes and burst bundles of postcards and key chains and ashtrays and shot glasses, all with some form of Las Vegas promotional bullshit on them.
"An dass when dat cah fulla college-boys rolled by and one a dem muhfuggah's throwed a bahnilla mickshake at me. BahNILLa! Damn! Had to go to de 'firmary cause I got a groin pull when I tried to run aftah dat cah."
"Prob'ly all full of lead and toxic shit anyway," Greavy had said, "Like they be saying on CNN."
"De fuh you talkin bout? Don't put lead in mickshakes, muhfuggah."
Greavy shook had his head.
"Anyhows, ah gots dat skinny white muhfuggah's lie-sin plate numma in mah head," Milkshake had said. "And one a these days ah'm goin track him down and pay him a VISIT. You bet yo muhfuggin ass."
Now Milkshake was bitching about the walk, and ZD felt as if he'd been hearing that reedy hood-rat squall for most of his life.
Milkshake was a righteous man, like ZD, with a cuff on his right ankle. His middleman and lefty were Vietnamese. At least that was ZD's guess. The Asians didn't seem to speak a lot of English. And lucky for them, ZD thought, they don't seem to understand a whole fuck of a lot either.
"You can bet yo ASS if we had a white depitty up in here dey would get a truck out fass as a muhfuggah. But no, we niggahs gots to walk. Boo-shih."
"I'm not a nigger," Blintzel said without thinking. Greavy stopped dead and gave him the eye.
"He's ignorant is all, " ZD said, "I don't think he meant anything by that."
Greavy looked at ZD, nodded, and they started walking again. Which was fine with ZD. It was getting hotter, and they weren't going to reach any shade or water or transportation until they reached the end of their walk, and ZD didn't want to waste any time standing under the sun. He wanted to keep moving.
They had already walked a mile and a half, stopping to stare in wonder when they followed a curve in the road around a hump in the earth that had obscured the brown backs of the Old Woman Mountains and saw a gray-black column of smoke hanging over the mountain range. Something had hit one of the mountains hard, and debris had been scattered for miles, blowback scouring the ground in many places.
The inmates had been making such an effort to block out Milkshake that when he started talking about titties, no one paid him any attention.
"Yo, shih, muhfuggahs. Titties. Yo bro, yo man, we gots titties."
--
Vicks wasn't stupid. She knew she looked good. She might have been wearing too-tight panties and a bra so loose the shoulder straps kept slipping and letting the cups sag, leaving her breasts almost exposed and sure, the short shag cut and dye-job she had done by herself were growing out, leaving her with light blonde bed-head trimmed in black that seemed almost blue under the sun, but she knew she still looked damn good... which could be a problem, because not far away were a couple of dozen cons, all of them men, all of them standing as still as statues in the middle of the road and staring at her.
She heard a distant roar of "Move your ass," and nearly fell on her knees with relief. Coming in to view from around a bend in the road was a deputy, chasing a few stragglers.
"Thank God," she said. As she ran down the road to the all-male CIS work crew, she could hear the tick and scratch of those yellow chicken-feet behind her.
--
Milkshake and the Vietnamese guys were in the lead, ZD and Greavy and Blintzel just behind them. ZD had been surprised how easy it was to motivate Blintzel. He simply told the man that there would only be so much water at the women's work site, and once they got there the hardasses in the crew would probably suck it all down before the deputy could step in. Blintzel held his own after that, although he didn't look too healthy now, sucking air and bent over his shoes like he was going to puke.
ZD had just enough smarts to bite back a laugh as Deputy Johnston came stomping up alongside him muttering ("—one of these sonsabitches makes a move on that girl and I'll tear their arms off like—") and just enough time to register the fact that the girl in the county-issue underwear was damn cute even if she was most likely a white-trash whoring crackhead freakazoid, when Milkshake shouted.
"Wha inna muhfuggin HEY-ALL is DAT?"
Everyone fell silent, even Deputy Johnson. Everyone heard the fast and steady tick and scratch of claws on asphalt. Everyone had a hard time processing what they were seeing as the girl ran to Johnson's side, one still pert thirty year-old breast leaping into view, an event unnoticed by any of the men.
The thing stopped. ZD assumed it was staring back at them. It looked like a giant skinned cucumber, a peeled banana. Or a big albino dick. A big albino dick wearing a cock ring of bony spikes. It looked ridiculous, cartoonish. They would have all laughed at the sight of the thing, if not for the eyes.
It was five feet long, about thirty inches around, and it stood on three pairs of pale, slender legs that ended in yellowed flesh and dark claws that looked for all the world like big chicken feet. Both ends of the thing had a slight upward curve, the waxy flesh narrowing to dark gray points.
Encircling the middle were bony spikes of varying lengths and thicknesses.
Encircling each end was a ring of deep-set eyes, small red eyes in white flesh. There was a single-minded primitive strength in those eyes. They were like the eyes of a gator. With all those eyes the thing could see up and down, backward and forward, all at the same time.
ZD looked at Greavy. Greavy shrugged.
The thing made a noise halfway between a fat man sneaking a fart between massive fleshy cheeks and a New Yorker whistling for a cab. The small red eyes encircling the body rose up an inch or two on rigid rings of flesh. Those eyes locked on Milkshake and the Vietnamese guys. Just before it started to run, and ZD would think later that the thing could really move if running full-tilt, a puckered hole appeared in the near end of the thing and a sharp black horn emerged, gleaming under the sun like polished obsidian.
"That wasn't no motherfucking meteor, man," Greavy said, pointing at the nearby mountains and what appeared to be a crater in the side of one of them and all of the rock and dust that had erupted outward from that point, "That was something from another planet!"
The thing charged. The Vietnamese tried to run. It was a good thing for the Vietnamese that Milkshake was transfixed by the thing, a little string of saliva dangling from his mouth and catching the sunlight like a spider web wet with dew. When chained in threes, if you want to turn around clean and keep kinks out of the chains, one man has to pivot while the other walk around him. Milkshake had no choice but to pivot now, as his cuffed foot was pulled out from under him. Milkshake pivoted and fell face down, and before the Vietnamese could pull him clear the giant alien bananacumber dickbeast grabbed him and held him down with that first set of chickenfeet claws and shook itself like a wet dog. A bony spike shot from the pale body and pinned Milkshake to the ground like a tent peg. There was a sound like a dinner plate cracking in two as the spike smashed through his left shoulder blade.
Milkshake let out a cry and ZD took a step forward. Greavy grabbed hold of Blintzel's arm and took a few paces back, taking ZD with him.
"Don't you watch TV, brother-man? All that sci-fi shit?" Greavy reached over and put a hand on ZD's shoulder for a moment. "You don't fuck with the unknown. We got to get gone and leave this shit for the US Army."
The thing looked Milkshake up and down. It poked at him with the gleaming black horn, and backed off of him.
Johnson had taken his Smith & Wesson .44 from his holster, flipped the safety, and was just giving the trigger a soft squeeze after lining up a shot at one of those little red eyes when the girl in the pink underwear shouted, "Do something!" She also gave him a little shove and threw off his aim.
The gun went off and a hole appeared in the side of the thing. A spatter of pale goo appeared behind it on the road. The thing shook itself again.
Johnson heard a dull clang and his body reeled. He had a short bony spear through the center of his left hand and his revolver was skidding off the road, across the shoulder and into the brush.
The thing reared up over Milkshake.
"Y'all gots to hep a brutha OUT," Milkshake said, and then that gleaming black horn was driven into him.
The creature rammed the horn between Mikshake's buttcheeks and up into his abdomen. Milkshake shrieked. The thing began thrusting, sinking those sharp claws into the sun-softened asphalt, relentlessly driving that dark horn deeper into Milkshake.
Milkshake's polyester pants became saturated with blood. ZD could only imagine how badly that thing was tearing Milkshake up inside.
Greavy spoke, breathless with shock. "Muthafucka, man, they ass-rippers from outer space!"
"And that's only the first one," the girl said.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-16 15:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-15 21:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job.
"dyed"
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-11-15 15:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
only 16 reviews for this?!
yep, i remember why i stopped writing for argumentative children and trolls
...and, of course, you're correct
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-11-15 11:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-14 23:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's like the only interaction you've ever had with black people is film and tv.
my word, I'd forgotten just how bad you are.
--
Gonna have to call you out on that one, Mr. A.
If you live in a city like San Francisco for a few years I guarantee you'll see and hear guys like Milkshake and Greavy on the street, on the bus, wherever. I'm not saying every black dude is like that (that would be ridiculous and this isn't one of my over the top button-pushing news or politics posts), but most of the guys in this story are uneducated, and in Milkshake's case ignorant, and if you go down Market Street around 5th or 6th, or into the Tenderloin, you're gonna hear variations of this this from guys that hang out on the street all day. Why do you think there was such a big push in Oakland (just across the bay) for schools to teach in 'Ebonics?' Because there are a shiload of black kids (and a growing number of white kids) who can barely speak English. Now, coming from someone who speak American English you'll laugh at that, but you get the drift.
Could be worse in Hunter's Point or the Richmond, but I'll be fucked if I'm going there.
Joedaddy would know, don't think he's around any more...
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-11-15 11:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fookin hell,
very nice, to bad there wasnt a little robot mized in there somewhere
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-11-14 23:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
one sick-fuck
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-14 23:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's like the only interaction you've ever had with black people is film and tv.
my word, I'd forgotten just how bad you are.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-11-14 23:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh, not so good....got a little unclear towards the end...the switch from ZD perspective to Johnson would have been better not done I think.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-14 20:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-14 19:43:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Don't you watch TV, brother-man? All that sci-fi shit?" Greavy reached over and put a hand on ZD's shoulder for a moment. "You don't fuck with the unknown. We got to get gone and leave this shit for the US Army."
------------------------------------------
I think this was my favorite line.
Submitted by Iwanttoliveonabus (user info) at 2007-11-14 16:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Greavy spoke, breathless with shock. "Muthafucka, man, they ass-rippers from outer space!"
==========
You fucking wish!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-14 16:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are one messed up individual.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-11-14 16:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-14 15:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rape this item
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-11-14 15:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-14 15:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Wha inna muhfuggin HEY-ALL is DAT?"
Oh HEEEEEY-ALLL no!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-11-14 15:42:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR BUTTSECKS etc etc etc
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-14 15:39:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rape
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-11-14 15:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Today's rape brought to you by Heath, the milk chocolate and English toffee bar.