The Diary of Emily (1014 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -0.02 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kre8rix (View user info) at 2007-11-16 23:14:34 EST
Greeting Uber-whatevers...
Very rarely do I actually address the Uber-public outside of the reviews, but I have come to seek assistance.
If you are familiar with my work, you know that I used to post some fiction, back in the day when fiction was as easily accepted as the pics of cocks, goatse, or urbane's nasty twat.
*shudder*
Anyway, I've been a bit busy with work and all, so I haven't been able to write much, but I was recently inspired to start a new project. It is not a work of fiction, or a 34897249 part series that I will never finish ( and yes I know, I'm working on it), but rather a social experiment of a different caliber.
The fun part is, that this all started in an attempt...nay, a brilliant scheme to utterly humiliate a coworker; but I'll get into that later...
Instead of creating semi-shallow characters, ones that for a moment you get to know before I brutally have them eaten by dogs or stabbed, or die in some other equally bloody fashion, I've decided to create an entire group of people on one of our least loved, but still used websites.
Myspace
yes friends, I'm creating a legion of false myspacers; with a story so vast and interwoven, you'd think these people had grown up together. They all went to high school together, grew up together, have brothers, sisters, lovers...they've been betrayed, heartbroken, and saved each other through some of the worst situations you can imagine. The trouble is, It's a lot more work than I have time for and I'd like to expedite the process.
This is where you come in. I am asking for your help.
Yes I know that asking for help on Uber is like asking kevorkian to try and save your grandmother, but hear me out.
I've been here for a few years, and there is an ebb and flow (blah blah blah We've all heard this recently) but one thing that has remained constant is the average uber users ability to not give two shits about anyone else on the internet. So I thought who better than to assist me in the emotional destruction of someone who deserves it?
I am also aware that you folks are not ones to do something for nothing, so here's what I offer:
The goal is to create this group of people to make them seem as real as possible, and then to use the main character (emily) to initiate conversation with, seduce, and ultimately stand up this idiot. There is a tentative plan to include another moron I work with, but thats still up in the air at this point.
What I am offering to you, is the emails, unedited, from beginning to end, posted here for the collective laughter of everyone involved.
The emails will be posted here, under the title "The diary of Emily" and the frequency will depend on how soon he takes the bait. How soon he takes the bait depends on how realistic the characters are...so you see where I'm going with this. The end result will be him (and possibly the other guy) being stood up for a date in a (no doubt cleverly crafted) video for all of you to see.
This is the dilemna:
I need characters...I don't know if any of you have ever made a myspace profile, but it's a pain in the ass...add to that multiple accounts/usernames as well as having a valid email for all of them and you can see how the work adds up pretty quick.
This is the beginning prototype of Emily, though I'm thinking about changing the pics: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=281060102
Everyone on her friends list is fake; created by me and a couple friends.
She needs more friends people!!
I can't do this on my own; Uber I need you, now more than ever.
Please don't let my faith in your ability to creatively fuck with someones head be misplaced.
If you will rise to the challenge, email me at kre8rix.at.gmail.com and lets destroy someones hopes and dreams!
thank you and goodnight.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-20 17:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by idodeklair (user info) at 2007-11-20 16:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
who'd have thunk?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-19 10:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i am kind of surprised at the reaction this has gottne but whatever, I don't have time to help either. write some fiction senior, i could use a good read.
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-11-19 10:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
why not burn down the building?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-19 10:06:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-11-19 01:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good shennanys
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-18 20:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd help you because I don't give two shits about anyone I don't know, but alas, I don't have a MySpace account nor will I ever stoop to sign in for one.
I don't think I will, anyway.
Probably not.
Unless Mrs. Shlongy dies.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-18 20:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you people get. on. my nerves.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-18 19:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-11-18 02:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You want to know why I would do this?
Fuck you...you worthless douche...I'm not the one that fucked someone, got her pregnant, and then abandoned her...I'm not the one that lied to everyone that I know about the relationship.
I'm not the one that has fucked/is fucking 3 different people since that ordeal while my "ex-girlfriend" is contemplating if she's going to keep the baby, or have an abortion or kill herself.
Fuck you and the worthless sack of shit that you're defending...
Stay on your high horse, you fuck...it's safer up there for people like you.
I hope this worthless fuck kills himself after this, the world would be better off.
****
Worthless dipshit that I am, the overall rating justifies my comments. So there.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-18 16:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<pick your own 'brown nose' comment and insert here heehee>
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-18 11:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wooot anybody out there??
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-11-18 11:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't entirely disagree with the intentions; I just think it's a horrible plan.
Think: what's the best that's going to happen here? You invest a week or more of your time on the net laying out this elaborate plan and in the end the target of your ire... ends up sitting alone in a Starbucks somewhere looking a little sheepish.
That is assuming this works, of course. Your coworker may not buy it, or maybe they'll ask to call "Emily" on the phone before they meet. What are you going to say then, that she's Amish?
And let's not forget all the embaressing emails your coworker sent; they end up on some backwater web forum, gawked at by a bunch of people they'll never meet. Because I'm assuming you'd be smart enough to wipe out any identifying details. Otherwise it'd be pretty easy for someone on here to be a real jackass and rat you out. Then it becomes an HR issue, there's a lot of ugliness at work, and you can likely kiss your steady paycheck goodbye.
Best case scenario here is that your coworker ends up looking a little silly and that they never begin to think there's a reason behind the entire stunt. You want to get revenge? This is the internet. There's all SORTS of personal info to be bought and sold. Just be prepared to wonder whether or not it was worth it when you get caught.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-18 10:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Participating in exacting revenge on someone I don't know isn't something that interests me, but if I had reason to fuck with someone, I could see how this could be an amusing way to go about it. And no one can deny you came to the right place- but one reason no one wants to play might be because you didn't give anyone any reason for strangers to want to fuck with him. Until your recent comment, we had no idea just what was so reprehensible about this guy. He sounds like a failure at life so far, and hopefully he'll get his. Weekends on uber are slow so it's not too late to find people who'd be up for your shenans, but contrary to popular belief around here, I think most people need a little more than boredom to drive them to cruelty.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-18 10:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-18 10:13:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-11-18 09:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So let me get this straight.
The plan is to waste days, maybe weeks, maybe months of your time creating some elaborate setup, pretend you're a chick, get homoerotic with this guy over the internet, and then stand him up.
Wow.
You're like Adolf Hitler's and Niccolo Machiavelli's lovechild or something. In Poe's most opium-induced nightmares, he couldn't have imagined a more brutal and cunning form of torture.
Seriously, there's litigation brewing in court over cowardly bullshit just like this, so your timing couldn't be more fucking perfect.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-11-18 03:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
f I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
No
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
So tell me how it should be
Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
So tell me how it should be
Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
I still try to find my place in the diary of EMILY
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-11-18 02:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You want to know why I would do this?
Fuck you...you worthless douche...I'm not the one that fucked someone, got her pregnant, and then abandoned her...I'm not the one that lied to everyone that I know about the relationship.
I'm not the one that has fucked/is fucking 3 different people since that ordeal while my "ex-girlfriend" is contemplating if she's going to keep the baby, or have an abortion or kill herself.
Fuck you and the worthless sack of shit that you're defending...
Stay on your high horse, you fuck...it's safer up there for people like you.
I hope this worthless fuck kills himself after this, the world would be better off.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-17 23:50:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why would you intentionally do something like that to someone? Does it make you feel like a big man? Aren't there enough assholes in the world?
Pardon me if I carry this to an extreme, but folks like you should be shot now; don't bother to wait for sunrise. Most people on this putrid planet need to keep an eye open so they don't make themselves look foolish, and here you are wanting to cause grief to someone who hasn't harmed you in any way.
I hope you get caught, then sued, then get the living dogshit kicked out of you.
Just my opinion. . .
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-17 23:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow, awesome idea. You must be the alpha male of your workplace!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-11-17 22:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-17 14:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
didnt some cunt just kill themselves because of stuff like this?
whislt I am evil, i'm not that evil
--
What a horrible disappointment.
The big head, the accent, the massive, bloated ego... you would have made a great Bond villain.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-17 16:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what a terrible idea.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-17 14:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No shit. Yeah...Flag's great. I miss it. In case you were ever at the Monte Vista, Charley's, Monsoon's, or Flag Brew in the 90s, I was there.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-11-17 14:44:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've had my great plans fall by the wayside too. I thought I had discovered electricity, only to be told that Ben Franklin did it nearly two hundred and fifty years ago. It was a real bummer.
:(
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-17 14:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You have no life
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-17 14:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
didnt some cunt just kill themselves because of stuff like this?
whislt I am evil, i'm not that evil
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-11-17 13:25:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice, though I can't say I enjoy the phoenix area too much...
I grew up bouncing back and forth between Prescott and Flag...love that town
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-17 12:55:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yessir. Flagstaff for 13 years. Phoenix-area, last three.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-11-17 12:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-17 11:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21844203/
******************
Wow, how's that for ironic timing?
...
lung, you're from AZ right?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-17 11:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21844203/
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2007-11-17 10:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
boring
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-17 09:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I admire your devotion to spitefulness, although at the moment I really don't care enough to participate in your revenge scheme.
Best of luck to you though.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-11-17 08:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*sigh*
My faith in the depravity of Ubersite has been shattered...my faith in humanity may have gone up a notch though...
the guy in question here isn't random, and believe me when I say that he is deserving of some humiliation, this is way too much effort for "just a random person".
and Net, who said he was ever going to find out it was me? Glad you think I'm psycho, gives me warm fuzzies and all that.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-17 03:36:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
he, whatever
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-11-17 03:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds like the most pathetic idea ever. What do you think your coworker is going to do after she realizes how much effort you've spent devising a plan to humiliate her on the Internet? Probably see you for the psycho that you are. Get real.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-11-17 03:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm. While I applaud your dedication and ingenuity here, I've never been a big fan of pranks or hurting random people's feelings (insert gagging and gay insults here). Just seems really mean.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-17 01:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A while ago, there was a big list of myspace usernames and passwords posted.
That's all the help you get from me.
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2007-11-17 00:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The video would be funnier if you reserved a table at a nice restaurant for two under a surname, and had BOTH guys turn up at the SAME TIME. They can have a wonderful mandate together. Hahahhahaa.
So twisted.