Orange Juice (820 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.08 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by beeltea (View user info) at 2007-11-19 17:43:03 EST
Do you drink orange juice? You should. Orange juice is the champagne of nectars.
All other juices are secondary to orange juice. If you look in the dictionary under "juice", you will see the following definition:
-noun
1. the natural fluid, fluid content, or liquid part that can be extracted from a plant or one of its parts, esp. of a fruit: ex. orange juice.
That's right! It's the standard in juice, and it's easy to ask for. There's no need to come all out and say orange juice either; just say "O.J." and everyone will know what you mean. Could you imagine saying "gimme a glass of A.J." if you wanted apple juice? People would look at you as if you were stark raving mad. But with Orange juice...
"How about a nice glass of O.J.?" I would say.
"By O.J., do you mean orange juice or a disgraced ex-NFL running back?" You would ask.
"I mean orange juice, of course. You see, the hint is in the question..." I would go on to explain. "A disgraced ex-NFL running back would need an AWFULLY big glass!"
"Well sure I'll have some orange juice!" You would exclaim. "Who would say no to that?"
Nobody, that's who. Orange juice is delicious, full of vitamins, and can even have other vitamins infused into it, like calcium. Imagine trying to infuse a little vitamin C into milk! Ha ha, that's just crazy talk! Vitamin C in milk? That would be ridiculous! HA HA HA! Don't tell anybody I told you that idea, okay? They may lock me away! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Orange juice tastes exactly like an orange. It is the exact same color as an orange, which is orange, as it turns out. No surprises with O.J.! Grape juice, I feel, isn't quite like that. I don't know if it's just me or perhaps I've lost all sense of taste from years of smoking, but grape juice and grapes are totally different flavors. Oh, I know that it's grape juice. I mean, Welch's tells me it's grape juice and in the list of ingredients I can see that there are indeed grapes in it; but if I were from another world yet looked and spoke exactly as a human being, and you were to serve me grape juice for refreshment I would look at it blankly and say, "what's the purple stuff?" like I just walked out of a commercial for Sunny Delight.
Orange juice may traditionally be a morning beverage but you should drink it all day long. You can mix it with other things, like cranberry juice or vodka. Or BOTH! And I hate to keep picking on grape juice here, but you really can't mix grape juice with anything.
Actually, I take that back. I don't mind picking on grape juice a little. Grape juice kind of sucks.
But this post is about orange juice! Not the fruit, but the juice from it. Eating an orange is stupid. Peeling an orange is stupid, and a waste of time. You don't need to peel oranges to juice them. Just juice the oranges, and throw the peels away! Juice your oranges! C'mon, Juice them! Do it! Do it now!
Isn't orange juice great? Isn't it refreshing? There is nothing more refreshing than orange juice.
yeah... orange juice...
Of course, I guess there's vitamin D infused milk.
God, I hate my job.
User Reviews
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-21 04:56:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
better to laugh at the ridiculous than cry for the the reality
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-20 22:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I sure laugh at some stupid shit.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-20 18:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ha
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-20 17:31:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
See what you made me do Yozz?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-11-20 17:23:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dick
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v
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-20 17:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-20 11:56:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-20 08:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JJuice your oranges! C'mon, Juice them! Do it! Do it now!
was this a euphamism for gettin yer rocks off? just askin.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2007-11-20 05:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried mixing cheap wine with grape juice just so I could drink the shit--the wine, not the juice. And it didn't really work, I still felt like I was drinking a bum's piss.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-11-20 05:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-20 04:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'allo sammich.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-11-20 04:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
freshly squeezed orange juice is nice, esp over ice, esp in asian countries
don't like it much otherwise
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-11-20 00:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was gay....at best
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-19 22:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-19 22:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
too salty.
i mean tomato juice.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-19 22:19:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I prefer tomato juice.
And, pussy juice, if you muct know.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-11-19 22:09:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dis-like orange juice.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-11-19 21:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-11-19 21:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So much in this world remains unwritten, and yet, you choose the road more travelled. You and your kind will be the first for the apocolyptic dragon. I hate people.
****
R..E..S..P..E..(insert meaningful phrase, because Respek is a fucking idiot)..K,
Shut yer fuckin hole today. Apologies to Arethra. . .
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-11-19 21:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So much in this world remains unwritten, and yet, you choose the road more travelled. You and your kind will be the first for the apocolyptic dragon. I hate people.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-19 21:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're like a less awesome, less talented version of ghola.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-19 20:09:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever had Orangina? If not you totally need to. It's like orange juice except way better.
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love that stuff
its like orange juice soda
not orange soda.. but orange JUICE soda ...kinda
anyways, how do you pronounce it? I always make it rhyme with vagina.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for this
much the exact color of grapes.
you realize there are multiple kinds of grapes, right? hence regular grape juice and white grape juice?
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I had no idea there were so many types of grapes! I hear that wine may even be made from grapes, but I'm not sure if I believe it . I'm going to have to give grapes another shot.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me think of the good ol'
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Way back in high school, any day that didn't begin with two mugs of coffee and two glasses of orange juice was a terrible fucking day.
Now, being self-sufficient, orange juice is about as plentiful as, I dunno, '67 pinot noirs. I recently splurged one Friday night and bought about two gallons worth; by Monday evening they were gone. Gone. I don't even remember eating that weekend. It was just juice.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i like cranberry and pink grapefruit.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever had Orangina? If not you totally need to. It's like orange juice except way better.
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You're kind of on a strange posting streak here.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Also, grape vodka (ok, well, any vodka, but in this case grape) and club soda is good. I call it happy juice.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You'd be surprised how often people ask for a glass of AJ.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually, I take that back. I don't mind picking on grape juice a little. Grape juice kind of sucks.
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I was ready to +2 this until this part came up. I too think OJ is a great juice, but the super-concentrated acids in it end up making my stomach hurt if I drink it for too long during the day.
Therefore I would vote grape juice the better, even though you can't mix it with anything, it doesn't bother my stomach. Just my opinion.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-19 19:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I only drink juice when I go out to breakfast. OJ is good, but I also enjoy grape- though I don't ever really drink grape because OJ goes with breakfast. I like other juices too. Apple juice can fuck right off, though. It's beyond me how any girl who has ever been a babysitter/nanny can still enjoy apple juice.
Submitted by franzferdipants (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Orange may be the champagne, but cranberry is the whiskey of juices.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
They make a lot of OJ near my place. It's best when fresh, as with all things natural. Yeah, I have hurricanes and Puerto Ricans, but my orange juice is better than yours. And you Californicated types can shut the hell up - you have no idea what proper orange juice is. Weed, yes, orange juice and strawberries, no.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
um. grape juice is also pretty much the exact color of grapes.
you realize there are multiple kinds of grapes, right? hence regular grape juice and white grape juice?
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I had no idea there were so many types of grapes! I hear that wine may even be made from grapes, but I'm not sure if I believe it . I'm going to have to give grapes another shot.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me think of the good ol' days of Orange-San...
Ah, piznotch indeed.....
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You get a 2.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You could drink orange juice all day long if you wanted your shit to be liquid and your stomach to be eroded.
I'm not allowed to drink orange juice, doctor's orders, too acidic.
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-11-19 18:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
milk is for babies
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Even chocolate?! ='(
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
um. grape juice is also pretty much the exact color of grapes.
you realize there are multiple kinds of grapes, right? hence regular grape juice and white grape juice?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:49:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grape juice is fucked up, I don't see how Americans can drink it with such vigour.
Long live orange juice!
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a pretty big fan of orange juice myself.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
milk is for babies