The Ass And The Bucket (299 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1.22 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Randy Rottenbuckets (View user info) at 2007-11-20 02:24:13 EST
The Ass and the Bucket:
Today I woke up and I shit in a bucket.
Why did I shit in a bucket?
I dunno.
It was all there and stuff, so I was all like "fuck it, Im gonna shit in it."
Now, the bucket at this point in it's meager existance had done nothing to displease the god god's dog's goddess'es or sseddog's and had been, up untill now, content on being a vessel. It was in a moment of contemplation when a turd splashed down on it's finley waxed blue surface that it realized there must be something more to life.
"Ass", said bucket, "why for do you shit on me?"
"Because", said ass, "you're a bucket, and therefore a recepticle for shit."
"Ass", said bucket, "I long to be more than a shit can, will you teach me how to become one of the shit?"
(Ass Sings)"Come with me little bucket and fly on my sides.
Take hold of my ass hair and watch as we glide.....
deep into space and into the eye of the man that has taken your pockets....
it is here that you find youve been sucked up behind and not down through the tubes, youve got something to prove
You've got deeeep ends (taken your pocket)
Deeep Ends (Sucked up behind)
Deep Ends (The sphincter cant hold you go tunbling tward the floor)
"Thank you Ass", said bucket. "Thank you"
With that the ass was flung sudenlly from bucket, masked in bluejeans and whisked away.
Alone the bucket sat thinking of how to avenge and free himself from the shitmaster. For days he pondered the Ass' song trying to derive meaning, when suddenly it hit him.
That very night, when the sun had dissapeared and the moon had shown it's ugly face, he wiggled and crept into the bed-chambers of shitmaster and positioned himself just so.
There he waited....
#Fade night#
#interior day#
#sound of roosters crowing#
The shitmaster is awakend, but not by the sound of the roosters crow. The pungent smell of shit fills his nostrils and overwhelms his dreams of country Jenny fuck naked.
Startled, shitmaster exclaims "What in blazing shit, shit!?" as he stumbles out of bed. In his delerium he did not notice the bucket of shit smiling beneath him.
"Aha", said the bucket, as the shitmasters foot sank deeply in the brown custard that filled him.
Startled the shitmaster turned to see who else was in the room, twisting his ankle in the process and flyng backward, his legs flinging up before him. As he did so he noticed a plain piece of bed railing inching closer and closer t'ward his neck. Before it made contact this is what the shitmaster thought...
"I could've been a priest"
Shit dribbled from bucket's smiling mouth down the legs of shitmaster and pooled onto his lifeless belly.
-The End
User Reviews
Submitted by OscarZAcosta (user info) at 2007-11-20 11:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Randy my friend come here, thats cool bro, let me fuck your eye sockets you lazy talentless bastard.
Submitted by jitle (user info) at 2007-11-20 11:17:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NO!
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-11-20 11:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-20 11:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
i did not like this.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-20 10:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This really doesnt need a comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-11-20 10:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why did I give this post a -2? Well, I just said "Ah Fuck it."
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2007-11-20 10:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-20 02:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, this gave me a haemorrage.
What is an RSS feed? I imagine you'll answer with something along the lines of feeding your arse, but I'd really like to know.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-20 02:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RIYVNr36B08
i didnt read this