APW: Make your own goddamn turkey you ungrateful pricks (1586 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.05 on 73 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by katy (View user info) at 2007-11-21 11:14:49 EST
HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL AMERICAN UBERERERRERRS!! When's Canadian Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving to you too canucks. Hey cool I get to use the graphics category thing. Anyway let met get to the meat and stuffing of this post. This is a contest! The prize is +2s or porn and sex toys. Your choice. Realize if you win (assuming anyone plays) you really do have to give me your real name and address for porn and toys. Unless of course you choose the +2s because I really have nothing else to digitally offer.
K! Now that the glorious prize has been announced I'll tell you about the details. Make a hand turkey! Stipulation: out of the hand below. Yes that's my hand. No I'm not a polydactyl but I do have the photoshop skills of a three year old!
Hand turkeys can be anything you want, ms paint or photoshopped or cutting and pasting 68 turkeys over it as long as you use THIS hand, because Allah tells us this is the way. (That one phrase is going to restrict my travel rights for the next five years dammit)
I think this is the perfect way to pay tribute to the small pox infestation the English brought to the the new world more than three centuries ago. Thank you imperialist pigdogs, thank you untried Native American immune systems and thank you stubborn zealot Christians. Without you, we never would've had Britney Spears.
TO GET YOU IN THE MOOD!!!
"The Thanksgiving Song"
"They wanna hear the thanksgiving song! All right.."
"This is uhh, This is the Thanksgiving Song"
"I hope you enjoy it."
[Starts playing]
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
[Shout from Crowd:] "I love you Adam!"
[Adam Sandler:] "Ohhh, I love you!"
Love to eat turkey
'Cause it's good
Love to eat turkey
Like a good boy should
'Cause it's turkey to eat
So good
[Adam Sandler:] "That clappin's messing my head up man. I appreciate it.
But I was trying to think of the next line and all I hear is clapping.
Here we go... Thanks anyways"
Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let's eat the turkey
In my big brown shoe
Love to eat the turkey
At the table
I once saw a movie
With Betty Grable
Eat that turkey
All night long
Fifty million Elvis fans
Can't be wrong
Turkey lurkey doo and
Turkey lurkey dap
I eat that turkey
Then I take a nap
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite
That's right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you and
Turkey for me
Can't believe Tyson
Gave that girl V.D.
White meat, dark meat
You just can't lose
I fell off my moped
And I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven
And the buns in the toaster
I'll never take down
My Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up
In aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate
With baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr.
Only had one eye
Turkey for the girls and
Turkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pants
Are corduroys
Gobble gobble goo and
Gobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey
Only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
(choke on a dick)
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-12 15:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the fuck is Inion??
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-26 14:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whatisname won this. you know the one with the turkey of turkeys.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-22 05:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113321
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 04:51:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am enjoying the posts this had lead to. Thanky scary lady with an opinion.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-21 17:03:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL AT WORK
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
15) Run around with pants down yelling "CANASTA!"
Awsome
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
12) Tell everyone if they want onions or tomatoes on their salad that they're at the wrong house and they can get fucking lost
--------------------------------------
Thank you! Especially red onions.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy's Dipshit AntiPasto Salad
With that said, the one thing that I DO "cook" is an antipasto salad:
Ingredients:
Head of regular iceberg lettuce - none of that homo Romaine
black olives
green olives
sliced pepperoni
Genoa Salami
Hard salami (Yup- I said hard)
Provolone cheese
Carrots
Cucumbers
Croutons
Bacon Bits
Chick peas ( I think that's what they're called)
Dressing- some kind of Italian, oil & vinegar, or vinegarette
Crumbly Bleu Ch eese
1) Take lettuce and by hand, rip it into bite size shreds and fill up salad bowl
2) Slice up both salamis and the provolone cheese into 1/2" x 1/2" chunks and add to bowl
3) add pepperoni
4) add both kinds of olives - usually 5 per person serving (so if the salad is for 4 there should be....ummmmmm...a bunch of olives in it)
5) add croutons
6) shave carrots with one of those potato shaver things and sprinkle on top of salad for pretty orange coloring
7) shave cucumber and slice cukes exactly 1/4" wide and sprinkle on top of salad
8) Sprinkle bacon bits on top of salad
9) Sprinkle chick peas on top of salad
10) Sprinkle crumbly bleu cheese atop salad
11) Let everyone add their own dressing
12) Tell everyone if they want onions or tomatoes on their salad that they're at the wrong house and they can get fucking lost
13) Open bottle of scotch and start swilling
14) Get buzzed and horny and hit on female dinner guests
15) Run around with pants down yelling "CANASTA!"
16) poop
17) Walk dog and cat
18) pass out.
You now owe me two hummers.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA- with any luck they'll be bringing ME Bushmill's Reserve.
I thought that I gave you an expert salad recipe, you silly bitch.
===
HAHAHA I forgot all about that- I need to dig it up.
===
imagine that, shlongy's all about tossing salads. who knew? <rhetorical question> (that means you don't need to answer it shlongy)
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, Canadian thanksgiving was a while back at the start of October, since you asked.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HOLEE-SHIT. Unfortunately, I desperately need the vibrator for my missus while I'm on the road, so no +2 even though this deserves it.
________
Well, if I win, you can have my prize.
-------------------------------------------------
Keep this in mind ma'am. I'm quite serious about needing to get her a new one. Do we have any choice in the matter, or is it just whatever doesn't sell?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA- with any luck they'll be bringing ME Bushmill's Reserve.
I thought that I gave you an expert salad recipe, you silly bitch.
===
HAHAHA I forgot all about that- I need to dig it up.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113303
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-21 19:16:38 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Note that the below link is from "nj.com." This is appropriate, as Noonie is from New Joisey.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA- with any luck they'll be bringing ME Bushmill's Reserve.
I thought that I gave you an expert salad recipe, you silly bitch.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Note that the below link is from "nj.com." This is appropriate, as Noonie is from New Joisey.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://blog.nj.com/beach/Sarlacc.jpg
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://kthxbye.com/sarlacc.jpg
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:11:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
try again. i'm giving you so many opportunities here and you're just doing worse and worse.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:10:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mooooooooooooooooyyyyyyydaaaaa
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Said the American.
you learn to pronounce aluminium - and then we'll talk - me in cultured British tones - you like one of the Sopranos.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:09:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
still failing jake.
just because you define a word as something doesn't mean anyone else knows what you're talking about.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:09:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you got biiiiiiiiiiig hands
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You gobble turkeys.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:06:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i would if i could even figure out where the insult was in that.
poor play. try again.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BRITCHES
damn it
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 14:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've got one named Noonie
Your serve bantam bitches
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are SHIT at Photoshop.
----
btw an immature male turkey is called a jake.
no lie.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:25:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my submission. I NEED THIS WIN!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113301
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113300
Kiss my ass, sea bass.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had seen this before I posted. I would have thrown it in there somewhere.
..probably as an alien hand that goes around jerking off astronauts or something.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm in a bad mood. Can you tell?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are SHIT at Photoshop.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-21 13:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What is this thanksgiving? Thanks for what?
*sips tea*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA- with any luck they'll be bringing ME Bushmill's Reserve.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
buy the salad bags by dole. those things last for like a week and they're pre chopped and everything.
====
I'm going to buy bags, but I want to add things, too. We're having friends in from Ireland, I feel guilty taking shortcuts when I'm only making salad and dessert.
-----
make it up in the whiskey department. a fine whiskey makes up for a shitty cook any day.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
turkey lurkey loo
turkey lurkey liss
the smell of asparagus
comes out in your piss
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
buy the salad bags by dole. those things last for like a week and they're pre chopped and everything.
====
I'm going to buy bags, but I want to add things, too. We're having friends in from Ireland, I feel guilty taking shortcuts when I'm only making salad and dessert.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:24:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool can i have an extra large black mans dildo please
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the porn is straight porn. ie standard pretty girl meats two guys. i mean meets. some of it's porn stars, some of it's amateur. no donkey shows or gayman sex sorry. the toys are all new in boxes, we get them free and i'm the one that has to find homes for the spares.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
katys gonna be mad if no one plays.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Will we get a choice of porn and toys or is it just scat and a 2nd hand dildo?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-21 12:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i really really do attract gay englishmen. wtf?
---
You just mean "englishmen," right?
Why waste words.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:58:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Im sorry Katy but I would play but im at work. I will play with you some other time hehehe
someone play noonies game please otherwise she will send me a letter bomb for christmas
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
buy the salad bags by dole. those things last for like a week and they're pre chopped and everything.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard this on the radio this morning.
I'm trying to strategize the best time to go to the store today. I need stuff for salad but I don't want to go in there, it's madness. I couldn't buy it early, because..it's salad. UGH.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh behave drogo you bitch im just happy *playful slap*
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i really really do attract gay englishmen. wtf?
--
Gay?
Oh you mean Em. he is just curious.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i really really do attract gay englishmen. wtf?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey who would of guessed i worked in a school, actually im going to email drogo a story to tell you all!! Drogo whose account are we posting these gems on? Or shall we take it in turns?
--
Mine. First installment of 'The Life and Times of a weird Pommy called Em' will be up tomorrow. Stay tuned it has bodice ripping and Burgers. ooh the excitement
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey who would of guessed i worked in a school, actually im going to email drogo a story to tell you all!! Drogo whose account are we posting these gems on? Or shall we take it in turns?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:39:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
good reading comprehension skills tin tin.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:37:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's why this was for the american crowd. you never had to make hand turkeys out of a paper plate when you were a kid in little english kneesock and cap primary schools.
--
I made a horses head handle when I was in Primary School, it ruled! I used to eat paydough too, still do actually.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ive only just noticed you have too many fingers.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Drogo, its porn of me and and a goat racing against the clock in a 'what hole next competition'
--
Well it will give me something to give to the Salvation Army when they come begging for things at my door.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:37:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's why this was for the american crowd. you never had to make hand turkeys out of a paper plate when you were a kid in little english kneesock and cap primary schools.
take hand - make turkey. that's really the whole idea em.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Drogo, its porn of me and and a goat racing against the clock in a 'what hole next competition'
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I dont know what to do either
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Woohoo!!! Email will be on its way tomorrow.
Yay I get porn!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:34:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah sure, i can send you porn if you really want.
chibiusaoni.at.yahoo.com, name and address.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:33:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I dont know what to do???? As I cant upload pictures at work and I'm sure as hell not visiting here after work. Damnit!
Can I just have porn anyway? I will write you a we story about you if you want mind you you will have to give me details of something to work with though.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:32:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uber wasn't letting me load!!!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why'd you have to do this AFTER i posted. you're selfish or something.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I will do this because my face is covered in shlongys jizz.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:26:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm spending the rest of the day watching father ted.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's slow at work today, and I enjoy porn. I'll work on this, and post something within the next couple hours.
Keep up your end of the deal though.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bishop nelson: "hello willie. good to see you."
Toll booth willie: "ahhh, bishop nelson. nice to see ya. that was quite a sermon you had the other day."
Bishop nelson: "hey, well I do my best."
Toll booth willie: "dollar twenty-five, bishop."
Bishop nelson: "dollar twenty-five, willie. isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog shit!? "
[pays toll and drives off]
Toll booth willie: "ohhh! have another one, you fuckin' lush! it's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!"
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I might actually enter this.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i knew this was too much effort for uber.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't do this because my hand has too much jiz on it.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113289 There's only one turkey game and I got it first, ya cunty Jezebel. Will you send me more porn anyway...I'm due for another round. Oh and a sex toy for the lady would be lovely.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
come on you fags.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-21 11:15:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Henry Ziegland thought he had dodged fate. In 1883, he broke off a relationship with his girlfriend who, out of distress, committed suicide. The girl's brother was so enraged that he hunted down Ziegland and shot him. The brother, believing he had killed Ziegland, then turned his gun on himself and took his own life. But Ziegland had not been killed. The bullet, in fact, had only grazed his face and then lodged in a tree. Ziegland surely thought himself a lucky man. Some years later, however, Ziegland decided to cut down the large tree, which still had the bullet in it. The task seemed so formidable that he decided to blow it up with a few sticks of dynamite. The explosion propelled the bullet into Ziegland's head, killing him.