Shlongy' s Thanksgiving Recipe with Bonus Kitchen Camwhore! (1736 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -0.1 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ShlongyClaus (View user info) at 2007-11-21 15:11:47 EST
Why waste something this great in just a review?
If you dropped by expecting instructions on how to cook your fucking turkey, you are shit out of luck.
And if you've been logged in to Uber today for more than 6 hours, you're shit out of luck when it comes to having a life.
THIS IS A PERFECT COMPLIMENTARY SIDEDISH THAT EVEN YOU LOSERS CAN PREPARE.
Now, you won't show up as a guest "empty handed" like you usually show up.
Ingredients:
Head of regular iceberg lettuce - none of that homo Romaine
black olives
green olives
sliced pepperoni
Genoa Salami
Hard salami (Yup- I said hard)
Provolone cheese
Carrots
Cucumbers
Croutons
Bacon Bits
Chick peas ( I think that's what they're called)
Dressing- some kind of Italian, oil & vinegar, or vinegarette
Crumbly Bleu Ch eese
1) Take lettuce and by hand, rip it into bite size shreds and fill up salad bowl
2) Slice up both salamis and the provolone cheese into 1/2" x 1/2" chunks and add to bowl
3) add pepperoni
4) add both kinds of olives - usually 5 per person serving (so if the salad is for 4 there should be....ummmmmm...a bunch of olives in it)
5) add croutons
6) shave carrots with one of those potato shaver things and sprinkle on top of salad for pretty orange coloring
7) shave cucumber and slice cukes exactly 1/4" wide and sprinkle on top of salad
8) Sprinkle bacon bits on top of salad
9) Sprinkle chick peas on top of salad
10) Sprinkle crumbly bleu cheese atop salad
11) Let everyone add their own dressing
12) Tell everyone if they want onions or tomatoes on their salad that they're at the wrong house and they can get fucking lost
13) Open bottle of scotch and start swilling
14) Get buzzed and horny and hit on female dinner guests
15) Run around with pants down yelling "CANASTA!"
16) poop
17) Walk dog and cat
18) pass out.
Fuck the spelling mistakes.
Now, as promised, Shlongy shows you how to "get it done" in the kitchen.
This better not be one of those giant photos.
Shlongyinthe kitchen.jpg (0 bytes) [application/octet-stream]
User Reviews
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-10-21 22:11:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 22:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I definitely don't care about THAT. I revel in it.
Submitted by billiam5billion (user info) at 2008-04-03 19:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Texans, -2 for being a general douche.
+2 for not caring if you're a douche.
I'm so fucking confused.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-12-24 14:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2007-12-16 20:31:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My taint is itchy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-16 20:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The Texans are my second favorite team these days- Always a Raiders fan first (In fact, I'm seeing the Raiders next Sunday in Jacksonvile) and I did bet the Texans Thursday night getting 2 points at home.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-16 17:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-29 19:39:04 CST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuckall...you stole MY next post, son.
Oh, and I saw the "rugby-lite" comment.
You'll be a fucking Texan season seat holder before you return to Wankerville, Johnny.
hahaah, i just came across this review and guess what.....I'm a texans season ticket holder.
Funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-11 21:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I played Harbour Town yesterday in some tournament.
I've been hitting the ball great the last month, especially off the tee.
So what do I do?
Hit it in the woods and off of houses for the first two hours - we started on number 11 - and I shoot a fucking 46 on the back. I think I had to punch out from the wilderness on like 6 holes.
Got my shit together once the 6 beers kicked in to shoot 38 on the front, with a three putt on a par 3.
So, in conclusion, I have no idea what the fuck is going on. As usual.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-11 18:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
in other news, what the fuck is up with my driving? it's like the better my short game gets the worse I get off the tee.
if i was drving like i was combined with how i am from 150 yards now i'd be shooting in the mid eighties.
which for me would be amazing.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2007-12-07 23:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who spread garbage all over Flanders's yard before I got a chance to?
-- Homer Simpson
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-12-07 20:09:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.internetisseriousbusiness.com/ you involved in this Shlongy?
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-07 17:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 Shlongy.
Can I party with you, Hefner/Bunny-style?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 04:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have decided to name drop you in all future posts. You seee..........
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-28 21:38:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
BEAT IT.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-28 21:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Slurrrrrrrrrrpppppp
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-28 21:06:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
STAY.
Good boy.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-11-28 21:05:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-28 20:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YES JEANNNEEE, I AM RATHER UPSET ABOUT THE LACK OF RESPONSE TO THIS HELPFUL, YET EDUCATIONAL ALBEIT NOT VERY HUMOROUS, POST.
WHEN YOU'RE ACCUSTOMED TO AROUND 2500 HITS PER POST, ANYTHING LESS HAS TO BE LOOKED AT AS MAJOR UBER FAILURE.
SHLONGY IS NOT UNIVERSALLY LOVED OR HATED ANYMORE. HE'S A NOBODY AND I THINK I'LL JUST TAKE MY BALL AND GO HOME NOW.
UNLESS SOME BROAD WANTS ME TO COME OVER AND LAP AT THEIR CROTCH LIKE A LABRADOR RETREIVER AT HIS WATER BOWL AFTER PLAYING "FETCH" FOR 2 HOURS.
THEN, I'LL STAY.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-28 20:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you mad that this post only got 29 reviews?
+2 just for the part about you running around with no pants on yelling CANASTA.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-28 20:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like that homo romaine and tomatoes, but otherwise, ACE.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-28 20:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I HOPE YOU GOT LOTS OF ENJOYMENT OUT OF THAT LAST EXTREMELY CRUEL -2, JIMBO!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-28 18:13:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
just for kicks
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-23 14:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
IT SURE LOOKS LIKE IT IS.
I CAN TELL YOU'RE LYING BECAUSE YOUR HEAD IS LARGE.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-23 14:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this isn't a retaliation, honest.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-23 14:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
SOOOOOOOO....antone take advantage of this free salad recipe and if so, how'd it go over?
And if not, what's your fucking problem?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-21 19:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this as a review so I'll damn sure enjoy it now.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-11-21 17:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
LOSER!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 16:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree with you on that Director...
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THOSE GOOD OL' CONVERSATIONS USING TWO TIN CANS AND THAT PIECE OF STRING????
We just tried to burn these pictures onto a CD and THAT isn't working, either.
Yet, we can SEE THE FUCKING PICTURES ON OUR COMPUTER.
This laptop COULD go sailing through my office window.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-21 16:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It's sad to see old men trying and failing to keep up with that thar technology.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Martha, is that you?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111642
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hehehheeee...look at the old man talk to himself...hahahah
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK THE RULES. Anarchists don't subscribe to any rules.
Only pussies do.
Like sico, for example.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO "FIX IT", HOWIE.
And I refuse to post 4 times to see if I COULD fix it.
Been there, done that, like 2 years ago.
IT WAS A GREAT PIC...I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU DON'T TRUST ME ON THAT.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
tragic
hey the salad came across good though
CANASTA
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:31:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
CANASTA!
The -2 is only because you fucked up the attachment. Rules are rules.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:30:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
playing don rickles apparently because I definitely canna see it.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fix it or shut up whiny cunt. You are giving Jack a run for his money by bitching so much today...wahhhh wahhhhhhawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Can you see the picture or were you just playing Don Rickles?
I can see the picture on my computer where I have it saved...but not on this post.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that could actually be the best picture I've seen of you.
15) Run around with pants down yelling "CANASTA!"
One day we were cliff jumping at horse theif lake, right around the corner from mt rushmore. When you jump there tourists tend to stop and watch as it's right off the main road that goes past rushmore. my freind noticed some tourists filming us so he ripped his shorts off and yelled canasta as he jumped from the cliff, presumably with his waggly bits flapping in the breeze. some tourist from ohio got film of a tall lanky pasty white kid yelling "CANASTA!" jumping nekid off a cliff in SD. how lucky for them
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I see that THIS was a really good idea...
Look at that, though.
The Top 3 Uber Mos all stopped by first to wish Shlongy a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Real men don't cook on Thanksgiving, they -2 Shlongy posts.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your poetry sucks bull sperm through a straw.
Fag.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:16:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:16:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's the goddamn picture???
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, it said it was a jpeg but I can't see the picture...No idea why not.
That KILLS my great post.