How do films get pitched? (784 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.53 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by drogoroch (View user info) at 2007-11-22 06:52:53 EST
"Hi Bob, why don't you have a seat?"
"Thanks Chris. So what can I do for you today?"
"Well Bob, this is kind of hard for me to say so I'm going to ramble on about something else for a while before I come to the crunch."
"Oh cool Chris."
"So how is Martha?"
"She's fine getting fat again, what with another hungry mouth to feed on the way."
"Yeah. How many will that make now?"
"That will make 7 Chris. Thank Christ I have this job otherwise things would get REAL hard.
"Yeah I guess. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about today Bob."
"Yeah? What can I do for you?"
"Well we have kind of had a bad run recently."
"Yeah don't I know it? I mean look at what the critics had to say recently."
"Yeah that's kind of my point. You see we have taken a big hit due to your last 'Creations' Bob and we don't really think we can continue our relationship with you."
"What do you mean Chris? Are you saying you're letting me go?"
"Well no Bob I don't mean that. I mean that we are giving you the opportunity to leave of your own accord."
"But I have worked with you guys for years. Where would I go? Writing movies is my life Chris."
"I know Bob, but it just seems that our faith in you has been misguided. You haven't produced us a hit ever. It's kind of embarrassing and so this is what we have to do."
"What will I do?"
"I don't really know Bob. Trust me I will be supporting you all the way though I promise. You may want to try something other than writing movies though, just a thought."
"Christ man, what am I going to tell Martha and the kids? Christ Tiny Tim is going to be heart broken what with Christmas coming up."
"I know Bob, I know. Can't be helped though. Anyway if you could just sign here. Thanks. And now I need to ask you to leave, I have someone coming in to see me."
"A new writer?"
"Umm yeah something like that."
"Do you want to hear about my latest idea?"
"Not really Bob. Here you keep the pen. I'll be in touch."
--
"Hey Julia could you send in the new guy?"
"Sure Chris."
"Hi Brian, I'm Chris. Heard great things about you."
"Really?"
"Umm well no, but I haven't heard anything bad which in my book is Good!"
"Cool."
"Right lets get down to it Bri. What have you got for us?"
"You are going to loooooove this! Let me set you a scene: Our main character is a teenage girl."
"Cool, is she hot?"
"Real hot. And a virgin too."
"Nice; we could sell it to Christians I'm liking it already."
"Well this girl is having issues with her sexuality."
"Not a dyke I hope Bri? That shit don't was with the Christians."
"No, not a dyke. She is just thinking of maybe having it off with a guy, but is scared by her sexuality. So instead she throws herself into the 'Chastity Club'."
"Cool. We have those happy clapping god bothers sold already."
"Yeah. But she meets a guy and wants to have sex with him."
"Mmm okay, maybe we could have her toying with the idea of marriage first."
"Well we could but hear the rest of it out. She gets attacked by a sex pervert."
"We will make him fat and sweaty as we all know sex perverts are always fat and sweaty, makes it easier for the girls to spot em. We will also make him smoke, that shows people that he's bad straight off."
"Okay Chris. Anyway this guy attacks out virginal heroine and rapes her."
"I think we can still sell this to the Christians. Umm let me think."
"Okay. This guy rapes her and she discovers that she has teeth in her pussy that bites his dick off."
"Oh yeah we will make him a rag head. Shit. That will get them riled big time."
"So she has these teeth inside her that eats people. It's the myth 'Vagina Dentata' and....."
"Hang on! Did you say that she has teeth in her pussy?"
"Yeah."
"And that she goes around eating people?"
"Yeah!"
"How does that work exactly? Does she go around lifting up her skirt and thrusting at people? Chasing them down the street with her pussy growling at people whilst salivating and gnashing its teeth? I think we are losing the Christians here Brian."
"No it's not like that at all. This shit is real man. She eats those who come into contact with her Vagina."
"But you said that she was a virgin and president of the 'Chastity Club'. Shit Bri I was already imagining what her ring would look like. Then you suddenly make her into a raging Slut who eats her conquests? You have to tread carefully Bri, you can't make her turn into a slut just because she was raped".
"It's not like that! Christ. She has a condition which causes teeth in her that chews on bloke's dicks when they get too close. But chances are that she will only bite one guys balls off, and the hand of a Gyne that she goes too."
"You're fucked up. You can't have a movie like this with only one guy being bitten. We need more guys getting bit; otherwise no one will come to see it. Christ we have to have some audience, we lost the Christians when she turned into a slut."
"But it isn't about that man. She isn't a killer she just has a problem that she didn't know about."
"Hey, maybe we could have her jumping out of trees onto blokes heads? Yeah that will do it. Cool I can see the tagline now: 'Some Roses aren't just for Smelling'. Maybe we could ask Seal if we can use his 'Kissed by a Rose' track."
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-25 12:58:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-25 12:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-11-25 01:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you wouldn't last 15 seconds in a pitch
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-11-23 11:39:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do, so love your mind.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-22 17:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been cooking and drinking for four hours. +2s for all.
ps, didn't read it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-22 16:05:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha wtf hahaha
Submitted by brokenlizard534 (user info) at 2007-11-22 12:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-22 11:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know, but I can show you how my pants get pitched.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-11-22 10:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You should watch Kevin Smith's video thing... where he talks about getting asked to write the Superman script and he dealing with the producer. Funny Funny stuff.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-11-22 09:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just woke up to go pee and thought I'd stop by and make fun of youse that have to work toda-- I mean give a moment of thanks for all the amusement you people in my computer provide me all the days.
Giving thanks is weird when you're agnostic, because I'm grateful, but I don't know who I'm telling it to.
Anyway, I'm going back to bed now. Happy Thanksgiving!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving to you too.
[growls angrily at cubicle walls]
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great stuff.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Trashed.
--
I blame this on EM I really do.
Some of us care about our ratings you knows.
*goes into corner and sulks, and masturbates whilst at it.*
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Trashed.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:40:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate the fact you get a perfect 2 rating, I hate it.
--
I wouldnt worry too much Em. When america wakes up i'm sure it will be trashed. And if you look at it most of the reviews are mine so it doesnt really count.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate the fact you get a perfect 2 rating, I hate it.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by OscarZAcosta (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For a queer you sure can write.
--
Don't believe everything you read.
I'm not really queer, I just pretend as then people get in trouble for picking on the 'Fag' but Shhhhhhhush
Submitted by OscarZAcosta (user info) at 2007-11-22 08:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For a queer you sure can write.
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just woke up to go pee and thought I'd stop by and make fun of youse that have to work toda-- I mean give a moment of thanks for all the amusement you people in my computer provide me all the days.
Giving thanks is weird when you're agnostic, because I'm grateful, but I don't know who I'm telling it to.
Anyway, I'm going back to bed now. Happy Thanksgiving!
--
You have a lovely day Saccy! Enjoy turkey and your stuffing.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just woke up to go pee and thought I'd stop by and make fun of youse that have to work toda-- I mean give a moment of thanks for all the amusement you people in my computer provide me all the days.
Giving thanks is weird when you're agnostic, because I'm grateful, but I don't know who I'm telling it to.
Anyway, I'm going back to bed now. Happy Thanksgiving!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Better than the movie.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:18:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok I will be Nurse Gladys in Open All Hours. Hot!
--
Grrrrroooowwwwwwlll!
Hotter than that though
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok I will be Nurse Gladys in Open All Hours. Hot!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:14:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe. Sometimes, being on Uber is akin to being in a Carry on Fillm.
I am so Babs Windsor.
--
Yep just without as much titilation. Anyway you dont want to be likened to Babs, ugly troll that she is. And she had a fucking annoying laugh in those films, and voice, actually the voice still grates.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:14:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe. Sometimes, being on Uber is akin to being in a Carry on Fillm.
I am so Babs Windsor.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tee hee you take me sooo seriously all the time.
Good post.
--
hehehe I would love to take you. Seriously!
Tee hee
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tee hee you take me sooo seriously all the time.
Good post.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
God knows?
Just makes me wonder when you see films like this how they thought it would actually be a good idea.
Em. sorry I'm still working with your stuff.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-22 07:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this what actually happened?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-22 06:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This isn't me!