"The Haiku Mikoo Experience, Pt. 1" by Quinntheeskimo and Haiku Mikoo (716 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.56 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Haiku Mikoo (View user info) at 2007-11-27 02:58:17 EST
A couple of years ago, Quinn and I were bored at his Mother's house. We didn't feel like watching the original Star Wars or the Dollars (Clint Eastwood) trilogies again, so, I threw out some crazy ideas whilst Quinn molded them into beautiful pieces of literature. Over time, I proofed, edited, and added enough to the stories (mostly the last two parts, woo?) to post them on my account, with Quinn's rather sexy approval. Approval can be sexy too. There are a total of five parts, Jesus makes an appearance in part five, so stay tuned, man
And so begins the chronicles of Haiku Mikoo, the man born from the earth, the man who ate forty pirates, the man whose sheer awesome made heads Fert (when multiple acts of pure awesome gather in one place, Awesomeplosions sometimes occur. In a few cases, the power of these Awesomeplosions have forced men's heads to sink directly into their chests. Such an action has come to be known simply as, Fert), and then explode.
My name is Quinn. Sixty years ago, I met this Haiku Mikoo on the beach of a dusty, post-war, bombed-out city. The city was in a bizarre state. The war had just ended, so many were still there, in hiding, sitting in the rubble, waiting for that last, lost bomber to come and destroy them. Waiting for that final soldier, the one who didn't know things had ended, to come and blow them into bloody puddles of mud.
I was meandering through this hell of twisted metal and smoking rubble, leaving my faint foot prints in the ash covered roads, when I finally saw what I had been seeking: the beach.
Bodies were strewn across it in reckless and random patterns, piled this way and that. I stepped carefully, trying not to disturb the dead, and waited for a moan, or a raspy whisper begging for water, or worse, a merciful death. I knew I was incapable of delivering both.
When I reached the surf, it was tainted maroon. I left my shoes on as I walked quickly over the compacted sand, past spent shell casings, loaded guns clogged with sand, dead soldiers, all of which had broken bones or missing limbs. I soon reached a part of the beach where the bodies were piled so thickly, I couldn't help but step on a few. I felt sick as their bodies grew stiff beneath my thin shoes.
Something caught my eye.
In the midst of the rubble, the slain heroes, the spent weapons, was a patch of sand, unmarred by blood, fire, or debris. I hurried over to it, and stood at its center, looking at the destruction all around me. The ground began to writhe beneath my feet, and I quickly stepped away in terror.
What was beneath the sand, I wondered? A trapped soldier? Some undetonated bomb which I had just set off? Suddenly, a hand broke through the grit, and almost instinctively I immediately dropped to my knees and pulled on it as hard as I could.
IT was unmoved. Another hand broke free of the sand, and soon a blonde-brown mop of hair could be seen. I stood back in shock, and slowly the truth dawned on me.
The earth itself was giving birth, to a man no less.
I knelt at the sand, and began whispering encouragement to the beach. "Push!", I told the sand. "Push harder!"
A little more of the man was pushing through the sand. I was worried for my safety. What would this earth-borne man be like, I wondered?
At this point, a soldier who had survived the bombing, siege, and attack of the city, saw me on the beach, unharmed, and yelling at the sand. He lifted his gun, and with a single shot, fell me. The bullet had whizzed past my forehead, digging a deep scar that would last a lifetime. In my unconsciousness, I had a vision. I discovered that this thing being born from the sands was to be named Haiku Mikoo, and that he would bring true balance to the world. I was to keep him safe, until he was wise and powerful enough to journey out on his own. Unfortunately, I had no idea how long that would be.
And with a final grunt and a groan Mikoo was free! He stood on his shaky legs, and peered around the world. I was in awe at this new life, which even at birth seemed to have more awesome than Wes Anderson and Obi-Wan Kenobi combined. The young Mikoo trotted off on his new legs, and within the first five minutes of his life, he had sex 3,547 times, ate forty pirates, and slapped the sun to stop global warming. I knew from that very moment that this new life, this tender young babe, would grow to be a force to be reckoned with. Reckoned, but not trifled.
I stood up, and scanned the area for the attacking soldier. He had moved down the beach, and was approaching us with surprising speed. He lifted the pistol again, and pointed it at Michael. I dove, trying to knock him out of harm's way, but I was suddenly propelled backwards. Michael had created a shield of Bitchin-ness around his entire body which deflected the bullets, killing the soldier instantly. I looked up with awe at the earth-borne man. He turned back to me, shrugged, and began walking off through the rubble of the smoking beach. I stood, grabbed my pack, and slowly followed.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this "The earth itself was giving birth, to a man no less.
I knelt at the sand, and began whispering encouragement to the beach. "Push!", I told the sand. "Push harder!" "
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-15 15:18:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-27 13:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 10:15:57 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
"As much as I'd like to awkwardly plunder your moist gash, I could never commit such a despicable act; in reference to my old lady, of course." He said as if he actually had a chance to defile said moist gash.
I'm down for swing dancing though, you've got a December 17th to January 2nd window going.
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the very words "moist gash" get you nowhere.
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Of course "moist gash" gets you nowhere. ExpulsionofShit has a nine-inch-nail...
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-13 02:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yup.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-28 14:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-28 14:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-28 12:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, his name was shakeybear, not shakeythebear.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-28 12:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thats Shakeythebear, Haiku, unless they are the alters for the same lame -2ing mother fucker.
damn bear, -2ing my old posts.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-28 02:14:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-27 17:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-27 17:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I refuse to confirm or deny the sexual nature of haiku's and my relationship.
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haha! I KNEW it! gayer that rayg and frankthebear.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-27 17:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I refuse to confirm or deny the sexual nature of haiku's and my relationship.
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Let's just say there has been a whole lot of drunken cuddling in the four years I've known Sir Cowquinn. Groping? Kissing? Penetration? Sadly...no.
You know, he wrote like a 50 page novella type thingy entitled, "The Adventures of Sir Cowman"
It hast nothing to do with him, however, it's really quite an awesome tale.
Also, I genuinely have no idea who rayg or frankthebear are.
Wait! Frankthebear -2ed like 20 cowman posts about a year after they were actually posted. Fuck that guy. Four or Five times I've -2ed Shandythedog for no reason, thinking he was Frankthebear.
Sorry shandy.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-28 00:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well this was odd.
Toe just cracked me the fuck up.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 23:35:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Which is precisely why you sir, are not the savior of all things awesome.
That was a Quinn line, by the way, the global warming bit.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-27 22:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and slapped the sun to stop global warming
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I tried that once, and only got sunburnt.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-27 17:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-27 17:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I refuse to confirm or deny the sexual nature of haiku's and my relationship.
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haha! I KNEW it! gayer that rayg and frankthebear.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-27 17:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I refuse to confirm or deny the sexual nature of haiku's and my relationship.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-27 16:18:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had a few suspicions about haikoo and sir cowmans friendship.
sexual suspicions.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-27 14:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wrote this!
Plus 2 for me!!!
I LOVE me!!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-27 13:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 10:15:57 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
"As much as I'd like to awkwardly plunder your moist gash, I could never commit such a despicable act; in reference to my old lady, of course." He said as if he actually had a chance to defile said moist gash.
I'm down for swing dancing though, you've got a December 17th to January 2nd window going.
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the very words "moist gash" get you nowhere.
as far as dancing...I need a good lead and four martinis, minimum.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-27 13:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thank you for bringing this to my attention
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 13:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"As much as I'd like to awkwardly plunder your moist gash, I could never commit such a despicable act; in reference to my old lady, of course." He said as if he actually had a chance to defile said moist gash.
I'm down for swing dancing though, you've got a December 17th to January 2nd window going.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-27 12:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 02:56:55 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're so cute, look at you, cutie, with your zeroes.
I could pinch you.
Or plow.
Preferably plow.
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fire it up, son
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 12:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-27 08:59:52 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 11:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-27 08:50:43 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Yeah, dude! For the first time ever! It was so awesome, I'm not a fan of exclamation points, but shit man, !!!
I grew up in CA, so I've been places where it has already snowed already (Big Bear, Arrowhead), but I've never actually watched it happen, and been snowed upon, ya know? It made me ridiculously giddy, that and the Evan Williams (cheap, awful whiskey).
--
Fuck me I wish I'd never seen snow before in my entire life. I'd be oh-so-happy if I never had to step in another slush puddle or wade through waist-high wet clingy white shit arrghhhh
(I grew up in rural Alberta :( booo hisssss)
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I don't think I'm going to have to deal with crazy waist high snow, it doesn't seem like Eastern Washington gets all that much rain/snow.
However, it seems to me that having to "wade through waist-high wet clingy white shit arrghhhh" when doing something as simple as walking to work, would make life feel very epic.
You should just stock up on that craaazy Canadian currency and get a place in the ever failing American housing market.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-27 12:11:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-27 12:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and I know what Evan Williams is you twat >=O
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-27 11:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 11:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-27 08:50:43 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Yeah, dude! For the first time ever! It was so awesome, I'm not a fan of exclamation points, but shit man, !!!
I grew up in CA, so I've been places where it has already snowed already (Big Bear, Arrowhead), but I've never actually watched it happen, and been snowed upon, ya know? It made me ridiculously giddy, that and the Evan Williams (cheap, awful whiskey).
--
Fuck me I wish I'd never seen snow before in my entire life. I'd be oh-so-happy if I never had to step in another slush puddle or wade through waist-high wet clingy white shit arrghhhh
(I grew up in rural Alberta :( booo hisssss)
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 11:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-27 08:50:43 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I saw it snow for the first time tonight!
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For the first time... ever??
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Yeah, dude! For the first time ever! It was so awesome, I'm not a fan of exclamation points, but shit man, !!!
I grew up in CA, so I've been places where it has already snowed already (Big Bear, Arrowhead), but I've never actually watched it happen, and been snowed upon, ya know? It made me ridiculously giddy, that and the Evan Williams (cheap, awful whiskey).
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 11:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, well, I may like Star Wars, and I've been known to play the 'ol Final Fantasy every once in a while...but...I also like to drink booze, rape, pillage, and fight.
So, I have that going for me.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-27 11:50:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I saw it snow for the first time tonight!
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For the first time... ever??
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-27 06:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This surely would have been a +2 had you not decided to have your image created with the extreme faggotry of light sabers in your hands. While I like you just fine on this site, something tells me you are one shade away from being the nerdy tandom of Frankthebear/Kuroneko_Sama proportions.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're so cute, look at you, cutie, with your zeroes.
I could pinch you.
Or plow.
Preferably plow.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:20:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 02:01:56 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-27 01:52:51 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
haiku!
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Yeah, I can see that.
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smartass
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-27 01:52:51 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
haiku!
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Yeah, I can see that.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 05:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-27 00:10:05 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
this two is to encourage you to finish the series
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The series has been finished for...shit, I don't know, over a year. I may or may not do some more tinkering.
Also, hey, sometimes you just gotta get drunk and drop -2s, I completely understand.
I saw it snow for the first time tonight!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-27 04:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haiku!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-27 04:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't quite know what I just read.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-27 03:12:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this one is because i just realized i still have a few beers in the fridge
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-27 03:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this one is because that first rating should have been a zero in all fairness
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-27 03:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this two is to encourage you to finish the series
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-27 03:08:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-27 02:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Picture at the bottom provided by Quinn. Picture at bottom = Me and Quinn. We love us.
We +2.