Just Another Day (704 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.45 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <ksj3888.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-11-27 22:20:53 EST
Pre-note
Something random I wrote a while back. Figured I'd post it.
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"God..DAMNIT"
Jay smashed the snooze button on his alarm. It was 5'o clock in the morning. He turned to his windows, the streetlights outside the only source of light seeping in. "The damn sun isn't even up," he mused. Why he chose to work at a job two hours away was still a mystery to him, especially since it required waking up at a god awful hour five times a week. Jay rolled sluggishly to the edge of his bed and sat upright. Putting his hand on his forehead and combing through his disheveled, black hair, Jay was the worse for wear. "I hate Tuesdays," he announced quite loudly to no one but himself. Stepping off the bed, he shuffled awkwardly to the bathroom, his gait resemblant of some undead monster in a cheap horror flick. Relieving himself, he went through his usual routine of brushing his teeth and washing his face. When he was done he staggered back to his bedroom. Walking around his bed to his closet, Jay pulled out a white button up shirt, a grey tie and a grey pair of khakis. He laid them on his gray sheeted bed and proceeded to get dressed.
Jay worked at an IT company, CF incorporated. There were no exciting trips across foreign countries, no exotic, mysterious women and certainly no explosions,. Though C++ was not a barrel of monkeys, it paid the bills. Still, the commands and data he typed in all day blended together in his head, a soup of meaningless drivel with no end. Since it was so mundane, Jay felt the need to find a way to make it less boring. His solution to this problem? Alcohol.
Lurching into the kitchen, his morning drowsiness still strong, Jay flicked on the light and stumbled to the fridge. Taking out a pint of orange juice and a bottle of Everclear, Jay placed them on his counter. Every morning Jay would mix a half a cup of Orange juice with three shots of white rum. The mix was extremely strong, but he liked it that way, made things easier to deal with. And there was plenty of bullshit to deal with.
Mixing the two in a plastic cup, he quickly gulped the concoction down. It crawled down his throat, a slow burn, kindling in his stomach, the warmth spreading to his ribs. The light bouncing of his white walls and glossy tile bent and flared in his eyes. Licking his numb lips, Jay then pulled a silver flask from his kitchen cabinet and filled it with rum. "Time for work" he thought.
<>
Besides his narrowly averted, accident with an Ice cream truck and a pick up filled with day laborers, Jay's drive to work was largely uneventful. Sitting at his desk, Jay took swig from his flask and lackadaisically eyed his cubicle. It was maybe 8 feet wide in each direction, sectioned off by gray partitions. His desk was L shaped and took up all of the left corner. Not much was on it, except his computer, a pen holder, and various scattered paperwork. He rocked back in his chair, the sensation rippling in his besotted body, staring languidly at his computer screen. "What a boring ass day this will be," he thought. He rocked forward to a still position, placed his hands on his computer and began his work.
After about 2 hours of programming, intermittent with spurts to Youtube to watch fight videos, Jay heard a knock on his cubicle's wall. Spinning his chair to the right he came face to face with WiIl. His best friend, Will was somewhat shorter then him, with a stomach that packed more paunch then his belt could effectively hide. The glint of the florescent lights in the office bounced off Will's bald head into Jay's eyes.
"Would you mind moving fatass?" Jay said. Noticing Jay's flask, Will retorted "Screw you wino! I'm surprised you didn't die on the way to work."
"I'm surprised you haven't died from a Twinkie induced heart-attack."Jay sneered placing his flask back in his khakis. Will looked pensive for a split second and rejoined:
"You're a Twinkie."
Jay cocked his right eye up and twisted his mouth in disappointment. "The hell? That was the worst comeback I've ever heard. Like really man, go...go kill yourself"
"Whatever Twinkie. Anyway, you getting work done or are you watching Youtube?" Will replied.
Jay jumped back in mock shock, his mouth agape, eyes raised, and said, "Of all the questions you could ask!! You doubt my work ethic good sir?? I am shocked and appalled!"
"So your watching Kimbo Brawls?"
"Yea..."
" I knew it!! You see the one where he knocks dude's dreads off??!!".....
________________________________________________________________________________
About 20 minutes had passed, the two men silently cheering the triumphs of Kimbo over various outclassed fat men. In the middle of one match with a man called Afro Puff, a sudden sound of thunder ripped through the office. Hitting like a tidal wave, the sound thrashed the building, shaking desks and rumbling through the floor. Papers fell off Jay's desk from the vibration, his pencil holder hopping and spilling pens. The sound soon subsided, leaving the office still. Excited chatter could be heard throughout the office, along with the shuffling and stumbling of feet. A myriad of car alarms droned in the background. Uncovering his ears Will turned to Jay and exclaimed "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?". Jay, still disoriented from the cacophony of the past moment, thought Will said "MELLE MEL IS FAT!!" Confused by such a random statement and curious by what could have made such a loud noise, Jay stood up from his seat, ignoring Will, and walked to the side of the office building. Mulling through the the cube farm that was his floor, Jay noticed that a crowd had gathered by the side of the building, staring out of webbed cracked windows. Joining his sheepish coworkers alongside the fractured windows, Jay was unprepared for the sight which awaited him.
The windows in Jay's cinder block office faced the parking lot, and a parallel running road. Beyond that laid the remnants of a forest, cut into by more cinder block office buildings and warehouses. What cars were on the road had come to a standstill, grey and bronze Camry's and Honda's stuck in an in staggered line, the drivers frozen in shock, gawking at the sight which stood before them. For by the parking lot exit stood a Gorilla. However this was not a normal gorilla. It's head was eye level with his floor, a good 5 stories up. Its eyes were the size of two basketballs, with two irises the color of crimson. Muscles bulged from its' figure, vine-like veins creeping up its immense chest. To add more to this odd sight was its pink fur, looking for all the world like it was drenched in neon paint. Its' pink was a stark contrast to its' black face, chest and its hands. The oddest thing of all, however, was what it carried in its' hands: two cymbals. They looked as if they had once been the bronze roofs of some oriental home, stolen by the ape.
"What in the hell......" Jay trailed off, amazed at the sight. Shaking the awe from his head, Jay returned to reality and the very abnormal creature in the parking lot. The Gorrila turned and faced Jay's building. Bobbing its head and rocking, the Gorilla spread its arms, prepared for another clash of the cymbals.
"God..Damnit." Jay muttered. The shockwave of the cymbals once again tore through the building. The windows exploded inward, showering the crowd with bits of glass, the following rush of air knocking them down. Partitions collapsed inwards, lights exploded and people screamed. A paper floated down on to Jays face, his ears ringing and his body sprawled on the floor. Blowing the paper off, Jay stood and reviewed his surroundings. Someone had pulled the fire alarm, its excited ring clamoring in his head. People were running about, some fleeing down the building's stairwell, others jostling to get in the elevators. One frightened man jumped out the ruined window. "We're on the 5th floor," mused Jay, smirking at the fatal action of his coworker. Reaching into his pocket and pulling out his flask, Jay took a quick swig and navigated himself back to his cubicle. Stumbling by overturned partitions, papers blanketing the carpet and the occasional fallen computer, Jay staggered into his boxy domain.
"What the hell Will??!" Jay stood at the entrance of his cubicle, his mass of papers now dispersed across the floor, his pens spread about. Will and the computer, however, had remained in the exact same position as earlier, the screen still playing a Kimbo fight. "What??" asked Will. "Do you see the office? Do you hear the chaos going on in the background?? For Christ's sake! A shockwave just ripped through the building! How the hell can you still be on the computer??"
"Kimbo knocked dude's eye out."
"Damn. Move over right quick.."
________________________________________________________________________________
After replaying the eye dislocating punch 5 times, Jay decided to explain their current situation to Will. Describing the gigantic, pink, gorilla and its devastating percussion instruments, Will agreed that they should escape.
As they trudged through the destroyed office, Jay couldn't help but notice how deserted it was. Various papers blew through the floor, carried by the influx of wind. The only sound in the office was that of their footsteps and the wind . Jay felt like he was stepping into a shootout. Will stopped by the windows, in awe of the gigantic gorilla and the chaos it caused. The car jam of earlier had begun moving again, sirens could be heard approaching in the distance. People from the office were scattering in various directions, some across the road, others towards adjoining parking lots. The Gorilla was still staring intently at the office building, its cymbals now discarded in the parking lot, crushing some unfortunate person's sedan.
"What the hell is it looking at? Why is it still staring in this direction?" asked Will. "There are people running around like cockroaches and all those loud ass sirens, but it's still looking over here."
"Hell if I know. Why don't you ask it?" quipped Jay.
Turning to walk towards the stairs, Jay realized something, "Will's an idiot." On cue, Will screamed to the large gorilla, "WHY ARE YOU HERE MONKEY? ARE YOU LOOKING FOR BANANA'S?" Jay stood still, mouth agape, eyes wide in terror. "What the hell Will???!" Jay shrieked. "Ay you said I should" replied Will, his face like that of a guilty puppy. "You just screamed at a gigantic gorilla and called it a damn monkey!! Are you insane??"
"I doubt it cares about terminology."
"Shut up Will"
A voice bellowed from behind their bickering. "I AM HERE FOR HE WHO IMBIBES THE WATER OF FIRE." Jay and Will turned to face the voice, both knowing its source.
"Holy shit!! The monkey talks!"
"It's a gorilla Will"
"I wonder if its' name is Mojo "
"You constantly disappoint me...."
"SILENCE!" the gorilla bellowed. "YOU," the gorilla pointed one large stubby finger at Jay. "I AM HERE FOR YOU."
"Damn Jay, you know what they say about gigantic, pink monkeys looking for young men who drink too much?"
"THEY DON"T SAY ANYTHING!!"
"HEY! STOP IGNORING ME!"
"Sorry Mr. Monkey."
"HE"S A GORILLA WILL!!"
"SHUT UP!! YOU ARE COMING WITH ME"
Jay turned back to the gorilla, the fact that a massive primate wanted him for god knows what just beginning to dawn over him. Trembling, Jay whimpered "Why!" to the large primate.
"YOU NEVER HEARD WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT PINK GORILLAS AND YOUNG MEN WHO DRINK EXTENSIVELY?"
"NO!! What the hell man?!" Jay yelled back at the large ape.
"NO MATTER."
The gorilla reached in through the broken window, wrenching its frame, and grabbed Jay around the waist. Screaming like a schoolgirl, Jay beat at the gorilla's pink furred hand in vain. The pink primate turned to walk towards the street, its' pink feet bounding up and over cars and asphalt.
"HELP! HELP ME WILL!!"
"I'll call Allan!!"
"WHO THE HELL IS THAT???! I HATE YOU!"
Due to his berating of Will, Jay did not notice the wail of the approaching sirens until they were underneath him. Stopping his beating of the gorilla's hand, Jay looked down towards the street. A mass of gray police cruisers and SWAT vans, lights flashing and sirens blaring, had approached his office from both sides of the street, the vehicular procession stopping 30 feet from the gorilla. The gorilla stopped its trek, staring at the cars and their wailing. Creating a perimeter around the ape, the cops and SWAT teams hurriedly rushed out their cars, taking shooting stances behind their trunks and doors. A sea of gray and black firearms were all aimed at the pink gorilla. A man, in SWAT gear holding a bullhorn, stepped from the police perimeter. Walking towards the gorilla, he stopped around 15 feet away .
"LET HIM GO! WE CAN GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT! BANANAS, WOMEN, WHATEVER YOU DESIRE!! BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW US COOPERATION!" yelled the negotiator through his bullhorn.
The pink gorilla held up his hand, looked at Jay, and then looked at the circle of police.
"NO."
An audible gasp went through the crowd of police. Some began trembling, their aim on the large target no longer steady. Murmurs of dread ripped through the crowd.
"Oh my god we're all going to die! Game over man! GAME OVER"
"It can frickin' talk!"
"Well, we did send a negotiator..."
The negotiator backed up slowly towards the police. At about five feet away from their permeter, he then broke into a sprint. A loud cry went up after his return.
"FIRE"
A volley of bullets erupted towards the gorilla. The orchestra of gunfire deafened Jay's ears, the sound like some hellish drumbeat, erratic and popping. Pink fur exploded off of the giant gorilla, floating down in bloody wisps. The primate wailed, unable to turn anywhere for relief. Bringing Jay to his chest, he raised his head and his left arm to the air. A bellow escaped his lips, a deep, painful sound. He then staggered forward, the sound of gunfire rolling to a decrescendo. After the last pistol shot was fired, he collapsed. His large pink body seemed to float to the ground, attesting to his large height. As he fell, he outstretched his arms, prostrating himself to the horizon. His body bounded off the earth, cracking the asphalt below, his weight sending a rush of wind toward the police officers.
Nearly passed out, Jay appraised his situation. Pain circulated throughout his body, unlike his blood, cut off by the monkey's grip. His ears were ringing and felt as if they were stuffed with cotton. He was also bathed in blood with tufts of pink fur matted to his face. And of course, he was in the hands of a dead, gigantic, pink gorilla.
"Great"
Rocking his knees and torso while simultaneously using his hands, Jay pried the dead gorilla's stubby, black fingers from his body. During his valiant struggle against the dead and limp hand, the police force had began moving towards the gorilla's corpse. The negotiator from earlier walked out of the group of officers and approached Jay.
"You all right son?"
Wiping blood and fur from his face, Jay stared incredulously at the officer.
"Well, I just got abducted from my office by a large, pink gorilla who may have not had noble intentions for me. I was then shot at by what seems to be all of the metropolitan police force. And now I am covered in blood and pink fur. So yes, I am doing great."
The negotiator and Jay started walking back towards the police perimeter when another hail of gunfire rang out.
"The hell?? You already shot it thousands of times!" yelled Jay.
"It's standard police procedure." responded the negotiator.
"But it's dead!!"
"You know you can still be considered its' accomplice."
"Nevermind, shoot it all you want."
"We'll do just that son, as soon as you listen to our daily morning music jam! Now without commercials"
"What the..." Jay's alarm clock had turned on, blaring some FM morning show. He turned from his side to face the clock.. It read 5 am.
"God..DAMNIT"
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had something really good to say about this the other day, but I have forgotten.
Damn being dumb and blonde.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-28 13:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-11-28 13:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF? I'm not reading all that!
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-28 12:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
: )
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-28 10:35:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-28 10:06:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw the ending before it arrived, but I was still quite pleased. This was quite entertaining.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-28 09:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it too, an amusing first morning read.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-28 09:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it well enough. Still not as good as your series, but entertaining.
Submitted by BlazinBull (user info) at 2007-11-28 09:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Giant pink monkey with cymbols at least gets a 1.
Submitted by ksj3888 (user info) at 2007-11-28 09:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol...will do
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-11-28 04:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stick to the amber wave
Submitted by ksj3888 (user info) at 2007-11-28 01:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea...from my younger days
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2007-11-28 01:17:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not so good...