Gold Rush (690 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.78 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Yellow Dart (View user info) at 2007-11-28 14:23:12 EST
The wiry man lifted the cup I had just pointed to (I was certain it was the right cup) to reveal no ball lay beneath it. "You scoundrel!" I yelped at him. He obviously had some sort of tom-foolery system in place, but I thought it wouldn't affect me as I'm not a Tom.
"Now hand over the tent," he said while pointing at my shoulder.
"What?" I responded.
"You bet your tent, chap. Now fork it over."
It was no real loss on my part as I had no idea there was a tent slung over my shoulder up to this point. I was taken aback, however, because up to that point I was convinced I had a novelty stuffed-snake, which I was "holding" for one of the carnies who paid me 10 bucks to walk around with it to convey the illusion that it could actually be won.
Now that the snake had turned into a tent, and I had just lost the tent, I started to worry about the carnie woman; she was beastly, to say the least. Hell, her tattoos could beat me up. I'd go up to tell her the bad news and she wouldn't even look my way, instead I would have to converse with the shark with sunglasses, bloody teeth, and a spear through his mid-section. "Where's m'snake, bitch?" he'd say right before taking the spear from his gut and putting it through mine.
I briefly considered making a run for it so the man wouldn't get his tent for cheating me at this confusing game of cups (or 3 cups or whatever it's called), but I don't trust anyone dressed in old-fashioned apparel. Why the hell was he so old looking? In fact, everyone around me looked old fashioned. Perhaps my surroundings could explain where I ended up, what was going on, and, most importantly, why my stuffed-snake turned into a tent.
After a few XXs and a good ol' hoedown, one of the lovely ladies (aside from the full handle-bar mustache) informed me I was dead center in a gold rush. 1898. Fuck me. She offered to, but her stubble was pretty damn itchy so I politely declined and headed out of the make-shift saloon.
Hot-damned! It was a time-machine-carnival-prize-snake! I've heard about those, but always assumed it was folk-lore; that is, if you consider people who live in institutions "folk".
Looking around there wasn't much else to do in the town but hoedown or lose money to the crafty master of cups. I glanced his way to see another poor sucker grieving in disbelief because the cup he chose was also ball-less. I guess all there's to do is mine for gold. I would need supplies.
I had a distinct disadvantage as the money I had in my pocket (which would have been a ton in those days) was scoffed at because the stupid time-hicks had never seen the form of currency before. "Haven't you ever been to the future, you recluses?!" I yelled.
After my nose stopped bleeding from the upper-cut the sales-clerk gave me, I got up from the street they threw me on, tipped my hat forwards, and marched right back in. If they wanted to fight I was going to go new-school on their asses.
After performing the "stone-cold-stunner" on an innocent gent walking out the door when he held the door open for me (I don't take kindly to strangers), I marched up to the same clerk. He eyed me once and started talking to me in older English, which I arrogantly made no sense of. A fight was brewin'; he took the first swing, which I ducked and countered by putting him in a choke hold.
Now, I don't usually fight dirty, but he unrepentantly punched me out earlier for calling him a recluse, so anything was fair game.
THUNK.
Ow. Oww. Something struck me hard from behind on the back of my head and I collapsed instantly. I faintly heard another voice's witty remark just before passing out: "looks like you struck gold, Sammy," followed by hearty laughter.
"Buddy."
"Hey, Buddy!"
My eyes slowly lifted and I raised my head from the sand. I looked up and saw two authority-like individuals looking down at me. After sitting up, they told me to clear off and that the playground was meant for kids only. I got to my feet and looked about, suddenly re-interested in the whereabouts of that snake.
At least I was back in the present, I noted thanks to a crunched up McDonald's bag lying near me. Of course! Nothing causes hallucinations quite like my medication and Big Mac sauce does! But I was still in a playground just outside the well lit carnival that was, in fact, really in town.
Oh, how I enjoy the sights and sounds of a good ol' fashioned traveling carnival, but I now feared its premises. Surely the beastly woman would have rounded up her fellow carnies by now. They would have pitchforks, torches, missing teeth, limps, and, most importantly, cotton candy. I can not resist cotton candy for the life of me.
No, I would either have to man up and run away, possibly purchase some fireworks on a later date and run as fast as I could around things to convey the illusion of dizziness that carneys provide so well; or head back into the carnival and "do" the place as quickly as possible. In and out in 5 minutes. I had to; its lure was too strong.
It was at this moment that I saw a small child carrying a snake (or possibly my snake) so naturally I gave chase. I had just about caught up with the kid when I spotted another child carrying a snake. Looking around there were tons of kids and snakes, but which was mine? Maybe I'll just grab them all! That way the great carnie lady would be appeased and not need to eat my soul.
Leaving a mass of crying children behind me as I darted between attractions, I made my way over to her stand of the game cups. She immediately recognised me.
"I thought I told you to get out of here!" she called at me, "we gave you your damn money back!"
I was confused and a little bit hungry.
"Get lost! And stop stealing people's prizes you fucking nut!"
Very confused, I dropped the snakes and ran as fast as I could, all the while thinking she was giving chase and gaining on me. Oh shit.
I decided to hide in a local McDonalds because that would be the last place a carnie would look for you. I mean, they practically live there, why would anyone try to hide from them in their own home of all places?
After what felt like an hour of hiding in the men's washroom, I popped my head out and saw that the coast was clear. I made my way up to the counter and ordered my favourite: Big Mac.
(An easier online version of the innocent game that can quickly rear its ugly head: http://www.coolbuddy.com/games/3cups/3cups.htm )
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 03:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-11-30 02:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-29 23:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There were so many great lines here I lost count. That may or may not be related to the flashback some of the others gave me.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 03:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-11-29 00:05:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Highly disappointed you weren't refering to the rock band.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-11-28 23:49:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
belladonna will do that to ya every time
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know what I love? Kitten pie
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-11-28 15:56:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-11-28 15:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I won a "free serial" with the linked game and I have no idea what to do with it.
______
Me too. I'm thinking christmas present for my mother.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-11-28 15:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I won a "free serial" with the linked game and I have no idea what to do with it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-28 15:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what'n the hell?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-11-28 15:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oohkay
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-28 15:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-28 14:57:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-28 14:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-28 14:39:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment