Ubersite
Home - About Us - Contact
"Work is the scourge of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde
Welcome to Ubersite!
Search Ubersite
Search for:

Most Recently Reviewed
  1. Can't bring me down.
  2. Steps to Bliss
  3. Berty drones on about the ...
  4. Berty muses on self flagge...
  5. Just Imagine...
  6. The Frisbee Theory
  7. my bad
  8. You...are an innocent
  9. FUCK movies are shit
  10. Word Association Bitch!
more...
Most Heated
  1. Berty muses on self flagge... (90 heat)
  2. Word Association Bitch! (78 heat)
  3. If there is a poor white t... (74 heat)
  4. What's your favourite pizza? (65 heat)
  5. Let's face it people, chil... (50 heat)
  6. Everyone Looks Like Someon... (42 heat)
  7. i love uber (33 heat)
  8. my bad (26 heat)
  9. RIP Shopping List (24 heat)
  10. Obama & OIl (24 heat)
more...
Most Viewed Messages
  1. The Ultimate MS Paint: It... (1124832 hits)
  2. "If I cum now, will it be ... (677499 hits)
  3. Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Ne... (379641 hits)
  4. How To Pick Up Chicks (318581 hits)
  5. Knockoff porn movie titles (291756 hits)
  6. Motivating the Weekend (290737 hits)
  7. My J-Date Misadventure (281172 hits)
  8. Licking A Bum's Ass (243071 hits)
  9. Badass Australian Cows (236652 hits)
  10. Totally Useless Facts (224883 hits)
more...
Most Viewed Authors
  1. Bart Cilfone (1415320 hits)
  2. Stanley Moore (1404100 hits)
  3. JMG114 (1340972 hits)
  4. Razor (1297630 hits)
  5. MickGinny (1249825 hits)
  6. loki (1033520 hits)
  7. Jonukah (937500 hits)
  8. weeeeep (896004 hits)
  9. Ubersite needs me! (844789 hits)
  10. Kaos-King (844552 hits)
  11. READY FOR VEGAS!!!! (843406 hits)
  12. Hack (810531 hits)
  13. Tom (809835 hits)
  14. Sideburns, MUHFUCKA (774362 hits)
  15. oy vey (731392 hits)
  16. apollo88 (726505 hits)
  17. Sorrell (719580 hits)
  18. Tiger Belly (717046 hits)
  19. Satan is my Motor (667338 hits)
  20. HIDDEN101 (656285 hits)
  21. RON PAUL 2008! (655687 hits)
  22. Sock Penis™ (648491 hits)
  23. Phil Phone (612470 hits)
  24. RetIred Stabkill (608214 hits)
  25. iddqd (595143 hits)
  26. kaos-king (593719 hits)
  27. kaos-king (576483 hits)
  28. ♥ (560032 hits)
  29. O (557018 hits)
  30. Big Mike (542604 hits)
Click here to return to the list of messages.

Rita Stands Alone: Part 1 of 2 (727 hits)

Category: None

Rating: 1.72 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by QuinnTheEskimo (View user info) at 2007-11-28 15:38:59 EST


"Hey, Chuck!" Rita made an over-exaggerated wave trying to get my attention. I winced, by now she must have known I didn't care for that nickname. Rita was lovely, but a little scary. She seemed to have an edge that I didn't understand, there was something primitive about her, not in her looks, oh no, but in her actions, her ideas, her very movements. Or maybe it was her over-sized, second-hand, fake-fur coat, which she wore even on hot days like this.

"Hey, Rita." I answered, picking up my backpack and walking away. My interactions with Rita were always embarrassing. I had the sense that she had some kind of... Desire for me? Infatuation with me? Crush on me? Or maybe she was just trying to be friendly. I hated feeling the kind of pressure I felt around her. Every little misstep felt magnified a hundred times.

"Are you going to class?" She asked, jogging a little to meet up with me. I glanced at her bouncing breasts as her coat flapped open then quickly turned my eyes down, feeling a little shame and hoping she hadn't noticed.

"Yeah, the science class I'm taking this semester." I was still walking, picking up my pace a little bit. She had to jog again to catch up but this time I didn't glance at her breasts.

"With O'Connor, or Bach?" She asked.

"Uh, Prof. Goldstein."

"Ah, the Jew." She said in a knowing tone.

I winced at the slur, then nodded. I prayed that she wouldn't ask to walk with me to class at the same time that I tried to think of a good excuse to leave.

"Whaddya say to playing hooky?" She asked me, cocking her head to one side and putting a hand on her hip. Beneath her knee-length coat I see shes wearing a mini-skirt with leg warmers.

"I dunno, I mean, where are we going?"

"Lets bale." She smiled

"Bale?" I asked, and all of a sudden I felt curious.

"Let's ditch this school and go on an adventure. Lets escape to someplace exotic. Ever been to Alaska?" She smiled her biggest smile, and flashed her crooked canine.

But with that my curiosity was squelched. "No, I have a paper due today, I can't." Those were the words I said to her, but my tone, my posture, all screamed a subliminal message of "Get lost, scary girl." My sentence wasn't even over before I saw Rita's smile diminish, her shoulders slump a little, and her hand dropped from her hip. Instantly I regretted rejecting her, but something told me it was too late to turn back, too late to correct myself and go with her.

"I didn't know you had a paper due." She turned her face away and I was struck with the sudden urge to kiss her cheek, but I held myself back.

"It's alright," I told her, even though I knew it wasn't. "Some other time?" I suggested unconvincingly.

"Yeah, sure." She brightened up but I couldn't tell if it was fake or not.

"It's just, I have to go to class, you know? I don't want to get docked for-"

She cut me off. "It's fine, Charles, really." She used me real name. And she hugged me. "Some other time."

I wish I could tell you I saved this moment, and that me and beautiful Rita went someplace in a stolen car, eating Lay's, drinking beer and flicking our cigarette butts out of the window, playing the radio too loud and getting into fights at truck stops. I wish I could tell you how we're still lovers and still happy after all this time. But it's been too long to lie anymore.

In reality, I said, "Bye, Rita." And walked away. After about thirty yards, I turned around and walked backwards, searching for Rita's giant fur coat that would stand out so well against the other more scantily clad college women.

I saw her, she saw me. I didn't wave. She didn't smile. Some other time.

Submit to Digg Submit to StumbleUpon

User Reviews


Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-10 20:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

this is pretty bad

Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-12-03 07:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

Not bad.

Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-12-03 04:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-02 02:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-29 11:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

That's so, uh, cute

...

????

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-29 03:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-28 23:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:10:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

and then boris felt compelled to to eat a nutrigrain bar.

______________________

I honestly don;t get it. what?

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-29 03:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Roommates in the extreme. Quinn and Haiku, buddies and roomies forever!

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-29 02:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Do you two live together?

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-29 02:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Goddamn it, Haiku, if you wanna -2 this so that you can negate the rating that i totally falsly gave myself, go ahead, i won't object.



also, I'm still glad that your 1000th review was my post.

Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-29 02:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-28 18:24:29 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

WHOA THIS REVIEW IS MY ONE THOUSANDTH REVIEW

HOW AWESOME IS THAT??


TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!
__________________

I'm glad it was my post.

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-28 23:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:10:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

and then boris felt compelled to to eat a nutrigrain bar.

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-28 21:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

WHOA THIS REVIEW IS MY ONE THOUSANDTH REVIEW

HOW AWESOME IS THAT??


TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-28 21:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-28 18:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

haha

Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-28 18:31:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-28 18:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-11-28 17:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-28 13:50:56 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I don't think I know that walk.

---

it's very delicate, one misstep and the whole thing turns into a jiggling mess.
-----

I know about that walk, one day my Sister informed me that when boobies are jiggling, it's probably on purpose.

"I winced, by now she must have known I didn't care for that nickname"

I can't remember if I've used a line almost exactly like this, or if you have.

Muahaha, I'm subliminally influencing your writing!

Better put a stop to that quickly, if you don't want your ratings to drop tremendously.

If I have to explain to some random internet reviewer later on that I'm being nonsensical right now, I'm going to be annoyed.

Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-11-28 17:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

GODAMMIT STOP MAKING FUN OF MY MOM

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I don't think I know that walk.

---

it's very delicate, one misstep and the whole thing turns into a jiggling mess.

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I don't think I know that walk.

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0



Toe, I totally thought you were a dude


----


:(
___________________

You can't be sad, your name is a Big Lebowski reference, the manliest movie ever made.

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0



Toe, I totally thought you were a dude


----


:(

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I can walk in such a way that my boobs bounce. I reserve this walk for very special occasions.

______________________

Toe, I totally thought you were a dude.

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

.

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:34:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1



Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I can walk in such a way that my boobs bounce. I reserve this walk for very special occasions.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:10:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

and then boris felt compelled to to eat a nutrigrain bar.

Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I like how you write.

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-28 16:03:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Comment No

Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-28 15:48:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment


Burns: Good Lord, Smithers! You look atrocious. I thought I told you to
take a vacation.

Homer: Uh, Smithers already left, sir. I'm his replacement, Homer
Simpson.

Homer the Smithers