Look down upon me, ye mighty. (1816 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.97 on 89 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-11-29 07:49:03 EST
There seems to be a trend on uber these days to be a success. We have graphic designers, rich old guys, rich young guys, beautiful women, part time models, full time cunts... there's a plethora of rampant success stories. This is undoubtedly the upper echelon of the internet, baby rape posts notwithstanding. (They're classy and successful baby rape posts. With good looking babies who have hair.) There are people here who aspire to become writers, artists, comedians, non-virgins, and the playthings of wealthy men.
All this is admirable.
But for there to be a top of the heap, there needs to be a heap. For there to be a heap, there needs to be a bottom of the heap. All those classy successful people need somebody to stand on; somebody who aspires to nothing, who defines success as not wetting the bed, who wallows contentedly in the cesspit of mediocrity.
Hiya.
My name is Circe and I deliver pizza.
__________________________________
It started with a decision. I realised that if I didn't go get a fucking job, I was going to wind up on the front page of the local paper, my pallid uninspiring face glowering in black and white underneath the words "Local mother of three cooks, eats own children." (With the sub-heading "'Mustard dressing is only good on boys.' - Death Angel Mummy gives culinary advice to fellow inmates.") It's got little or nothing to do with money, it's just a quietly desperate need to get out of the house and speak to actual adults now and then, to have a conversation that doesn't start with "She's teasing me!" and end with "if you can't play nicely, I'll have to choose one of you to die. Do you want that? Do you want Mummy to have to choose who to offer to the cleansing purge of flame? Hmmm? I didn't think so."
(Apropos of nothing: The problem with Fang and Bumble the Wondertwins is that they feed off each other's psychosis. It goes like this:
"Let's play pirates on the trampoline!"
"Yay!"
A fascinating sea voyage ensues, with sharks and rocks and mermaids and treasure etc etc.
"I'm going to take the rowboat back to the house."
"Can I come?"
"No, there's not enough room."
Fang runs back inside, pretending to row with her scrawny little arms, and stops at the back door long enough to turn and holler "Don't try and swim, the sharks will eat you!" before she goes in search of food.
So there's Bumble, sobbing on the trampoline, because "I'm trapped here and she took the rowboat and I don't want to die at sea, Mummy, please carry me back to shore."
Don't have kids.)
The problem is that I'm kind of limited in what I can do. I need to work when the Dutchman is home, because daycare isn't an option for the twins. I need to work nights, because the days are kind of full with medications and routine disciplinary beatings. It needs to be something I can take the day off from if the soul-sucking leeches get sick, and it needs to be something simple because, let's face it, I'm a little bit special.
The store motto is "Normal people don't work at Mystery Pizza Inc." That's the unofficial motto, of course, because the official one is "A HERO will keep the customers coming back for more friendly service, more positive upbeat energy, and more delicious pizza made to order!" Someone's added "More bukkake" to the sign. None of us are in line for employee of the year.
My first night they gave me an address that didn't exist and 14 pizzas to deliver to it within 15 minutes. My boss looked at me solemnly and said "If you screw up your first delivery, I'm going to have to let you go."
It's a rite of passage, apparently. If you get back to the store without crying or pleading for a second chance, you've made it.
There are addresses we draw straws on delivering to. If you've ever given the delivery driver shit for being late with your precious pizza, fatty, then you can be certain that NEXT time, not only will the delivery be late, but everyone in the store would have taken turns to touch it. A lot. Obscenely. You'll be getting an abused and molested pizza. Try not to fuck with the plebs who bring you food - we don't have a lot of power, but we ARE highly defensive.***
(*** - this is not true. We conduct ourselves at all times with the professionalism and attention to hygiene and customer satisfaction that has made Mystery Pizza Inc the envy of the pie industry. We certainly never play Garlic Bread Baseball after closing.)
They make me wear a hat. There are women who look adorable in caps, cute as a button, fresh and young and tomboyish. I am not one of those women. I look like the woman at the dark end of the bar who watches young couples for signs of a fight and then slides alongside the tearful young girl to comfort seven kinds of fuck out of her.
In the last four weeks, we've requisitioned the following from head office:
50 tasers
An M1 Abrams
A reinforced bunker
Missile guidance system because "We can't just keep throwing them off the roof."
Armed guards
Strippers
An alcohol allowance
A coffee lounge
The right to close at 5pm before the drunk people start showing up
We've received the following:
A suggestion to deliver the pizzas naked "To distract people from the money you're carrying"
It's a well-run operation. Classy, high end type stuff. We send off emails with the subject line "RE: Hostage situation."
I offer myself to you, Uber, in a selfless attempt to make you feel successful in your own life.
GIS for "they beat me up for $25 in change and my stupid cap"
User Reviews
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-04-20 01:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're amazing.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-03-10 19:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had Dominos tonight. I am the fatty in your post.
-P
x
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2007-12-05 20:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading through Best This Week:(I've never had time for much more last years). Glad to see you're still around. You never failed to validate and uplift my most base instincts.
It's been said before, but I wish you lived next door: I would spank that sardonic Aussie ass daily, if not more oft.
PS: Can you make biscuits? I'll send airfare.
Submitted by StereoTypist (user info) at 2007-12-05 09:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. This way yay and made me feel yay.
Yay.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh circe, how thou rocketh.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-12-01 15:22:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Don't have kids"
*now* you tell me.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-12-01 04:29:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had a job where I could send out emails with the subject "Re: Hostage situation".
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-30 15:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-30 14:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when i <CENSORED> in college i used to eat all the <CENSORED>.
best part of the job. that and <CENSORED>ing up on the <CENSORED> so you could get the <CENSORED> to stay <CENSORED> enough when you <CENSORED> the <CENSORED> off.
===
YEAH KATY, WE KNOW.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-11-30 14:58:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always thought pizza looks like regurgitated food. Anyone else with me on that?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-30 14:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when i made pizza in college i used to eat all the pineapple.
best part of the job. that and jumping up on the pizza press so you could get the dough to stay flat enough when you took the pressure off.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-30 14:33:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay and this morning I want pizza
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-11-30 14:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pizza is the suck
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-11-30 13:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-11-30 11:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank god i hate pizza. and kids. and piles.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-11-30 11:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tonight, I saw penis.
This guy was fishing in his pockets for his money.. he wasn't wearing a belt... the jeans slipped, bunched, slipped, and... there it was.
From this day forth, the smell of anchovies will make me remember his pubic hair.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-30 04:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let's play pirates on the trampoline!"
"Yay!"
A fascinating sea voyage ensues, with sharks and rocks and mermaids and treasure etc etc.
"I'm going to take the rowboat back to the house."
"Can I come?"
"No, there's not enough room."
Fang runs back inside, pretending to row with her scrawny little arms, and stops at the back door long enough to turn and holler "Don't try and swim, the sharks will eat you!" before she goes in search of food.
So there's Bumble, sobbing on the trampoline, because "I'm trapped here and she took the rowboat and I don't want to die at sea, Mummy, please carry me back to shore."
Don't have kids.)
=============================================
That is seriously adorable.
Also mediocrity in the bomb. I'm like a modern day, atheist monk!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 03:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-11-30 01:36:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+10000 for my favourite poem in the world
Submitted by Charlilot (user info) at 2007-11-30 00:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear god this was good
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-11-29 23:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh so fucking solidly that I won't bother copying a particular paragraph or sentence or phrase. The whole thing was brilliant!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-11-29 23:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like watching you work.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-11-29 23:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1) Bickerstaff?!
c) "I look like the woman at the dark end of the bar who watches young couples for signs of a fight and then slides alongside the tearful young girl to comfort seven kinds of fuck out of her." tee hee hee
%) I also love you, add me to the list/pile
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-11-29 21:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How I wish I could get pizza without mayonnaise. Or corn.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-29 20:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-11-29 20:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There was no real malice or whatnot in my review, as I'm sure you can tell. And if she wanted to get flustered about it herself I'm sure she would.
However, this brings me no closer to beer.
---
bah, you mock me with your explanations.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-11-29 20:18:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quit the pizza place.
Go do styand-up.
It pays more, and then you can come tour to Sydney, where I can grovel adoringly at your leather booted feet and call you my dark domestic mistress
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-11-29 20:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There was no real malice or whatnot in my review, as I'm sure you can tell. And if she wanted to get flustered about it herself I'm sure she would.
However, this brings me no closer to beer.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-29 19:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the ironic thing is, stagger, is that by and large, the people who would get all hot and bothered and offended and defensive over circe's pristine rating on this or other posts are more than likely people who circe has little to no respect for. also, i can pretty much guarantee circe couldnt give a fuck about the rating (as long as its accompanied by some sort of response.)
of course im making massive assumptions here, about someone whom i have only maintained a very few bitterly acrimonious and hate-filled exchanges with via msn, so i have next to no idea really of what im talking about.
however, as usual, im most likely right.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-11-29 19:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-11-29 19:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:50:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
to prevent you thinking of raising above your peasant station, im going to wreck this little 2 streak youve got going here.
we cant have you getting all uppity.
-------
You dirty bellend, you.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-11-29 19:01:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Missile guidance system because "We can't just keep throwing them off the roof."
=======
Hahahaha
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you deliberately waited til I had no internet at home before posting, so I'd have to wait til I was at work and be like the 63rd or 4th notch in your mighty +2 Bedpost. Of slaying.
Think you can get a pizza on the plane for me?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:50:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
to prevent you thinking of raising above your peasant station, im going to wreck this little 2 streak youve got going here.
we cant have you getting all uppity.
yes, yes, your children are adorable.
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A large calzone please....
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:43:15 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's nothing!
i recently started work as a RECEPTIONIST
and i'm a 43 year old man with a beard!
THE DREAM!
HE ACHIEVED THE DREAM!!!!!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2007-11-29 16:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Unbanned last night, Circe post today and a Bickerstaff sighting, it is a good week after all.
On an side note, do you still work at the dog pound?
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2007-11-29 16:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes I wonder what happened to her, where she went, I mean.
That girl in school; the one you always knew you should go out with, the one
you always knew would be so good for you, would fix your fucked up ass as sure as
ole' Moby fixed Ahab, that girl; you knew you should talk to her.
Scared weren't you? Yeah, man, scared in a deep way, a real way, a really deep and fucking
serious way; like the real fear; the wake up screaming and sweating fear. And it's because you knew.
She read too much, was a little quiet at the wrong times and loud when she should've been quiet. It's
not like you thought about her when she wasn't around, you didn't obsess or anything. She wasn't
the obsession kinda chick and let's be honest.
I saw that guy who dated her at the library once; smart fucker, like sublime smart, like knew about opera smart.
She liked you, though, you knew that; coward. You knew she watched you out of the corner
of her eye and you even caught her in the crowd once; but knew she would never admit it;
would never tell her friends that you were on her mind. And even though you kinda felt out of
her league, you knew how embarrassed she would be to be seen with you and how fucked up is that?
You should have manned up, should've had the, I don't know, courage is the wrong word... fortitude? You
should've read The Stranger and mentioned Camus to her in passing; actually no, that's wrong. She would
have seen right through that shit and make no mistake, kid. What you should have done is told her; told her
what a little fucking girl you are, how you shudder every time you have to talk to more than two people at a time
and how you can't sleep the night before a new semester starts; how the thought of catching
the girls talking about you one more time was gonna send you over the fucking edge and that's no lie.
But you didn't, and now you wonder; wonder where she went, what she's up to, what lucky, lucky, incredibly lucky
bastard finally married her, and you know he's out there.
I saw that catwoman you dated, the senator's daughter. She's a wreck, by the by,
obese and spotty and frail from the gremlins she's raised. Dodged a bullet with that one, to be sure.
But the wondering will kill you, and don't think that I don't know cause I've done my share and check me out. And
can we be straight for a second, you and I? All I'm saying, and just cool you heels for a second, but all I'm saying is
that nothing's changed, right? Nothing ever does.
She's still awesome, beyond awesome (they don't make words for women like her, of if they do, I don't know them,) and
you're still, what?
Yeah, I know. That's exactly what you are.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-29 15:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ugh the fast food industry. Graveyard shifts were always amusing however. drunk people coming in at 3am and ordering 14 burgers, i also liked the fact that we strictly adhered to the '3 second rule'
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-11-29 15:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's nothing!
i recently started work as a RECEPTIONIST
and i'm a 43 year old man with a beard!
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-29 15:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. Circe, you really need to pen a book on parenting. I think it would be awesome
I agree.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-11-29 15:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I dont want to die at sea" +1
This is why I love kids...other peoples kids that is. I would rupture something laughing had I witnessed this as a parent.
Pizza Delivery also a +1
Did the pizza gig for a total of 9 years (3 years cook, 5 years driving, 1 year managing) and I will say this: You are totally right about the abusive customers...shit on your driver and you never get you food on time. Big tippers usually get their food first...even if they are farther away and ordered after the guy who stiffed you or made your day difficult
(basis for a great deal of the material for the animated show I am trying to get animated...has scripts..no has visual artistic skills...my storyboards consist of stick figures with different hats or facial hair to distinguish between the characters...(almost TTOM style except with less babyrape).
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like pizza.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:17:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd still let you suck me off!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-29 13:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-11-29 13:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mystery Pizza Inc.! I'm not sure it's the same company, but there used to be a Mystery Pizza just a few blocks from me (this is in Canada); one time I was stopped at the lights there and could clearly see into their kitchen window where I saw the guy add the mystery ingredient. That is to say, he picked his nose and kept on working the dough. I never tried their pizza and they went out of business quickly; apparently retreating to Australia??
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-11-29 13:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to deliever pizza... Once, a guy gave me a $100 bill for a $13 order and he was too stoned to do math, so it ended up being one huge tip. I made it a point to work weekend nights, as I made shitloads of money off stoned/drunk people.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-11-29 13:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I pity your offspring
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-29 13:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SPLENDID
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-11-29 12:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A winnar is you.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-11-29 12:07:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I lust after you so hard. <swoons>
I only need about 9 bajillion dollars and I can come visit. Who want to paypal it to me?
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-11-29 12:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-29 11:57:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE YOU CIRCE. COME DELIVAR YUMMY PIZZA TO ME!!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-11-29 11:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always check for you on MSN messenger but you're never there.
This was awesomeness with pepperoni and extra cheese.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-29 11:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you marry me? I can break the news to the men.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-29 10:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-11-29 10:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I so desperately love/lust for your. When can we start our Brave-New-World-esque family union? I'll bring the Soma.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-29 10:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
some days i think i might like to quit my job and start doing something with my hands. something that makes me physically tired at the end of a workday. (har har in advance to everyone who suggests street corner handjobs and the like. you're very witty.)
some sort of a blue collar existence. all romanticized in my mind, of course, so as to let me not think about the problems of living paycheck to paycheck and having to worry about whether i can afford to buy shoes for the kids or something.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-11-29 10:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Missed you.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-11-29 09:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-11-29 09:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No time to read all of this now but the intro made me laugh, it's on my to do list.
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2007-11-29 09:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are all kinds of awsome.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I did the pizza delivery thing for a while. My favorite trick to play was to slip a note into one of the containers that says "That wasn't ranch dressing."
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am SO close to getting back into the real world.
SO CLOSE.... but yet still so far.
I've been threatening the girls with duct taping them to a wall if they've been arguing.
Damn me... they're actually excited by the idea.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll always mention that I plan on tipping the pizza delivery driver in a manner commensurate with the speed of delivery, when ordering the pizza. Although sometimes I have to explain 'commensurate', I usually get a piping hot and apparently unmolested pizza. After the first time, my pizzas show up in 20 minutes even when the wait is an hour. I tip pretty well for fast delivery, because hot food delivery is dangerous and unappreciated work.
I'll also bring a shopping cart from the parking lot back to the store to use at the grocery. Bringing a string of carts back in the rain/snow sucks.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love me a bit of Sacrilicious, i copy and pasted that, just wait and see.
Sacrilicious will approve of my swimming post.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My father retired not too long ago. It didn't suit him at all. After 3 weeks, he came down with a robust case of cabin fever. I grew weary of the phone calls from my mother telling me that my father was driving her crazy and that if he didn't stop soon, she'd send him to live with me.
So, I took the Ol' Man out for pizza and a movie one night in the hopes of convincing him to find something to occupy more of his time. I told him about my mother's threat to send him to live with me.
He already was servicing church people's and friends' cars during the day. Problem is, after all the cars have been serviced, he has nothing to do.
As we were sitting there having pizza, my father noticed a sign asked for pizza delivery drivers. Next thing I know, he was filling out an application, talking car sound systems with the male drivers, and had made friends with the manager.
He seems to be content for now, scooting pizzas all over town.
My mother has stopped calling me so much and the threat of having a busybodied father living with me has been adverted.
P.S. Circe, you really need to pen a book on parenting. I think it would be awesome.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sometimes i think CJ is a blubbering vagina, then I realise he's just a girl trapped in a ummm body of some kind.
----------------
No, your first thought was correct.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OW! OW! OW!
MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!
SACCY BITES IN THE NO-NO PLACE!
===
OH PLEASE. Who do you think I learned it from?
And I always help her with her alibis AND I scrub floors. You have no chance.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sometimes i think CJ is a blubbering vagina, then I realise he's just a girl trapped in a ummm body of some kind.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT YOU SAID THAT LAST TIME AND WHEN DADDY CAME HOME HE CALLED YOU A DRUNK WHOOOORE AND THAT WE WERE GOING TO LIVE WITH GRAMMA FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND THEN YOU CALLED DADDY A MONKEY FUCKING BASTARD AND THREW A STEAK KNIFE AT HIS HEAD!!!
THAT WAS FUN CAN WE DO IT AGAIN?!?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh for god's sake...
Both of you go look in the closet for Narnia.
It's in there, honest. You just have to keep looking.
For about an hour, sweetie. Mummy is drinking her special medicine now.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OW! OW! OW!
MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!
SACCY BITES IN THE NO-NO PLACE!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's ok, Sphag, you weren't to know that I'm drunk during every waking hour. I hide it well under my facade of class and breeding.
CJ, Saccy - if you can't play nice, Mummy will have to choose one of you to die.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CJ - I promise I'm not bleeding.
*****************************
...yet.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:05:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My apologies.
How ignorant of me
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm trapped here and she took the rowboat and I don't want to die at sea, Mummy, please carry me back to shore
--------------
Funny, I said the same thing to my mum just the other day
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Unlucky.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:04:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a good tale but my latest swimming tale soooo wins!!!!!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CJ - I promise I'm not bleeding.
Saccy, baby, the only possible choice is a nice lime juice and honey marinade. Let it sit overnight and then grill it over mesquite. Serve with sour cream and garnish with coriander.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:03:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 07:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you?
===
Get in line, noob. She's MY mommy.
*****************************
Ah'll wrastle you for her.
Best out of...um, a hundred wins.
Ready?
Set?
GO!
<tackle>
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 07:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you?
===
Get in line, noob. She's MY mommy.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:01:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad may be interested in this post. You have a dream job.
When it comes to human, I prefer my meat a little aged. Which dressing goes best on batshit insane coworker who keeps sitting her ass on my desk?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-11-29 08:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sphag, "reverted" implies that I ever, you know... stopped.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 07:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-29 07:59:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
making the mundane interesting
i've gone back to delivering pizzas a time or two in recent years, to help a buddy who owns a place and to rest easy in a little occupational slumming.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-11-29 07:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You poor thing. Have you reverted to violent alcoholism yet?
I know I would have
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-11-29 07:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:-)
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-11-29 07:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love kids. I just can't finish a whole one.