Back by popular demand (and -2's) (593 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.23 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BlazinBull (View user info) at 2007-11-29 13:57:49 EST
The cherry blossoms were in all the splendor the Lord had intended for them as the wind sent them on a fluttery spiral towards the grass. Matashi stood fifty metres from the entrance to the township of Tsukani, patiently awaiting the arrival of his next precious target. Sure Matashi was making a more than adequate profit from this task, but it was never about the money. Matashi was a political assassin of the highest order, spending the latter part of his life influencing the Japanese government through his blade, not his tongue. He understood quite well the place that they filled and served, but also recognized the undeniable fact that his existence was necessary as well; this is why he did what he did.
Standing behind a small oak tree, with his eyes locked on the empty road separating Tsukani and a much larger village, Fukui. Fukui was a travelers' city, where one would have a room for a night and continue on his journey. Tsukani on the other hand was just a town that one must bear through on their way to much grander destinations. A perfect place for a tradesman such as Matashi. As he gazed over the still unoccupied earth, he could see what resembled dust clouds and the light resonance of the trampling feet of horses. He had been given a rough estimation of when daimyo Yukimori would be passing through the town, but this seemed a little too early. Still he remained ready. A minute passes, Matashi had been performing this national service for a very long time, but nevertheless, waiting for the act that he was about to commit always felt like a vast gap in time. He could see the approaching caravan growing in size as it came closer, it looked like he would have a little more trouble than he had originally assumed. There were four guards marching alongside the horse-drawn carriage opposed to the original quoted number of two. No matter, Matashi had been in positions of greater difficulty. Taking a deep breathe and sighing heavily, he put down the faceplate for his helmet, readied the arrows on his crossbow and prepared to fulfill the contract. He shook his head and remembered life before he found this double-sided crossbow. Bleak. He has seen this many times as one of the better investments he ever made; this would qualify as one of those times. Pushing the fading memories aside, he crouched leaning again the oak and glanced one last time at men, already dead in his eyes. He spun counter-clockwise kneeling to the left (as from the view of the walking victims) and took aim. Pulling the trigger and uttering his mantra "I do it for my country" the first arrow took flight.
Simultaneously flipping the crossbow and readying the site, the first arrow struck it's mark, piercing the tough skin just under the chin of the man in front right of the carriage. Before the next unwilling target had time to notice that his counterpart on the other side of the transport was immediately disabled, the second arrow was launched in his direction. More accurately, in the direction of his eye, passing his mask, piercing his brain, and killing him instantly. Matashi was a killer, but he was not cruel, he did what he had to do, but never meant for any man to suffer. At this point, the other two guards had arrived at the obvious conclusion that they were under attack, drawing their swords and searching for an attacker in the direction the arrows had come from. By the time the remaining guards drew their swords and watched the lifeless bodies of their brothers-in-arms sink to the ground seeping into lakes of crimson, it was already too late. Matashi always wished that the men paid to defend his targets would realize that it just wasn't worth what they would lose for the meager pay they lusted over. They never did. They never ran. They would always flock towards him, ready to attack but also ready to die. Poor men.
The first guard charged from Matashi's left side, his dull blue kimono flapped from the wind and movement, it almost seemed as if it was shivering in fear. Matashi wished it was the guard that was full of the fear his robe seemed to possess. No such luck. The blade of the guard sailed down towards his assailant's right shoulder, being met with a fierce upward strike from Matashi's silver blade. The strength in which the blow was met forced the guard to stumble backwards, stunning him slightly from the realization of what he was facing. It didn't phase him in his efforts as he regrouped and watched the second remaining guard move towards Matashi from his backside. Matashi noticed the eyes of the first guard watching intently on the second approaching from his blind side. Utilizing the telegraph he was so graciously given, Matashi side stepped to his right twice, planting his left foot at a right angle from his right with his sword tucked next to his ribcage at the hilt. From this stance, he swiveled counter-clockwise sending a thrust received by the still charging guard squarely in the middle of his torso. Matashi twisted the sword a half turn and pulled with his slim yet muscular arms, bringing them to rest at his hip, sword still facing the now slumped over guard. The final guard had been to busy observing the spectacle to have moved an inch, at which point he raised his sword in an attempt to prove he was still unperturbed by the sight. With this display, he screamed at Matashi and ran forward, almost inviting his death. Matashi always hated killing the last one. The last one would continue and seal his own fate by charging to death. This was unlike the others, because the last one would never have a look of surprise. Every time, they expected it. It still bothered him with every kill. As expected, the guard continued to charge, making almost no attempt to avoid the blade striking the width of his gut. The wound opened immediately, flowing blood in waves down his torso onto his legs and eventually to the soil. Matashi lowered his weapon and shook his head is disapproval at the corpse of yet another misplaced soldier then crept slowly to the door of the vault that held his prize. The gripped his sword tightly with his right hand with his back towards the carriage and moved his left towards the handle of the door. In one motion, he threw open the door and spun inwards with his sword now in both hands forward to pierce his mark waiting for his face to pass the outer wall to assess the situation. He finished the turn, looked inside and made his move towards his mark who was accompanied by a woman sitting directly in front of the door. Prior to plunging his sword into the heart of Yukimori he heard a loud crack and saw a puff of smoke.
Matashi having missed his target, fell back and hit the grass with a light thud. Smelling an aroma of burning sulphur and feeling the sharp throbbing pain just below the bottom rib on the right side of his frame, he lifted up his hand and saw the red stains. Were these from the guards? He didn't remember touching any of them. Had this been from the last one, had is squirted on his hands, had he been in such a frenzy that he had not noticed? Matashi always notices. He looked down, there was blood on his clothing. He struggled to lift his body from the ground, why was he on the floor, he retraced the previous actions and recalled that he had been in the doorway and had fallen back. What had he been hit with, when he jumped in the carriage, neither one of the two inside had moved. Was he hit from the back? He sat up and touched the same area of the wound behind him. There was nothing. It had come from the front, but bewildered he had no answer as to what. Matashi finally looked up and saw the woman standing in the doorway now, glaring at him with a smirk, Yukimori sitting quietly, undisturbed in the carriage. Matashi, still in shock, could do no more than sit (in pain and a growing pool of his own red river) and listen to the woman as she began to speak.
"Well assassin, I see you have come to the attention of your fresh wounds, caused by my little weapon here."
She held the pistol in both hands, presenting it to Matashi, still confused as to what had happened as he slowly pieced the past events together. He had seen fire lances before, that could fire small projectiles like a small canon, but never something that compact. Still trying to understand, he sat back letting his body become more relaxed, knowing there was no point in trying to fight. He began to speak.
"All these years I have served for the greater good, killed many men in my wake, and have been stopped by a woman with a toy."
"It's hardly a toy, killer of the past. It seems to have made short work of you. You may be young compared to others, but you are very old in the eyes of technology. While you are off playing with swords, the true greater good has been advancing, waiting for it's opportunity... which has now presented itself. You should be ashamed to call yourself a protector of the people, you and the rest of your kind are no more than children with sticks and poor political opinions. I certainly hope the pay is more rewarding."
It wasn't. It never was. As the woman climbed back into the carriage, Matashi kept his eyes fixed on her, feeling shame and a sense of failure wash over him. He watched as she turned around, began to put another object into the device and proceed to ready it for another shot. When she was finished, Matashi watched as she lifted it and trained it on his head, his eyes met with her and kept them their until there was another loud crack. Then nothing.
User Reviews
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-30 04:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At everyone below, shut the fuck up. That was pretty damn good.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ps if your 'paragraphs' go for longer than a page in word, theyre about 3 times the size they should be.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you spend less time watching japanese cartoons and more time socialising, youll find that women have this awesome thing called a vagina. its where you put your wee-wee. i know, i know, that sounds gross and more than a little silly, but believe me, you wont regret it.
if youre still having trouble coming to grips with the concept, just think of your pee-pee as a sort of tentacle, like in those cartoons you watch that give a strange feeling in your tummy.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-11-29 16:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uhm...ninjas....coool yeah
painful to read.
No such luck indeed my friend... No Such Luck.
Need to work on your formatting and your transitions from narrative to introspective when addressing characters internal thoughts.
Also don't try writing a damn novel all at once.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-29 15:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This and the previous incarnation are a fine example of the word "almost". The last one was unreadable. This one was only "almost" unreadable. In some parts of the world that's considered progress, so no -2 for you this time.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BIG BLOCKS OF TEXT ASSHOLE!!!!
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The raping of the English language should never be in popular, nor any, demand.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you reformated and subjected yourself to another round of potential hate.
+1 for you
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the story itself was not totally horrible, even a little entertaining but the language, and misuse of words and contractions within the story made me sad in my happy place.
their != there
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTFINRAT.....:>
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:32:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You watched "The Last Samurai" last night didn't you?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Leave this site forever, cock smack.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:10:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoops.
Thought this was your first post.
In that case, you should know better.
+1 overall for you.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A little clumsy at times, but I second what Orphelia the Slothsucker said.
Not half-bad for a first (sort of) try.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and hello nOOb.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I sure the fuck never demanded this.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the popular demand thing was tongue in cheek rather than smugness.
I just read your first post. It is good.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They never ran. They would always flock towards him, ready to attack but also ready to die. Poor men.
---------------------
Got this far this time.
I almost -2'd this at the start, as the blocks are still too large.
Also, I was not happy with your smugness in insinuating that this was popularly demanded.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, you omitted to put the title in your new post.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-29 14:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As a rule, more than 6 lines a paragraph and Uber eyes begin to explode.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-29 13:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it in it's previous form. I think it is good but for Uber it is still way too blocky.