Only The Guilty Choke (686 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.28 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BillyGoat (View user info) at 2007-11-29 17:40:41 EST
Dingiswayo-the chief- has closed proceedings and the crowd await the verdict. They are seated in a semi circular arch facing east to their ancestors who are buried beyond the ridge, by the baobab tree. A place of signicance, where the great chieftains- conquerors of the great impi -fought and died to claim this patch of land and thus re-establishing the Zulu tribe as the dominant force in the area.
The chief mulls over for a few minutes and rises clutching a bevy of bones and beads in hands. He sends a shrill and an old lady, the spirit medium responds. When the cry reaches its max, he tosses the bevy to the ground were it spreads out into a shape that's only discernable to the medium.
She leaps into the still air, kicking up the dirt, sending a dust cloud into the sky. Her arched back gives her a strange gravitas when she dances around the bones and the chief, creating a unifying figure of 8 around them. At the same time chanting in a foreign tongue, not known to any of the villagers, but one meant to re-awaken the sleeping forefathers.
The atmosphere is getting tense and the level of anticipation is so thick, you could literary grab at it. The medium's energy has dissipated into the crowd and the villagers are visibly shaking, frightened by the sheer force of what they are witnessing.
Facing the medium is Sipho- the accused man- who sits cross legged, with a piece of bark binding his ankles to his wrists. Smeared on the bark is a deep orange pulp that burns when it enters the skin. They had grabbed him at the crack of dawn, before he could gather his belongings and make an escape. He had given some resistance and managed to wriggle free off the 5 that had entered his hut. However, he was no match for the 10 strong mob surrounding his hut lest such a situation should arise. They had pinned him down and the young boy had symbolically tied him up in protest to the raping of Nomathemba- his mum. The noose was then tightened by Nomathemba's brother and the baying crowd carted him off to the chief.
**
"Hush," the medium broods, piercing the crowd with her deep brown eyes.
"Hush, I say," she re-iterates, this time with more vigour sending the whole crowd into complete silence. Her menacing face, weathered like an old cow hide, is made smaller by the intense expression on her face. And the eyes - dark and mysterious - sit tightly in their sockets.
She kneels and gently blows onto the bones. A small dust cloud develops and it slowly rises and lingers over the chief's outstretched palms before settling back on the bones.
The medium sends the crowd into a trance and they are transfixed by the spectacle. Her finger does a circling motion and a mini whirlwind rises from the bones .The spiralling grains of sand revisit the chief once more, before spiraling through the stunned crowd. No one flinches throughout the mini sandstorm except Sipho who chokes so hard, he falls off his balance and twitches on the floor. It's at that moment that the spell is broken and the rest of the crowd come back to life to see the man spiting and splattering on the ground.
The medium turns back to the chief crying "Bayete! The ancestors have spoken," She goes to were Sipho is sitting and yanks off a clump of his hair. She then spits on the ground and retreats to her hut.
Nokuthula's family cheer were they are sitting opposite the defendant. They had been huddled around mother and son in a kind of shied so that the two weren't visible to him. Only when the verdict has been given do they open up so that Sipho can see his victim. Custom has it that no one will be delt with until the ancestors have spoken, and now that the ancestors have spoken, it is up to the chief to hand down the sentence.
"Sipho will be lashed 100 times and will leave the village tonight" he says between gasps "the cattle shall be slaughtered as an offering to the ancestors for rooting out this evil from the village." He signals the end of his announcement by striking the ground with his spear.
**
The crowd cheers as he is led to baobab tree. Once there, the original noose is untied and he is stripped off. A bucket of water is then poured over him and his limbs are tied tightly to the tree . The rest of the itchy pulp is then rubbed between his body and the tree. Nomathemba is then summoned and handed the whip, once this preparation ritual is over.
Dingiswayo gives the signal and the first lash rings out, slicing through Sipho's skin and echoing through the villages at the foot of Table Mountain.
Only the guilty choke.
User Reviews
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-11 20:32:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i like the story but i dislike the style of writing.
the dialogue or narrative should make their emotions evident. you don't need to explain things in the dialogue.
she reiterates, she broods, she ... etc etc etc.
+++++
WAH, fucking whiner.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really liked this overall for the story but the language/spelling stuff is a little distracting.
The chief mulls over for a few minutes and rises clutching a bevy of bones and beads in hands. He sends a shrill and an old lady, the spirit medium responds.
those two sentences for example are horrid. The chief mulls WHAT over? I'm guessing the missing word is it which would have made sense and been fine. what the hell is a shrill and how do you send it? Do you mean that he cried out shrilly and an old woman answered? Or perhaps he let out a shrill cry?
there were more problems like those. Again the story was pretty decent btut..... damn.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 04:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Consistently good.
Isn't the baobab tree under threat of extinction? Something to do with elephants or giraffes?
Submitted by Eugene_Luther (user info) at 2007-11-30 03:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-30 03:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story, but it seemed a little too generic for my taste. If your going to write a judgement/justice piece, you should really work on your characters personalities. If I don't know what sort of people who I'm reading about, I don't care about them. If I don't care about them, I have little to no reason to keep reading the story.
I've noticed that this seems to be a recurring flaw in your storytelling. Decent plot, weak characters.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2007-11-29 19:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, is that what he is on about, my bad [who says that?]
i need to proof read next time...
anyway, i hope my little explanation helps people understand what's going on.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-29 19:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think he was commenting on spelling, not content.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2007-11-29 19:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*she's a medium so she has her own way of contacting the ancestors, hence the foreign tongue
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
a few explanations.
this story is about spirits and shit....
the reason for lashing him close to the graves is so that the ancestors can 'see' who this bastard that has brought evil into the village is.
plus its to make the defendant feel guilty that he should do this
he's a medium so she has her own way of contacting the ancestors, hence the foreign tongu
she puts them in a trance, so that the ancestors (symbolised by the grains of sand that rise from the bones) can fish out who the real culprit is, if its not the accused man
that's why only sipho- the accused man- chokes because, he;s guilty
his spitting and splattering coz that;s what everyone does when they choke
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-11-29 23:17:22 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, i was referring to: signicance? or literary? or a foreign tongue not known?... or into a trance and they are transfixed? or spiralling grains of sand...before spiralling? or spiting and splattering? or.......
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i like the story but i dislike the style of writing.
the dialogue or narrative should make their emotions evident. you don't need to explain things in the dialogue.
she reiterates, she broods, she ... etc etc etc.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:44:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice read
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:37:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this! Well written.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, i was referring to: signicance? or literary? or a foreign tongue not known?... or into a trance and they are transfixed? or spiralling grains of sand...before spiralling? or spiting and splattering? or.......
you get my point
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:08:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no idea why this is rated so low.
Well told.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That is one mean-ass surfboard.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-29 18:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058777/
Second best film ever. Right behind Red Dawn.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i guess the asterisks are confusing, its one continuous story- top to bottom
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't know where to start
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-11-29 17:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
between your user name and the title, there was a 95% chance this was going to be about the chicago cubs. as it is i didnt read it.