Retardo the Wonder Boy, act 1 scene1. (713 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by drogoroch (View user info) at 2007-11-30 08:28:05 EST
Welcome to Story time Little Kinder. Today we have two tales of retardation for you to mull over and ultimately forget in the space of 5 seconds. I would love to tell you that the subject of our stories is a 'Man amongst men' yet if I were to say that I would be lying, and we all know that no Lies are every told on the internet.
So pull up a seat and get comfortable, as I am always telling the Inflatable Lady 'You won't feel a thing'.
The strange incident of the Bus in the Nighttime (also known as 'A Wally will always show out in the end')
Once upon a time there lived a thin creature with spiky hair and a chest that almost seemed to go inwards. He was a lively little fellow and never let the insults get him down, probably because he was not altogether aware of the fact that they were insults. His 'Friends', as he liked to call them (they called him something very different) always invited him out when they went on the town. The theory is very much like that of the good looking ladies taking along the ugly fat girl when they go out; you always have someone to 'look after the table' and 'get drinks in'.
Anyway our delightfully naïve little creature was a happy chap on this particular evening. One of his 'friends' had recently broken up with a female and he fancied his chances of finally getting his hands on a real pair of Boobs. The thought excited him more than the time he had brushed up against Mrs Miggins the 80 yr old cleaner lady at his hostel. And that had been amazing in his mind. His memory had conjured up images of sweeping her off her feet in the broom cupboard and lifting up the hem of her full length skirt to feel her boobs. Ahh such lovely mamories indeed.
On this evening our hero(?) had eyed up his prey, with at least one of his eyes, and was moving in for the killer move. Rohypnol in hand he greasily moved over to sit beside her. The poor girl was already completely inebriated and was still heartbroken about her recent 'break-up' and in a state of complete fantasy. The slimy little fellow saw his chance and 'pretended' to be his 'Friend'. The poor girl fell for his wicked ways and soon found herself leaning against a railing outside being sick as our hero (?) looked for a taxi.
Sadly for the little twerp his luck was not with him on this particular evening, if it ever was, and he couldn't get a taxi for love or money. Fearing his prey would come to her senses he decided to run across the road and try up a different street for a cab. Without looking he jumped, gaily, from the kerb and headed for the other side.
A soft Thud was heard by those nearby, and all feared the worst; that terrible damage had been caused to the front of the bus. They soon realised that actually no damage at all had been caused and they all breathed a sigh of relief. Out of the corners of their eyes they saw a strange reptilian type creature uncoil itself from the radiator and run off down an alley. Fearing that the creature may cause damage to another motorist's vehicle they gave chase.
Soon a stream of people was chasing our unfortunate chap across town. Most had no idea what they were running for, they just joined in as it looked liked a running queue; and we all know how the British hate missing out on a chance to queue.
On and on ran our Skinny and far less intelligent Forrest. He saw the stream of people behind him and rather than thinking of wonderful ways to help 'Them' make money he just ran, arms flailing as he went. Finally his little malformed lungs would take him no further and he stopped and leant against a wall gasping for air. There the chasers found him, and when they realised it was actually human, they made sure that he hadn't damaged himself when he had tried to head but the bus. They took his gasps as a sign that everything was fine and left him too it.
Our hero found himself in a state he has grown so used to, Alone, and he wandered the streets looking for a means to get back to his hovel. He found himself transfixed by bright lights and was soon wandering through the area known as 'The Red Light' district. He was awed by the sights he saw and cursed the fact that he only had £5 left of his disability benefit. Just when he was giving up hope of being able to get home a kind caring person in a delightful Ford Mondeo stopped. He leant out of his window and looked at the dishevelled creature and shook his head before saying:
"Ello little chap. Do you fancy a ride?"
Our hero was suddenly struck with an image more vivid than the one about Mrs Miggins. He could almost feel the grubby hands fondling his boyish flesh and so he did what any self respecting chap would do in the circumstances.
--
So we all know the moral of this story don't we kinder? Yes. Make sure you terminate your retarded children before they are born, or failing that drown them in a bloody sack in the river.
Hmm what more do we have?
Oh yes that one is interesting, but it seems we don't have time for it today. Maybe next week. I don't want you all to have nightmares this weekend.
Toodles Children.
Sleep tight. Don't let the bugger bite!
User Reviews
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-12-02 14:19:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-30 16:04:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-30 13:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-30 12:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, and I'll mandrill your ass for oil.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-30 12:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cue the psycho stalker music.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-30 12:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cute
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 11:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 11:43:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hereby lay claim to Drogo too. My parents would be so proud if they could see this XX
Don't make me open a can of whoop on your ass, lady. You can have Hurty.
--
Excellent! I can go to my weekend of drunken debauchery with a smile on my podgy little face. The inflatable lady is away tonight so I fancy I may be abusing myself tonight. YAY!
Have a lovely weekend all. May you drink plenty of whatever you fancy.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 11:43:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hereby lay claim to Drogo too. My parents would be so proud if they could see this XX
Don't make me open a can of whoop on your ass, lady. You can have Hurty.
Submitted by SanDee (user info) at 2007-11-30 11:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a fine persecution - to be kept intrigued without ever quite being enlightened.
a turn on, or a turn off?
XXXXXX
XXXX
XX
X
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-30 10:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, sweet Rophynol: where would my love life have been without it?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 10:33:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SanDee (user info) at 2007-11-30 10:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
XXXXX
XXX
X
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I am intrigued. I will be most upset to find out that this is a 14 yr old Boy or a fat old man. Until then I shall allow myself to be all excited.
Submitted by SanDee (user info) at 2007-11-30 10:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
XXXXX
XXX
X
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-30 10:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:45:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's cute. You share. Take it easy, XX
I am only jealous heheh
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*yes
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Cool!!! You don't happen to have the number for her care home do you? would be great to meet her.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*yes
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:37:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Drogo, is SanDee your girlfriend? Whats with the XX?
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Can't help you there I'm afraid??????
Do you really think that a real Female would be stupid enough to actually let me call them 'Girlfriend'???
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, sweet Rophynol: where would my love life have been without it?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Drogo, is SanDee your girlfriend? Whats with the XX?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:19:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by SanDee (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh, now this is a wonderful story, I intend reading this to my 6 year old neice this very night..
Firstly, I\'ll read the rest of your submissions
XX
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:05:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LM read my post too its better than this shit!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-11-30 09:01:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You two get cuter by the day.
It did take me a while though to work out what was going on.
Right, I'm off to post something, if I can get this bloody camera to work.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Little Twerp??
--
ummmmm??
Typo? :-)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Little Twerp??
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovers tiff below.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didnt think I needed to Mention your name mate. I thought it would be blatantly obvious this was about you!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:47:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I notice I dont get any mention or dedication in the post Drogo, I am very disppointed especially as I have guarenteed you a plus 2 whitewash. The next part will be posted on my account.
P.S test Match starts tomorrow
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo slightly embelished the story, everso. I would like to point out that although I was asked to get into the car I did not get in.
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Now now I never said you got in Em, I left it open for the reader to decide how they think 'you' would act!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo slightly embelished the story, everso. I would like to point out that although I was asked to get into the car I did not get in.
We went to the park instead.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Re: the end. "Don't let the bugger bum you" surely?
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This is Em we're talking about, he wouldnt say that. He doesnt like teeth though hence the biting comment.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ehe read it. Very good. Em, you're famous!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like to say this is my story, a true story about the one and only EI.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Re: the end. "Don't let the bugger bum you" surely?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the title alone.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-30 08:29:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh! Next week retardo gets to teach 'Your' children. Frightening or what?