Rules to noobs on Uber (1366 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.06 on 74 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hungry_24/7 (View user info) at 2007-12-01 18:22:54 EST
Rule Number One,
Post only once a day, or prepare to have your genetals ripped out through your ears
Rule Number Two,
Everyone hates the new person
Rule Number Three
No one cares
Rule number Four
Ratings don't matter, neither does self respect or actual quality of posting/writing
Rule Number Five,
Flashing your boobs or "showing your hole" (or genitals of any kind) will get you great ratings,
Rule Six,
Regulars in here are proud of their regularity and get good ratings for being regulars, they will hate you, period.
Rule Seven,
The majority of users on uber have far too much Ritalin and porn in their systems to pay attention for longer than, say, the end of this sentence without a noticeable line break.
Rule Eight,
The rest are bored at work, and need to make it to the end of THIS sentence before the assistant manager comes back from his potty break.
Rule Nine,
You will get screwed, You will enjoy the screwing and come back for more until you can start screwing others
Rule Ten,
You suck
Rule Eleven,
There will always be someone to give you a -2
Rule Twelve,
People will think that you're just an alter of one of the regulars
Rule Thirteen,
There are way more people reading your posts than are commenting on it. Assume they don't hate it enough to comment on it. (they do, they're just lazy)
Rule Fourteen,
Get to know the website and the users and all their info and everything you can before posting anything. Poeple will accuse you off not doing this anyway
Rule Fifteen,
They will still hate you
Rule Sixteen,
You still suck
*Rules seven and eight were adapted from Icarus's comments
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-05 15:22:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't think this was bad.
Submitted by richardcranium (user info) at 2007-12-05 14:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Who are you again?
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2007-12-05 01:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha, i get it
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-12-04 15:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-03 06:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Icarus, you retard...there's no email. Hurry up and make one up though, you fucking spastic, and post it. It'll be har har funny. You live in a fantasy world where I'd actually have anything to do with you. Now that is funny..bwahahaha.
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I hear you. You may be pathetic enough to post your baby dill going into one of your slore conquests on an almost entirely male website, then call anyone who mocks said post a homosexual, then Google other user's handles, posting anything you find on the web, and mumble something about 'irony' when no one gets your 'joke', but using email? Psh to that. You have your dignity.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2007-12-04 09:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was pretty good!!!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-12-03 12:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*ahem!* WAITING!
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Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:12:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done. Now, it might be a good idea to +2 all of Crystle's posts.
I'll help you out: http://www.ubersite.com/u/crystle
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-03 06:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Icarus, you retard...there's no email. Hurry up and make one up though, you fucking spastic, and post it. It'll be har har funny. You live in a fantasy world where I'd actually have anything to do with you. Now that is funny..bwahahaha.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-12-03 02:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
User # 32587 be layin' down sum rulez, aight?
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-02 23:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stuff yourself.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-12-02 22:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why is this on most heated? STOP NOW!
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-12-02 21:51:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rule this
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-12-02 20:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-02 18:44:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was going to +2 this until I saw the icarus bit...that girl is a certified retard. Congrats, you retard follower.
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How's about we post that little email you sent me some time ago, Cletus?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
thank God a 'regular' took the time to polish this piece of shit before splattering it upon the face of uber.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Rule 7 is 100% true
Submitted by tmpg (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, rules for social retardation. How sophisticated.
Feudal systems on internet forums and the like are always the same, all you do is hold each others dicks.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-02 18:44:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was going to +2 this until I saw the icarus bit...that girl is a certified retard. Congrats, you retard follower.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-02 18:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why the fuck is this stupid bitch still front page?
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2007-12-02 18:33:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
User id: 32587
You've got to be fucking kidding
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-12-02 18:30:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
On one hand, it's the truth. On the other, you spelled genitals wrong. I'm on the fence about you being an alter, or Maltese, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-12-02 14:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113527
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-02 14:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BORING!!!
I recommend dying ASAP.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-02 13:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
has been done before. was never funny.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-12-02 13:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-02 02:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:29:11 PST (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you should think about being on this site for more than a day before you go posting a bunch of rules.
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Just because I've only been logged on for a day doesn't mean i haven't been visiting for the past several months
------------------------
Apparently several months isn't enough. Posting about Ubersite is generally a bad idea. Generally.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-12-02 11:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what?
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-12-02 11:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You don't get -2s because you're new. You get them because your posts are awful.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-02 11:01:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU N00B.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2007-12-02 10:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Y HALO THAR MALTESE 2.0
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2007-12-02 08:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The secret to not sucking is don't suck. When I started, I didn't get bad reviews out the ass.
There is only one rule of Uber. Be funny, be interesting or be dead.
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2007-12-02 06:26:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Call the Waaaaahbulance, we've got a bleeder!
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2007-12-02 04:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is wrong with you?
DIE
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2007-12-02 04:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Give the poor cunt a go.. everyone has to make a fuckin mess of it for a start..
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-12-02 03:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't tell anyone about fight club.
The rest is negotiable.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-12-02 03:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-02 02:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:29:11 PST (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you should think about being on this site for more than a day before you go posting a bunch of rules.
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Just because I've only been logged on for a day doesn't mean i haven't been visiting for the past several months
---
Well then maybe you should know not to suck so much
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-12-02 03:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
okay i actually tried reading this and i literally fell asleep halfway through. i twitched and my finger has heavy on the down button on the keyboard and i was at the bottom of the page.
YOU. FAIL. GO. AWAY. NEVER. COME. BACK.
im old balls around here, respect my authority. nigga.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-12-02 03:03:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i dont know who the fuck you are. rule number one - if you are a noob, you dont get to post shit like this.
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-02 02:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:29:11 PST (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you should think about being on this site for more than a day before you go posting a bunch of rules.
------------------------
Just because I've only been logged on for a day doesn't mean i haven't been visiting for the past several months
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-02 01:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i did this about 60000 posts ago
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-12-02 00:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck your rules bitch
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-01 23:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24173
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-12-01 22:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you should think about being on this site for more than a day before you go posting a bunch of rules.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-01 22:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done. Now, it might be a good idea to +2 all of Crystle's posts.
I'll help you out: http://www.ubersite.com/u/crystle
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-12-01 21:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:42:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How lucky for you I've decided to bail out on this christmas party and I'm bored and dirty.
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Wise decision.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:39:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
no, math is not my strong suit.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently every time I rate your post somebody leaves a page long review with a lot of yelling. i see you figured out the name thing already. For me being daft and not noticing I will punish you with a uniter-like rating of 1.66. Why are you being punished for my daftness? Well, that's a complicated matter.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YEAHHHHH~! Wassup y'all, ha ha ha
This your boy D'Mite
You see I usually do songs with like
hooks and concepts and shit right?
BUT FUCK THAT MAN, I'm tryin to go platinum
So I'm 'bout to go rock this shit
Check this out y'all, uhh
[D'Mite - in the style of Lil Jon]
Read a book! Read a book! Read a muh'fuckin book!
Read a book! Read a book! Read a muh'fuckin book!
Read a book! Read a book! Read a muh'fuckin book!
Read a book! Read a book! Read a muh'fuckin book!
R-E-A-D, A, B-O-OAHH-KAYYYYYYYY~!
R-E-A-D, A, B-O-OAHH-KAYYYYYYYY~!
R-E-A-D, A, B-O-OAHH-KAYYYYYYYY~!
R-E-A-D, A, B-O-OAHH-KAYYYYYYYY~!
Not a sports page (what) not a magazine (who)
But a book nigga, a fuckin book nigga (YEAHHH~!)
Not a sports page (what) not a magazine (who)
But a book nigga, a fuckin book nigga (YEAHHH~!)
Not a sports page, not a magazine
But a book nigga, check this out
Raise yo' kids, raise yo' kids, raise yo' God damn kids
Raise yo' kids, raise yo' kids, raise yo' God damn kids
Raise yo' kids, raise yo' kids, raise yo' God damn kids
Raise yo' kids, raise yo' kids, raise yo' God damn kids
Your body needs water - so DRINK THAT SHIT
Your body needs water - so DRINK THAT SHIT
Your body needs water - so DRINK THAT SHIT
Your body needs water - so DRINK THAT SHIT
Buy some land, buy some land (what) FUCK SPINNIN RIMS
Buy some land, buy some land (what) FUCK SPINNIN RIMS
Buy some land, buy some land (what) FUCK SPINNIN RIMS
Buy some land, buy some land (what) FUCK SPINNIN RIMS
Brush yo' teeth, brush yo' teeth, brush yo' God damn teeth
Brush yo' teeth, brush yo' teeth, brush yo' God damn teeth
Brush yo' teeth, brush yo' teeth, brush yo' God damn teeth
Brush yo' teeth, brush yo' teeth, brush yo' God damn teeth
Wear deodorant nigga, wear deodorant nigga
Wear deodorant nigga, wear deodorant nigga
Wear deodorant nigga, wear deodorant nigga
Wear deodorant nigga, wear deodorant nigga (WHAT~!~!~!!)
It's called Speed Stick (bitch) it's not expensive (bitch)
It's called Speed Stick (bitch) it's not expensive (bitch)
It's called Speed Stick (bitch) it's not expensive (bitch)
It's called Speed Stick (bitch) it's not expensive (bitch)
Read a book! Read a book! Read a muh'fuckin book!
Read a book! Read a book! Read a muh'fuckin book!
Read a {*EXPLOSION*}
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid wildman. now everybody is going to miss my troublesome moral quandary. oh, and you can't italicize reviews, and while we're not at it, even if you could italicise in reviews the way you tried to do it just then would have resulted in humiliating N00b failure... what else? Oh, your screenname is forever, but you can change the name you use to post. BUT I'LL NEVER TELL HOW! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
How lucky for you I've decided to bail out on this christmas party and I'm bored and dirty.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:14:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
thanks for refreshing all my posts, that way I don't have to hit whore myself. Now kindly die, kthxbai.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:12:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lost my attention at #7
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
RULE #3
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-12-01 20:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sure, that pretty much sums it up.
now on an entirely unrelated note; the hot water is not working in my apartment and I promised people I'd give them a ride to a christmas party. I desperately need a shower, but I refuse to take a cold shower in winter, so I'm thinking of turning off my phone and getting drunk by myself and watching football for the evening. Does this make me a bad person?
I don't think so.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:54:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this wasn't that bad
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-01 16:41:06 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
alterific drama.
...............................
You know you love it, bitches!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Learn to spell,
Who's not whose,
--------
Ahahahahahaha
Also, I presume that you will be showing shlongy your hole. Fair enough.
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:44:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No you stupid fat cow, WHO'S IS A CONTRACTION OF WHO AND IS. DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
WHO IS ALTER AM I?
FUCK YOU YOU UGLY TRANNY.
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Meh, i no. I gots a edumacation from skull two.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
alterific drama.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No you stupid fat cow, WHO'S IS A CONTRACTION OF WHO AND IS. DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
WHO IS ALTER AM I?
FUCK YOU YOU UGLY TRANNY.
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-01 16:23:23 PST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rule #18 or whatever, learn how to spell, dumbfuck.
Ahem...
*GIRL*
*GENITALS*
How can you hate your screen name if you've only been here three days. And you look like a schmuck with the "oh my pussy dide and I can't think rite" excuse. Fall in a hole, stinking pubic crab.
-------------------
Ahem
*died*
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU N-0b!
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rule #18 or whatever, learn how to spell, dumbfuck.
Ahem...
*GIRL*
*GENITALS*
How can you hate your screen name if you've only been here three days. And you look like a schmuck with the "oh my pussy dide and I can't think rite" excuse. Fall in a hole, stinking pubic crab.
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:09:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate my screen name and want to change it, but can't figure out how
I take <I>everything<I> far too seriously
This post was a way of organizing my mind about how this website works,
I have far too much time on my hands and my cat just died, so I'm looking for any distractin right now
Submitted by SanDee (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How many bananas can you fit in that stinky vag of yours?
The Uber over/under is 4.
___________________________
It's a well known fact that Shlongy 'The Silver Tongued Stud' can fit 4 large bananas in his stinky vag :-)
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You're taking this Uber thing FAR too seriously, kid.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another rule is this: When I gratuitously give you a +2 I linkwhore at the same time, you are supposed to +2 the linked post. Rules are rules.
Either that, or you must show shlongy your hole. Take your pick.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How many bananas can you fit in that stinky vag of yours?
The Uber over/under is 4.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:49:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot 2 important ones.
#whatever: Spellcheck
#whatever +1: Change the screen name to something, anything whatsoever but daddy'sgurl, as this is violating 2 rules at once- improper spelling, and being very obnoxious.
However, only #whatever +1 really matters.
Otherwise, I think you've got a grasp of what some users would term rules, others would call "guidelines."
Seriously though, change the name, please.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You're taking this Uber thing FAR too seriously, kid. Go do something important. Uber should not occupy as much of your time as it obviously does.
Submitted by SanDee (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:45:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-01 15:34:25 PST (#)
Ranking: -2
But YOU'RE a noob, you stupid cunt.
================
Where in this do i claim otherwise? dumb ass
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:34:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
But YOU'RE a noob, you stupid cunt.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97350
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-01 18:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate rules. In this case, I think Rule 1 is particularly stupid.