Dano Keeps It Short And Sweet (801 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: dano
Rating: 1.63 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Scott James has the reflexes of Cat Stevens (View user info) at 2007-12-02 19:01:11 EST
Okay okay, I keep promising and promising a tale about Dano's hijinks to warm the cockles of his many fans (well, Jimbo anyway) but the problem is that age has had a somewhat calming effect on my dear cousin. His outbursts are few and far between and he seems to keep his crazy locked in a box somewhere where I cannot provoke and exploit it.
However...
It's Friday night at Greg Burke's family home. His wife, Angela, is out on a hen night and his two children, Tina, aged four, and Mark, aged nine, are tucked up in bed. Although, it has to be said, probably not together. Or at least I hope not.
Greg rarely has the house to himself and as it is fast approaching 9pm he decides to put a dvd on. He recently ordered the third season of 'The Wire' and has been dying to watch it for weeks. He puts on the dvd, cracks open a beer and settles down to watch an evening of unadulterated cops and robbers hokum.
At some point Greg dozes off. When he stirs from his slumber he sees that the first disc of the boxset has finished and that he still has an entire six pack of beer to go through. He checks his watch - it is coming up to 1am. His wife won't be back for an hour. He is about to get out of his chair to put on the second dvd when he hears a knock on the front door.
Strange, Greg thinks. Angela is not due home for an hour. Greg answers the door without fear. He is a big man and this is a quiet neighbourhood. Maybe Angela just forgot her keys.
Nonetheless, Greg is cautious when he opens the door. As he switches on the porch light Greg gets a a look at the shadowy figure standing at the entrance to his home. Slightly unshaven, but well-dressed but with a blatantly drunken gait is our man - Dano.
He looks a little sleepy (read: drunk) and smiling like a dork.
Greg has never seen this man before in his life. But he relaxes when he sees that Dano looks as harmless as a teddy bear on prozac.
"Can I help you?" Greg asks.
"I need a push." Dano replies.
Greg sighs. He is in his pyjamas and in no condition to help stranded motorists.
"I'm sorry, mate. But I've got two kids in bed upstairs. I can't just leave them."
"It's okay," Dano replies, "It's not far."
Greg sighs again. He is a good man. An honest man. The kind who does favours for total strangers. "Wait here a minute." Greg closes the door and jogs upstairs to put on his slippers and large overcoat. He comes back down, opens the door and sees that Dano has gone.
Confused, and a little bit annoyed, Greg walks out of the house and on to the driveway. But there is no sign of Dano.
Then a voice from behind him.
"I'm over here"
Greg turns around and sees Dano sitting on the swings in his garden.
"I need a push"
Crazy bastard.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-06 02:05:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2007-12-06 01:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-12-04 19:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 that crazy bastard.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-04 18:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Dano. I'll read it later.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-03 13:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-12-03 13:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-03 13:11:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awsome
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-12-03 11:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-12-02 21:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-03 01:39:46 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, it's a Dano story, but it just seems like when Bo and Luke were replaced with Lance and Vance. Something just isn't quite right.
-------------------------------------
What can I say, bub?
The maniac has matured with age. Maybe he is just repressing it all until he go batshit when he hits thirty... which will be in June of next year (I think). It might be the year after.
Start the countdown.
-------------------------------------
That would totally be worth the wait. Imagine a year or two of stored up Dano energy, all being released at once. It'd be like a nuke, only with slightly less fallout.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-03 10:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-03 07:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite well then.
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-03 04:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-03 03:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
funny
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-12-02 23:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha nice
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-12-02 21:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-03 01:39:46 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, it's a Dano story, but it just seems like when Bo and Luke were replaced with Lance and Vance. Something just isn't quite right.
-------------------------------------
What can I say, bub?
The maniac has matured with age. Maybe he is just repressing it all until he go batshit when he hits thirty... which will be in June of next year (I think). It might be the year after.
Start the countdown.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-02 20:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehehe
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-02 20:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, it's a Dano story, but it just seems like when Bo and Luke were replaced with Lance and Vance. Something just isn't quite right.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-02 20:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomeness indeed.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Awesome.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 dano
Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:44:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It sounds like a joke but it really isn't. I had this relayed back to me by an old friend who keeps an eye on Dano for me. <shakes head in disbelief>
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:16:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
excellent re-tell of a classic bit.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-02 19:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha brilliant