The Bubble Burst (700 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.08 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tj Wilk <no_blank_spaces.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-12-03 08:56:20 EST
I love time travel and i didn't know where to start.
It was another normal morning on the ranch when the bubble appeared. Chuck and I were going to be racing each other like always to the shed, to see who earned the honour of driving Grandpa's old tractor down to meet him on the fields. Chuck always won; however on this morning I had taken special measures to make sure I'd win. My shoes were tied and were gleaming in the slight morning sunlight. Meanwhile Chuck was only wearing his sandals, as he couldn't find his sneakers (I had hidden them in a box under my bed). He hadn't noticed my perfect footwear as I kept them concealed under the kitchen table while we gobbled down our breakfast. Everything seemed the same. The kettle whistled like it always had and Grandma bustled around the kitchen in her slippers cooking eggs and frying bacon. As soon as our stomachs were full of hot food and cool orange juice, we stared at each other across the table and without a word bolted to the door.
Grandma pretended to be surprised by our actions however she was as familiar with our little game as we were. With my tight gripping shoes I quickly overtook Chuck and laughed at his shouts and complaints behind me. Kicking open the front screen door I tore down the porch and out onto the dry, dusty yard. The air was still cool from the nights grasp; it raised goose bumps on my bare legs and arms. Yet the growing sunlight offered a warm contrast from the east. As the air pumped in my lungs and I gained speed I hazarded a look over my shoulder. Chuck was a fair way behind me so I was instantly joyful. However soon after I realised that Chuck was stationary, with his back towards me. I stopped running hesitantly cause I thought it might be one of his tricks.
Slowly I walked back towards him, however before coming more than six feet close to him I bumped into what seemed to be an invisible wall. I was so shocked by the resistance that I fell backwards landing on my rear. I shouted out to Chuck however he didn't seem to hear me. I got back on my feet and stumbled backwards and it was at that moment that the sunlight intensified, flooding over the barn and refracting around a large spherical shape surrounding Chuck. It was a bubble. I ran around the bubble with my hand on the mysterious surface. It was as cool and moist as frost yet it was as solid as glass. I finally came to be facing Chuck and I realised that he seemed to be frozen. Not the cold kind of frozen, but almost frozen in time, like a lifeless statue. There was dust too. Dust kicked up around him from where he must have stopped in surprise and span around. I punched the surface of the bubble relentlessly but to no avail. Weeping, I stabbed at the bubble with my fingers until suddenly it disappeared with a strange hollow pop. As if nothing had happened Chuck stared in surprise at me.
"What the hell!" he cried "you were just in-front of me!"
"What are you talking about?" I gasped, "You were frozen in some sort of bubble"
Chuck stared blankly at me and stepped back.
"No, no...no. I was running after you and suddenly I heard a noise behind me, I span around and here you are!"
"What noise did you hear!"
"It was something strange, like a big bubble bursting".
None of it made sense to me and before I had a chance to piece it together I heard a rumbling from the distant shed. Slowly but surely the old green tractor drove into sight and on the drivers seat sat me, smiling wildly, pumping the gas pedal and shifting the gears with ease. The sight absolutely blew my mind and I forgot all about Chuck.
I stepped past him towards the sight of myself. Eventually the other me driving the tractor turned towards me and waved. I stared back at what had to be myself in wonder and slowly turned back to see Chuck. However when I turned back Chuck was gone. I looked back at the tractor and saw Chuck running after it in some annoyance. The light seemed to dim slightly and I heard the front screen door bang open. I span around to see myself sprint down the front porch with my clean sneakers and a wild grin on my face. Shortly after Chuck burst through the opened doorway and sped after me. Both characters ran straight past me, but as Chuck got about six feet away, with his back turned away from me, there was a strange, loud pop. Chuck span around to face me as the bubble surrounding me burst. He stared at me in confusion whilst the other figure of me kept running towards the shed. I reached out towards Chuck but there was another barrier there. This time I ran sideways, down the road past the water tank and then for some reason, towards the shed. I had taken the long route and I was tired and dreadfully confused. But there was the tractor and it was empty. It called to me so I leaped on and kicked it into gear. Slowly but surely I drove out of the shed and onto the dusty road. I turned my head to the left and waved happily to the figure of myself, who was staring absolutely baffled, from the front porch. I looked back towards the road and drove as fast I could with absolute glee towards the fields. I had won, this was further confirmed when I noticed Chuck sprinting after me with a face masked in annoyance, yet he held a secret pride that his little brother had finally beaten him.
And then the bubble burst.
User Reviews
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-03 18:47:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2007-12-03 17:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Dialog should be spaced the same as the rest of your post 1 a day and you still need to edit better.
-2 double posting +1 not utter shit.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank Lord someone finally agrees with me.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
The blocks could be broken up a bit better though.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-03 14:41:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was confused slightly but I still enjoyed it. Welcome.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-12-03 13:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice read
Thank You
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-03 13:31:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-03 10:22:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes i concur
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-03 10:05:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is genius, I really like the ideas. It made me think of that film, wossname, with the bubble and the cruddy computer and the aliens and junk. I think it had one or more kids from The Goonies in it.
Anyway, respect due.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
shweet
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:41:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was confused slightly but I still enjoyed it. Welcome.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OK
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck off Phallic you knob
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As you may have derived from the slobbering gibberish below this review, Uberites generally lack the basic literary skills (let alone critical eye) to give reasonable evaluations of creative written works on this site. I include myself in that group. Just write anything.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you still need to work on the spacing of your post. The pargraphs are too long and speech works better spaced.
Whether you heed this advice or not is entirely up to you but I for one find it too blocky to read on my monitor as it is and I won't bother again if too chunky.
Nice post otherwise.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:20:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Legionnaire, below.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Leaped would've sound better as leapt.
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Didn't read this but I hope you're not going to take any literary advice from sico.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-03 09:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Capitalize "i" in the first sentence.
Leaped would've sound better as leapt.
One post per day, NOOB.
This was Donnie Darko'esque. I'm giving you a point because you seem to have the will and ability to post quality things. Don't post more than once in a 24 hour period. Go +2 my posts if you'd like to survive here: http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen