Random Rambling (1503 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.66 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MickGinny (View user info) at 2007-12-03 15:42:36 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113150
I really don't have any creative writing to share...come to think of it, I never have. So I will just do what I prefer to do> type as I think and whatever comes out is the product. The End.>>granted the product is usually inane broken sentences of nonsense with no distinguishable point.
What happens is a bunch of letters congregate to form words then these words begin to gang up in groups then these groups slouch, slide and tumble towards a point that is never quite discovered> ultimately leaving the reader unfulfilled and disappointed...similar to how Michael Jackson must feel each time his cubscout pack leader application is denied
Here is a little background info for those of you that may be interested I remain in the wind. I am living with my girlfriend on her family farm...sort of. It was a working farm at one point but now it is just a bunch of land and buildings with animals> a llama, goats and chickens, dogs and cats.
The llama
This is a seemingly useless animal. I suffered a mental block about what exactly this animal is. When I looked at it, I saw a camel and I could not get over that for several months despite being continually corrected. If you didn't already know, llamas spit...I believe that I heard camels spit and that probably adds to my proclivity to refer to the animal as a camel. This silly ass spit on me straight away. Its not like a wet spray but rather an unescapable cloud of regurgitated grain and hay soaked in foul smelling phlegm. I punched him in the face with an empty gallon plastic milk jug. We haven't had an incident since but that fucker is on the top of my shit list. One day I will enjoy sweet revenge.
Im not quite sure what purpose most of these animals serve, they don't work or provide by-products, plus you cant eat them... well I suppose you could eat them in a pinch, you know if things got real tight. I would eat the llama first- you know out of spite, for the spitting thing that I wrote about in the previous paragraph. The previous paragraph is the one right above this paragraph. So yea, I've thought about eating the llama.
After I had moved in, my girlfriend asked me if I would like to be responsible for feeding the animals, I agreed and I was shown what to do. It all seemed simple enough. Scrub out the watering cans fill with fresh water, throw four cards of hay over into the pen, pour a coffee can of grain into a bowl for the llama. Simple right?
Well, here's the thing; I didn't know there was a difference between hay and bedding straw, besides the obvious difference in color. I just assumed that it was all hay that animals could eat> some bales were just well done...or some illogical reasoning like that. So, after five days of feeding these motherfuckers bedding straw, I reported to my girlfriend that the animals are refusing to eat.
It went something(exactly) like this:
"hey, there is a problem with the animals"
"What's that?"
"Well all the hay I have fed them is just piling up and they are shitting in it instead of eating it"
"Really? That's odd"
"Yea, yea, and they're all fitchy when I go down to the barn ,they're fuckin mooing like crazy and ramming into the fence"
"Um, goats and llamas don't moo"
" whatever, all I am saying is those bastards have went off they're freakin nuts!"
So she went down to the barn with me and explained what I was doing wrong. I will leave that conversation excerpt out of this note to you all.
Also, besides feeding the animals bedding straw for nearly a week, I ran out of grain for the llama. Instead of telling her that we had run out of grain, mostly because I would forget to do so, I just started feeding the llama dog food.
That conversation went something(exactly) like this:
"When did you run out of llama chews?"
"Oh yea I kept forgetting to tell you that, about four days ago"
"well no wonder they are acting "fitchy" what is "fitchy by the way?"
"Well actually, the llama is the only one that has been eating I was feeding him a coffee can of dog food in lieu of the grain each day"
"WHAT!? You cant feed a llama dog food! Llamas are vegetarians!"
"Really? Aren't they like a tall dog?"
"NO! THEY ARE NOT TALL DOGS OR SMALL CAMELS THEY ARE LLAMAS AND THEY ARE VEGETARIANS!"
"Well I hate to tell you this darlin, but he ate that dog food up with a spoon. I think we need to start accepting the fact that we have an omnivore on our hands now. If I were those goats I would be looking over both fuckin shoulders at all times"
"THAT IS REALLY FUNNY!"
"Don't get testy. In my opinion this is all your fault.
"OH REALLY, HOW IS THAT!?
"You should have known better than to charge someone who grew up in honeycomb apartment buildings in Los Angeles with the responsibility of feeding farm animals. The only education I received as a lad about farms was watching reruns of green acres."
That's all I got.
MickGinny
These are the boys;
Robbie, the testicularly challenged goat
Bam Bam the "normal" goat.
Pablo, the llama. This is a llama which is not a camel even though it looks like a camel. Even If you call it a camel for three months that does not make it a camel.
Butchie the rooster
User Reviews
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-12-06 15:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2007-12-05 13:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
whoopsy daisy, i forgot to rate!
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2007-12-05 01:04:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're still here?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-04 20:43:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
looking healthy. keep it up.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-04 20:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-04 13:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you following me around now?
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V
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-04 12:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, his are worse than the ordinary schwag.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2007-12-04 12:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-04 11:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't speak for others but I never had cause to hate. I enjoyed your infections series and as a fan of boobies most of the red on a heads. don't think you ever rated many of my posts though.
anyway I suspect part of it is there are a lot of new users and the old gaurd is certainly welcome especially if they have something to contribute. whatever, stick around if it so suits you.
_____________
perhaps you are of the minority.
thanks, i am still working on that series.
mmmm, boobies.
i didnt rate alot of users, although i read alot. I do recall from name recognition that your contributions were not the ordinary swag.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-04 11:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't speak for others but I never had cause to hate. I enjoyed your infections series and as a fan of boobies most of the red on a heads. don't think you ever rated many of my posts though.
anyway I suspect part of it is there are a lot of new users and the old gaurd is certainly welcome especially if they have something to contribute. whatever, stick around if it so suits you.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2007-12-04 11:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Red on the head like a dick in the dog.
Red on the dog like a dick in the head.
Red on the dick like the head of a dog.
Red on the dog like the head of a dick.
The end.
We call them flakes of hay down here in merlyn.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-12-04 09:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still a funny muthafucka. Welcome back you Redneck Homo.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2007-12-04 09:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-12-04 00:51:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You have a huge cock.
_________
My Nigga
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-12-04 09:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto llama +2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-04 08:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Should've titled this post "Red on the Head, Like the Labia on a Llama."
You haven't missed much of anything special around here, to answer your question. Same shenanigans, just more different active users (and alters) than there were three years ago.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-12-04 08:23:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-12-04 08:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The llama and goats look happy, the rooster nervous. Was it his first time? I hope you were gentle.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-04 07:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:04:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Girlfriend? I thought you were married?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kids too, right? Wait...maybe there's a reason he hasn't responded to this. Maybe there were some troubled waters. Maybe there was a grain silo explosion. Maybe...maybe he's just got a friend that happens to be a girl...that he lives with..on..a farm.
Whatevs. You've lost a lot of weight and you do kinda look like Goldberg in at least one of those shots. And goats are pretty tasty. You could definitely eat them. Good for curry. Your fence bugs me though. It may be functional, but it looks shitty. Not at all the kind of fence I picture when I think of farms. What do farm people do for money? I mean, I guess if it USED to be a working farm, maybe the land and everything are paid off, but there are still living expenses and I imagine a farm is probably far enough in the country that if you had to commute to a city for work it would be a real bitch. When I go hiking in places like Jaffrey, NH I wonder how the locals feed themselves. How the fuck do you bring money in? You can't all have successful internet businesses. Are there a shit ton of retirees? Are there a lot of working farms? Do working farms really make that much? Sure, there's tourist money coming for places like Franconia, but if you live in a podunk town that no one wants to visit, I imagine the only way to make a decent living is to be a cop or a state employee of some kind. What the fuck were we talking about?
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-12-04 06:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Isn't that an alpaca?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-04 06:10:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as fuck. MickGinny has a splendid way with words. And Llamas.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2007-12-04 03:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha, you love that llama- you're beaming. I just think that thier names should be re-spelled, like oppossums or however it's spelt. Aardvarks...
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-12-04 01:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
500th review
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-12-04 01:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, between the lips on that llama and the the words "Extra Dry" on the wall, I can't help but think about Method's Mom. Luckily, she doesn't spit like a camel. Nope, it all goes down the hatch. Bless her heart.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-12-04 00:51:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You have a huge cock.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-03 23:33:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-12-03 23:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good show Mick.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-03 21:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I say this with a staunch history of unblemished heterosexuality: it's fabulous.
/constanza
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2007-12-03 21:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Really? Aren't they like a tall dog?"
"NO! THEY ARE NOT TALL DOGS OR SMALL CAMELS THEY ARE LLAMAS AND THEY ARE VEGETARIANS!"
And am I really the first one to make a joke about holding your cock?
______________
Yes you are. I am quite surprised by that as well. I am also quite surprised by the warm greeting from all of you. I suppose I have been away long enough for you all to forget that you really hate me... uhhmember?
Anywho, who will take the time to catch me up and maybe answer a few questions regarding what good stuff that has been posted, who the trolls are, why shlongy wears a wrench in his ass, what are the little white things you find in cans of pork and beans, and if bart still sleeps on top of his server.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-03 20:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK... Now I read it - and well pleased I did.
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2007-12-03 20:47:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think we need to start accepting the fact that we have an omnivore on our hands now."
This just cracked me up. Don't know why, but I kept re-reading this line and thinking, "damn, these words should be placed next to each other in this order more often."
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-03 19:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Who's that?'
'Oh, that's just me, me and my llama'
'........'
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-03 18:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I punched him in the face with an empty gallon plastic milk jug. We haven't had an incident since but that fucker is on the top of my shit list. One day I will enjoy sweet revenge.
===
Wasn't THAT revenge?
"Really? Aren't they like a tall dog?"
HAHAHAHA
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-12-03 18:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Afternoon laugh thank you.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-03 18:44:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the llama looks proud to be with ewe
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-03 18:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
down on the farm
get out while you can
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-12-03 17:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love llamas. They're fun to laugh at.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-03 17:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pablo, the llama. This is a llama which is not a camel even though it looks like a camel. Even If you call it a camel for three months that does not make it a camel.
hahah. splendid.
THANKS!!!
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2007-12-03 17:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The +2 is just for the name on the post.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-03 17:06:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-03 17:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:45:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the expression on the llama's face
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Really? Aren't they like a tall dog?"
"NO! THEY ARE NOT TALL DOGS OR SMALL CAMELS THEY ARE LLAMAS AND THEY ARE VEGETARIANS!"
And am I really the first one to make a joke about holding your cock?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Really? Aren't they like a tall dog?"
HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the detailed description of the llyma 'spit' was very good and is much appreciated
i had always vaguely imagined it as normal spit.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting side note:
Llamas and Alpacas are raised for their wool. They're the S. American equivalent of sheep, which would explain why they spit at you and call you "pendejo" when your back is turned.
It probably also explains why yours is smiling, you dirty man you.
A certain breed, known as vicunya produce a wool so fine it rivals silk.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you got a bill goldberg look going on. especially in that last photo.
tall dog. hahaha
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
llamas will spit at you.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:04:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Girlfriend? I thought you were married?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-03 16:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your camel looks happy.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, you jackass, you've got it all wrong. You're supposed to choke the chicken, not the llama. Fucking amateur.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:58:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it.
Welcome back.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
robbie looks like he's been tampered with
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't milk the bull.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:56:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
butchie the rooster...?
now THAT's a name for a rooster
tall dog
hayuk!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back Nancy!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, welcome back to Uber, Fatass.
This place sucks hind hole and this post sure ain't helping.
Why are you mounting the Llama in that one picture?
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your llama looks like an alpaca.
Not that i am possessed of any real knowledge on this topic.
So when does the show on Fox "The Simple Life III: Alien from LA" edition start?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-03 15:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Mick, haven't seen this nameon a post in a while.