Belly gonna get ya (plus bonus gif) (1233 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.1 on 81 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (View user info) at 2007-12-07 05:12:55 EST
It's time for a tale that will warm your heart or possibly just confirm the worrying thoughts you already have about me. Just remember, tonight this could be you.
Friday the 30th November, location REFLEX.
Reflex..........well......ummmmm......it's pretty much just a shit hole that plays 80's music.
People of all ages bopping away, prowling the dance floor for any poor soul who can't stand up straight. Then there was me! I had decided in my wisdom at about midnight to stop drinking, I could feel the flu coming on and really couldn't be doing with being hung over too. How sensible/gay I hear you cry.
As happens on a night out people appear then vanish onto the dance floor, enter stage left the big moose who I slightly recognise.
'Hey' says the podgy giant 'You have worked in the same place as me for 7 years'
'Ummm hi'
'I see you walking around work and you have never spoken to me' she spits
'Ummm sorry' (This is all I need, a fatty with a complex)
'Yeah fuck you. You know your good looking and walk round the building like you love yourself. YOU have your head up your arse'
' Umm im sorry, I have to go now ' I was scared..The toothy scowl on this hoochy momma led me to believe she wanted to feast on my eyes.
I ran. I actually ran. Like a hurricane I swirled through the club, bobbing and ducking till I arrived at the Promised Land, the exit. Unfortunately I hadn't allowed for the ten gallons of drinks that my fellow party people had fed the floor.
Whoops there goes my right leg. I spiral through the air and land on my right side landing somehow on my left hand right in front of two laughing teenagers. Upon impact my dodgy tum takes a bashing and I throw up a little in my mouth, oozing out like a stroke victim onto one teenagers shoe.
Realising I have also dislocated my thumb I get a taxi home and drink some whiskey. On my own , in my room. Where I am safe. Alice Cooper would look after me. Yes he would.
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-09 14:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember bumping into the accounts lady once while I was at a pub. Too bad I was sitting down on the concrete outside and lighting up my cigarette the wrong way. It was my last ciggarette as well, so I very may well have started crying. I don't know where this story is going.
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2007-12-09 09:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-12-07 20:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.internetisseriousbusiness.com/
---
You're a dick.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-08 22:37:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Alice Cooper
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-08 11:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had decided in my wisdom at about midnight to stop drinking
----
English only, please. What is that? Korean?
Alice Cooper's an Arizona boy.
Submitted by aldenso (user info) at 2007-12-07 23:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
IM NINETEEN AND HATE IT
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-12-07 20:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.internetisseriousbusiness.com/
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-12-07 16:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M EIGHTEEN AND I LIKE IT.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-07 15:19:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
When they start out by saying you've worked in the same place for 7 years, it's always a bad sign. That's when you should have started running.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-07 13:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
for alice
your story was sad...sadder for you if it's true
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 13:30:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well fakey above me! You do know he shags goats.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-07 13:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no no no
3rd or fourth is good.
hurty isn't in the top 100.
let's see.
berty and redskieslookfake and davros... then probably you. i may have left someone off.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 13:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Surely that angry young man hurty isnt above me? hmmm in the top four huh.....that's not a great achievment really is it. I think you are mocking me......YOU ARE mocking me. How Very Dare You.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-07 13:13:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and I love you EI.
you are my third or fourth favourite brit user on ubersite.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 13:04:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-07 17:52:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
i did not read this as it appeared to be written by a spastic mokey.
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hahahha oh yes. I love monkeys.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-07 13:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-07 12:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-07 12:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i did not read this as it appeared to be written by a spastic mokey.
***
Made me laugh out loud
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-07 12:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i did not read this as it appeared to be written by a spastic mokey.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A wee bit of advice if I may be so bold? Try taking the clogs off before you try running.
They run like shit,true,try getting up the stairs in your windmill with them..
;-)
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn! I'm always to slow.
--
Next time my friend next time.
A wee bit of advice if I may be so bold? Try taking the clogs off before you try running.
(I apologise if this is an offensive remark) (I apologise even more if you arent dutch and I got this completely wrong)
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn! I'm always to slow.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:10:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's no point to any post... that's the great part of ubersite ;)
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(runs to escape from the campsite)
--
*Tackles Rorrim to floor and ties him up. Stakes him right next to the fire with matchsticks in eyelids so he cant help but see what is going on.*
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(runs to escape from the campsite)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Italian hey, hmmm hehe I just remember that Eddie Izzard sketch when he is on the scooter.
CIAO ;)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 11:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-07 15:57:20 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was the whole point of this post to get that line in "You know you're good looking"?
---------------
Noooo, im not good looking. There was no point as per usual to this post.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:59:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way #1: Pronounce it with the EYE, and you never make it to way 2.
---
Shhh. I can't go giving him all the secrets yet.
EI - You have to do whatever I tell you to, obviously. And you must serve me faithfully on Uber. But think of the education you'll receive. And the (honey)pot of gold (well, rather pinkish and flesh colored) at the end of the rainbow (kiss).
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was the whole point of this post to get that line in "You know you're good looking"?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way #1: Pronounce it with the EYE, and you never make it to way 2.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm im 1/4 Irish. Italian huh, does that mean you have a feirce temper?
Orgasmatron.........what do i have to do for you?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That one's free. Just so's you know what I'm talking about.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way #104: As she is part Eye-tal-ian she LOOOOOOOOVE the hot sausage. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have completely forgotten what this post was about. I'm really glad that it's friday and really can't wait for the day to be over. I think I will consume large quantities of beer tonight and spend the rest of the weekend dilligently working on a mosaic I've promised someone. I know you all want to know this but I'm bored and as I said I have no idea whatsoever what post I'm commenting on so I just thought I'd share. Maybe I'll drunk dial engerland tonight if I'm up late enough. we have a lot of fucking snow now and it's supposed to keep coming. maybe I'll piss off for part of sunday and go snowboarding, it's pretty tempting even though the ski slopes here are ass. If i were still in SD there'd be no question about it. I would go and enjoy every bit of this stupid white death laying all over the ground but the mole hills we have here just don't quite cut it all the time. I'll stop rambling now.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Yeah fuck you. You know your good looking and walk round the building like you love yourself. YOU have your head up your arse'
===
Did this actually happen?? Who talks like that?!
--
Ems dreams do.
18th is in me diary Em. Friday cool. I shall take a crafty day off.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:55:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the 'fuck' you bit may of been slightly embelished but she did indeed say the rest, I didnt know whether to be flattered or insulted.
I havent seen her since and for that im quite glad.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:55:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
EI - if you agree to become my slave I will educate you in the ways of properly wooing a Sacrilicious.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww..Well the only son I have is feety. But heritage-wise, I'm half Italian, so you're on the right track.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Yeah fuck you. You know your good looking and walk round the building like you love yourself. YOU have your head up your arse'
===
Did this actually happen?? Who talks like that?!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
18th...EVERYONE my birthday is on the 18th
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will do. What day my good man. I shall make sure I am there.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:27:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Drogo i think you shoudl come to Bristol in January for my BIRTHDAY
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate it when the 'Staff' ruin things. I hope you whipped him good and proper, it's the only way they learn you know. Also try to avoid having a 'Favourite' it's not good to treat them like real human beings and stuff, it just makes them want rights and stuff, all very tricky.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
FEED MY FRANKENSTEIN
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ive already got three little black boys under my desk, ones called harold, one Trevor and one I named Henry. Henrys my favourite, he shines my shoes with the skin of a watermelon.
I had to tell henry off today, he tore my best pair of hush puppies.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that sounds like a winning plan Em. Oh oh I got it. Maybe just maybe you could give her a son.
You could buy one from Africa or something.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:06:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Im trying to woo Sacrilicious but she isn't having any of it :( What shoudl my next move be? I was thinking of buying her an Italian restaurant and getting her son a job. If she doesnt have a son ......we will have to improvise.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh! So you're an ageing boxer close to death, whose friends have all died. trying to get in on with a woman a quarter of your age, who you actually saw grow up? Damn man you are classy!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh i feel a bit rough but im a fighter, remember rocky, thats me.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:47:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah be Nice to Em, he's still recovering from his Plague.
How you doing Em?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
but be nice to me please :(
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
;)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 14:44:33 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
hurty you are already dead inside so that threats not aimed at you
==========
HOORAY!!!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Orphelias Polish, so she wont understand
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing
'Til they got a hold of me.
I opened doors for little old ladies,
I helped the blind to see.
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers.
They can't be seen..
with me and I'm gettin' real shot down
And I'm feeling mean.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hurty you are already dead inside so that threats not aimed at you
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 14:40:35 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
0's and 1's you fucking idiots! +2 me or die.
=========
*cowers*
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I dont wanna die
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
0's and 1's you fucking idiots! +2 me or die.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:39:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Drogo, where is your girlfriend today, SanDee XX ? Hehe
Have a good weekend freaks.
--
Have a jolly good weekend Me dear. Enjoy whatever you do. Try not to think of me too much heheheheehe
I dont know who sandee is so I cant answer I'm afraid. xx
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Drogo, where is your girlfriend today, SanDee XX ? Hehe
Have a good weekend freaks.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-07 09:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you should give the Fatty some lovin me old mate.
Actually I think I will start a petition to get you to do it.
*Petition to get Em to bang the fatty in his office who misguidedly thinks he is teh Hotness. If 10 people sign it Em will grab a bag of flour and hop on his fantasy fat ride*
1. Drogoroch
2. Ems Mum (Just wants her sonny to get some femal action)
3. Ems Dad (Thinks a Fatty is better than the boys he's been dating)
4. Ems Dog (Sick and tired of the Dog food on the balls trick)
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Come on people sign it and lets find Em some love!
Submitted by OscarZAcosta (user info) at 2007-12-07 08:43:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh EI you are the best poster of all time. next to HBTS, oh yeah.
Shit man....where's my meths?
Submitted by japetus (user info) at 2007-12-07 08:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-07 08:42:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hope you have a nice day at work.
Submitted by Eugene_Luther (user info) at 2007-12-07 08:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Next time, fall on a glass and die.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-07 06:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The true story is you dislocated your thumb in the fatty's rectum. Also, you didn't throw up, you just spit out the lint you took in while eating her quad-folded clam.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to rate...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww. She probably lurves you.
You'll see her again though Emission, she'll follow you to work. You'll need to either make fuck or crush her. I'd reccomend watching American Psycho for tips.
---------------
I couldnt fuck her, she horrible and nasty. Like Cliff Richard.
I shall to the old fail saf, avoid and ignore at all costs.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2007-12-07 10:21:03 GMT (#)
Ranking: -1
shite stick with circle jerking
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Cause that makes sense doofus.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually laughed at that. Makes a change.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:21:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Giving off an air of arrogance is not the same as having my head up my arse.
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
shite stick with circle jerking
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:20:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a kid getting dry humped by his dog.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww. She probably lurves you.
You'll see her again though Emission, she'll follow you to work. You'll need to either make fuck or crush her. I'd reccomend watching American Psycho for tips.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and Phallic whats that youTube link? Im at work and cant see.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant the second part of the sentence, as well you know.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah i am good looking, you are right!!!!!!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
She's right though.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oi dick face, it was said to me by a fatty, so i doubt it counts.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:15:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You know your good looking and walk round the building like you love yourself.
Delusions of grandeur.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Poorly written fiction +2
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4-nyiZ7YfHk
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-07 05:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She probably had a point... :)