Ubermas '07: Deck the Halls. (940 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Ubermas
Rating: 0.64 on 86 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (View user info) at 2007-12-10 08:19:54 EST
I was going to write a fictional opus for this contest, but then I decided that I couldn't be arsed and instead am off an a hangover fuelled rant about my least favourite thing about the 'festive' period. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all 'Bah humbug!' all the time; I love spending time with my family and I like getting shiny new stuff to play with. That being said, the one thing that really boils my piss is Christmas songs.
I was walking down Sauchiehall Street the other day, on the look-out for some kind of gift for my porcelain lady friend. It was a cold and wet day and I wanted the whole shopping experience to be over with as quickly as possible. Sadly, ye gods were not on my side! You see I'm of the opinion that shopping should be a case of picking up whatever it is you need to buy, paying for it and then getting the fuck out as quickly as possible. Not many people seem to share this opinion and spend hours of their lives milling around aisles only to sort of sigh and leave with fuck all in their hands. I plan what I want to get because I hate being in a shop so much, in fact I really resent being out in public because it means I can't be on the internets looking at lolcats and gay midget porn.
I'm going off on a completely unrelated tangent about morons in shops (and midgets, sweet sweet midgets). True, they're bad enough on their own (morons, not midgets), but when you couple them with Christmas music at intolerable volumes, the whole shopping experience becomes a whole lot worse. From the middle of November (roughly) it's impossible to walk down a street without hearing some kind of fucking song dedicated to festive cheer being belted out by a talentless pop group over the speakers in a shop. On the above mentioned Saturday, I heard 'Deck the Halls', 'Frosty the Snowman' and 'Rudolph the Punch Nosed Reindeer'. Now I'm assuming that shops think this is some kind of enticement, but for me at least the opposite is true. I've started approaching shops with caution, like a paedophile approaching a young boy; I'll sidle up to them and stand, hands in pockets, waiting to hear any strains of festive cheer. If I do, I'm off double quick and have probably missed countless bargains, but frankly, I'd rather pay an extra quid than have my ears raped with Boyzone singing some trash about kissing Santa.
I was discussing this highly relevant and worthwhile topic with two friends recently, Vinny and Scott. The following is a rough transcript of our opinions. Bear in mind, whilst reading this, that we'd all been in the pub for several hours.
Andy (just after Jingle Bell Rock comes on): What is this fresh hell? Why the fuck are they playing this shite in here?
Vinny: You're such an unfestive cunt.
Scott: Seriously man, it's just a tune, what the fuck is wrong with you?
A: You're both massively misguided, the pub is surely a place for fine gentlemen such as ourselves to escape the capitalist nightmare roaming our streets in this ungodly month. How dare they sully our experience of these ales and spirits with their filth!
V: You've kind of got a point, but so did Scott.
S: Yeah...
A: Shut the fuck up Scott, you're out of your element. Vinny my man, you'll reach a point in your life when you realise that Christmas is just a sham, a horrible joke played on people to get them to spend money and hang out with their relatives. The family part, I enjoy, but the spending money beacuse I'm told I have to I don't.
S and V: ...
A: Well, I think I've made my point gentlemen, now, can I get any of you cunts a drink?
That's how it went down, down to Chinatown, where we later got drunk(er) and sang karaoke in a small booth with an extremely attractive ladyboy called Roderick. Vinny actually got so drunk that he forgot about the small penis dangling between Rodericks legs and vigorously and enthusiastically kissed him on the mouth for many minutes. I pointed this out to him the morning after and he responded by putting 'Deck the Halls' on his iTunes.
In turn I responded by throwing my shoes at him, and then my socks which was a terrible idea as they found themselves being flung out the window of his 7th story flat. I had cold and clammy feet for the rest of the day. As you can see I am well within my rights to blame 'Deck the Halls' for my sorrow.
User Reviews
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 11:00:46 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS got on most heated???!!
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Mostly due to an argument between me and my new bumchum!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS got on most heated???!!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-11 14:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God, you are hated on this site.
Submitted by Iwanttoliveonabus (user info) at 2007-12-11 09:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. I agree.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-12-11 08:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fuckin' hate carols, you slag.
Submitted by Eugene_Luther (user info) at 2007-12-11 08:11:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
totally sucks
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-10 23:06:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHH THE PIC SAVED IT, LADDIEBUCK
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-12-10 18:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
As the sun pulls away from the shore, and our boat sinks slowly in the west, we approach the island of Lu-lu, spelled backwards, Ul-ul. Ah, in the distance, we hear Spike Jones and his orchestra..
*Boing* *Whoot! Whoot* *Rattle*
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-12-10 18:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-12-10 17:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I work in a store.
They play Christmas music nonstop starting November 1.
Christmas music now makes me want to hang myself.
Richard Cranium's comment just sealed the deal.
Goodbye cruel world.
*URK*
---------------------
Two Words - I Pod.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-12-10 17:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I work in a store.
They play Christmas music nonstop starting November 1.
Christmas music now makes me want to hang myself.
Richard Cranium's comment just sealed the deal.
Goodbye cruel world.
*URK*
Submitted by richardcranium (user info) at 2007-12-10 15:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hang yourself
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 14:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 14:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 19:10:48 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, and it's funny you mentioned Oriface Deathfuck.
I am actually good friends with Father Phallic Idul (we used to work together at Capital One).
I'm sure he'll be pleased to here that his band was recommended on here.
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That's fucking awesome dude. Get me some free stuff? I'll pretend I like your band more!
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email me at lostnphound.at.gmail.com and I'll send you some mp3's when I get home from work. He brought me over a CD last week with all their stuff, even a Christmas song or two. I'll send what I can. I don't know how long it would take to send all the music, it's like 27 songs.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 14:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 19:10:48 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, and it's funny you mentioned Oriface Deathfuck.
I am actually good friends with Father Phallic Idul (we used to work together at Capital One).
I'm sure he'll be pleased to here that his band was recommended on here.
===========
That's fucking awesome dude. Get me some free stuff? I'll pretend I like your band more!
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 14:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, and it's funny you mentioned Oriface Deathfuck.
I am actually good friends with Father Phallic Idul (we used to work together at Capital One).
I'm sure he'll be pleased to here that his band was recommended on here.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 18:15:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My judging of bands comes from years of listening to tonnes of different music. Seriously, you're nothing new. Musically, I'm not much cop myself, but I can play saxophone and piano to a pretty high standard. I hang out in jazz clubs wagging my finger and wearing a beret at the weekends.
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Wow. I consider myself to play drums and piano "to a high standard" having studied music and all. Yet, I do not critique bands quite as harsh as you seem to. But, I guess that's just me.
You're not the first to give us a bad review and I am certain you won't be the last either.
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I don't think I've been all that harsh, I just think that you're not all that original. It's not that you're bad per se, just a bit... I dunno, I get the feeling that there's loads of bands making similar music to you. Also, there's only like 4 tracks on your myspace so I can't really get a proper feel of how you sound properly.
You're right though, I'm pretty scathing about music in general, and it's not that I'm religiously devoted to any one band or genre but you've got to admit that there's a lot of shite out there. If I wasn't such a fascist about it then people might try and make me listen to it so I'll give them a chance, listen to an album a couple of times and whatever, and if it's still doing nothing for me it gets put in the 'useless cunts' folder, never to be seen again. Occasionally though, I'm pleasantly surprised, someone suggested 'The Shins' to me recently, and at first, I thought it was wank, after a couple more goes they grew on me immensely. I like to think I"m harsh but fair, maybe the harsh comes across to much.
Sico, if Savory James had been about when Brit Pop first kicked off they'd probably have been massive, now they just sound a bit tired. I reckon they're probably better live though.
Submitted by McBain (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At least he's playing a decent venue with Sine. I got shit hammered there 2 years past, St. Patty's day.
Hurty, what do you think of http://www.myspace.com/savoryjames out of curiousity?
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:15:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My judging of bands comes from years of listening to tonnes of different music. Seriously, you're nothing new. Musically, I'm not much cop myself, but I can play saxophone and piano to a pretty high standard. I hang out in jazz clubs wagging my finger and wearing a beret at the weekends.
=======
Wow. I consider myself to play drums and piano "to a high standard" having studied music and all. Yet, I do not critique bands quite as harsh as you seem to. But, I guess that's just me.
You're not the first to give us a bad review and I am certain you won't be the last either.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Unlucky England! http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/internationals/7137282.stm
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My judging of bands comes from years of listening to tonnes of different music. Seriously, you're nothing new. Musically, I'm not much cop myself, but I can play saxophone and piano to a pretty high standard. I hang out in jazz clubs wagging my finger and wearing a beret at the weekends.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:31:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Two fags, below. Why don't you both put a cock in it? My cock, and STFU. Also, because you two are bitching like school girls, allow me to post this again.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:19:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/stats.cgi
9 unique losers...I mean users. You guys are poop.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 17:08:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hang yourself.
========
Oh so you fuck off for ages and then come back with the stellar 'hang yourself'?
Seriously man, I know you've got limited brain function, what with the fat pressing your skull against your grey matter, but surely you can do better?
People always say that nobody wants to fuck the drummer. I've never truly believed that until I saw you. What I'd like to know is how you manage to generate enough power in your tiny little Tyrannosaurus arms to hit your drums?
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It's devastating!!!!!
============
Devastating that no-one will fuck you, or that you're too weak to pick up drumsticks?
Be more specific!
What's it like being in a totally mediocre band by the way?
===
Yes and splendid.
I'm guessing that your ability to judge other bands makes you quite the musician. Sitting there alone in your room writing songs about how daddy touched you and mommy like to watch.
Another emo tear droplet hits the floor.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 17:08:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hang yourself.
========
Oh so you fuck off for ages and then come back with the stellar 'hang yourself'?
Seriously man, I know you've got limited brain function, what with the fat pressing your skull against your grey matter, but surely you can do better?
People always say that nobody wants to fuck the drummer. I've never truly believed that until I saw you. What I'd like to know is how you manage to generate enough power in your tiny little Tyrannosaurus arms to hit your drums?
===
It's devastating!!!!!
============
Devastating that no-one will fuck you, or that you're too weak to pick up drumsticks?
Be more specific!
What's it like being in a totally mediocre band by the way?
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 17:08:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hang yourself.
========
Oh so you fuck off for ages and then come back with the stellar 'hang yourself'?
Seriously man, I know you've got limited brain function, what with the fat pressing your skull against your grey matter, but surely you can do better?
People always say that nobody wants to fuck the drummer. I've never truly believed that until I saw you. What I'd like to know is how you manage to generate enough power in your tiny little Tyrannosaurus arms to hit your drums?
===
It's devastating!!!!!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:19:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/stats.cgi
9 unique losers...I mean users. You guys are poop.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 17:08:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hang yourself.
========
Oh so you fuck off for ages and then come back with the stellar 'hang yourself'?
Seriously man, I know you've got limited brain function, what with the fat pressing your skull against your grey matter, but surely you can do better?
People always say that nobody wants to fuck the drummer. I've never truly believed that until I saw you. What I'd like to know is how you manage to generate enough power in your tiny little Tyrannosaurus arms to hit your drums?
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 12:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hang yourself.
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-07-18 19:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"My wife and I invented a new sexual position. It's called 96, we both turn our backs to each other and fart."
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bah Humbug.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:07:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Shit in the Pool" and "Vaginal Tear" are the best.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
oh, and melvins are grate.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ARRGH!
FUCK!
KILL!
violation rock. has a nice ring to it.
deck the halss with balls and entrails, fa lalalalalal....whatever
thanks man, i need something to pick me up.
child-hating-wife-beaters
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:04:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you're into The Dwarves/White Zombie/ anything with balls unlike that faggot Lostnphound, you'll probably quite like them.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 11:02:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
czwij, my friend, look no further than 'Orifice Deathfuck':
Featuring former members of Satan's Finger Monkeys, Nailgun and Three White Men and a Goat; Orifice Deathfuck is pioneering a new genre of heavy music combining the raw power of metal, the energy of techno and the urban angst of East Coast hip-hop. Many critics have dubbed them "Founders of Old-Man-Rape-Metal" and "The Prophets of Violation Rock." These four artists are a shining beacon of truth in a world polluted by the smog of lies and corporate propaganda. They represent a dying breed of sanity in this apocalyptic post-911 world.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
so where does one go to get old man rape metal?
i like vikings!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-10 15:49:01 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
what band are you bunch of dipshits talking about?
i'd like to listen to the music that has aroused such disdain, so that I too may mock and insult.
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http://www.jubeus.com/
Listen and giggle my friend.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what band are you bunch of dipshits talking about?
i'd like to listen to the music that has aroused such disdain, so that I too may mock and insult.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:09:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-10 15:07:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
this turned awfully gay but I can appreciate the "you seriously don't have to play christmas music everyfuckingwhere i go" sentiment.
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The comments or the story? For the comments I can only apologise, but as for the story, man I chucked those shoes hard!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this turned awfully gay but I can appreciate the "you seriously don't have to play christmas music everyfuckingwhere i go" sentiment.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
as promised.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:04:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hardly, though it's supposed to be witty or funny when you use it. Fail.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 10:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:56:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
==================
Jesus, do you really want me to be harsh? Look, I hate to break it to you, but you're a tubby cunt who plays in a mediocre (at best) band. You probably work a minimum wage job and dream of stardom. This will not happen. You may not have noticed, but bands which feature fat ugly people, albeit hidden behind drums, do not get famous without musical talent. Sadly this is something that your bunch of wasters, Jubeus, have not a jot of.
Go back to your fucking desk and think about your inadequacies you pencil dicked excuse for a man.
=======
You should see my hurt feelings right now. Oh the humanity! The long arm of HBTS delivers a swift and mighty blow. Self esteem, where are you when I need you??? <---- sarcasm. I know you're too moronic to pick up on it.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:56:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 14:53:09 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tonight's show has been canceled due to threatening weather.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
What kind of faggot band is this?
=========================
that's what you came up with? Go play in traffic, little boy.
==================
Jesus, do you really want me to be harsh? Look, I hate to break it to you, but you're a tubby cunt who plays in a mediocre (at best) band. You probably work a minimum wage job and dream of stardom. This will not happen. You may not have noticed, but bands which feature fat ugly people, albeit hidden behind drums, do not get famous without musical talent. Sadly this is something that your bunch of wasters, Jubeus, have not a jot of.
Go back to your fucking desk and think about your inadequacies you pencil dicked excuse for a man.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tonight's show has been canceled due to threatening weather.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
What kind of faggot band is this?
=========================
that's what you came up with? Go play in traffic, little boy.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Incoming dick joke: Hurtbythesun can't lift weights because he has a herniated dick in his back.
bwahahahahahaha, I win!
---------
you are the epitome of 12
Submitted by NapalmFace (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Incoming dick joke: Hurtbythesun can't lift weights because he has a herniated dick in his back.
bwahahahahahaha, I win!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:39:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FAGGOTRY!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RETAL
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RETAL!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tonight's show has been canceled due to threatening weather.
===========
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
What kind of faggot band is this?
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 14:29:36 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, a retal! How cute. Your band is still shit.
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You've already used that you slabbed headed fuck.
Sorry we don't play old man rape metal or whatever the fuck bullshit you listen to.
========
I've actually listened to whatever songs you have on the internet, and I'm pretty sure I made some pretty fair assesments of it. I did indeed!
"Why is Keanu Reeves in your band? Also, you know Incubus did the whole whining over fairly interesting music fucking years ago? "
-------------------------------------------
Great review. I'll make sure that goes in our next press release, ass bag.
Submitted by japetus (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad either. Still a shitty contest.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 14:29:36 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, a retal! How cute. Your band is still shit.
---------------------------------------------------
You've already used that you slabbed headed fuck.
Sorry we don't play old man rape metal or whatever the fuck bullshit you listen to.
========
I've actually listened to whatever songs you have on the internet, and I'm pretty sure I made some pretty fair assesments of it. I did indeed!
"Why is Keanu Reeves in your band? Also, you know Incubus did the whole whining over fairly interesting music fucking years ago? "
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, a retal! How cute. Your band is still shit.
---------------------------------------------------
You've already used that you slabbed headed fuck.
Sorry we don't play old man rape metal or whatever the fuck bullshit you listen to.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, a retal! How cute. Your band is still shit.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't read.
You suck at life.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Depends if I spend 10 minutes on it, or give it effort. You know how that goes. I'll probably spend 10 minutes on it.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think if you write it it'll sound about as coherent as Sloth reading Dante.
in related news...the Story of Menstruation by Walt Disney
http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/youtube.pl?IDLink=3256904
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds good, get in it dude.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the middle of my outburst....I got an idea for a story titled, "Dick The Halls" where a long hallway is turned into a glory hole station. What do you think?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shamalamadingdong.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 09:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://stuff.ubersite.com/9439509985983980/1/bart_coffee.jpg
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dick.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
And because ratings are everything, I'll give you one of each.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking weirdo, child toucher, below.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
technically i think that would just be considered 'resting them on you' and no wearing them.
i think they'd have to be removable for you to wear them.
now that's a good fucking idea...you know if the little lady isn't feeling up to it she could just snap 'em off and let you have 'em for a few hours and you could attach them to your thighs and every time you played with the nipples you could just tell people you had an itch
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:50:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
boobs are cool as long as you're not wearing them
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I see your point, but technically if you get your lady to rest them on your head/face does that not count as wearing them as some kind of tit hat?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:50:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
boobs are cool as long as you're not wearing them
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://stuff.ubersite.com/9439509985983980/1/bart_coffee.jpg
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah I just realised this was turning into a conversation about cock.
To that end, I'd just like to point out that I love boobs. Very much so.
I'll leave the cock chat to Caul and EI from now on, sorry chaps.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:47:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow the commentary on this post is gay
like one man fucking another man in the ass kind of gay
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:46:12 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
actually quite the opposite
it may be short, but it's as thick as a beercan.
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Oh dear. The old 'tin of tuna' penis eh?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
funny, in N. America our lady friends are made of latex.
i guess with standard british sexual antics you can't break them that easily, eh?
missionary position - c'mon guys, a little imagination here.
--
Oh come off it!! I use my imagination all the time!
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
actually quite the opposite
it may be short, but it's as thick as a beercan.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:32:48 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
specially if you have a needle dick, they deflate faster than you can pump them up
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The voice of experience I take it?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
specially if you have a needle dick, they deflate faster than you can pump them up
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:29:56 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny, in N. America our lady friends are made of latex.
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I had my share of latex ladies when in the States, curiously, they promised much yet didn't often deliver.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
funny, in N. America our lady friends are made of latex.
i guess with standard british sexual antics you can't break them that easily, eh?
missionary position - c'mon guys, a little imagination here.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:29:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:28:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
silly boy, I spank it to your camwhores all the time.
your bonk eyes make me think you're looking at both ends of my penis at once.
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Christ, that got me hard.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:28:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
silly boy, I spank it to your camwhores all the time.
your bonk eyes make me think you're looking at both ends of my penis at once.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 13:24:47 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
when you say 'porcelain lady friend' do you mean she is Asian?
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No, I ordered her from Royal Doulton as I'm far too hideous to actually acquire a real girl-friend. I'm sure you agree!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-10 08:24:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
when you say 'porcelain lady friend' do you mean she is Asian?