"The Haiku Mikoo Experience, Pt. 2" by Quinntheeskimo and Haiku Mikoo (617 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Haiku Mikoo (View user info) at 2007-12-11 20:40:29 EST
Part One: http://www.ubersite.com/m/113407
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We had been walking for a day and a half. I was tired, mostly because Mikoo could move much faster than I was used too. Also, he rarely needed to stop and eat, whereas I liked to eat whenever I could. We had barely made it twenty miles, when we were attacked.
They came out of nowhere. Thousands streamed out of the hills, riding their massive lions and alpacas, screaming and wielding their bows and axes. I was terrified, but I stood ready to defend myself. Mikoo turned to me, and asked "Hey. What are those?"
I looked at him, trying to keep my voice steady. "The infamous Indian Vikings, famed for their cruelty and ability to send out beams of suck at will."
As if on cue, one of the Vikings shot a beam at us. Mikoo activated his shield and deflected it, but barely. The amount of suck in the beam was so great, that he was visibly weakened.
One of the Indian Vikings pulled up next to me, swinging his wicked looking axe. So, I drop kicked him in the face, and jumped on his lion. Mikoo tried to activate his shield again, but after a few seconds, it flickered out weakly. I saw one of the Indian Vikings readying another suck beam while Mikoo stood defenseless, when, suddenly, I heard a faint noise in the distance. The noise was increasing in volume at an extremely rapid rate. I reared up my newly acquired lion and turned to face the strange noise...as did everyone else.
At first, I was sure my eyes were deceiving me. There sat a being legendary for his quiet cunning and sarcastic wit, another crusader of Awesome whom I had only had the pleasure to read about, let alone be in his actual presence. Some of the Indian Vikings were melted on the spot by the mere sight of him. Lions burst into flames. Luckily, though, Mikoo and I remained unscathed. For a moment all was silent as everyone tried to hear what the almighty Jim was saying.
And then, like a flash from the skies, came his long time, story book companion George, flying like a greased bullet. His sequenced scarves flapped behind him as he lifted his red star-shaped sunglasses and shot purple beams of unadulterated Glam Rock at the Indian Vikings. All around me I heard samples of David Bowie, Roxy Music, and Brian Eno albums mingled with the agonizing screams of a thousand dying Indian Vikings. Their lions scattered in fear and confusion.
George landed next to us...Jim wandered over eventually.
"I heard the savior of all things Awesome has been born...is this him?" George looked over skeptically at the skinny, lanky figure of Mikoo.
"Yeah dude, it's definitely him. I saw the earth give birth to him just the other day actually, like, for serious." George could see in my eyes that I was telling the truth.
"Well, in that case, I offer you Jim and mine's services." George's eyes scanned the area as he gently rubbed his handlebar mustache. The ground was littered with thousands of dead Indian Vikings.
"That is, if you think we can be of any help." His lips slowly cracked into a smile, followed by hearty laughter, which shook his long, curly hair. I gasped as I noticed a tell-tale tattoo on his neck.
"You used to be a pirate!" I said.
"Yes, yes I did." George said darkly. "But nowadays I travel the world in my silver pants, trying to spread the ways of Glam Rock to the poor and impoverished."
Mikoo nodded in approval of George and Jim. I offered them sandwiches, which they ate.
Before we could continue on our journey, the ground began to shake violently. Without exchanging a word, we all prepared ourselves for battle. George adjusted his Glam glasses, and Jim turned on his AM clock radio to calm his nerves. I adjusted my plaid coat while Mikoo hurriedly munched on his sandwich, trying to regain enough energy to turn his shield back on.
The beast that appeared on the horizon was terrible to behold. It rode inside of a giant, raised truck, blasting Blink 182 at high enough decibels to kill a cat, or maybe even two. The true terror, though, was the thing behind the wheel. Its flat billed NY Yankees hat was the wrong color, matching its pink polo shirt with an upturned collar. Its board shorts were five sizes too big, and its over-stuffed shoes seemed to scream, My penis is incredibly small! Please notice me! I took a few nervous steps backwards.
Mikoo, Jim, and George stood unmoved, ready for conflict.
The truck skidded to a halt in front of us as the abomination jumped out. It raised a gun at its hip threateningly. It was a Dumbfire 600, capable of shooting dumb rays with intensities of up to 400 gigasucks.
Jim was shot at first and knocked down onto his back. He struggled for a moment as he contemplated fighting back...and then went out cold. I was the next victim, taking a shot straight to the head. As I collapsed in a crumpling heap the theme to "Friends" began endlessly looping in my head.
I have no idea what happened next, and no reliable sources, so I'll use the next best thing: Hear-say and rumors.
George flew past the creature and shot the horrid beast with a Glam Rock ray...but it was barely phased. It leveled the Dumbfire 600 at Mikoo, whose eyes grew wide in terror. He tried and tried, but he simply did not have enough energy to keep his shield running for more than a few seconds. When the beast pulled the trigger, George was already flying to Mikoo's aid. George took the blow intended for Mikoo head on. Luckily, he was Awesome enough to withstand it, and lay panting, but alive (this is important to the story) on the ground.
Mikoo stood, alone, frightened, and within the sights of the Dumbfire 600. The beast smiled cockily, and tightened his grip on the trigger, when a beam of light fell from the skies. In this beam of light was Xanadu, the legendary dog of Coltron, a land famous for its abnormally large dog-like inhabitants. In a single, swift motion she peed on and bit the beast, depriving it of what one could only assume was its face. Its gun fired into the air wildly as he fell to the ground. Mikoo scooped up Jim and George and threw them onto Xanadu's back. He mounted her shoulders, and as she escaped, she lifted me into her soft but dangerous jaws.
The chase across the desert was intense. The monster and its truck were closing the gap on Xanadu, despite its severe lack of a face. Jim and George were disabled, I was mortally wounded, and Mikoo appeared to be powerless. Xanadu was getting tired by the time we neared the Mohave. The truck was at her heels. I could see in Mikoo's eyes that he wasn't sure we were going to make it out alive.
Neither was I.
In the desert, amidst the ancient stone and barren waste, was an oasis. Xanadu ran to it, full speed, anticipating a bath in cool, shady waters. She had, in her excitement, forgotten about the pursuing truck. Mikoo's eyes grew wide, knowing exactly what would happen. Xanadu would stop, the truck would catch up, and they would all be dead before Mikoo completed his life's only purpose.
But suddenly, Michelle, George's bitch (as the legend goes), leaped out in front of the truck! No one could tell where she had come from! She stood proudly in the truck's path, and when she opened up her mouth to speak, she was barreled over by the evil machine, dying instantly.
Mikoo looked slightly perturbed.
Xanadu came to a grinding halt, and looked around for water, confused. I closed my eyes tightly, anticipating the same fate I had just watched Michelle suffer.
I could feel myself flying through the air. I opened my eyes to see that Mikoo had used his incredible strength to throw Jim, George and myself into a tree, out of harm's way. Mikoo leapt from Xanadu's broad shoulders, turned, and faced the truck.
The awful creature reached out of his window and fired another dumb ray at Mikoo, this time missing and singing a deep scar into Xanadu's back. Frightened, she ran off, leaving Mikoo to face the truck by himself.
The truck drove faster and faster over the hardpan desert as Mikoo stood alone, waiting to face what could quite possibly be his doom.
User Reviews
Submitted by jimboruckus (user info) at 2008-01-26 18:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
crap
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-15 15:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:13:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This really sucks...and I'm being completely honest. The first one was 'meh' and this one was worse. I got to some part about Brian Eno and decided I was going to stop reading. Why wait 3 weeks to post the 2nd version if you have all of them done? It would help the reader if you just cranked these out right away so that we didn't have to reread the version before. I'm sure this would have made more sense to me and I may have even continued reading had I had the previous story fresh in my head; as in yesterday.
Take it for what it's worth. This +2 is for the poster, not the post.
_______
Who read this to the SicBoy? Who wrote his review? He surely didn't do either.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 14:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read this and have become slightly interested again. Also, this "Jim turned on his AM clock radio to calm his nerves" made me laugh.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-12-12 16:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-12 15:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, no one in this story is supposed to be "ZOMG we're so totally awesome ZOMG a GLam Rock Piratez that is so coooool!", it's funny (to us) because it's fucking retarded.
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Uh, "ZOMG we're so totally awesome ZOMG a GLam Rock Piratez that is so coooool!" is exactly what i think when i read this. Poor spelling and everything.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-12 15:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, no one in this story is supposed to be "ZOMG we're so totally awesome ZOMG a GLam Rock Piratez that is so coooool!", it's funny (to us) because it's fucking retarded.
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Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-12 11:05:12 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just letting you know that I do support 'Gay People'
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I appreciate that.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-12 15:04:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-12 03:13:34 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
This really sucks...and I'm being completely honest. The first one was 'meh' and this one was worse. I got to some part about Brian Eno and decided I was going to stop reading. Why wait 3 weeks to post the 2nd version if you have all of them done? It would help the reader if you just cranked these out right away so that we didn't have to reread the version before. I'm sure this would have made more sense to me and I may have even continued reading had I had the previous story fresh in my head; as in yesterday.
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Um, I haven't been posting much in general due to Schoolin'. I finished, however (last final was monday), and don't have any more school until January 3rd, so I'm probably going to be posting more in general.
Also, this whole story is completely ridiculous, which I understand wouldn't be for a lot of people. On top of that, all of the characters are our friends, so most of that aspect is only funny to us. Which is why I have to change them just a little before I post them, but not enough to take out any characters already in the story (I do write so that I can have fun too, ya know).
Trust me, everyone who's anyone will at least appreciate part 5.
The ending is pure genius, I tell you.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-12 14:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just letting you know that I do support 'Gay People'
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 12:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it.
I don't get it, but I read it.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:13:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Take it for what it's worth. This +2 is for the poster, not the post.
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Hey, sicosemen.
Fuck you.
Rating for the poster and not the post is what makes this place suck.
+2 for this only because I can't +3.
Haiku and I are A W E S O M E.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Attention all Uber-users (459 hits)
Category: None
Rating: -0.59 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V) (Label this item)
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Submitted by jimmy schmeltzy <mnwhrt_14.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-09 11:55:28 EST
This morning I was on my way to work and I shit my pants. I seriously thought that I was goin to make it but no right there in my girlfriends thong I shit my pants. I thought about what Bart would do in this situation and I just laughed and then I stuck my hand down there and pulled up a clump and threw it right on the window. Good idea Bart I am never doin that again. Then I pondered of the idea what Fingerbang would do, so yes being that he is a raging homosexual i stuck my thumb right up my anus. I dont understand how you can like that so much dude. Then came the mexicans i wondered what they would do in this tight little spot I was in. So I took off my pants and reached around and grabbed some shit and started workin my money right there in the front seat. Man you motha fuckin mexicans are dirty. The only thing good about you guys is your great work habits and you music. The music because it makes me think of the food you produce at suck low prices, you guys fuckin rule man. Keep crossin that illegal border dudes and keep makin them tacos and burritos. WETBACKS RULE!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-12 06:13:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This really sucks...and I'm being completely honest. The first one was 'meh' and this one was worse. I got to some part about Brian Eno and decided I was going to stop reading. Why wait 3 weeks to post the 2nd version if you have all of them done? It would help the reader if you just cranked these out right away so that we didn't have to reread the version before. I'm sure this would have made more sense to me and I may have even continued reading had I had the previous story fresh in my head; as in yesterday.
Take it for what it's worth. This +2 is for the poster, not the post.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-12 05:38:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It took two of you to write this?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-12 04:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it and the previous one again. This +2 is because I liked it. Some reason I didnt get the first one when I read it last time, could have been one of those days.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-11 22:41:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's really not as long as it looks, it just looks long because of the spacing I use. I space it that way so it's easier to read, so as to avoid the dreaded giant block of text.
Shouldn't take much longer than five minutes to read, probably less, I cannot remember.
Thanks for all the good faith, though, hopefully reading it later isn't a let down.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-12-11 22:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry sorry sorry but this too is a +2 based on good faith that I'm gonna read it later
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-11 21:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I might read it later.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-11 21:21:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll read it tomorrow. I read a long post last night and I'm not up for it again just yet.