Blessed (521 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.6 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bonzo Dog Band (View user info) at 2007-12-12 16:49:57 EST
I was trying to impress Rolf with my chequered past. I told him I'd been in court for possession with intent to supply and had narrowly avoided a jail sentence. "I've walked through banks with shotguns," he calmly replied as I mixed us another round of drinks. I'd heard from the other barmen that Rolf had been in prison for nine years. He explained that it was true but not nine consecutive years. Four then out then in for another five. To look at him you wouldn't know. He always seemed outgoing, friendly and sure of himself. Not the browbeaten type you might expect to come out after a decade of prison. I placed the fresh drinks on the table and tried to imagine this man waving a shotgun around.
Rolf had headhunted me from another bar. At first I hadn't accepted the offer because the buzz in the place that I worked in was that he was a bit of an oddball. After I was fired I got a brief stint in an airport bar but the guy who owned it was too strict and after receiving my umpteenth public humiliation I thought of Rolf. "Sure. Swing by Monday for a couple of hours," he said when I rang him totally out of the blue. I had never mixed cocktails before - it wasn't a Tom Cruise type of place, speed was first priority, flair optional. Took me about three weeks to master the menu. One of the perks was all beer was free for employees once their shifts were over. Cocktails were officially 1/3 normal price. When you were drinking with Rolf though they were free. Mainly because he liked to get hammered at the end of every shift.
Tonight I was joining Rolf on the hangover express. Now I'm no stranger to a tipple but I began to reach the stage where everything seems like a good idea and consequences be damned. On one of my regular visits to relieve myself ( I usually go about every 15 mins when I'm hammered ) it seemed logical that I should have my revenge on those who had taken my job from me forcing me to take the shitty airport gig. They were just a stones throw away from Rolf's place, it was 4am and I knew they didn't have a security system and I also knew where the keys for the safe were.
So it was I found myself, after a bijou visit to Rolf's place to get some socks so I wouldn't leave any fingerprints, heading towards my old employer. The alcohol content of my blood was continuing to rise which was seriously beginning to hamper my memory and my vision. It would be the perfect crime. I had seen the future and it involved me, the weekends takings and an airplane ticket. Naturally it didn't pan out like that.
I remember shouldering open the marquee doors. Black. Waiting down in the toilet in the mistaken belief that there were still people in the pub. Black. The key not working in the safe. Black. Sitting on my front stoop with a laptop. Black. Now there were two policemen talking to me. I did not live in a fashionable neighbourhood. More often than not I had to ask the junkies to move off the step so I could enter my building. There were questions: where were my papers ? - upstairs. Was this my laptop ? - no. Whom did it belong to ? - I don't know. My girlfriend arrived with my papers. They took my name and the laptop.
In the aftermath that followed many of my former colleagues were questioned about the break in and the missing laptop. I awaited the inevitable knock at the door expecting to "help the police with their enquiries." It never came. I do know that the laptop was returned to the pub four weeks later. They must have supplied my name. I don't know why charges were never brought against me but in the words of Homer Simpson: "Jesus, Allah, Bhudda - I love you all."
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-13 13:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and then you found five dollars?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:01:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Too short and rambling.
Submitted by Bonzo_Dog_Band (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:09:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's got a grain of truth in it
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-12-13 02:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with triangle man. is this autobiographical? fiction? what?
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 16:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is there supposed to be a story here?